Name: Tim Dillon | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #288
Uploaded: 2020-07-24T03:19:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Dillon | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #288' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Dillon | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #288' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-24. Transcript available.

Tim Dillon | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #288

Now, today's guest is a host of the Tim Dillon Show.
He's one of my favorites to follow on social media,
at Tim J. Dillon on Twitter.
He will reconfigure any stress that is caused to you by social media.
He can do it.
He is a comedian or a comedian, and he is a man,
and he is here today for the second time,
Mr. Tim Dillon.
Dude, I love you, man.
I wanted to start by telling you that.
Oh.
I love you, bro.
I mean that, dude.
Your tweets are some of the best things that I even, it's like literally I'll
be just lying on my sofa.
And my sofa's getting bad.
Like my sofa's starting to really...
Get that dent.
Yeah.
It's gotten bad.
That crevice.
I've never had that before.
Yeah, I've had that.
You have?
Well, you're a fat guy.
Whatever you lay on for more than a few months is just destroyed.
Oh, damn.
Yeah, it just becomes like, it just becomes, you know, I've had beds where they
just become problems.
Yeah.
I've slept on couches.
Yeah, it's problems.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
And what do you, is there a way to re-fluff them?
Is there a company you guys use?
No, you just got to get super firm.
Right.
Like the mat, like this is my mattress now.
It's like super firm.
Cedar.
So that you get about a year before you've destroyed it.
Wow.
And then you got to get something new.
But yeah.
I tried a tweet yesterday.
This is the closest that I could get to trying to like kind of imitate you.
And it was, when this is all over the dollar, we'll be worth nothing.
We'll be using them as taco shells.
Salsa will be on the black market.
Yeah, that's...
It's a little bit in your vein.
You're in the vicinity of what I did.
Yeah, I mean...
I started to realize I can't take it to...
If you get serious, too serious in it, it's...
Then you play into the whole like anarchy of it.
Whereas if you're just above it and it's ridiculous, then it's amazing.
I try to be funny, but every now and then I'm an impulsive person.
Yeah, yeah, you can tell.
Yeah, I just don't have a lot of control over what happens.
So the problem is, like I've gotten to Twitter wars with like the CEO of Red
Mango, frozen yogurt, Dan Kim.
And I just, I'll be laying there realizing I'm attacking the CEO of Red Mango
for no reason, really.
Yeah.
It's kind of like your call of duty almost, I feel like.
Yeah, it's kind of what it is.
I just, I just, there are some times when I, I'll tweet something and I hit
send.
And a lot of times I go, nah, shouldn't have done that.
Shouldn't have done that.
Shouldn't have said that.
But it's so great.
You're like almost AWOL.
Can we bring up Tim's Twitter?
It's almost like you've just gone so AWOL that it's like inspiring.
It's like, oh, this is what it's supposed to be.
A not real field that like news sources cite from.
It's supposed to be erroneous.
Well, that's the thing like TikTok, like what's interesting about TikTok, which
I'm not on,
but like what's interesting about it is it's just like people dancing, people
being silly.
There's money to be made, but it's like that, even though it's kind of crazy,
it makes a lot more sense to me
than like the social media on Facebook where people have a 300 comment, like
they're trying to make a point.
Yeah.
They're trying to say something.
They're arguing with their uncle about something.
And I'm like, no, this probably wasn't what it was meant to be.
It's supposed to be like dumb.
I'm online at Chipotle.
Right.
Somebody's dancing or crazy.
Like, so it feels like maybe social media is kind of winding back to a place of
absurdity.
Well, I feel like you're, you're kind of leading it.
But I mean, that's what I feel like when I, I'm like, oh, this is what I need
to recognize is that I, is that it's like you're like leading it back to that
place of ridiculousness.
I mean, this is the stupidest thing.
Have you seen this floating cinema in Los Angeles with socially distanced boats?
How much work is it going to take to do with it?
Imagine all the stoned morons crashing boats.
Now to see a movie, we're all like, just stay home.
Yeah.
If that's the other option, I'll just stay home.
I don't want to get in a boat to go watch fucking Avengers.
Yeah.
This is the craziest thing I've ever seen.
Well, someone would, here's the thing.
Someone would get out of their boat to go pee and drown.
Like the first one.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just, we're going so crazy with this where we're like inventing
things that there's no need.
Yeah.
There's no need for this.
Nobody needs to see a movie that badly.
They go, you know what?
Let's just get in the boat.
Yeah.
Let's just go to a movie theater in the ocean with socially distanced boats.
I would almost rather get the disease and die and go to heaven or be reincarnated.
Right.
Like take that chance.
Be reincarnated and still not get in a boat to see a movie.
Yeah.
Because you're like, fuck this.
Like this, yeah, it's almost, God, it's so fucking ridiculous, man.
Yeah.
I mean, it's bananas.
I'm definitely going to have to go with my girlfriend.
Now that's a good point.
See a lot of guys and Nick is a very susceptible man.
Yeah.
I'm going to say that.
I love Nick.
He's got a lady.
Hard worker.
You know, very inspiring story, but yes, he's the kind of guy, you know, he's
very Japanese.
Like if there's a puddle, he'll stab himself and bleed out.
Like so his woman can walk over his back.
I respect that.
He has that very Korean style.
I just imagine.
Because chicks are going to want to go to this.
Yeah.
And now with everything going on, every time I see a new idea like this, I go,
how do
rioters burn that down?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like how exactly will that get torched?
You know?
Yeah.
Like every new idea.
I'm like, how easy is that to just light that up?
Or what about when the angry, like, what about if a gay fleet from, uh, um,
what's that
Disney world ride where a lot of like, uh, um, that Disney world ride.
