Name: Neal Brennan 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #279
Uploaded: 2020-05-25T13:50:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neal Brennan 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #279' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neal Brennan 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #279' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-25. Transcript available.

Neal Brennan 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #279

Oh, today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, and this is a pizzeria
that has
just pizza and things that are going to really make you feel good inside of
your mouth and
body.
Gray Block Pizza, get that hitter.
Today's guest is making his second appearance on this past weekend.
He is the co-creator of The Chappelle Show, and he has some specials on Comedy
Central.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Neil Brennan.
Well, thanks, man.
I just went, oh, you know what happened?
I went to the pool the other day.
Did you?
I went to a hotel, called the hotel, said, hey, can I go out to the pool?
The guy said, yeah, you can.
It was like a gay guy, and so I think out of the gate, it was like, you know,
and I don't
sound ugly.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I'm not saying I sound like a-
Like, you know what?
He, like, put the phone out, like, come on over.
Yeah.
That's really what it was like.
So, you know, he was like, yeah, come on over, you know, and then I-
What hotel?
Can you say?
Yeah, Mr. C's Hotel in Beverly Hills, and I called, I went over there, was the
only person
at the pool.
Where's Mr. C's Hotel?
Is this a guy's house?
I don't know if this is a hotel, man.
I went with my ex-girlfriend, and we sat out there and just caught some sun,
and here was
the interesting thing, though.
There's no smog in the air.
Yes.
So, the sun is-
Interesting.
It's direct.
Yeah, it's getting people.
Yeah.
And you also have, you have good skin.
You're tan.
You tan.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay with it.
I can handle sun.
Some people, you know-
Can't handle it.
Yeah.
You seem like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't.
You're a slave to the- Like, if sun sees you, it's like, oh, yeah, we're
bidding on this
guy.
Get him.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, they're that motherfucker.
Put him on the boats and send him over.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Yeah, not that.
That's crazy.
Every time you leave your house, it's gotta be like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not that bad.
My dad used to get, again, my dad's 10 kids, angry, violent, all the shit,
Irish Catholic.
Fight the sun kind of guy.
He grew up one of 13 kids, born in the Depression, like, crazy.
He used to-
No heartbeat.
I mean, he had such bad skin that we would drop, like, we took a vacation in
California
one time, and it's like seven of us in a station wagon going to, like, Lompoc
and just whatever.
And my cousins are in Lompoc.
You know that.
Everybody saw that coming.
Neil Brant's definitely got cousins in Lompoc.
So, my dad, the first day, got such bad sunburn on his hands that it bubbled up.
From the-
Bubble, yes, dude.
Through the window on the steering wheel.
And I even remember I was, like, eight going, like, how much were you driving?
Like, how the fuck did that happen?
Bubbled up to the second day he wore black gloves like a murderer.
Driving with black gloves on with, like, eight children, furious the whole time.
The whole time.
Why do I see this suddenly being a Papio tune?
Do you see that, Nick?
I suddenly see this being one of the animations.
Great.
I like it.
Yeah.
Can you imagine the fatherhood you have to have in you?
Just the virility you have to have.
First of all, to have ten kids.
Then to sit there and hold onto a steering wheel while your skin is bubbling.
Bubbling.
Just to take your ten kids to go see more family.
Lompoc.
Yeah.
To get to go to Solvang.
To look at the windmills in Solvang.
Yeah.
It was a, I don't know what made it work.
I mean, I don't know what the, I mean, it's fucking crazy.
But the fact that he, because then later I went to the Caribbean.
Oh, my God.
2005, if you can believe it.
And somehow my feet, my feet got sunburned.
Oh, yeah.
The top of my feet, and then I had the bubbles.
Oh.
And dude, I, you can't, if anyone's ever had blisters on the top of their feet,
I, if I
wouldn't rule it out for you, you'd look like, maybe.
Oh, you're done.
Um, you can't fucking, you can barely walk.
Yeah.
Like, you don't have, the, the, the ecosystem of your foot is so delicate.
Yeah.
Like, a bubble on, you, you're almost immobile.
It was fucking crazy.
And I don't even know, it was like from ten minutes in the ocean.
Oh.
But it's usually not that bad for me.
Like, I used to caddy.
But do you have to think about it when you leave home?
Like, I feel like, you know, if you live in certain neighborhoods, you have to
think like,
oh, I have to look out for these people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have to look out for this, you know.
Um, ants or something, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what you meant.
But do you think.
You meant ants.
Or, you know, like, if you live in like a, you know, like, when I was young,
you know,
ants was always like, oh, are there ants out there?
Yeah.
But do you have to look, do you have to think about that?
Like, shit, man.
No, if I'm going to the beach, I'll, I'll think about, if I like, I live in
Venice and
sometimes someone goes like, let's take a walk.
You live in Venice?
Yeah.
Wow.
And I'll be like, we got to take a walk?
All right.
Like, if it's on the, on the beach, I'll be like, oh.
Yeah.
Let's, let's talk about routes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll have to like flip off to Libya.
We got to turn around.
I see you in the Caribbean going out to the beach at night.
No, I mean, dude, I, it was wild.
It was wild.
Turks and Caicos.
I got, the top of my feet got sunburned and I, and I like just put an aloe on
there.
Turks and Caicos sound like a couple of Latino hitmen, don't they?
How about it?
The cutest Latino hitmen.
Yeah, you're goddamn right.
Little, they're at Mr. C's hotel this afternoon.
Yeah.
Did you drive over here in that Tesla?
Yeah, man.
Yeah, sure did.
Did you get one yet?
I didn't get one, man.
But the new ones, I think are coming out with an American flag hanging off the
back.
We were talking about this yesterday, man.
