Name: Bonus Nugget | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #229
Uploaded: 2019-09-09T13:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bonus Nugget | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #229' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bonus Nugget | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #229' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-09. Transcript available.

Bonus Nugget | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #229

You know a lot of ambulance drivers is gay men and that's good, it's good, you
know everyone should be able to do whatever job, right?
But what I'm saying is this, a lot of ambulance drivers is gay men and the
reason is because they're thinking
oh I'm going to pick up, it's a way to meet another man, they think oh you know
I'm going to pick up a man, he's sick, I will, I'm going to be part of the
thing that makes him well.
And it's because a lot of time men get hurt, you know 60 out of 70 people that
get hurt are probably men overall and the thing about that is that a lot of men,
you think you know,
call 10 of your friends right now, ask them if they're hurt, call 10 men
friends, say are you hurt?
See how many, find 10 that say no, call them in a week, I guarantee you 4 of
them are hurt.
And that's, so that's just, you know, that's just a bit of how it works, how it
goes.
But yeah, a gay man, a lot of times they're skirting around in that ambulance,
you know?
Because think about it, ambo, it's got the tunes, it's got the lights, I mean
it's got dope in the back, dude, that's a freaking, you know?
That's really just a gay greyhound, really.
And it's a nice way, it's really a way where a lot of, a lot of men who love
other men will meet straight men sometimes.
Because they come pick you up.
Oh, you're hurt, get in here, get in the back.
You know, they'll be taking your blood pressure and they'll be like, oh, they'll
slip their phone number in.
They're like, oh, your blood pressure, it's 90 over 985-611-2477.
Darren, and you're like, what?
What is, my blood pressure is, it's doing a lot.
And while they're driving, they'll sometimes, we'll say, you know, oh, maybe
all these women making you sick.
And you're like, what?
I just, you know, I was, I was getting a, I fell off the roof.
I was getting a Frisbee.
I don't, this, I don't know.
And they're like, oh, yeah, maybe these women, they're throwing Frisbees up
there to get you hurt.
And you're like, damn.
They'll put an IV in your arm and put, and slip their number in your pocket,
same time.
Oh, let me give you 200 cc's of that and seven digits of that.
Yeah, I was in a, I'd been in a car accident.
And the ambulance man came, first of all, his name, Virgil, right?
And he picked me up.
And then, he tried the Heimlich maneuver on me probably five times.
And I'd been in a car accident.
So finally, I'm like, dude, what is it, what, how, what is even going on here?
He said, I just wanted to make sure your airways were clear.
I said, I just want to make sure we're clear that I want to go to the hospital,
man.
I'm not trying to meet somebody right now.
So, anyway, today's episode, let's get into some of this, man.
We got, we got some stuff.
Today's episode is brought to you by Skillshare.
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It's a special day in my life today.
I hope it's a special day in your life today.
And I'm sure it is for some reason.
Hey, bro, what's happening?
Not much, man.
What you up to?
Just getting ready to do a little bit of work.
Sit down and watch a little TV.
That's about it.
Put the kids upstairs.
They relax and watch the TV in their bed.
Oh, nice.
What's up with you?
Not much, man.
Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
I appreciate it.
42.
Are you really?
Yep.
Wow.
I know it.
I know it.
Dude, you've been alive, man.
Yep.
Life is over, Doc.
Dang.
What are you going to do?
Die.
What you doing?
Life is over.
I don't know.
Don't call an ambulance, dude.
One of my buddies told me that a lot of gay men are driving ambulances to meet
other men.
How crazy is that?
Yeah.
Hey, I'll do it.
Whatever it takes.
Yeah.
How was the birthday?
Good?
Yeah, yeah.
We went to church this morning and ended up and basically watching a lot of
football today.
And Whittier came over.
Oh, nice.
That's good.
Yeah, the kids.
Kids were here and it was good.
It was nice.
Oh, yeah.
Now I got to get back to work tomorrow, though.
Yeah.
Yeah, Ashley sent me those pictures, man.
It was pretty nice.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, Whittier came over.
It was, it was, it went pretty good, you know?
Oh, that's good.
Anyway.
Well, thanks for calling me.
Yeah, man.
Dude, happy birthday, bro.
You know, I love you, man.
I know you and I talk a lot and I just want to let you know that I love you.
You know, I think I'm proud of you, man.
I'm so proud of you.
I appreciate it.
I love you, too.
Dude, Jesse texted me and he said, man, I felt bad when we left that, you know,
we were
all going home to our families and Theo was getting on a slot machine at 11 a.m.
I felt like maybe he was feeling lonely or maybe he gets lonely.
And I said, yeah, he probably does.
I think he does sometimes.
And he said, well, do y'all talk much?
I said, man, we talk sometimes multiple times in the day.
I said, so we're actually, even though we're not around each other, you're not
really close
and he's one of my best friends and it made him feel better because, you know,
he had this
vision of keeping this always out there by yourself, you know?
