Name: Europe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #255
Uploaded: 2020-01-20T08:08:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Europe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #255' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Europe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #255' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-20. Transcript available.

Europe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #255

that's it man that's it that's it that's it we elevators boy we elevators
we are elevators
some people stop some people never make it off the ground floor
some people they don't really have a bad they don't have that that rise in them
that lift
you know everybody has a buddy who's just a he's an elevator but he's just only
in the parking garage
you know he ain't even making it to the lobby at a building
but we're elevators man and some people i mean their elevator it's uh out of
service
sometimes you meet someone and i mean they should just have a sign on them they
you know they ain't
ain't going anywhere so but we on the rise baby you know that
i'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could i be so far from my
home
man i was far from my home bro your rope and my mind is somewhere else but when
i find it i'll patch up where it's been
now i'm just falling on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i
must be
cornerstone
oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can
feel it in my bones
but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let
myself on wine
shine that light on me
shine that light on me
i'll sit and tell you my stories
shine on me
shine on me
shine on me
and i will
find a song
i've been singin' just for you
and now i've been movin' way too fast on a runaway train with a heavy load of
my
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
and now i can feel it in my life
i'm back i'm back from europe
europe my up
our up
and europe
if you don't know what europe is
that's that original america
if you go over there
some places especially
britain united britain kingdom
i mean they changed
they got so many names for that place
it's wild england britland scotland
north scotland wales
um celtics rangers
it's dude willy wallace
is over there
and he done
he done closed down
to sherwin williams
buying all the baby blue face paint
and they i mean it's
ah
ah
good to be back
um and it was a
it was a it was quite a journey
it was a great time
it was
i'm gonna tell you about it
what happened man
um
yeah
dude
if you don't know about britain
or
um
it's basically
it's kind of like
if say if america had like
you went over to your grandparent's house
and they had a bunch of stuff in the attic
and
they got like a lot of like
a glass
like a case with a lot of fancy shit in it
like a lot of fancy um
silverwares and
special spoons
dude sometimes your grandmother will have
like a little shiffer robe
with some glass doors on it
some just straight up lion the witch in the wardrobe type of deal
and inside of it she'll have 30 spoons in there
like what in the hell is this man
is she you know
is she freebasing
is she
you know
cooking up that smack
what's going on grandma
and that is a little bit like britain
it's kind of like your grandparent's house
they got a lot of fancy old stuff
um
they have
you just like a lot of
like you'll see a guy walking by
he'll have on chain mail
you know he'll have a scroll
he'll have something from
you don't even know how long ago it's from
you know you'll see somebody
they're eating food
you know they're eating
they're having like a 400 year olds
aged
uh steak
you're like dang man
that steak
what is that
is that triceratops
what is that
you don't
they
it's just
it's
yeah it's like going to
your grandparents
they got all the old
they got a picture of a dude
on the wall with a sword
like who is that
you know
jerry sword
who is that
fucking pokey honus
bro who is it
that dude's got that thigh needle bro
he have that
that sword right there
ready to take somebody's eye out
or whatever
do a
shish kebab
do the onion
and the meat
but man
I had a great time
I'm going to take you through
a little bit
of
the journey
of the journey
um
yeah let me start off
we'll start off with
you know where it was
London
Britain
and
and that's a little bit of
British theme music
right there
and as you can tell
from the music
the theme
is
nap time
probably
Britain
okay
uh
we started off
went over to Manchester
and
I don't know who this
Manchester is bro
but
he
he
is
pretty much
a lot of
the
in Britain
they're like
you know
you don't
everybody
the real kind of
well first of all
man
Britain
England
has some of
and I say this
with love
I really do
because I thought a lot
about it
England
obtained
somehow
some of the
worst looking women
I've ever seen
in my life
dude I look
I love
and
man
it hurts
it hurts
me to say
it
but some
of the
women
you're like
dude
no wonder
they
if I
if those
were the
women
I had
to be
around
visually
I would
go around
and
enslave
the rest
of the
world
they need
a couple
of bad
batches
shipped
in
over
there
it
just
yeah
you'll
I mean
they just
dang
some of the
women
you're like
oh
dang
you a
woman
oh
man
I
think
that's
the
real
reason
if
we
could
dig
up
a
couple
of
these
pilgrims
and
do
a
seance
on
them
you know
put
that
Ouija
on
them
bro
throw
a couple
of
magic
rocks
on
their
back
or
whatever
or
smoke
a
bowl
out
of
their
skull
and
get
their
ideas
we
would
know
for a
fact
that
the
real
reason
that
the
pilgrims
left
England
whenever
it
was
1300
whatever
1000
whatever
was
because
they
heard
there
was
some
tan
bitches
over
there
in
North
America
some
of
those
land
bitches
bro
you know
what I'm
saying
some
of
those
outdoor
bitches
you know
what I'm
talking
about
Indians
dude
Native
Americans
because
the
women
they
just
they
God
bro
I would
start a
war
with
somebody
too
if
those
were
the
women
I had
I'd
start
a
war
I'd
go
warring
for
women
I'd
