Name: A Whole Lotta Life | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #194
Uploaded: 2019-04-29T18:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Whole Lotta Life | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #194' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Whole Lotta Life | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #194' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-29. Transcript available.

A Whole Lotta Life | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #194

Here we are, uh, here we are, you know, I, uh, I hope you're well, I hope you're
well.
And, um, man, I'm just, I'm just an egomaniac with a inferiority complex.
Somebody said that once and, man, I've worn that ever since, like a, when I
heard that
thing, it fit my ears like a, just like a damn comfortable shirt, man.
I'm an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
Yeah, man.
She's got eyes of fire that burn like a shot of whiskey.
She's been known to bring a man to his knees.
Little Bishop Gunn right here.
She'll take all you have and you'll never see her coming.
And that's how I know the devil is a woman.
Well, Mr. Johnson knows, cause he saw her up close in the Delta.
Delta, baby.
Said, ma'am, if you don't mind, would you tune this guitar for me?
But she took his soul and she broke his heart just for fun.
And that's how I know the devil is a woman.
And that's how I know the devil is a woman.
And that's how I know the devil is a woman.
And that's how I know the devil is a woman.
And that's how I know the devil is a woman.
Temptation is her game.
Temptation, baby.
She'll make you want to do anything that she wants you to do.
That's a good one.
That's a good one there.
And you can listen to the rest of that one.
That is Bishop Gunn.
And that's their song, Devil is a Woman.
And yeah, man.
Is the devil a woman?
Are things male and female?
I find that they are.
I like to think, if you think about the devil being a...
Because the devil is a temptation.
You know, the devil, you can feel your train just...
My train will be on the tracks, man.
I'm cruising, you know.
Doing good things for myself.
Waving at a neighbor.
Having a milk.
Having a fresh milk.
You know.
Doing nothing bad.
Nothing.
I see maybe a bowl of caramels or Weathers Originals.
I pass them up.
I'm good.
I'm good, baby.
I'm cool.
I go for a run.
I go for a jog.
You know, I wave at a neighbor.
Pet a puppy.
You know, tickle a dove.
And then suddenly, my train, the tracks, they roll right past that temptation
station.
And that's Satan's little cat house right there.
And my brakes, they...
I don't even put the brakes on, but they put themselves on.
My brakes will put them like, who's running the brakes?
And that's a temptation, man.
Temptation is such a dangerous...
It's such a dangerous little microwave, isn't it?
Because it looks warm in there.
It looks fun.
It's lit up.
You open that microwave.
It looks lit up in there.
And then you walk in there.
The door closes.
It starts getting...
Things start cooking.
The floor starts spinning around in a circle.
You got all your loved ones are looking in at the window like, what are you
doing in there?
This is just for popcorn.
That temptation, man, it'll bait you.
It'll bait you, and then it'll damn date you, bro.
Next thing you know, you're trapped into a relationship with the devil.
And that is Devil is a Woman by Bishop Gunn.
And they have their festival coming up, I know, in Natchez, Mississippi.
Next weekend, not this weekend, but I believe the 11th is the date.
I don't know if I'm going to be there.
I'm going to try to get there.
But I'm also going to try to get some rest.
And...
But it's a Bishop Gunn crawfish boil.
They do it.
This is the second year they've done it.
And I'm just so proud of them.
You know, to me, they're like a Southern Aerosmith.
And, you know, the drummer...
Some people don't know.
I've told the story before.
I'll tell it fast.
The drummer, I used to work with his father.
His father had a farm over there along the Mississippi-Louisiana border.
And I used to work on the farm in the summertime.
And his dad...
You know, his dad really cared about me when I didn't have someone to care
about me sometimes.
Or just...
His dad was a man, a male presence that was around.
That I could...
That just let me...
That let me feel okay around him.
You know, that didn't really judge me and just let me feel okay.
And we were friends for years.
And his father passed away from addiction.
And the son, who I've known since he was probably two...
He's been in some bands over the years.
And I didn't...
You know, somebody says they're a drummer for a couple years.
You're like, damn.
They're like, yeah, I'm in the band.
You're like, well, damn.
He's doing drugs, you know.
But he stayed with those sticks.
And this dude will fucking put a tambourine out of business, brother.
This young fella can play the drums.
And they have an amazing band.
And now he's in this band, Bishop Gunn.
And it's just been a blessing to see my friend's son get to live out some of
his dreams.
Anyway, what's going on?
I'm back.
I was in West Palm this weekend.
I want to announce these tour dates.
Oh, wait.
I just did announce them.
We'll put that at the beginning.
Let me announce them now.
I'll announce them now so we don't have to edit anything in here.
Just some new dark arts.
We got some new dark arts tour dates.
Some of the cities.
Now, if you've come to the show, you know, a year ago, some of the material is
going to be the same.
It's changed.
Some new stories.
But it's just some places we didn't get to see everybody there.
So I'll be going to Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Boise, San Antonio, Austin,
Tulsa, Oklahoma City.
Those are all in June.
Then I'll be going in August to Sacramento, Las Vegas, Memphis, Atlanta, Louisville,
Biloxi,
Saraville, New Jersey, over there at the Starland Ballroom.
Bethlehem, PA, where the Lord was born, baby, over there at the Sands Bethlehem
Event Center.
Oxen Hill, Maryland.
So if you're tired of getting gunned down over there in D.C.
Or, you know, getting stuck in traffic for them busy libraries, you go over to
Oxen Hill.
Cleveland, Ohio.
And I am so excited about that one.
Indianapolis.
I'm excited about that one.
Grand Rapids.
Detroit.
Milwaukee.
