Name: Get That Cash! with Theo Von | Lexington, KY
Uploaded: 2019-02-21T01:13:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Get That Cash! with Theo Von | Lexington, KY' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Get That Cash! with Theo Von | Lexington, KY' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-21. Transcript available.

If she's gonna get this 20, she's gonna have to touch this dirty, Theo-eating
apple.
It's going right on top.
It's so snow-white of you, brother.
Yeah.
You seem like a damn criminal, dude.
Ha ha!
Are you gonna be my mom today?
Yeah, I am.
You are?
Get that tag!
I'm Theo.
You are?
Selena.
It's like a hidden camera game show.
Okay.
Okay?
And, you know, my mother's a hard-working lady.
We have a lot of respect for hard-working women.
We hid $200 in this hotel room.
Maybe $220.
I can't remember if we hid more on accident.
But, whatever you find, you can keep.
Oh, God.
And so, you have to build up a time bank.
You have to build up some time so you have that much time to find as much money
as you can.
Okay.
Okay?
All right.
You understood?
Yes.
Okay.
So, I'm gonna ask you some questions.
And for each question you get right, you'll get 10 seconds in your time bank.
Okay.
Okay?
All right.
Get that cash.
Have you ever been to Houston?
No.
Okay.
You haven't?
No, I haven't.
Remember when you were in Houston?
No.
Okay.
Just checking.
That was reverse psychology.
Okay.
Question number two.
Name four sounds.
Beep, bop, boop, wow.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm gonna give that one to you.
All right.
I don't know if wow is a sound, but beep, bop, and boop, you got it, right?
Question three.
Name three people or things or animals that you've been bitten by.
My brother, my cousins, and...
We need one animal.
We need one animal.
One animal?
Oh, I've mostly been bitten by my neighbor.
Really?
What's his name?
Yeah, but not young.
And it was a girl.
What's her first name?
Vicky.
And there you go.
Question four.
Ari?
Name three types of Coca-Cola.
Cherry, diet, and vanilla.
That's correct.
Question number five.
How tall is Ari?
I'm gonna go with six foot two.
I am much shorter than that, but you get bon...
I appreciate that.
You have 15 seconds for that.
It doesn't matter if you appreciate it, Ari.
It's about...
Fair rule.
15 extra seconds.
I'm five nine, but you get 15 seconds.
Fair rule six, two, five.
That's a good costume.
Thank you so much.
I think Latinas think all white guys are real tall.
No matter, dude.
What types of guests are the dirtiest people that stay in hotels?
The types that know that they're on their periods and still don't wear pads.
And they dirty the sheets.
So, feminists, you're saying.
Get that tag!
Okay, so you are gonna have...
How much time does she have, Ari?
I should be counting.
Absolutely.
I've already fired her two times today.
It's really...
I have to re-hide her for a time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you now have this much time in your time bank.
Okay.
You're gonna have that much time to find as much money as you can hidden in
this hotel room.
Alright.
Do you have any questions for me?
Can I look everywhere?
Can I look everywhere?
I mean, don't get wild.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Not on my person.
No.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
What are some skills you're gonna use today, you think, to find some cash?
It's my housekeeping skills for looking everywhere.
Yeah.
For looking everywhere, huh?
Yeah.
Have you found some shady stuff in some rooms?
Yes.
Really?
Yes.
We found drugs.
We found vibrators.
True.
No.
Okay.
And just some money.
Well, hey, it's the castle.
You know, medieval times call for medieval measures.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Okay.
You have this much time on the time clock?
Okay.
On your marks.
Get set.
Go!
Great.
Time is ticking.
Ooh, she got the money.
You gotta look faster.
Time is ticking.
You got 50 seconds left.
You got 50 seconds left.
40 seconds left.
Yahtzee.
Oh
I got that cat
15 seconds left
Five four
Three
Stacks, stacks, stacks
Oh, she got that cold cat
That's time
Let's count them hitters boo boo
20
40
40
60
80
80
100
How do you feel about it?
Happy
You do?
Yes
What are you going to use the $100 for?
I'm probably going to go buy some presents
For?
My brother
Yeah?
Yeah
The one that bit you?
The other one
Okay, good
That's what I'm talking about
On a serious note, do you still want me to clean the room?
Um, maybe the bed, if you just tidy up the bed a little bit and I think that's
it
Okay
And there's nothing wild in there
Okay
Except I might have drooled while I slept
Alright
Okay
Have you ever seen any big drool puddles on a bed?
Yes
And um
Of course couples come and there's
Come safe
So
Well, there you go
It's a
It is a wild world
It's a wild world in America
Uh, thank you so much
Thank you
Spend that money wisely
And uh, good luck out there
I know it's
It's dangerous in here in hotel rooms
Ooh
Get that cat
Now one place Selena didn't look was right here
Basic right here
Number one spot
Right there
In a man's pants
Or maybe she just didn't want to look there
Now that's a good point
And a lot of women have looked there over the years and really come up empty-handed
So other places where there was cash hidden right here
A basic amount of cash right here on the top of this bed
Now some people think oh there's no cash on the top of the bed
And those people were ignorant
Another spot where they had money right here
That hidden hair dryer cash
A lot of times you hear a hair dryer
But you don't see there's cash under it
And this is what happened right here
Where else is there cash?
Oh man
That classic shoe money
That classic shoe money right here
This is a basic uh, kicking around that cash
That's Ari Manis
You know
He's got that old mother Hubbard fetish
He's been on some of those websites
And so that's a basic uh, cash assignment right there she missed
She got a lot of the drawer cash
Um
I think that's it