Name: Frovember | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #242
Uploaded: 2019-11-04T14:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Frovember | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #242' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Frovember | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #242' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-04. Transcript available.

Frovember | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #242

Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
Gray Block Pizza.
It's that pizzeria that makes you really smile.
And if you've had it, if you have it in your mouth,
you just know you're really going to fall in love with yourself.
Gray Block Pizza. Get that hitter.
What's up, you little drastic rascals, huh?
What's going on with you?
You little November timber.
It's time to chop down all the bullshit and fall into the end of the year.
You got me?
The holidays are coming.
You can hear Santa out there.
Listen outside your window.
What is that?
What do you think it is, huh?
You think that's a couple homeless fighting over a Dura log?
Nope.
One of them Dura Flame logs like I heard in Cleveland?
Nope.
Listen outside your window.
Put your ear up to the ground.
What is that, a horse hoof?
Nope, that's a deer.
It's time, baby.
The holidays are zooming towards us like a meteorite.
That's right, baby.
Like a meteorite.
Like a meteorong.
Wouldn't that be crazy if they had a meteorong?
It's like, oh, hey, I just thought I was supposed to be a meteorite, but, you
know, I messed up.
Or he, like, doesn't do well on his tests or whatever, but on, like, his space
tests.
Anyway, speaking of space, let's get into it with this man right here.
Welcome to this past weekend.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
A little bit of Stevie Starlight.
"Why must we wait when we're alive?"
Stevie hits it on the head.
He hits it on the head right there.
And he puts the hammer on the head, dude.
He's that bull in your skull right there.
He really...
It's just that farm animal that runs right into your brain
with that fat.
That skull bull.
He said, "Hey, why must we wait when we're alive?"
Happy November or brovember, whatever it is.
There's too many...
It's like, "Oh, it's hovember."
Some girl's like, "Oh, you know, I'm doing sex with everyone this time."
I'm like, "What?
What are you talking about, Mom?"
You know, or somebody's like, "Oh, yeah, dude, it's crowvember."
You know, I'm only buying a couple of buzzards.
You know, I'm buying a crow from the pet shop.
You ain't doing shit, bro.
And they're like, "Yeah, I'm doing it for leprosy or some kind of..."
You know, there's just too many things now.
It's like, "Oh, it's um..."
You know, it's uh...
It's um...
It's frovember.
And I'm gonna grow out my...
You know, I'm gonna grow out my fro.
Or I'm gonna grow out my le...
Or, you know, if you're white, you only can do a fro around your...
Around your wiener, around your kind of thighs or something.
Or a lot of men get that rear butt fro at the baseline of each butt cheek.
They'll have a...
A strong, real isthmus of hair right there.
And you could...
Because sometimes you'll see a man at the gym or something.
And I don't see a lot of those men because I don't look at them.
But every now and then...
You know, my phone will run out of power.
And so I'll have to look at other stuff in the gym.
And you'll see a man in there whose backside is all wet.
And you have a lot of...
It almost looks like his butt looks like two closed eyes.
And the...
There's a ton of hair right there at the bottom.
Look like, um...
You know, like eyelashes.
Because, you know, almost coming off of like the closed eyes of, you know, his...
You know, his butt cheeks.
Each one look like a closed eye of his butt cheeks.
And you see they got a lot of hair right there on a man sometimes.
But...
It's interesting that...
That...
Yeah, but...
Yeah, they just got too many...
Too many different things.
It's Movember.
You can't shave your buddy.
You can't do this.
You got a mustache.
You know, uh...
There's just too many of them.
I can't name them right now for some reason, but...
Uh...
But there's just too many different...
And it's always for something, you know?
It's like, oh, we're, um...
You know, we're not gonna open our eyes.
It's like it's Dark Vember.
You know, and for two weeks we're not gonna open our eyes.
And we're raising money for, um...
You know, for blind people or something.
You're like, I'm not doing all of that shit.
You know, I gotta ride my bike to work.
I'm not doing it with my eyes closed.
So...
You can eat a can of...
Can of straight up street side ass meat.
If you're thinking about that.
But...
What's happening?
Yeah, it's November.
We're getting into it.
We're getting into it.
It's never too late to come over.
It's never too late.
A real beauty about life, you get these...
You know, they...
You just get the...
The next day comes around and you get that fresh opportunity.
You know, it's like...
The powers that be the existence.
You know, it's like, uh...