And Madison.
And those are in August and October.
And there's going to be some more dates in the South that are added, but I don't
know when just yet.
All those tickets go on sale Tuesday, this Tuesday, which is the 30th, I guess.
April 30th at 10 a.m. local time.
And the pre-sale code is ONWARD.
So no one else is going to have access to these tickets except our listeners
and people that, and we'll probably put a swipe up on social media.
But that's going to be it.
So you'll be able to get access to these tickets.
And I'm excited.
You know, I love the show that I'm able to do right now, and it's just been a
blast.
I mean, it's been a blast, man.
And so those are the cities, and thank you so much for your patience.
And I'm excited.
You know, I'm excited.
I was in West Palm this weekend.
I got to meet Riff Raff, Jody High Roller, that freaking, the Tangeray Tangerine
Tiger.
You know what I'm talking about?
That Raspberry Ralph Waldo Sinner, son.
You feel me?
Man, Riff Raff in Raff-ganistan.
And if you don't know the man, I'm talking about Dale D'Antoni with that
million-dollar mullet.
I mean, this guy's got a mullet that'll make George Washington's butt sweat.
You know, he got that thing.
Whew.
It is just, that's just got so many waves in it.
When he walks by the ocean, you can hear the water get jealous.
And he invited me into his multimedia complex over there.
Him and his boy, Mike.
And, man, it was something special.
You know, I know of him through Simon Rex, and I knew of him just, you know,
growing up and seeing his wildness.
He's a unique character.
He's that Armageddon ostrich.
He's a rare impanema.
They don't have a lot like him, Jody High Roller, they call him.
And he invited me into his home.
And we did an episode.
We did a podcast episode.
And it's crazy because I remember two years ago thinking, man, it would be so...
I remember he and I messaged on Instagram.
And I was like, what?
I was so just...
Man, it would be crazy if one day I got to interview him and talk with him.
Just talk with him.
Chop it up.
And here I was.
You know, getting to live out kind of like a little dream.
Getting to live out a special moment.
And he's a special guy.
You know, he's very artistic and very unique.
And it was just, I'm glad I got to do it.
It was fun.
It was a lot of things.
But you'll see, you know, we really chopped it up and talked about the past and
talked about life.
And we broke it downtown.
Who else?
We had...
The shows were good.
Dude, they had a fucking wasted guy.
Which show was that?
Saturday Late Show.
This dude had on sunglasses.
He had his feet up on the table.
I don't know.
It almost seemed like he had been, you know, in prehistoric times, he'd frozen
up.
And then enough global warming or just natural local sun.
Or just a couple of fucking brave dudes with some pickaxes that finally, you
know, got him out of that.
That ice block.
That ice block time lock that Mother Nature had put him in.
That cold coffin.
Frozenness.
And let him loose.
And he...
This dude was an animal.
Sometimes he'd have sunglasses on and he would take them off.
He was yelling the jokes in the middle.
He was...
I mean, he really almost...
A lot of people complained about him.
He was a real...
Real piece of fucking dirty work, man.
And that's Satan, baby.
Right on your shoulder.
What is that?
Nothing?
No.
That's Satan, boy.
That's Satan.
It was a special time, man.
It was a special weekend.
It was a special weekend.
You know, I enjoyed it.
I was grateful that everybody came out.
Thank you guys for coming out.
Thank you guys so much for coming out.
It really, really meant a lot.
And Florida is a unique place.
If you haven't been to Florida, then...
Then you should go.
You should go, dude.
Everything looks smokable.
Right when you get there at the airport, you're driving around.
And everything in Florida looks like you could roll it up and smoke it or put
it in a pipe and change your brain cartography.
I mean, it's...
You could do some remapping of your interior avenues because everything in
South Florida looks smokable.
Man, this fella from an old neighborhood came out.
This dude, Dickie Van Zant, came out.
Richard was his, you know, his God-given name, but they call him Dickie.
And Van Zant, I don't know if it was his natural name.
I think it was Van Zant, Van Zantzen, but eventually, you know, you get a
nickname sometimes from people in the area.
And over there on McGee Street in Covington off of Lee Road, where I, you know,
sprouted up.
And this dude, he, you know, something happened to him.
I don't know if he got, you know, he had some issues and was, you know, he had
that thing in his neck where you get that hole in your neck from smoking or
drinking chemicals.
Sometimes people drink a fucking, you know, half a can of gasoline and next
thing you know, they got to talk through that, you know.
They're half of a fucking flute.
I mean, they put a hole right by their heart and that, you know, they're a damn,
they're a wind section of an orchestra.
But DVZ came out, man.
He got that smoker's hole, you know, I think from smoking too many cigars, you
know.
And he could do this trick, he even did it, he'll swallow it a marble and pop
it out of his throat, you know.
Show the kids, surprise the boy.
That esophageal David Blaine boy just, bam, and he fucking pop it right out.
It's like winning the marble lottery.
And he can do it with a couple things too.
Maybe you think he stole your wife's wedding ring.
He did it on one couple where he said, hey, let me see your wife's wedding ring.
And the guy's like, all right.
He swallows it.
And the dude's like, what the hell, man?
You know, that thing cost me half a year's salary.
And then before the guy can punch him, he pulls it out of his throat.
And makes them realize they love each other still.
And that's the power, really, of the human body right there in the human spirit.
So good to see you, D, man.
It was nice, bro.
It was nice.
Man, I miss being young, man.
I miss it.
You know, I got to see my little nephews.
I saw them last week and they were talking.
They wanted to play sports in the street and they collected, they showed me
their football cards and just the excitement of when everything is new in 