Name: Double Left Field | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #227
Uploaded: 2019-09-03T05:30:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Double Left Field | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #227' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Double Left Field | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #227' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-03. Transcript available.

Double Left Field | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #227

what's up you little rabid rodeo bears
now rabies now rabies now that's an std right there
that's one of those unsung non-heroes you know rabies everybody wants to
preach on you know these more popular std syphilis
and uh you know jock itch i guess i mean that j.i boy
you get a you get a strong case of that j.i son
that's i mean i had dude growing up in louisiana you get that jock itch that's
a
kind of you catch a strong strand
but your hands won't leave you nuts for you know
probably half of a moon cycle i mean you you catch that strong j.i boy you don't
even do you'll scratch your wiener right
off like a damn lottery ticket you catch that i mean this they have
some strands of of jock itch down in louisiana that'll that should be on the
discovery channel you know so you know that and if you
don't know it then well now you know that
uh kevin hart was hospitalized after his car careened off an
embankment the driver of the car was found pinned in his seat
under the crushed roof and so was the female passenger
and um and we know somebody that's been involved in embankments better than
anybody
i mean we're talking about the christopher columbus
of embankments
and uh and that's our man billy conforto r.i.p
and right now we got a special moment actually i'm going to call his brother
chucky
and get him on the line right here
and this is uh
chucky
hello
what up chuck
what's up ceo
i'm doing good man how are you
i'm good i'm good how are you
i'm doing okay man i was just over in biloxi at the casino over there doing um
a show this past weekend so
you know i had i was at my brother's house uh
saturday we had a live uh fantasy football draft and one of the guys there was
like yeah was this
yesterday actually he come back and he was like man i want to check out this
dude
you know y'all know him i was like yeah i know theo so i've been talking to him
oh that's hilarious
i didn't know anything about it
well next time when i come over to the uh to louisiana i'll get you over to one
yeah i'd like to check it out
yeah it'd be great man uh
dude there's so many fans that are um
that are fans of billy bro
yeah
yeah so many people love him man um
you know and i just wanted to know like a little bit more about him because you
know
i met him we used to we was bus boys
together
and uh
and he was probably the wildest dude i ever met in my life man
you know i was uh i was talking to my brother
my youngest brother my mom she had seven kids in eight years
which you know a lot of people have a lot of kids
jesus that's like drew breeze type numbers bro
when you
she's uh she put it up there nobody i'm about to catch
damn boy
right when you have an eight-year-old and you're in the hospital having your
seventh kid
that's a lot of kids
wow
from the same mom and dad
yeah same mom and dad
so it wasn't like you know she had a bunch
we have a bunch of baby daddies or whatever i say it these days
yeah
i was telling you know so i was at my youngest brother's house
uh when i was texting you i think yesterday
man my days was kind of confused
we was like oh
so like three o'clock in the morning as i was playing cornhole
and my days are a little mixed up here but anyway
we was talking he was like
he just was like man billy he goes man mom
remember you know mom always sending us to the store
and running back and forth
and billy came over one day he's like
nick i got your bike
and he was like man he goes mom make me go to the store all the time
and run errands i got your bike
and he's like how did you buy me a bike
he goes i didn't buy it but i got you one
that was billy you know what i'm saying
that was billy
he was wow man yeah he was one of a kind dude he
i mean i don't even yeah he and i were bus
but well i guess he was a waiter at this restaurant
and then next thing i know dude he was always
he had us always on like all kind of weed adventures
he was doing he was running weed
he was always getting his car fixed
um
he he would give you
we was all doing that a little bit together
with you know with uh with the weed and stuff
actually i'm a fella because of that
i got it explained i mean i got i actually got a pardon from the governor
which worked out great for me but
dude i remember we was working at the restaurants
and then yeah dude i remember i used to drive him across the lake to get weed
and we would come back with so much weed bro
well the person he was coming to see you talking to
oh there we go man well look nice just nice to talk to you again man
dude and y'all had the craziest fucking family
people was boxing people was uh i mean people was
they had people were on pills everything was going on
yeah drugs did run uh they tore our family apart you know
it was billy uh and then our three cousins running chuck and jimmy
you know a few of them boys could box i mean they were good
they were going somewhere but that monkey got on and they couldn't get it off
it was tough i'm you know man i'm it's
what do you do you know they don't want to be that way
i just talk to billy about it all the time like billy would get in these uh
he would get in these moods where you know he
you wouldn't see him for a while and we all knew what he was doing but then he
would show up and it would be billy again he'd be like come on we're gonna
work out and he billy was always the same way so he'd have to get the camera
out he always had this polaroid camera so he'd get the polaroid out
and he would take a picture and he was like i'm holding on to the picture
and we're gonna tell you know and so
oh yeah yeah so set goals
the pictures right so then we would go work out hard and boy he wouldn't let
you uh you couldn't skip you couldn't cut a rep short he was on you that's how
