Name: Thick Upper Crust | This Past Weekend w Theo Von #262
Uploaded: 2020-02-17T18:25:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thick Upper Crust | This Past Weekend w Theo Von #262' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thick Upper Crust | This Past Weekend w Theo Von #262' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-17. Transcript available.

Thick Upper Crust | This Past Weekend w Theo Von #262

all right
ooh it's springtime maybe
you know spring is um
if you don't know what spring is
it's when winter kind of gets lazy
and winter
you know winter kind of falls asleep at the wheel
and uh and spring starts to perk up
you know spring is that time you can hear um
you could hear flowers start to put deodorant on
you know they're about to
they're thinking about popping back out into the world
showing just flexing them petals baby
you know if you put your ear up to the snow right now
you can hear
you can hear little animals start to yawn a little
you might hear a chipmunk do a
he's thinking about popping out
you know doing something
maybe looking for a little dip monk
you know he's thinking oh i'm gonna get out
maybe and meet me a woman
it's that time
almost
and that spring
if you think you know you can hear
you could hear water start to kinda
you know
you could hear on a mountain
you could hear a mountain
if you put your ear up to a mountain
you could hear it saying
aww you know what
fuck all these uh skiers and snowboarders
i'm about ready to drip out
make a stream
and do something different
that spring
if you look in the
up in the trees
sometime you could
you'll see a hole in a tree
go peek in there
and you'll see a couple of birds in there
doing it wildly
and doing um
maybe doggy style or something
i don't know if birds do doggy style
that seems really
but that seems like
the dark arts right there
but it's that time of year
you'll see a
you know
you'll see an otter
kinda
getting out of a sleeping bag
that's spring baby
it's here
and i'm here
and so are you
let's go
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and so are you going to see a lot of people in the world?
and that's a little, that's that beautiful Diddy
that's that beautiful Diddy
that's by Tiny Sandhu
and Tiny Sandhu is a, well we don't know what he is
Tiny Sandhu is a man who makes melodies somewhere
in the great beyond
and he sent them to me through email
and in the old days, now we have email
in the old days you may see a donkey come up
and a letter will fall off of his back
you may have a black, a black raven or something
or a dark bird or something
you know, a flamenco negro
you know, fly by and just, you know
just spit up a secret
you know, then you, then, and that evolved eventually
you had the U.S. postal system and everything
you have email
which when you think about it, email
it's a lot more direct, you know
to think that in the old days
if you wanted to send somebody an email
you had to give it to a man
who you didn't know
who may have been, who knows, doing what
you know, he might have been doing dope
he might have been doing uppers, downers, rounders
whatever, side splitters
he might have been doing anything
and trust that that bad boy
was gonna drop off the things you needed to say to somebody else
geez, that seems, that seems old school
but, uh, but now we got email
and it's the direct
it's basically an electronic system that says
hey, fuck that other guy
that used to run it over there
and that is, uh, Tiny Sandhu
who sent that in, thank you for that
and that was a Valentine's Day hitter
he sent us
and that's More Than Words
that's a cover of the famous song
More Than Words
and, uh, and Tiny also
we'll put a link at the bottom too
you can check out some of his other stuff
and other things he sent over
over the time period of this podcast
and he was a man
he's a secret man
we've never met him, never seen him
and what is he?
when you think of a Tiny Sandhu
it could be anything
it could be a man that's four inches tall
and wears, uh, you know, Birkenstocks
and jumps, you know, and he has a guitar on the ground
and he just jumps from, from, uh
he jumps from, uh, chord to chord
and does it all with his feet
he could be, you know, he could be something as secret as that
that's Tiny Sandhu
and, um
and I'm here, man
I'm making it through the day
thawing out, bro
winter
we, we trying to get you to give up, big daddy
cause I have more of a body type
that's, I don't know if I have that winter body type
you know, I got that thick upper crust
you know, I have the, uh
everybody knows I got the heart of a lesbian
my father told me that
when I was very young
and even wrote it one time at a napkin
on a bar over there
at Tony Padone's bar
and over at the Stinkin' Onion
which were a couple of small outfits
over there near us
in Covington, Louisiana
he would write it on a napkin
to remind me a couple of things about myself
I needed to remember
and I have also
you know, I got just that thick upper
I got that thick, that uproar
that top, that girdle
you know, I'm front axis
I'm two wheel driving
I'm front, I'm front wheel drive
you know, if you say
if you put my body in the shop
the guy would be like
where the hell is the back wheels?
