Name: Searching for Abuelito | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #269
Uploaded: 2020-03-24T05:39:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Searching for Abuelito | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #269' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Searching for Abuelito | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #269' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-24. Transcript available.

Searching for Abuelito | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #269

A starry starry night, man, just got done watching a little bit of that James
Blake live on Instagram, and man, he's a real, oh, you know if you pick James
Blake up and you put your ear up next to him, you just, man, you could hear a
thousand oceans from different stratospheres, man, that guy, it's...
He just, if you're not familiar with his tunes and his, you know, vocalry, get
out there, I mean, that guy's got Siegfried and Roy living inside of his dang
tonsils, you know, he just, he's that whistler, man, I just listened to, I was
really listening just now to him on Instagrams, and it, yeah, it just opened up,
just damn,
two of my chakras fell open, you know, he's that papa lock, if your soul is stalled
out on the side of the, uh, of the stole, of the soul, her system, then, uh,
check out some James Blake audio,
And you can find him on YouTube, and you can find him in, um, everywhere,
anywhere you listen to music, you know, uh, but he just, he shows up and he
just got that Jimmy stick, and he'll just, I mean, whew, the boy will make you
down, he'll make a tear flow out of your heart, you're like, dang, I thought we
were just working with blood, but next thing you know,
your aortas are really, they slang in salt water, you feel me, um, so I'm
lifted, man, I feel lifted right there, that's the power of music, and it is
quite a power, uh, let's get into the episode, gang.
music plays in bright rhythm
music plays in bright rhythm
and that ain't, that's not James Blake, that is Tiny Sand Who, and he just hit,
the email opened up yesterday,
and I grabbed that email, and it was from the man himself, Tiny Sand Who, and
he's been sending in ditties from the beginning of this podcast era,
and that was a cover of, by him, For the Love of Money, by the OJs, and that's
a cover.
And, uh, and just nice of him, you know, a time when, when, um, when people are
really, a lot of, a lot of us, there's that, there's that energy where,
you know, there's, there's, there's just uncertainty, I'm cloaking myself in
uncertainty, and here he is saying, look, here's a certain tune, and this is
for you, and I'm gonna give something of myself, and that's Tiny Sand Who, with
that ear did he, man, that thing crawling inside of your ear like a little ant,
and he gave us that hit.
Gang.
I hope you guys are well, I hope you guys are well, thank you for being here, I'm
here, and you are here, and that is a good start.
You know, that's a good start, I'm happy to be alive today.
What am I doing?
I made a gratitude list this morning.
You know, just things, I'm happy to have, uh, arms.
You know, I'm happy that there's, um, you know, that the calendar works.
You know, imagine that.
You got, you know, the calendar,
everybody thinks the calendar just happened.
You know, like, two people were standing around wondering
if there would ever be a Thursday,
and then just out of the sky a calendar
just fell, and they said, oh, dang, they got it.
Somebody graphed it out.
You know, somebody did the dirty work.
But a lot of people don't realize that, um,
that, yeah, the calendar is basically,
the calendar is,
it's, uh,
well, shit, what is it, dude?
The calendar is, like, um,
it's kind of like the,
it's, like, kind of the,
honestly, dude, it's, like, kind of a
mentally handicapped periodic table
if you look at it like that.
Like, sometimes a calendar will be outside
playing in his yard,
and the periodic table will drive by
in a straight-up Corvette, you know?
And the calendar will be, like,
oh, dang, boy, I ain't,
I'm still on a tricycle.
You know, I'm not shit compared to that
bad boy right there.
So the calendar really is,
really a second-class set of, uh,
organization compared to
the big dogs, like the periodic table,
um, the food pyramid.
Um, what else?
Iambic pentameter.
Different, you know,
large, different things that are really
more popular, kind of, I guess you could say.
But,
what are we talking about, man?
I don't know.
I don't know anything, man.
Does anybody?
You know, it's,
today, it's Monday afternoon.
The days of the week are running together.
You know, time has got,
I mean, things are,
people are inside.
The Postmates guy showed up
in the rain last night,
and it felt like a dam.
It felt like,
I felt like I was in that movie,
The Notebook.
Dude, he showed up,
and I just,
I mean, I started,
it was just wild.
I started hearing just romantic music,
and he's standing there,
and, you know,
and he had two kebabs for me,
and I didn't want him to leave, bro,
because I hadn't seen,
I hadn't seen anybody.
You know,
and I just yelled,
I said,
I think you forgot a side item.
And he turned back, man,
and it was,
it was crazy,
and the rain was coming,
and lightning.
Wow.
Wow.
And he turned back,
and he goes,
no.
It's in the bag.
It's in the bag.
And I looked in there,
and it was in there.
And it was in there.
And,
but when I looked back up from the bag,
to like acknowledge to him,
that it was in there,
he was gone.
And,
man,
it was just,
it was a lot.
You know,
it was a lot,
and I'm sitting in my apartment,
and I'm just one,
do I call him back?
You know,
do I call him and say,
look,
the side item was in there,
but,
you forgot,
the silverware,
bro,
and the napkins.
You forgot that.
You know,
but I just,
I figured that he kind of said his piece,
and I'd said my piece,
and I'd already given him a tip,
and we just,
I figured I'd just let things be where they are,
and leave it in God's hands.
But that's how,
you know,
it's just people are starved for attention.
It's,
it's interesting,
because it's kind of like a time where,
you know,
on one level,
it's like,
and I'm talking about coronavirus.
Some people don't know what's going on.
There is a virus that is,
it's attacking people,
senior citizens,
a baby,
Italians,
and Spanish people.