billy was and even like i heard one of your cast about the steroids and he said
that i had a flashback i forgot billy used to be like that i remember
like he was he was doing i think like winstraw something crazy and he was like
and i kind of was like man i kind of want to do that too i'm playing football
and i'm
like you know i'm like man i want to try that too so
he's like all right this is gonna be the routine this is how we're gonna eat he
would
just write it all out billy was just crazy he was like a mad scientist and he
was like so
he would tell you we got to take it a half hour before we work out and when you
said that i
remember distinctly one time being in the car wedding he's like it's a half
hour before the gym
pull over i'm like well wait let's wait till let's go to the apartment or
something your apartment is
around the corner from the gym no we gotta stop right now and do it and we
actually
was shooting it's terror on the side of the road yeah bro said that i'm like
holy shit i don't know
if you just was saying that like just telling the story i'm like that actually
happened no that happened
man we did it over off of the interstate over by between slidell and uh the
exit by the movie theater
bro we would duck off over there and fucking pipe them down boy and i hate to
cut that call short
right there but um you can listen to the entire call on our second youtube
channel uh theo von clips
so you can check that channel out and it's got a lot of unique stuff on it and
it will have the
entire uh conversation with chuck uh billy's brother um wow just fascinating
man and that yeah and i
talked to him for nearly an hour so uh you guys can enjoy that there but yeah
being able to chat with
the just i mean that real i mean just that human fiasco that uh that billy
conforto was getting to talk to
his brother man pretty sweet um let's get into this episode how about that
i'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could i be so far from my
home
and my mind is somewhere else but when i find it i'll patch up where it's been
now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i
must be
cornerstone
oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can
feel it in my bones
but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake
and let myself
shine that light on me
i'll sit and tell you my story
and that's you know it is bishop gun shine
and that's you know it is bishop gun shine
and that's you know it is bishop gun shine
taking us in right there bringing us into the world
i wonder if when you're born like you could hear
i wish they had a little bit of that womb music
you know i wonder if maybe when you're born they should play certain music
and it that you know it might help you come into the world a little bit better
or different
you know it would be
like you know like
you know like that song shine
you know it might be you know just a real
natural kind of christian birth right there
you could have some rap music if you want
if that baby was just kind of
you don't even know if you're gonna you know
if you're that excited about the baby
you know or if you kind of just hooked up with a man
and you don't even know that man
maybe they have
that song
pull over that ass too fast
pull over that ass too fast
and they could play that in the delivery room
so at least the baby when he comes into the world
he kind of knows how he got out there you know
or you know he might have it
immediately his backstory might be embedded into his tissue
by the music
because music hides in our bodies boy
isn't that fascinating
music hides in our bodies
i mean i'm you if you
you know if you fucking carve me open with a
with a carve opener or whatever
you um
i'll probably have a little bit of top 40 in me
you're definitely gonna find some goo goo dolls down there by my ass
you feel me you're gonna hear you know
because music
one time a guy you know
hit punched me really hard right in the jaw
and immediately i started hearing that song
in the end
the only thing that matters
you know that lincoln park
that dude just punches
and that song so you know that was hidden in my jaw or something
this dude fucking cracked me
and next thing you know
i'm lincoln parking boy
and that dude parallel parks my ass onto the ground
and my brain just you know
i got lincoln parked up
because music hides in you
somebody might hit you with a damn
you know if somebody
you know might hit you with a damn uh
like a beater stick
like a stick used for
for beating others
they hit you with that bitch in the back
and next thing you know you start
i keep a close watch on this heart of mine
they'll beat the fucking johnny cash right out of you
that's the thing
the music could really hide in our bodies
so if when a baby was born
they put a little bit of music on
that maybe really
you put that
you know some
some just some music like a
one of them jamaican guys
like kind of a weed
you know um
who am i thinking of
bobby marley
bobby marley
you know
no woman no cry
they get that in you
and it really affect your system positively
i think over time
um
shout out to everybody
and uh
support to everybody over there
dealing with the hurricane
and it's that time of year
you know
mother nature has got a recipe book out
because
because you got the summer
is kind of
settling down
you got the rain
the rain is coming in
winter
and mother nature
is just kind of
flipping through the pages
okay
what we got
okay we got a scattered storm
over there
you know
we got to make an entree
out here
in the
on the coast
we're going to mix up
a batch of dorian
send that bitch up
to
feed a couple of
couple hundred thousand
with some
water
that's what
you know
it's just that time of year
when mother nature
really has her recipe book out
and can
you know
when she's brewing up things
she's making a batch
of something nasty
it's that time of year
winter's coming
that's the
you can't
winter
that thing
dude my brother
I remember
at uh
when we were young
when we were children
we used to wait
for the bus
and dude
getting out there
in the bus
in the winter time
you know
it'd be like
two days a year
it would freeze
in Louisiana
and people were crazy
when it would freeze
people would just
duct tape a blanket
ar