Name: A Plumber | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #249
Uploaded: 2019-12-12T14:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Plumber | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #249' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Plumber | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #249' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-12. Transcript available.

A Plumber | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #249

I want to let you know about some new shows that are coming out right now.
Toronto, we've just added a late show on February 21st.
February 15th, the Gold Country Casino in Oroville, California.
Those tickets are on sale now.
Still available January 14th in Oslo, Norway.
Las Vegas, January 31st and February 1st.
I will be at the Mirage Hotel and Casino.
Those tickets are a little higher priced than usual.
It's because it's a specialty weekend.
And that was the agreement that the theater would do with me.
So if it's too high priced for you, that's understandable.
I'll be back in the future at a more decent rate.
And also, I want to let you know, February 28th in Oxenhill, Maryland.
At the MGM National Harbor.
Today's guest is a working man.
He is, this is one of my favorite episodes.
And we're so glad that he was here.
He is a plumber and a regular man.
Ladies and gentlemen, the toilet champion is here.
Plumber, Brad Luskoski.
Oh my God.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
We're here with Brad Luskoski.
And that's Polish, huh?
Oh yeah.
Polish power, dude.
Thanks for joining us today, man.
Oh, thanks for having me.
Yeah, just happy to talk to a plumber man because I don't know anything really
about plumbing.
Ask away.
You know?
All right, I'll think about this.
So what is the difference between plumbing and septic tank?
I was thinking about that.
All right.
Like sometimes you hear like, you know, you hear people have septic tanks.
I would hear a lot of times growing up people had septic tanks, you know, or
somebody got
like, you know, something happened to them by a septic tank.
That's how I actually got my start was dealing with septic tanks.
I started 20 something years ago with Roto-Rooter.
I'm sure you heard of them.
Oh yeah.
And that's a commercial outfit, isn't it?
Largest plumbing company in the world.
Is it really?
Yep.
Wow.
So yeah, the very first day I get hired, I gotten out of the army.
I was 20 years old.
I get hired with this.
A Roto, huh?
By Roto-Rooter man in Alabama.
And now were they in, and were they enlisting people?
I mean, was there like a program from the army to Roto-Rooter?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't know.
I got out of the army and I went to work at Lowe's, the home improvement store.
Oh yeah.
I love that place.
I was actually, when I got out of the army, I was, I was 20 and I had applied
to Atlanta
SWAT and I was going through all the.
SWAT qualifications and everything else.
Cause I was, I was kind of heavy duty in the military, you know?
So I didn't really have a whole lot of skills when I got out.
How'd you get out at 20?
I joined when I was 17.
Damn.
So I graduated early, you know, a little smart, you know, figured some stuff
out.
And hard working you must've been, huh?
Very.
Still am.
Most people will call me the hardest worker they ever met.
Dang.
So I kind of take that as a point of pride, you know?
I could see that, dude.
You're like the Joe Rogan of plumbing, dude.
Cause Joe Rogan is, I think it's the hardest worker that I know.
That guy is busy.
Dude, I think there's nine Joe Rogans.
There has to be more than one.
Cause he's in too many places at once.
Sometimes I have a, I have like kind of a daydream where he's going to bring me
in a room and
be like, Hey, I want you to meet these other Joe Rogans.
Oh, I knew it.
I knew it.
I knew it, man.
Okay.
So you get out of the military.
So that's a, dude, that's a note for young fellas.
If you're like, I don't know if I should go into the military.
17 out by 20.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
I can, I use my VA benefits.
You know, I, everything's cool.
Everything's like normal.
Yeah.
I just, I joined early.
I got out there.
I signed up for three.
I got out.
Okay.
So they, they offered to reenlist me, but I had just met this girl.
She was just pregnant.
You know, it was young.
Did you get her pregnant or she was pregnant when you met her?
Yeah.
Wow.
That's a brave deal.
I stuck on with that crap for seven years too.
With her and her kid.
Well, we eventually had one too.
Her and I, like a few years later, her and I.
Okay.
So you got married.
Yeah.
All right.
And then divorced, 27 left.
Anyway, the point of the septic thing was, dude that hires me is old, big old
fat dude
from Alabama, you know, Southern as, as all can be.
Yeah.
Take you out on your first day.
You'll see.
It's not that bad.
Okay.
And we go out and dig up a septic tank, which is plumbing.
And people hide them or what?
They're always buried.
Oh, wow.
So, so, so the pipe that leaves your house goes underground and it goes out to
a box in
the yard and that it basically naturally decomposes everything that's in there.
Okay.
So it's compost almost kind of in a way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's, it's, it's a big, it's, it's five feet deep.
It's, it's a big box.
You could bury a lot of bodies in there.
You could.
You could.
And it's, so it's five feet deep and it's buried in the ground.
Yeah.
Usually a foot deep, maybe more.
Okay.
And, and, and it's five.
How is it square?
It's a, uh, it's about like this table.
You know, it's a big, long rectangle, maybe a little wider or so, about five
feet deep
or so.
I saw a dude weld one and a half one time.
And I remember some of us.
They're usually concrete.
Uh, well then this guy kind of, I guess, welded it with like a, um, maybe a
concrete.
Sure.
Well, he might've used a, he might've had a steel box.
Cause I mean, you, I've seen some rustic septic tanks made out of 55 gallon
drums with holes
punk punched in the side.
Okay.
So you've seen some rural ones.
I've seen.
You've seen them.
I've seen.
You've seen fucking the Noah's Ark of fucking in ground shit.
You better believe it.
In Alabama, they'll do whatever it takes.
Oh yeah.
I went to one house in Alabama.
They didn't even have a septic tank.
