Name: State Wars March Madness Pt. 4 w/ Jim Gaffigan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #191
Uploaded: 2019-04-17T07:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'State Wars March Madness Pt. 4 w/ Jim Gaffigan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #191' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'State Wars March Madness Pt. 4 w/ Jim Gaffigan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #191' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-17. Transcript available.

State Wars March Madness Pt. 4 w/ Jim Gaffigan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #191

And now I want to tell you about today's guest.
Look, I've been a fan of this guy for so long.
I actually have a confession that I need to make to him.
He has dates coming up in Colorado Springs, Boise, Idaho, Spokane, Washington,
Huntington, New York, and Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
He has so many comedy specials out.
He is beloved, I think that's to say the least.
But who is he? I don't know.
Honestly, he and I have never even spoken before.
But he's here today to talk about his new film where he is playing a dramatic
role in a dark movie called American Dreamers.
It comes out in November.
And also to take us through another round of our March Madness State Wars.
Let's keep it moving.
Thank you guys for all the contributions.
Ladies and gentlemen and others, Mr. Jim Gaffigans.
Jim Gaffey.
That Gaffey Taffy in the house.
That Gaffey Taffy.
You know, there's a new book out about Greg Giraldo.
Yeah, there is.
I haven't read it.
I haven't read it.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I mean, I was interviewed for it.
But you knew him.
I did know him.
So what's the book going to do for you?
Well, you know, if anything, there's something weird also is you have friends.
Like, there's a certain part, like, when you have buddies and you kind of
discover that they have other buddies, there's a little bit of, like, what are
you doing?
What are you cheating on me?
So, like, you know, my relationship with Greg was, I mean, when I started, I
hung out with him.
And when I met him, we were both, like, wearing suits in this fish restaurant
and doing stand-up with a lot of mentally unstable people.
Was it a Bob Zaney conference?
No.
It was, no, this was back when you were, in New York, there was this place,
this legendary woman, Gladys, who ran a comedy club.
And she had one at this fish restaurant and used to pay to go on.
Wow.
And that's where I met Greg Giraldo.
And he was wearing, he was doing, he was wearing a suit as well.
He was a lawyer.
And I was, like, I worked in advertising.
And both our family, like, his parents were immigrants.
And my father was, like, the first one to go to college.
So, it was kind of, like, we used to joke around.
It's, like, you know, all the sacrifice of our generations.
And we're, like, you know, telling stupid jokes.
It's, like, just general.
Like, my family's been in this country forever.
And it's just, like, my dad was, like, the first one to go to college.
And now I'm, like, you know what?
I'm going to do stand-up in a fish restaurant where I have to pay.
It doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
It's so, you know, I was thinking, I was actually talking to my brother
yesterday about, like,
some generations of families, like, take an L for the next generation.
Oh, that's interesting.
It's, like, you know, like, like, my mom was, like, a hard worker.
She had to work so hard.
And now, like, I've had to work hard.
But it's, like, I get to at least be able to, like, tell jokes and not have to,
like, deliver newspapers.
It's, like, you know, it's, like, some generations just take that.
They just take the loss for the next one.
Yeah, no.
You see that in immigrants all the time.
Yeah.
It's a lot of L-takers.
These really smart, driven people.
And that's, then they look at their kids.
They're, like, you're going to med school, right?
And they're, like, I guess so.
Yeah.
Like, you sure as hell are.
I can say that.
You're not working at Sbarro.
That's for sure, Daniel.
We can talk about this because we're both Asian.
So this is, like, a meeting of white trash, you and I, right?
Yeah, he's very good to see you, man.
There's a little bit of, like, it's, you know, like, it's interesting.
I don't know you at all.
Yes.
But I think, like, being kind of, like, I'm from Indiana.
You're from Louisiana.
Yeah.
There's, you know, there's, it's, like, there's a groundedness that I think,
particularly,
you know, here we are in L.A.
In New York and L.A. that, even though I've lived in New York for 30 years, it's,
like,
I still watch the news and I'll see how some things are playing out and I'll be,
like,
you know, where I grew up, they're not going to take it that way.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, you know what?
Yeah.
No, it's not going to happen.
Yeah, it's just not the same.
They're not, they're not that impressed by that.
In fact, that will make people angry.
And it's weird, like, but I have children and I'm, like, raising them as New
Yorkers.
So, I'm going to stop the chain of trash, I guess.
Wow.
It's sad.
It's called recycling.
It's recycling, right?
That's crazy, man.
But who knows?
I'm, dude, see, I, like, one thing I noticed, like, I was thinking the other
day, like, things
you can do when you're poor and things you do, like, poor people, like, we
would always burn
stuff in the ditch, you know?
And we would play this game called Dark Bandits.
We would get water all over us, or soda, and then we would jump through the
smoke of the
fire until it, like, covered our, and now, like, they, you know, some people
were doing
blackface.
We weren't making it a racial thing.
We were just jumping through the fire.
We were, like, kind of, like, grayed out, you know?
That's, that's, were you guys on drugs?
You were just doing that?
I mean, just, no, we didn't even have adolescence in us, so we were, this was
pre-pubis, you
know, and we were just jumping through that, because, you know, you just burn
shit in the
yard.
Oh, yeah, no, the burning of leaves, I remember that smell, just burning.
Burning anything.
I remember there used to be a lot more possible dead bodies when I was growing
up.
Yeah.
Like, I remember, like, walking home one time with my brother, who was kind of,
he was
like, he's, he still is a year older than me, and I was walking home with him,
and we
were, like, on the beach of Lake Michigan, and there was this, there was this
hump, and
we were like, what is that?
What is that?
