Name: Crouching Tiger | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #257
Uploaded: 2020-01-28T10:54:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Crouching Tiger | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #257' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Crouching Tiger | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #257' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-28. Transcript available.

Crouching Tiger | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #257

All right, all right, today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza,
Gray Block
Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach, Gray Block, get that hitter,
Denver
baby, back from Denver, and they call it, some people call it Menver, Menver,
Menver,
you know, like they got more men over there, but I saw a good, I definitely saw
a decent
gaggle of mountain kitten, you know, kind of just scheming about, I saw a lot
of beautiful,
seemed like a lot of beautiful women over there, I mean, a lot of them were at
a distance,
could have been, you know, transvestites or wigged men, and there are a lot of
wigged men
out there, a lot of wonderful people visited the shows, a lot of hill people, a
lot of mountainers,
you know, you can, you know, you see a lot of people come down, they got
different furs
on them, different, in Denver, you don't know, sometimes you'll see, you'll be
petting something,
and you'll think it's a Great Dane, and then it'll kind of lift up, and it's
got a Starbucks,
and it's some fella, maybe some fella named Randy, or something, he just had on
a fur,
you know, you see a lot of, uh, crouching Randy's, or crouching tigers hitting
Randy's,
you know, you think something, it's like, oh, there's a sheep, and it's, oh,
that's Vanessa,
you know, she was just bending down, picking up something, she dropped her
phone,
because people wear exotic furs, a lot of sheep, a lot of, um, seal, you'll see
somebody wearing
seal fur, seal skin, so you definitely have that wildness out there, a lot of
neat people came out,
Fat Trish came out, shout out Fat Trish, shout out, um, I met this guy who said
that I bummed a
cigarette off of him in 2001, so that was pretty cool, uh, my boy Eric came out,
little Doyle, uh, Gay Henry, this dude who was, he just kept increasing the gay
amount as the night
went on, you got those buddies, you know, you know, at 10 o'clock, they, uh,
they're, you know,
they're Brad Pitt at 10 p.m., and by 2 a.m., they fucking ball bag Lance a lot,
you know,
they just, you're like, whoa, whoa, we really shifting here, uh, Ronnie, big
Ronnie came out with that,
but with those buck teeth, respect, and, um, I think that was about everybody,
a lot of people
with mountain asthma, a lot of MAs, the mountain asthmatics, and the, the air,
when you get into
Colorado, the air, the air has a little bit of, the air just feels thicker,
like it's got shoulders on it,
like you just, that air hit the sides of your lungs, and said, what you doing,
boy, what you doing,
you better be doing something, boy, it's refreshing, there's something
refreshing there,
and that's a gift, a lot of places do not have that, um, but they have it there,
and, uh, and what a
beautiful group of people to come on out, and enjoy life with, but now it's
Denver, where the air's got
that, that air is like it's wearing, uh, shoulder pads, hit you, you know, that
air's got something in it,
it's got something going on, every breath you take, you can feel that it, that,
that, that, that inhale,
that it's got a mother and a father out there, you know, every, you know, when
you inhale the air out
there in Colorado, you can feel the wind in the distance, looking for its baby
that you just took
off the planet, it's Colorado, man, it's Colorado, and that's a native word, I'm
sure, what does it
mean, let me look it up right now, actually, shout out to all, like, three
different dudes came out that
had, uh, Trey Anastasio tattoos on their back, too, and, uh, Colorado is of
Spanish origin, meaning
color red, the name was applied to the Colorado River because of the red sandstone
soil of the
region, and there you go, so never too late to get some facts, back in Los
Angeles, back
from the mountains, back from the, I mean, it's just really just a, it's almost
like, say you
opened up a refrigerator and all that's inside of it is a bunch of nature, and
there's a little
mountain over there, and a mountain, all a mountain is, is a mountain is just a
bunch of land got
together, and just said, now what, bitch, you feel me, you know, saying a
mountain is just a gang
of land, it's basically MS-13 of dirt, that's all a mountain is, bro, you know,
a prairie looks
over at a mountain, or, you know, like a valley looks at a mountain, it's like,
damn, these dudes
are bullies, that's all it is, man, but shout out everybody, bro, and, uh, and
I'm back, and we
got a lot to discuss, and I'm happy to be here with you, and I really am, gang,
let's go.
And I'm happy to be here with you, and I'm happy to be here with you, and I'm
happy to be here with you, and I'm happy to be here with you.
I'm happy to be here with you, and I'm happy to be here with you, and I'm happy
to be here with you, and I'm happy to be here with you, and I'm happy to be
here with you, and I'm happy to be here with you, and I'm happy to be here with
you, and I'm happy to be here with you, and I'm happy to be here with you, and
I'm happy to be here with you.
I make a D
HIGHER THAN A MOUNTAIN
Year of the red, baby
Set me free
Some Stevie Starlight
Just don't say goodbye
It's you and me
Enjoy the destination
Nation
Nation
Nation
Nation
Fantasy
C'mon
C'mon
I'm on.
Why must we wait when we're alive?
Why must we wait when we are alive?
I'm going to say, really, I mean, and that is Stevie Starlight right there.
And we'll put the link to Stevie's music into his Patreon.
And to, you know, he lent us, he allows us to use that song.
And he was a guest here early on the podcast.
And just if you haven't seen the Stevie Starlight, Come Over is that song.
The music video is something exceptional.
And it's it just takes you back to a different time.
When magic was running around through the world.
And even it was barefoot.
Good to be here.
Man, thank you, Stevie, for that for that for that song.
It's never too late to come over.
Why must we wait when we're alive?