roll
a cannon
down
at a
freaking
straight
over
to
the
to the
females
in a
different
country
and
I'd
fight
anybody
that
wanted
me
to
not
have
those
women
because
these
ladies
some
of
them
they're
just
I can't
even
they
just
they look
kind of
I don't
know
and then
in
Britain
the people
a lot
of them
real
and look
thank you
guys
thank you
guys
for coming
out
Manchester
you guys
showed
out
and
this
was
now
this
I
started
in
Manchester
bro
and
so
in
Manchester
I don't
even know
how the
place got
started
probably
this
man
you know
he just
said
hey
I must
chill
right here
if y'all
want to
be here
with me
and everybody
was like
all right
Chester
bro
we'll do
it
so
but yeah
the women
bro
they
just
little
they're all
real
kind of
little
and their
legs
they don't
have
all their
whole body
seem to
look like
a butt
their whole
body
seem like
a little
like a
like a
kind of
a
like a
strong
little
butt
like a
little
like
imagine
if
somebody
had
butt
all over
their
body
you know
they're
just
covered
up in
that
freaking
cheek
meat
you know
and when
they walk
you be like
even when
they wave
at you
you just
see that
ass shake
a little
bit on
their
forearm
everywhere
they
smile
and be
like
dang
they got
that
smiling
ass
meat
face
kinda
and that's
you know
how it
was
they just
that's what
it was like
over there
and
and in
England
a lot
people are
just kind
of like
and
everybody
I call
them
the
white
Japanese
man
because
the
British
they're
very
traditional
okay
you have
ton
of
tradition
you have
a lot
of
I think
kind
of
inner
turmoil
and
like
inner
kind
of
pain
and
there's
a lot
of
like
family
name
honor
and
they
kind
of
keep
things
chill
until
they
get
drunk
and
then
they
lose
their
shit
and
they
turn
red
and
basically
that's
the
white
Japanese
very
to me
they have
that
they have
that
white
Japanese
kind
of
feel
like
I bet
at night
secretly
a lot
of
British
people
put
on
karate
suits
because
they know
in their
heart
and deep
down
in their
bone
marrow
where
they
are
really
from
and
they
are
the
white
Japan
and
everything
is
pudding
that's
what
they
have
for
I
don't
know
what
it
is
blood
pudding
pudding
pudding
pudding
pudding
and
some
of
the
ladies
look
like
they
had
about
7,000
servings
of
pudding
dude
and
they
just
look
like
a
pudding
in
a
boot
I
mean
damn
bro
and
they
have
oh
man
I
feel
so
ice
cold
and
look
I'll
say
this
I
knew
that
the
women
were
good
looking
when
I
was
getting
hit
on
I
was
probably
one
of
the
I
would
say
7,000
best
looking
women
in
England
when
I
was
there
bro
gang
dog
gang
but
with
that
said
man
yeah
we
got
to
Manchester
and
it
just
was
you
know
really
glum
there's
a lot
of
like
like
Eeyore
is
probably
from
there
from
the
Paddington
Winnie
the Pooh
you know
where's
my
tail
that
guy
you
know
probably
that
some
folk
call
their
sling
blade
that
dude
sling
blade
probably
would
be
the
mayor
over
there
cause
it's
got
that
real
ambiance
you know
it don't
have
much
ambiance
it's
got
that
ambiance
like
ambiance
is
like
nah
and
that
was
the
start
we
started
off
in
Manchester
but
the
shows
were
good
the
show
it
was
you
know
it's
a
starter
when
I'm
starting
something
up
it's
you know
it's
like
you know
to go
somewhere
and you
get off
the jet
and the
plane
and the
people
and you
gotta
do it
you're
like
damn
I gotta
do it
still
but the
crowd was
real nice
supportive
and
and I
didn't
change much
material
I would
kind of
try and
talk about
the area
a little
but since
I just
got there
in
Manchester
there
wasn't
anything
to discuss
yet
because I
was fresh
to the
gate
and I
was fresh
to the
gate
bro
like that
freaking
lettuce
dog
and then
we went
to
hold on
I know
where we
went
to
Ireland
and
that's
some
Irish
music
right
there
and
that
is
from
a
group
called
Roondale
Roondale
and Ireland
showed out
this was
I think
a Monday
night in
Dublin
we had
two shows
and they
the Irish
I got
this jacket
I got
this soft
jacket
from there
from Trinity
College
and we
went into
Trinity
College
in Dublin
and they
have the
oldest
library
this is
like where
Hogwarts
keeps its
hogs
you know
this thing
old
I mean
some of
the books
you open
it up
dude
and your
great
grandfather
is in
there
you know
washing
his legs
in a
bucket
like
damn
this thing
old
dude
you open
one book
and St.
Peter's
in there
reading
an even
older
book
like
damn
this shit
is old
dude
opened up
one book
bro
it had
time
in it
you know
time bro
from the
beginning
of time
it's just
falling out
Dewey
Decimal
was there
he was
there man
he had
hurt his
leg
but he
was there
and we
went into
this library
and it's
the oldest
library
I think
in
like in
earth
in planet
earth
they haven't
found
anything
else
that's
older
and it's
priceless
they said
the value
of the
books
in there
priceless
Trinity
College
the library
is at
and you
can even
go and
check the
books out
I mean
if you
I'm sure
if something
happens to
one of them
you're
you know
you're going
to work
there for
the rest
of your
life
but you
could go
check it
out
but what
happened
yeah
people came
out in
Ireland
brought
oh a
guy brought
me some
great
art
it's
like great
and not
great
you know
it's kind
of this
young
artist
bro
McCloskey
is the
boy's
name
and
yeah
and yeah
I mean
it just
once you
go from
England
Ireland
you get
a bit
more
the tradition
is a little
bit different
the tradition
gets a little
more
I would
alcoholic
you know
people's
just
you know
they just
feel
they just
they
I don't
know
there's a lot
more
it's just
more
whimsical
you know
you'll see
a dude
just
you know
washing
using a
nice bar
of soap
over there
like in
a puddle
you're like
alright
and they're
tough people
there too
they're real
you'll see
a baby
I saw a baby
getting pushed
in a
little carriage
bro
you know
and he
and it was
windy
I mean
they probably
had 30
mile per hour
winds
just right
on the
street
and this
baby's
whole head
just
just
really
chill
he could
you could
tell
he was
he was
just
toughing
it out
though
that's
the Irish
bro
they tough
it out
this baby
had a little
russet in his
jaw
br