And it was, like, a body.
That's awesome.
And so we started walking up, and then the body moved, and my brother ran off,
just leaving
me in the dust.
Wow.
Like, I could have died.
Yeah.
I thought, you know, like, and when you're, like, a 10-year-old boy, you're
like, that's
probably a zombie.
Yeah.
And my brother didn't care.
And where'd he go?
He ran ahead, you know?
Into what, college?
He ran ahead to just wherever our home was.
Oh, God.
It's a great story.
I got a lot more of them.
I like this bracket up there.
Well, look, it's funny you hear, man, because I think, especially, like, the
way that times
are now with the news thinking that most of America is, you know, some ways,
and just the
disconnection that's out there a lot of times.
I think so, yeah.
That we're headed back towards state governments, you know, which I would love
to see, you know?
Oh, that's interesting.
So, we started, this past weekend, State Wars, March Madness, a couple of...
Oh, I can't see that far, but what does it say?
So, it would be state-on-state fights?
It would be, yeah, state-on-state battles.
And it's, so it's more battles, we say, because it's not, we don't, you know,
we're not trying
to condone anybody running out of their house and, you know, running over...
We're just talking about it, planting the idea.
Well, wouldn't it be great if 10 years from now, this is a reference point used
on the
very news we just talked about?
These dangerous, creative people.
It is interesting that we even live in an age where, like, you know, joking
around about
something like this, we have to consciously be like, you know what, we might
get in trouble
for this.
Yeah.
But, all right, so these state rivalries, because I feel, you know, growing up
in, is that Indiana?
Mm-hmm, Indiana's still in it, they're in this, and this is a Sweet 16 we're in
right
now, Nick?
Yep.
Okay.
So, wait a minute, so why would Indiana have a chance against Illinois?
Well, that's how, that's what you and I are here to discuss, we're going to go
through
each game and we're going to be, or each, where we're at, and look, a lot of
callers have
come in, we've had three rounds so far, we had Joe Coy came in, did a round,
Brian Callens
did a round, and Nate Bargatze, who is your son?
He is my son.
Yeah.
He is my son.
He's part of the, there should be, like, a union of trash comedians.
You know what I mean?
Or just regular comedians, like, it's almost becoming, though, that, like, the
outliers are
becoming, the disconnected people are starting to be, like, I'm grateful at
least I have
a connection to humanity, or one side, like, I feel like I'm in, like, I
understand both
sides of it.
Right, now I know what you're saying.
You know what's weird is also, I feel as though there is this groundswell of
UFC and, you know,
the fighting world of, like, you're in it, too.
And I feel like, I'm like, I don't know if I can get in that kind of shape.
Like, you know, like, there's just the fighters, they're like, you know what I
like to do?
Fight.
And I'm like, really?
Do I have to do that?
I mean, I'm kind of, you know, I'd probably feel more comfortable, you know,
doing that
than reading poetry.
But can I do neither?
I could see you beat somebody.
I could see you beat Greg Girald.
Oh, I have a temper, but, you know, I'm just, I don't have the energy.
I just, but I don't know if Indiana, as much as I love, I grew up despising
growing up in
Indiana.
Did you really?
I used to think, like, I remember looking around and going, there has been a
mistake.
I'm not supposed to be here.
And I grew up, what's amazing about where I grew up, which is the Calumet
region, this
is going to be so boring for everyone.
Maybe there's someone from Northwest Indiana.
You have to understand, Northwest Indiana, first of all, Indiana is, it's the
most northern
southern state.
Like, geographically, it doesn't make sense.
Illinois is very kind of Midwestern.
Yes.
Indiana is some Midwestern, but you go to southern Ohio and people are going, y'all,
you know,
like, it's very southern.
And so, like, Indiana is also a state that was, but, like, you know, Northwest
Indiana, where
I'm from, is the, it's like the, like, it's like the people that would commute
to Chicago
or, like, they're, it's like Mishawaka, is it that area?
Mishawaka a little bit.
It's the industrial Midwest.
Right.
And so, it's the Rust Belt.
Oh, yeah.
Tetans.
You know, where people, you know, where, you know, like, they use this cute
term, like,
a Rust Belt, when it's, like, just economic devastation, where it just makes
people very angry.
They're like, my grandfather owned a house and a summer house, but now I'm
working in a Kmart.
What is going on, even if Kmart's open?
I don't know.
But.
It's a, it's kind of the new Wild West.
It's like the wild Midwest.
It is.
It's, you know, but there's, Indiana was always, like, a, like, I have jokes
about this when
I perform in Chicago, where I tell people I'm from Indiana, and they're like,
where's that?
And you're like, 10 minutes away.
Like, it's right there.
And people are like, oh, that's, because people will drive through Indiana to
go to vacation
homes.
It's the Palestine.
It's basically the, it's kind of the white, it's like, yeah, it's Palestine.
It's Palestine.
It is Palestine.
And so, I don't know, population-wise, Indiana versus.
Well, killer-wise, Gary, and I don't know who he is, but this dude is killed,
apparently.
Yeah, and he's got B.O.
Oh, Gary, when I was growing up, I worked on the train station one summer.
Really?
What?
They built the train station for the South Shore Railroad.
I just got a job, you know, like, a summer job because my dad-
And were you a condescending employee?
I could see you being there.
No, no.
No, I was, I was, I was going to college and I had to kind of hide that I was
going to
college.
I worked in a grocery store one summer and then I worked, like, in a steel mill,
which
is, like, there weren't many jobs.
So, like, I was lucky it was because my dad got me the job.
Was it fun, though?
Like, were there some cool stuff about it?
Because you said, like, you kind of di