Yeah.
What about when they get, cause it's a lot of young gay men and women that work
there.
Yeah.
When they say we're going to attack, we've had enough of this.
Where do they go?
Yeah.
They go to the, the, the, the boat movie theater.
Yeah.
They're going to pull up in their boats.
They're going to pull up.
Yeah.
If, if pirates of the Caribbean disgruntled people attack that, that would be
the only
reason I'd want that to exist.
Yeah.
Just so it could get invaded and attacked by angry gay pirates of the Caribbean.
Cause you gotta, you gotta be angry that that's your gig.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
You gotta be.
You can't be thrilled about that.
Now, what about, I saw recently, um, but yeah, if you don't follow Tim Dillon,
what is
your, what is your Twitter?
Tim J Dillon.
It is, it's the, it's like this weird canal through all of the bullshit that is
some moments
it's so left, some moments it's so right, but it's just, yeah, God, it is good,
man.
It's a little ridiculous.
Yeah.
And, but it's just, you have to stick with it, man, because you have to believe,
like
I was just talking to an agent, just put up cat.
Like I just put up the photo of the cat.
This is a cat.
That's not my cat.
But the, the running joke is that this cat is a, uh, is a, is a, is like a, um,
uh,
a radical and, uh, he's, he constantly threatens like Nancy Pelosi and he's
constantly, like
they constantly keep putting him in jail and he keeps claiming that they're
jokes.
So I just keep putting them up and then like people will comment, like some guy
will be
like, what's with its teeth.
And then some personal comment under that.
Like, why are you talking shit about a cat's looks?
And I'm like, we're off to the races.
Like already we're off to the races.
It's just a fun, my mother's schizophrenic.
And I imagine my Twitter is her brain.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Yeah.
That's kind of what I imagine my Twitter is.
It's like my, yeah.
Yeah.
And this is dubbed in this cat.
This isn't a real cat.
No, he's real.
He's Oscar.
Okay.
And he lives in West Hollywood.
He's my friend's cat.
Oh yeah.
I just go over and I grab him and they Photoshop him in these pictures.
Yeah.
So they just Photoshop him in the like, so like, yeah, it's just, oh, do the
Brad Pitt
one.
That's a fun one.
Oh, that's great.
He's real.
He's a demon of a cat, but.
I love it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he's so like, he's almost so you like he's there, he's disinterested, but
he's also
willing to just like get wild at a moment's notice.
I mean, that's kind of what he's about.
Yeah.
But that's what I, that's how I use Twitter is just like, um, to just kind of
be, sometimes
I make a good point, but most of the time I don't.
Yeah.
And most of the time it's just me being ridiculous.
But you're so, what I, what I like, I guess is you, you're fearless about it.
Yeah.
Like something happened to me where I got, I guess, I don't know if I got
fearful or I
just, I think sometimes I get too like, I'm, I'm too real about stuff sometimes.
So it's like, I'm going to just end up like just in a bad space.
You know, I'm going to end up fighting with Jamili Hill, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
I look at it as like, if, if I said something and then Jamili Hill said
something to me,
you win.
I would tweet her to photo of the cat.
Right.
Like I would be like, it's like, oh, if you want to come into this world.
Right.
If you want to take this Willy Wonka boat ride.
Yeah.
Through the craziness, because I'm like, this is not a good place to have a
conversation.
Right.
And anyone should know that everybody should know that and everyone should
treat it accordingly
and just be ridiculous.
I get it.
People are trying to hustle and make money and whatever, but I'm like, if you
get mad at
me, I mean, I put a Meghan McCain wig on, I dress up like a Corona ball.
I saw that.
Crazy thing.
That was good.
And it's like, if you get mad at that guy, you're, you're, you're at fault.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What, um, what about the Hollywood sign getting taken down?
Can you pull that up?
Do you mind, Nick?
Did you see, uh, people talking about that?
Cause obviously, you know, there's a lot of, been a lot of stuff.
People taking down monuments, you know, Confederate flag, people taking down,
you know, I think
the Cleveland Indians just announced today they're going to change their name.
Um, do you want me to look that up?
Yeah.
Maybe both.
If you can, I know you only have two hands, but, uh, but I thought about, so
then part
of me, like, cause I get a little bit angry sometimes about like, cause
Confederate flag,
I learned it from Dukes of Hazzard, right?
And that's like, you have a whole different understanding of it because you're
a Southern guy.
Right.
I would just see it.
Like now if somebody rode by with a, like if somebody yelled the N word and was
waving
it, I'm like, no, no, no, no.
That would be wrong.
Yeah.
That's a bad guy.
That's wrong.
But, but I just start to worry just when does it end, you know, like when does
it.
Well, yeah, I think a lot of people think that because a lot of people are like
at a certain
point, if you go through history, nobody's clean.
No, nobody, nobody's clean.
So do you just, I mean, every movie, everything.
So do you just get rid of everything?
Do you destroy everything?
And then you start burning books and then you start, you're just heading that
situation.
I don't really care about Confederate monuments, but it's like, then it's like,
well, let's
get rid of, uh, you know, Washington, Lincoln.
Let's get rid of Mount Rushmore.
It's like, where does it end?
And the other question nobody asks, what do you replace that with?
Right.
What are we replacing it with?
Right.
Cause you're going to lose a lot of branding.
Like even like the university, George Washington university, right?
Like they've been thinking like, okay, do we have to change?
There's been like, yeah, they just change it to GW and nobody is now.
They'll be like, yeah, it's GW.
It's like KFC when they were like, not using chicken.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's KFC.
You're like, yeah, but what does that C stand for?
They're like, I don't know.
Something crunchy.
We don't know what it is.
Yeah.
It's just l