So,
those are the ones really taking an L right now,
real heavily.
They're basically the,
the Minnesota Timberwolves,
or the Golden State Warriors of society right now.
You know,
they're the ones having the,
they're the ones at the,
that are really at the bottom.
So,
it's,
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I feel nervous too.
My chest feels tight.
I feel nervous.
Why do I feel nervous?
I don't know.
I think I've,
I don't know.
I think I've felt nervous for a long time.
I feel like I'm going to mess up or something.
You know,
I have to let myself know that I can't mess up.
Not that I can't,
but that there is no messing up,
you know,
just be alive and just,
you know,
just,
just,
just,
just,
just chill out.
You know,
there's no messing up.
You know,
sometimes I'll,
I guess,
I don't know,
I'm just kind of feeling this,
but I always feel like there's this thing,
like,
I'm going to mess up.
I'm going to mess up.
I'm going to mess up.
And it just gets exhausting,
man.
And it's,
it's not even something I think a lot of times,
just something I feel.
But,
but I'm not going to mess up,
you know,
and you're not going to mess up.
I'm sure a lot of people out there right now kind of question what's going on
with,
you know,
I know a lot of people are worried about their jobs and worried about their
finances and worried about what's going to happen to them.
But,
you know,
it's interesting because I think there's something that happens inside of all
of us.
Or anyway,
there's something that happens inside of me during a time like this where there's
a fear where it's like,
okay,
what,
am I going to be okay?
What's going to happen to me?
What's going to happen?
You know,
are,
are they going to,
you know,
is,
are they going to stop allowing people to do podcasts?
And is there ever going to be standup comedy with crowds again?
You know,
those types of fear things will get into my head.
I'm not saying those are realistic.
I'm saying those are fears that will get into my head.
But then also there's this other garden inside of me that says,
oh,
how could I help?
You know,
what can I do to help,
you know,
do I have employees?
Are they worried about their jobs?
Cannot communicate with them and say,
hey,
you know,
we're going to do everything we can to,
to stay,
to make sure that,
you know,
that we,
that we bear this together kind of,
you know,
and that I don't just let you bear this by yourselves.
Or,
you know,
what can you do to call a family member who's going to think about,
who might be worried about losing their job?
And you say,
hey,
you know,
you could come,
you could come stay here.
You know,
little DeAndre could sleep in the refrigerator.
We'll leave the door open.
He could sleep in there at night.
We'll unplug it and then plug it back in during the day.
You know,
so that,
so that the cold air won't kill him at night.
And he can get a little bit of rest.
You know,
you could share the bed with me and Victor.
You know,
or me and Horatio or me and,
me and D,
me and D or me and Denise.
And they call her D.
You know,
there's just like ways.
So it's,
there's two gardens,
I think that go in me.
And one of them is like,
you know,
one is a more of a garden of fear.
And one of the more of it is a garden of hope.
And,
you know,
what,
what,
what are some joys I can embrace in this time?
I can,
I can be,
I can be relaxed and I notice I relax a little more.
Took a nap.
Oh,
dang boy.
And I like them Napa naps,
dude.
I like them.
Now I'm a real Napa dactyl.
You'll see me if I'm,
I'm that Napa dactyl,
but you see me fly through the air and then just fall asleep and just coast
right in the side of a damn hillside.
Right into a mountain,
right into a,
um,
uh,
what is it?
With a things that die,
that don't do well in Oklahoma trailer park.
You see what I'm saying?
I'm that Napa dactyl boy.
I'm that to can't.
I'm a,
I'm,
they call me to can't Sam.
I'll be flying through the air,
just beautiful colored.
And then I'll just doze off and just dive bomb into something.
You know,
I'm that sleepy creeper.
Boy,
I like to rest.
You know,
it really resets me.
So this has been a nice time to have a little bit of rest.
You know,
it says there's,
there was something needed here,
especially man in America.
They got us working or in the world.
We were working to get this.
They got this invisible wheel going that I'm running on it.
For me,
I felt like I'm,
and I'm just realizing,
oh man,
what am I,
what,
I'm trying to keep up with something that's invisible.
You know,
I mean,
these are just things I'm thinking.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I feel nervous today for some reason.
And I think also this,
that this disease that's going on,
this Corona virus is a,
it,
this is really a city.
This is a city.
This is in the city.
You get a different experience.
You know,
in the city you get,
okay,
we need you to stay away from each other because people can run into each other.
People will touch each other.
No freeze tag.
You know,
they got a lot of gay men sometimes.
I'll be honest,
but in the park by me,
and this is,
I'm not saying anything,
you know,
everybody's probably gay,
but I'm saying this,
this is more drug induced homosexuality.
And you know what I'm talking about.
You know,
you play,
you know,
you play in hoops,
you know,
nobody,
you play hoops with six or seven guys,
nobody's gay.
You play pool with four or five guys,
nobody's doing anything homosexual.
You know,
you play marbles with three of your buddies,
nobody's doing anything gay.
You throw 11 grams of meth into any one of those games,
and the whole game ends with people,
you know what I'm saying?
Overtime is just a bunch of gay male activity.
And that's because of the drugs.
Think about that.
Think about that,
man.
You know,
you throw a cut,
you throw nine grams of methamphetamines into a,
into a Easter,
into an Easter egg hunt.
And that thing ends,
bro.
A lot of people,
you know,
a lot of young men,
you know,
getting nude with each other,
you know,
balancing chocolate on each other's backs and everything.
So,
but what else are we talking about?
I don't know why I feel so nervous,
man.
I just feel,
oh,
I had a coffee.
That could have been it.
I haven't had a coffee in probably thr