Life just everyday opens up that fresh can of hot fish right there for you.
Here you go again.
Speaking of fish, I was, um...
I did Halloween.
I went to a get together.
And I had a...
You know, I ended up going with like a newsy costume.
I did it last year.
Like a newspaper boy.
Dude, think about newspaper boys.
Like it used to be when I was young, somebody had a paper route.
You'd see some little kid, you know, somebody, this guy.
You know, Fat Samuel.
Somebody, little Daniel out there smoking a cigarette.
And, uh...
And you'd get a paper route and somebody would ride their bike in the morning
and throw papers out.
And my mother used to do...
My mother used to deliver, uh...
Newspapers and magazines.
And still does some, but...
This was, you know, she was real regular at it.
And...
But they'd have children would do it.
And it was even before my time where you would hear a lot of children would...
Get out and do a paper route.
Think about that.
You're 11 years old.
It's 5:30 in the morning.
You out there...
Slinging the sports section at somebody.
Nowadays, you can't get one of these little assholes to frickin' make, you know,
to make his own, to make a salad for himself.
Dude, you could lock a kid in a cage with a whole thing of salad mix with a bag
of spring mix and a...
You know, in a hat full of, um...
Peppercorns and whatever.
Black olives.
And he would fuck it up.
I mean, these kids...
I don't know.
I don't even know.
Some of them are more like animals, more...
You know, I bet they would test...
Tested them.
They would test more as animals, some of them.
Some of the youth.
But anyway, speaking of fish, so I'm out there.
I go to...
The traffic was so bad on Sunset Boulevard that I'm leaving...
I'm leaving...
I stopped by the comedy store.
That's...
And I'm leaving...
And...
Traffic was so bad.
It was just going nowhere.
You know, just groups of people walking by.
Costumes.
So two of my buddies are on the street corner by the Viper Room.
And so I pull off there on Sunset.
I park.
And we walk down to Santa Monica Boulevard.
And that's where it's real...
I mean, it gets real homoerotic down there.
And it's really a...
It's kind of like the Mississippi River for like gay men.
But it's not a river.
It's just a street.
And so...
They got...
Everybody's just popping and locking and...
And they have...
But during Halloween, it's a big festival.
It's a big...
Like everybody's...
All types of people are out there.
Costumes.
Everybody.
And it's...
And everybody's welcome and stuff.
It's just...
It's...
You know, it's kind of like...
It's kind of...
It's more...
Like...
They block off the street block party.
So they block the street off.
And then I...
So I'm walking with two of my buddies.
We're gonna go maybe...
Walk into a bar.
They're meeting some ladies over at a spot.
Dude, we get...
Half a block.
Down the...
Boulevard.
And...
They got a young fellow over there.
Dressed as...
And this guy might have been kind of like...
Maybe Filipino.
Or maybe light Mexican.
Or he could have been actually...
You know, we had a group of people growing by us.
The Swansons.
And they...
Like a real smoky area.
And so they weren't...
They were white.
But they was real smoked.
So if you didn't think they were...
And sometimes people would, you know...
Lob a little...
Lob a couple...
A couple little slurs at them, you know.
And they'd be like...
Oh no, it's just smoke.
You know, we got...
Just some smoke on us.
But...
But this boy...
Had dressed up like...
Ariel.
You know, from...
Not like the Ariel Nation or whatever.
But like the Ariel...
That water ginger, bro.
You know, I'm talking about Ariel from Little Mermaids.
So this guy...
Was a mermaid, this little guy.
And he was kind of...
He looked more like a...
Trout to me, I think.
He was a little bit more...
He was kind of Rubenesque.
But his buddies...
I guess some friends had been carrying him.
And they got pissed at him.
And set him down.
So this dude's just screaming.
He's just yelling for somebody named Jesse to come back and pick him up.
And that was just one of the most traumatic things I've ever seen.
And I'm that catch and release guy.
If it ain't season, you know...
I don't know how many mermaids you're allowed to keep, but...
I said, damn, they got to throw this boy back, man.
Because they had just laid this young buck right out there.
And this dude was just floundering.
And you could tell.
And he was...
At that point, he was kind of...
He would reach at men's legs when they walked by.
Like he was just looking for any man to just put him in his little...
In his boat.
And he just...
You know, he was just like finding he-mo.
Like he was just...
Just looking for any he...
That...
That would be around.
That was probably the most craziest thing really that I saw.
Was just a man that was abandoned.
That had dressed up