And it was literally the funniest thing that I talked about in a while.
Just the fact that, well, Elon Musk tweeted some stuff.
What did he write, Nick?
He wrote, the quarantine is stupid, and then he's on some free, let me open up.
Yeah.
He wanted to open his business in Redmond, I think it is.
Alameda County, Redmond, he said they were going to have to arrest him.
He was just going to put his workers on the line.
He tweeted, take the red pill.
Yeah.
Got a lot of people.
He basically, like, all the liberals who bought a Tesla are now like, what did
I do?
It's so fucking funny.
Because I love when anybody gets fucking fucked over.
I don't care if it's fucking hilarious.
It's kind of like when Hulk Hogan started wearing that black stuff.
Remember when he started wearing the black vest?
Yeah, the two-tone mustache, right?
Yeah, I remember it.
And you're like, what is going on?
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah, that's so bizarre.
Yeah.
And you tweeted something, too, about it, didn't you?
It was so funny, man.
Did you tweet something about it?
No.
I mean, I've tweeted, like, I'm on the side of, like, scientists and stuff.
Yeah, that's funny.
That's Elon on the right.
That's new Elon.
And old Elon's like, I got electric.
I believe in the electric future, brother.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, yeah.
Make America gasoline-less again, baby.
Yeah.
Cancel, cancel culture.
He's just been going in.
Yeah.
He's basically just on some MAGA shit.
It's crazy.
He's done Joe's podcast twice.
Liberals are like, what the fuck?
Who is this guy?
Liberals are going to have to get up.
And now they're all stuck with the cars.
And the crazy thing about the cars is you can't lease them, right?
You can.
I lease mine.
Oh.
I didn't think you could, but you can't.
I thought you had to own it.
No, I did too.
So then it was going to be like, oh, here you go.
Oh, how am I going to get rid of this thing?
Just come and take it.
Stuck with this electric American flag right there.
What have you been doing, man?
What have I been doing?
Not much, man.
How often do you hang out with your ex-girlfriend?
We hang out a pretty good bit.
We turned into like just really, we turned into like really good friends, you
know?
She's pretty much like my best friend, I guess.
And do you think like, well, maybe we should.
Except for Nick, maybe.
Nick's shocked to hear that.
But this is a hell of a way to find out.
Nick's like, yeah.
My best friend.
I had no idea.
We talk every three days.
I'd hate to meet his enemies.
Yeah, we just, well, during quarantine, it's like you kind of, I think in the
beginning,
like we hadn't been talking for a while and then everybody got spooked, you
know?
Yeah.
So I was, I know that she was kind of scared.
And I think I was scared.
So I was like, you know, you just wanted to be around people that you cared
about.
If you could be around anybody.
Were you scared?
Because when we talked at the beginning, you were like, it's fucking better be
real.
I like how you called me like, hey, what is this?
You're like, is this real?
Dude, I didn't know.
And I didn't know if maybe you knew something I didn't know.
Like, you know, probably, I know rich people.
Like, do you know some shit?
Yeah, is Blake Griffin?
Yeah, like, is he, how's he dealing with it?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, they're, they're all, they're all, all the rich people are abiding by
it.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's super comfortable.
I mean, I think this thing's been pretty comfortable.
It's a very, that's a funny way to go.
It's like, it's like, it's like, this is a pretty comfortable national
sacrifice.
Yeah.
If you have money.
If you have some money.
Right.
If you've just gone off the road.
Right.
To the podcast.
Right.
If you have either a savings or a thing you can do without it.
Right.
I agree.
It's a, it's kind of a vacation.
If you're in the second month of using the $1,200 stimulus check and you are
like, what
the heck is going to happen next?
Yes.
And you're waiting on pins and needles for the government to send another check.
That's, that's a different person.
That's a different life.
Yes.
That is, that is truly fucking got to be horrifying and scary shit, like hour
to hour.
And I wonder how then, like at that point, do you like, do you feel like you
would batten
down with like your wife and family or do you think you'd be like, I got to get
away from
them?
You know, like they're the ones bringing me down.
Well, they, they, people were all saying that domestic violence was going to go
up it,
but the stats I saw didn't go up that much.
Went up like 5%.
I haven't seen anything.
And there's always people beating chicks in the park bar.
Over by where I live, over by.
At park, park, park.
There's like Westwood, there's a lot of homeless people out there, people that
are just, you
know, not, not home or just aren't going home basically.
And they, you can hear some serious fights at night.
Do you really?
Oh yeah.
You know, what's funny about fights at night is, uh, you like, you'll ever be
like lying
in bed and it's like 1 45 in the morning and you'll hear like, ah, and you're
like,
well, I hope that works out.
Like I'm not getting involved in that.
I wish him the best, but I'm not calling.
I'm not leaving bed and I'm not investigating in the slightest.
Yeah.
Total opposite of what I'm doing right now.
Boy, well, you made your choices.
Here's the worst.
Sometimes I'll be like, will you keep it down out there?
Look, I don't know what y'all are going through.
Yeah.
I don't.
That is the funny thing where you're just like, ah, yeah.
Good luck.
Do you think, sometimes I feel like if this is like our Vietnam, this is like
the softest
thing.
It's nothing, but it's nothing for us.
Cause just like Vietnam would have been nothing for us.
We're not in, right.
We're not on the front lines.
Yeah.
Like we would have been, you would have been, I mean, if you were eight, if we
were 18, we'd
probably get drafted.
You probably would have gotten drafted for me.
Really?
Yeah.
Cause I think they did like, I would have been able to call or whatever, like
something like
bookkeeper or something like that.
Yeah.
Something.
Yeah.
I would like my foot hurt or something and they'd believe it.
Look at this sunburn.
I can't, man.
You got, y'all b