Name: Chris D'Elia 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #204
Uploaded: 2019-06-06T13:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris D'Elia 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #204' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris D'Elia 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #204' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-06. Transcript available.

Chris D'Elia 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #204

Welcome to some sheer joy. Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block
Pizza.
Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles. Gray Block, get that hitter.
Some people say he's an arch rival, a nemesis or a nemesis they say.
Some people say that he is a myth, but do myths show up in the form of man?
I don't know. I don't even know what I'm talking about.
But I'll say this for 150% that we have a young man in today, fresh off this
documentary about his shoulders is popping off.
You know, we have a cult leader. We have a film, television, Instagram, Vine
star, phenom.
This guy is the, I mean, he's the Will Smith of Vine.
This guy is a haberdasher with his new babies line.
This guy is the new Warren Jeffs to a lot of people.
He's a comedian. He's a podcaster.
I'm getting tired of introducing him.
Ladies and gentlemen, from the Congratulations pod, which I recommend you
listen to if you want to get really dented,
Mr. Chris D'Elia.
Are you bigger there than you are in America?
I think I might be an Australian comedian.
Are you, what's his name?
Arj Barker?
I know, yeah.
Arj Barker sounds also like someone vomited, I feel like.
The name?
Yeah.
Just saying Arj Barker?
One time I was in Montreal and I was like coming up and I felt like all people
were starting to know my name.
And Arj Barker came down to the lobby and he was like, are you my driver?
No.
Yeah.
And I was like, ah, okay.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm on new faces.
Yeah.
I was like, no, this wasn't even, this was after that.
I had like a fucking, and I was like, nah, I'm a, I'm a comedian.
And I laughed and he was like, oh shit.
Okay.
And then, and then the next, like two years later, I saw Arj Barker.
He was at Starbucks and he saw me.
He was like, hey, hey, Chris.
And I was like, ah, redemption.
Gotta drive.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I'm parallel parked out front.
Dude, you look big.
You look older.
You look.
I know.
You look different.
I feel like, are you doing anything different?
So I got, what are you doing?
I got, like, kind of take care of yourself.
Do you, well, I work out a lot.
You do?
Yeah.
And because like, I get, I get bored on the road, but then also I just was like,
I want
to do action movies.
Yeah.
Like, like, so like, I'm like, if I'm going to do that, I have to actually do
actual work.
You have to look the part.
Yeah.
So, so I started working out really fucking hard.
Are you doing unique types of training?
Because you seem like somebody that doesn't do, I see you in some of your
videos.
I see you, you know, I know that they had the shoulder documentary thing that
people
were, you know, that they're pitching and stuff.
And I know, the shoulders are outside right now?
No, the guy, the crew.
Oh, they are?
I try to speed away, but they're fucking good drivers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, that's crazy, man.
Well, it's a traparazzi too.
They're trying to get pictures of people's traps.
Right.
And, but are you doing any like a unique training?
I see you doing like American Ninja Warriors stuff.
When I think of you and get jealous a little, some of the jealous thoughts I
have of you
swinging off of different stuff.
The thoughts of me, the jealous thoughts of me are all about me being active.
I like that a lot.
Yeah.
Now they are since you told me you wanted to be an action hero.
Right.
So, so you've had those jealous thoughts for about 35 seconds.
Yeah.
No, I've had them for probably six or seven years.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Uh, yeah, I don't know, man.
Like I get like the, this, first of all, like this, the movies that I am being
considered
for are like movies, TV are like all like comedy, silly, you know, I'm either a
young
dad or I'm like, I've just done, they're, they're, they're only going to offer
you stuff
that you've kind of already done.
Right.
Because they can see you doing that.
Oh, wow.
You know what I'm saying?
Is that nearsighted by the industry?
Well, it's just safe, you know, and I don't blame them because they know, they
know, you
know, take, take an action movie star.
They're going to get offered action movie stuff.
Right.
You know, they're not going to, um, they're not going to, you know, it might be
a little
bit out of the box to be like, well, can he do a romantic comedy?
I don't know.
Let's see him do it.
Let's see him act.
Let's see him audition or whatever.
Like will people believe it?
Yeah, exactly.
But for, so for me, like, but I don't want to do this stuff.
Like if I'm going to do a comedy, the best comedy for us that we're going to do
is
our standup.
Right.
Because it's exactly what we're going to do.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
It is interesting.
You start thinking sometimes, oh, I got to fit in this role as a, as a, in a,
in a sketch
or in a series.
Like, oh, I'm already doing my whole series.
I know.
In a show.
And you're, and you're also, you're also, if you're going to do a movie or a TV
show,
you're going to take a pay cut because you make more money doing standup.
So if I'm going to take a pay cut, I want to do some shit I want to do.
And to me, it would be awesome to do action or something hilarious like that.
I could see you doing it in like a Deadpool, but sort of like in, uh, maybe
like right
outside of like, I don't want to say Oklahoma city, but maybe like Missouri.
I could do a dead, like Deadpool, uh, Kansas city, Kansas city.
Like how they do the CSI in all the different areas, but they do one for, they
do the Deadpool,
Deadpool, Kansas city.
Yeah, I think, I mean, I don't know.
I could see you also being a really unique villain in like a, like a dark city,
like a
Gotham.
Yeah.
I definitely have the eyebrows for that.
Yeah.
But also I'm going, I think, I think what you're saying, I look different
because I
get, I get a little, I got a little gray in the last year.
Oh, is that what it is?
I think so.
You do seem older or more confident maybe to me.
You've always seemed confident though.