The pipe went down, it went out about a hundred yards and that was it.
Oh wow.
It just left out on the ground.
Wow.
Yeah.
Roots were all growing up into the end of the pipe and everything.
So I had to go there and cut them all off and open it out and snake the pipe
out and get
everything good to go and everything.
So, but that's no septic tank.
Yeah.
Just a long pipe.
You're freelance old school.
Uh, it's illegal.
It is.
Yeah.
You can't do that.
Blackwater needs to be contained.
Okay.
So that's really the rule.
Yeah.
Blackwater has to be contained.
Brown water or gray water, like kitchen sink.
Water and, uh, washing machines, dishwasher, stuff like that.
You can actually, uh, and I do, uh, install a 55 gallon drum with a pump in it
and separate
those lines from a septic tank.
Okay.
So all that washing machine water, that's bad for a septic tank now goes into a
55 gallon
drum with a pump in it.
And then you can water your yard with that.
Okay.
So washing machine water, that gray water, you can take that into a drum if you
wanted
to, and then reuse that.
It's actually good because it's got soap in it and soap and the phosphates are
good for
your grass.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Go figure.
So that's, so, but the dark water, the black, black water has to be by law has
to be contained,
contained.
Yeah.
And then what do you do after you contain it?
Well, in a septic tank system, after a couple of years, all that stuff breaks
down and separates
the solids will sink to the bottom and turn to a sludge.
The things that are not biodegradable will float.
Like a wedding ring or something, like if a dog eats a wedding ring?
No, anything that would sink will go to the bottom, obviously.
But anything that's grease won't biodegrade, it'll collect and it'll turn into
a ball, basically
a hard kind of crust on the top of the septic tank water.
Or condoms won't biodegrade, they'll float.
Oh, wow.
Man, one time I popped a septic tank open and I saw about 10,000 condoms in
there, I
swear.
I mean, I didn't count them or anything, but they were all over the top of the
tank.
And who was the guy, a little Asian guy?
No, no, no, it was the homeowner.
Him, he was standing there watching me dig this tank up, right?
That's crazy.
And did he have kids or something?
Like, was he shot?
No kids?
No.
Oh, yeah.
Because they weren't his condoms.
No way.
I could have guessed it was a homeowner.
Yeah.
He was standing there watching me.
I popped it.
Well, he called me because his toilet wouldn't flush no more, right?
And I get there and I snake the drain out and it won't go down.
I'm like, well, I got to dig up your tank.
So I dig up the tank.
And when I open up the tank and you look down, they're just everywhere.
They're coating the wall, the pink ones and green ones and blue.
I mean, every color of the rainbow.
Jesus, Easter colors, huh?
Dude worked at a tire manufacturing plant, the graveyard shift, for like 20
years.
And I'm betting every night.
No way.
She had somebody coming.
They got a divorce after that.
So you really, so that's, man, that's crazy.
So sometimes opening up that septic tank, it's almost like a time capsule for
your butter
almost or for your, you know, for below the waist.
It's almost like a time capsule for what you, or anything you've been doing in
your home.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
I mean, that, that actually happened twice.
That instance caused a divorce.
The next time that happened where I found condoms in the tank, it was a young
girl.
She was like 14 or 15 and it was her grandma's house.
Oh.
And the grandma was standing there watching me.
And whose were they, you think?
They were the granddaughters for sure.
Oh.
I mean, it was just a, those are the only two ladies living in the house is the
14 year
old girl and the grandma.
Oh, that's so awkward.
And the grandma's like, they ain't mine.
Hey, dude.
That's going to be an awkward game of go fish that they play later in the day,
you know.
Where'd you get all these?
Why are they in here?
So that's why you started in Alabama.
Yeah.
You worked with a man.
Do you remember the gentleman?
The guy who hired me?
Oh, absolutely.
We still talk.
Oh, that's cool, man.
Yeah, he's a good man.
He is?
And so now when you, what was like your vibe when you started working there?
Were you like, oh, this is a career that I want to make?
Or were you like, this is just a job that I want to do?
What was kind of your goal if you had any going into it?
You know, the money.
I didn't really have a goal going into it.
The money just sticks you.
Plumbing pays well.
Yeah.
And it always has.
And they say, I've heard, this is a saying in the universe, that plumbers make
more than lawyers.
I believe that.
You do.
Yeah.
And how does that break down?
Because why?
Lawyers ain't working 40 hours a week.
Right.
You know what I mean?
They get paid a lot for what they do, but they don't do it all the time.
Right.
So that's great that they get $400 an hour, three hours a week.
Right.
You know, I work 50, 60 hours a week every week.
Right.
You know, I'm only charging 100, maybe more or whatever, but.
But you add it up over time.
Add it up.
That's the way they do it.
Yeah.
Because you always hear that.
You always hear that lawyer, that plumbers make more than lawyers.
That's just like a thing I've always heard.
Or doctors.
I heard it as doctors, but I mean, same thing.
I went to a university professor's house years ago, and I handed him the bill
at the end,
and he just flipped out.
Like, he just couldn't believe it cost that much.
You charge more than doctors do.
Do you realize it took me 10 years to learn how to do this?
Right.
You know, it literally is a 10-year program.
It's as hard, I think, of course, because I went down that road, as any eight-year
doctorate
or master's degree that you're going to get.
To become.
Yeah, I mean, anything, you're gaining knowledge.
Yeah.
To become a well-rounded plumber, anyway.
Yeah.
And so you start this job, you got the guy with Roto-Rooter.
Yeah.
And so you worked there for how long?
With that guy for five years, a little over five years.
Dude gave me a $1,000 bonus for every year I worked for him.
Did he really?
Damn.
So