That's a good question.
Good question.
I wait.
I wait on a lot of stuff.
Man, I'm so indecisive.
I wait.
I always wait.
I don't know.
Ooh, I don't know if I, you know, that's what I always do.
That's my first, my first thought is I, maybe next time.
Do it next year.
I'll go skiing next year.
That's what I always tell myself, you know.
And then here it's been a couple years since I've been skiing or snowboarding.
Or even just fell down a hill with ice on it.
Or even just slipped in a damn parking lot.
You know, amongst a group of young men that were mentally unwell.
You know, my grandmother, when I was young, I would go up to my grandmother's
and, uh, and my mom, she made me take, we had a, uh, we had a cat that lived in
our neighborhood and the lady would be gone in the summer.
That, we'd watch her cat.
This cat named Quagmire was his name.
And so when I went up to my grandmother's in the summer, my mom would send that
cat up there with me because my grandmother loved cats.
And she really, she loved cats more than she loved me, really.
She'd pet that cat and, and I'd just sit on the other side of the room just
kind of, you know, just looking at my hands or just, maybe I'd have like a
little, maybe a chocolate in my pocket or a marble or something.
And I'd get it out and look at it and put it back in.
And my grandmother would be over there just stroking Quagmire's back.
Dude, I remember one time actually me and this other boy, we went over to the
park and, I mean, we could have been homosexual.
I don't know.
I think we were just children, but, uh, we just ended up petting each other's
backs like my grandmother did with that cat.
We quagmired that cat.
But that's the romance of being young, you know, is that things can happen in
that, you know, uh, and you just, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about,
but I mean, I almost did.
And then I just, you know, you just don't know.
Good to be here.
Um, just got back to Los Angeles, uh, five nice shows in Denver, man.
A lot of, a lot of wonderful people came out.
I see a lot of babies, you know, Chris D'Elia is a, um, comedian.
You guys may have heard of him.
He's a comedian.
He's, uh, he also used to do a lot of like male modeling, I think in like Estonia
or kind of like a war torn area.
Um, and I'm seeing a lot of, uh, you know, a lot of people life rips and these
dents, uh, uh, you know, these sweaters, uh, wearing dents and everything would,
uh, you know, or, um, and people wearing them to the shows.
And so it's nice to see just that a lot of these, you know, babies are coming
over from, uh, from their stepdaddy's house and coming back to Papa's lair.
So it is just really nice.
Welcome home.
Welcome home.
It's never too late to come over, is it?
Um, but yeah, so a lot of those, uh, a lot of life's rips and dents wears this
weekend.
Just a great time.
Great time out there.
Uh.
You know, they had, um, I got back to Los Angeles and at the airport, I landed
and I was walking.
And I thought, wow, the feeling in the air is just different.
And it's because, I mean, I knew a meat to me, it was obvious.
It was just, it was because of the Kobe Bryant death.
Um, and I was like, oh, wow, this is, you know, I could just feel it in the air.
It was just a little bit, just somber, you know?
And I think it's just such a reminder to everyone.
I mean, to me, it was such a reminder of just, just what a rare gift it is that
we're running around with.
You know, what a rare, you know, what an opportunity that we have, even if
sometimes we don't, and I'm not saying I notice this all the time or that I'm
able to access it.
But there's some reason why when, you know, when a death like, uh, of Kobe
Bryant, you know, somebody of that magnitude, I mean, he was, uh, you know, I
was more of a Michael Jordan guy.
But I've always, I've always been astonished by how beloved Kobe Bryant is and
was.
I mean, one of my college roommates, Jerome, uh, was a huge Kobe Bryant fan,
always was.
You know, when we were in Louisiana, um, you know, just, uh, Asian pick an
Asian and they are a Kobe Bryant fan.
Latinos, dude, bro, you throw a Kobe Bryant jersey back across the border.
At least probably 1100 people who are climbing over will immediately go back
the other way to somebody's going to try to get it.
And I don't mean that in any sort of racial way.
I'm just saying that Kobe has a huge Mexican fan base.
You know, you always see Mechicano guys, you'll see them in every, in the
parking lots, man, shooting Balancesto at night, man.
Oh, shoot the six pointer.
Shoot the six pointer, Hector.
You know, wearing Dickies, bro.
You'll have nine guys on one team.
And they're playing another group of guys that probably has five guys or six or
14 guys on the team.
Everybody has on a Kobe Bryant jersey.
And one dude, there's one referee.
He has no shirt on and somebody spray painted the number 24 on his back.
Or, uh, 24.
Somebody wrote that across his chest.
But yeah, just so beloved, man.
I mean, that man was just beloved.
And just the tragedy and you just, uh, you know, since I wasn't a fan, it wasn't,
it was tough for me to relate on a way of like, oh man, this, um, basketball
player.
But once, you know, there was more information about how his daughter was with
him and it was very easy for me to relate on a level of, uh, of just man.
To be in that situation, to be with your daughter, to be, just to feel so
helpless, you know, probably.
Um, and just what a gift, you know, and it just makes you walking around.
It adds a thicker weight to my blood.
You know, it's funny.
It's like when somebody who seems to be carrying a lot of weight in the world.
Because Kobe, you know, Kobe was, I mean, loved and hated.
It seemed like by a lot of, hated in the sense that people hated playing him.
People hated maybe being on his team.
Like he was just probably too intense maybe for some people.
Um, but always like seemed to be respected, you know.
I don't know, just kind of, just, uh, just, uh, so it was interesting coming
back to Los Angeles and getting here and being like, oh, this is, you know, the
ground floor of the place tha