So you couldn't seem more confident than you had.
Do you ever grow this out?
No.
Cause you probably have some gray, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I get gray.
It's very scary.
I have gray chest hair too.
Oh wow.
And somebody saw it the other day on a video and it was like 70 people said
something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
First it hurt my feelings.
Then it reminded me of my grandfather.
Well, and that's kind of not bittersweet, but also, uh, to have 70 people
talking about
your fucking gray chest hair, that means you made it.
Yeah.
If you have 70 people talking about your gray chest hair, you made it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you were the same age.
Yeah.
No, you are a couple months younger than me.
I'm 39.
But that's, we would say same age in life.
Yeah.
You wouldn't be like, no, I'm a few months older than you.
Cause that would be so weird.
Yeah.
That's true.
Yeah.
Like we're both 39.
You wouldn't be like, no, we're not the same age.
My birthday's first.
Yeah.
Well, we'll tell him how old you really are.
It was just a couple of days earlier.
Yeah.
That's like asking.
If somebody told me, by the way, we lie, you're 45.
I'd be like, that makes a lot of sense.
You know?
Like your family surprised you at dinner.
Dude, you could be 50.
You could be 50.
No.
No?
What do you think?
You're real age.
What's your real age, bro?
Come on.
Like I'm not talking about, I know you're really just 39.
39 is tops for me.
I think I'm running under.
I think I'm running at 37 and a half.
You think that's because of your brain or your body though?
Both?
Ooh, I don't know.
My body's starting to faint.
That's what I'm saying.
If somebody told me, by the way, you're 43, I'd be like, you know what I'd be
like?
You know that meme, that WeeBay meme in The Wire where he's like, oh, that's
what I would do.
That's the fucking, dude, my dad was like, we lied to you.
You were born in 1976.
I would be like, I would be like, okay.
Now it makes sense.
But I'm glad you lied.
I would actually be happy that my parents lied.
Would you be upset at them or no?
Really though?
If they're like, Chris, you're 43.
If they had a good reason, if they were like, yo, the reason is because we didn't
want you to feel like if in case, we wanted you to feel like everything you got
in life, you got it, you got it, you know, not too old.
You know what I'm saying?
Because like I'm right now, I'm 39 and I feel very accomplished for a 39 year
old.
Right.
But for a 45 year old, I feel accomplished, but not very accomplished.
What is the next, what's that next level you think, owning a tank?
Nah, well, I'll tell you what, dude.
If I had...
I could see you getting a tank.
If I had like, I mean, because here's the thing though, first of all, you can't
keep a tank in LA, right?
So you not only do you need the money for the tank, you need the money for
fucking to transport the tank or to wherever, have the tank.
Okay, you have to get the tank, you have to get it airlifted in.
I would say I would keep, you know, you could probably keep it, you could
probably keep it somewhere fucking shitty like Albuquerque.
You could probably keep it in Albuquerque, yeah.
They would actually probably love it if I kept a tank there.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, you'd have to, yeah, they'd be like, oh, Chris Lee keeps the tank.
Yeah, you know, Albuquerque, the Albuquerque would literally be like, you know,
Albuquerque is great because we have, you know, whatever the crops they have.
And then also, Chris Lee keeps his tank here.
Yeah, spices, they have spices, I think.
Yeah, they probably do because it's close to down south.
Unique peppers.
Oh, I remember on the news, that lady got mad at you on the news in New Mexico
or wherever.
Yep, yep.
And you made the news, bro, did that blow your mind a little?
So, yeah, that was like one of the fucking, like, you know what is cool about
like a career is like, all the stuff that you do like in the career,
like, you're like, okay, I want to do a stand-up special, and that's all the
best shit.
I want to be on a TV show.
I want to fucking, you know, and I did all that.
I did the, you know, Undateable, I did Whitney, I did the specials come out
every few years, and it's like.
You did the roast, too.
I remember when you did the roast, and that was really, really cool.
You know, things like that, you're like, you know what, these are the goals.
These are the things that I want to do, and not that they're expected, but you
expect them to happen if you work very hard, right?
Like, the things like that, though, or like, the things that come up, like, you
know, the M&M thing.
You know, like, that shit, and the Albuquerque news, that shit is the shit that's
like, wow, really, really special and really funny,
because you don't expect it to happen, but it's like the perks.
Yeah.
Yeah, they got fucking, they blasted me, and then I talked about it again, and
then I made another segment.
No, they did?
Yeah, they did it twice.
And did they, because it seemed like some people came to your defense, but did
they, did you guys reconcile it at a certain point, or no?
No.
Damn, so you would say you have active beef with.
Yeah, I have active beef with Albuquerque, and I'll tell you what, I'll never
squash that beef.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll never squash that beef until I'm 46 in a year.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, no, but I'm 39.
Let's not actually make people actually think, because they just tuned in, that
I am 46.
No, but, yeah, and I actually may be spending a fucking quite some time in Albuquerque
soon.
Yeah.
Because I might, no, I'm being serious.
Yeah, I might be actually shooting a movie in Albuquerque, which is hilarious.
And is it, somebody, now this is a rumor that I also heard, that it's Breaking
Bad the movie.
Yeah, it's Breaking Bad the movie.
No, they are doing Breaking Bad the movie, but it's not that.
It's not that.
No, I'm not going to be in that.
You promise it's not?
So far, I'm not going to be in that.
You promise it's not?
I promise it's not that, yeah.
Do you, are you a legitimate, are you someone who promises we can trust or not
trust?
You can promise.
If I tell you what, I would, I have neve