we ain't got 'em, daddy
we ain't got 'em, my torque is up
my torque is up top
because I have that chest
it looks like if you
look like I took a
like a big inhale
and never let it out
like I was smelling something
and just never decided what
never could figure out what I smelled
and so I've never let it go
I've always been like that
I've always had that
just that girthy
that forthright kind of
those tit fields, you know
the chest and the torso
I probably have 60, 70 ribs in me
you know, I know I've said it before
but if you beat me open
you'll hear
you know, you'll definitely
have a
you'll have a black family
show up at a park
with a bag of briquettes, baby
because it's time to grill
you know, when daddy
when they split me open
because I'm gonna feed the world
baby with these ribs
so
but happy springtime
thank you tiny for that hit
thank you for dropping
that audio right into us
more than words
more than words
words
I just got back
I was in
Oroville
and we went down over there
myself and Ari Manis
and man, we got at it over there
they have one of the oldest
Chinese food restaurants
Tin Juan Fouk over there
and them people ain't Tin Juan Fouking around
dog, they got that old
bro, they got fucking raven
they got, you know, raven ribs up in there
you go in there
they got a damn
you could have half a bat wing
and some orange marmalade
bro, six dollars dog
right out the gate
dude, you could have a Chinese lady
come up and just spit in your mouth
for half a dollar
what is that, bro?
and you could get that super fortune cookie
at the end, dude
some guy comes out with a fucking blade
pokes you in the ass
and tells you a secret, bro
I never knew my sister
like, damn, okay
and that's five bucks
that's that finisher
it's that kind of place, man
they got the oldest
I think they said it's 115 years old
the Chinese food there
so if you want to fill your mouth with that
you know, with those
the original
you know, something that's just fresh off the boat
man, you could taste the salt water in it
then that's the place over there to get into that
but we had fun over there
I got some shows coming up
I'm going to let you know right now
February 20th, 21st, and 22nd
this coming weekend
I'll be in Toronto
February 27th
Red Bank, New Jersey
February 28th, Oxon Hill, Maryland
February 29th, Newport News, Virginia
that's almost sold out
everything else is sold out
and then we got the Castle Theater
out there in
Kahului, Hawaii
and that is going to be March 7th
and
that's what it is, baby
that's what it is
I've got to let you know too, man
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everybody's got it
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I mean, your granddaddy
if he heard a woman's name
if he saw a woman's name written on a wall
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but we can't do that now
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oh yeah
the XFL's going on
I know Nick went to a game
producer Nick went to a game
maybe I'll get him in here in a little bit
and we'll talk about it
what did I do?
yeah, we went up to Orville
and we got into it
they had a lot of people came out
Nancy came out
this lady tall Nancy
and she had a damn
she did a homemade sweater
I forgot to get a picture of it
and it said gang on the front
and that was beautiful
we had
two fellows came out
one of them had a
they were brothers
and one of them had a nervous condition
and they had a
one of them had an HC on
and he showed me that bastard
bro and that was beautiful
so I love that
if somebody especially a beautiful thing
is to sneak a pet in
and after the show
if we're doing
you know
a meet and greet
or hanging out
show that
yeah
that surprise pet
but spring is in the air
it's that time
man
it thinks you know
this is when the
when the
when the
the things that we were
thaw out
you know
this is the time
when
prosper
this prosper
is in the air
this possibility
you know
something could happen
man
you spit a sunflower seed
out of a car window
and four years later
you could have a beautiful
damn half a bouquet
right there
because that's
this time of year
there's fertility
is in the soil
you can masturbate
behind a damn
7-eleven
and who knows
but you might show up
fucking nine years later
and you got a
you know
a kid that's never been
to kindergarten
back there
so there'