Yeah.
Dang.
It does sound sad when you see it like that.
When you hear it like that.
With that perspective, yes.
But he wasn't aware of the actual information that he didn't know that we
talked almost every
day.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, totally.
I mean, it's sweet that he cared.
Yeah, it was really a nice sentiment.
But, um, it made me feel good to be able to say to him, hey, no, he's not alone.
You know, he's got me.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
I love having you, dude.
You know, I'm excited about, uh, you know, you definitely make me more brothers.
Yeah.
It makes it easier when you got somebody.
I know.
I know.
I appreciate it, man.
I appreciate you being there for me, you know?
Yeah, dude, you're doing a great job, bro.
So, one day we can trade off, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Hype man.
That's the name of that guy.
You need hype man.
Oh, we need that hype man, huh?
Yeah, I was telling Ashley about it.
I said, do you mean like a hype man?
I said, I guess.
That's a great name.
So, anyway.
Maybe I could get Ashley or Max to do it.
Oh, that'd be awesome.
Yeah, Max, you would love it.
Zephy would, too.
Max, you'd be like, no, no, no.
Let's start it over.
Let's start it over.
I know.
He would talk the whole thing.
That was hilarious.
He's something, man.
Dude, we were playing football.
He didn't know how it worked.
I know it.
That's how he likes to be loved, though, is for you to listen to him and make
eye contact
with him when he's rambling on about how things are going to go and all those
little impromptu
additions.
Oh, that's funny.
He loves that.
He just loves you to listen to him and be involved in his head while he's
putting it out there.
Hmm.
Zephy likes affection and recognition.
I'm not sure what style he likes to hold out just yet, but I'll know pretty
soon.
Oh, that's cool.
Right now.
He likes mommy.
All right, bro.
If you get a minute, shoot your low text to Whitty or something, I'll call her.
All right.
I will, man.
Happy birthday, bro.
All right, bud.
Thanks.
Love you.
All right, man.
Love you, too.
Okay, bye.
Bye-bye.
That's my brother, and he was born today a long time ago, and not that long ago,
but, you
know, and he and I, our relationships become better over the years, and, you
know, it's,
yeah, it's just great.
I'm just, you know, I'm grateful.
I really am, man, and that's one thing, you know, I'm, man, I'm just happy to
feel some
gratitude for a second, you know, I've been, I've just had a struggle feeling
that kind
of stuff recently, and, and just to, just be on terms enough with my brother to
call him
on his birthday and let him know that I care about him, you know, and I, I just,
I hope
he knows, you know, how much I love him, you know, what, and how much I, how
much of an
inspiration he is to me.
I think it's, it's funny sometimes, I don't know if people know, can really
tell what they
mean to others.
You know, it's like, uh, sometimes people will just, you know, people won't be
able
to tell, like, you can never really fully kind of express to somebody how they
affect
you sometimes.
Maybe you can.
Maybe I just haven't tried that much, you know, maybe I haven't, or maybe I
have, you
know, I don't know, just kind of spitballing here, but I'm just happy that my
brother was
born, uh, even though we weren't close for a long time, I'm happy that, um, you
know,
I got a surprise as I've gotten older and, and, and that's been the gift of, uh,
of
his, you know, pretty unconditional love really.
Um, and he loves his kids and just, he loves to just care.
He, I don't know, he's just, uh, he is, he's a deep dude, man.
That dude is, bruh.
That dude, he should have a diving board right next to him.
I wouldn't be surprised if my brother rolled around and had a diving board next
to him because
that dude is a deep, he's a deep dude.
And he loves it.
He loves to know what makes people think and feel and, and, uh, he's just
really, really
fascinated by that kind of stuff.
And, and it brushes off into me and it's there when I need it.
And, and he's such a great reference and, um, you know, and a lot of times he's
on, he, he,
he's almost like a father to me too, in some ways.
Uh, you know, it's interesting how we get different pieces of what we need from
different places.
Or I do, you know, I get different, uh, you know, and sometimes I think I don't,
you know,
one of the reasons maybe why I'm not like in like successful relationships or
some of that
kind of thing is because I, I want to get the attention that I need.
I want to get it from, I want to get it how I want it.
I want to get it.
It's almost like, uh, maybe I, I, I, I like, okay, I'll get, I'll get this from
here and
this from this person and this from this person, not in a selfish way, but just,
this is where
I will let these things hit me.
You know, I'll let this person care about me and that will suffice for this
feeling that
I need.
And I'll let just, just because it's more in control, you know, it's almost
like I get,
you know, I get, it's almost like I want to.
I want to control, um, where I let affection into my life so that, and it's
such a tricky
path that I let it in through that it's, but at least that way I know that I'm
the most
protected, you know, I'm the most, uh, safe for myself.
Um, anyway, I didn't mean to get off on a, on that, you know, on the damn, on
the damn,
uh, you know, whatever that, you know, I didn't mean to d