Name: David Arquette | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #294
Uploaded: 2020-08-28T11:56:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Arquette | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #294' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Arquette | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #294' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-28. Transcript available.

David Arquette | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #294

Today's episode is brought to you by Bridge Credit Solutions, the number one
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Go to bridgecreditsolutions.com slash Theo.
Today's guest is the subject of a new documentary, which really is just kind of
a scavenger hunt into this man
and his journey with wrestling and everything, addiction, life, everything,
life, life.
Today's guest is Mr. David Arquette.
He came in recently and he just sent those over as a gift. It was pretty nice
of him.
I love your spot, dude. This is sick.
Look what somebody made on a 3D printer.
Oh, hell yes.
On a 3D printer, David.
That's so dope.
Pretty nice, huh?
That's badass, dude.
You have quite a collection of – yeah, you can get into there.
And we shut that door. Do you mind that?
Oh, sorry.
No, you're good. Actually, it was your fault.
But do you have – you have quite a collection of things that people have made
for you.
I saw in the documentary.
Yeah, I've got a bunch of collection.
I've been collecting since I started making money at 17.
But just – isn't it funny when somebody makes something for – like, isn't
it –
Yeah.
I almost feel like you can't show the appreciation that things really deserve
sometimes.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, it's cool to – it's cool when somebody – I love art in general.
And when somebody puts their artistic ability to, like, do something with you
involved, it's always dope.
It's like – I don't know. It's amazing, especially when it's fans and all
this stuff.
Yeah, it's crazy. You had a marionette somebody made, like a –
Yeah.
You have the marionette. I mean, just briefly, in the documentary, you're able
to see different little – they don't focus on it, but they had just little
things.
You see a little doodad or a piece of art here.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Yeah, you really get led into my world.
So you see a lot of sort of my house and some of my stuff I collect.
Like, collect giant things. I have a giant chair in it, a giant, like, tennis
racket.
Oh, yeah.
Weird stuff like that.
Do you – sometimes I just started drinking Diet Coke.
Yeah. I drink diet stuff, too.
I feel like an old person when I drink it. Do you?
I guess so. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's better than all that sugar, though.
There's these really great ones called the United States of Soda that just came
out.
I'm only saying it because I just fell in love with it. It's just 30 grams of
sugar – like, I'm not sure grams of sugar, but 30 calories total.
Oh, yeah?
So it's like just a little teeny, but it tastes good. It's better than a LaCroix
or whatever. I like LaCroix.
And you could burn 30 calories. You could bend over and pick something up and
burn 30 – you know, that's 15 calories right there.
Yeah. I often ran into you at the gym before.
Yeah.
And now I got my mini Theo Vaughn working now.
Oh, you're coming in. You do have a little bit of flair growing, huh?
Yeah. You know, Flying Brian Pillman Jr. or Bulletproof Brian Pillman was
really my inspiration.
Diamond Dallas Page had always had a great mullet.
Yeah. Yeah. They got a lot of good mullets. I'm trying to think of some they
had back in – they even had haircuts that were – who was some early mullet
work that they had in wrestling?
Oh, some early guys they had.
Diamond Dallas Page was definitely – and Flying Brian Pillman.
The Rockers, Marty Jannetty and old school Shawn Michaels.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, and they had some wild haircuts.
I'm trying to think of – Hacksaw Jim Duggan made – his was just kind of –
He's such a funny guy.
Yeah.
His wife, Debbie, is so nice.
Oh, you know her?
Yeah, they were at Legends of Wrestling, the last match in the documentary.
Yeah, they're really great people.
You meet these wrestlers, and a lot of the time, like Ric Flair is incredible
too, but his wife, Wendy, is like the sort of boss behind all these guys.
You know what?
Like my wife, Christina, is the boss behind me, and she's responsible for
producing this whole film and dealing with all the crap that came along with it.
Yeah, so it – oh, there he is right there.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
God, man.
He looked like he would use that board on like a standardized test, honestly.
It's so funny.
He walks around with the board still.
Really?
Yeah, people get it signed and everything.
Oh, that's awesome, man.
Yeah, his whole thing was amazing.
Yeah, man, that was a wonderful time.
That was a time when – big boss, man.
That's a time when I grew up in that – when you had real – I don't know.
I guess that's when I was a kid too, so that's when I saw it.
You know, it was like headlights looking right at me of just excitement and
staying up late at night at 10.30 to see a Saturday night.
Sometimes on Saturday night, yeah, they would have a championship bout.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it was all this – it was something they set up.
It was like these really weird matches, a Saturday night main event.
Yes.
And then it would just be like these quick – I don't think like any real
belts were ever exchanged.
It wasn't a typical kind of fight.
It was more like a spectator thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was wild, man.
I remember just so excited and sometimes I'd pass out because of the excitement.
I remember just waking up in the morning and didn't know what had happened and
my brother was gone and –
Yeah, no internet back then.
You couldn't catch up.
No, you had to find a friend.
Your internet was the first friend you saw at the bus stop or whatever.
And you'd be like, what happened, Larry?
You'd be like, I got ground.
And you're like, this fucking internet sucks.
You're like, this dude is dial-up, man.
I need a real friend who has facts.
Yeah.
That's what's also cool about wrestling.
It's like I have a couple friends, Bryn Joseph and Curtis Reynolds, who have
just been my friends for years.
But they're friends that love wrestling, too.
So we all like – it's almost like those kids, again, growing up, you can call
up and talk to them.
That's what I love about RJ City, too, my tag team partner.
We can talk wrestling, and he's wrestled half of these guys, so he can tell you
stories about hacks on Jim Dungat or, you know, Piper or whatever.
Good tales, yeah.
You know, the closest thing I've seen to wrestling in a while in real life is
– Nick, do you have that – bring up that park thing in Portland the other
day, this A&T.
I don't know if you saw this or not.
This is –
RJ.
Are you familiar with RJ City at all?
I'm not.
I saw him.
He's hilarious.
He's really funny on Instagram.
Is he?
I mean, Twitter.
Yeah, he's a real Twitter.
He's a real millennial.
I'll have to check him out.
This is protesters in a park, but this, to me, seemed like – I mean, look at
this.
Look at that.
Yeah.
To me, I know, like, a lot of these people – like, you know, a lot of this is
political stuff, but a lot of it, to me, has a very – it starts to get a very
wrestling type vibe.
Do you see any of that?
When you see some of these park battles these days, it seems like a lot of costuming.
You know what?
The best thing I've seen on the internet – it just came up this morning on
Reddit.
It was otter gangs fighting each other in Singapore.
Yeah, these gangs of otters are getting together, and they're fighting each
other in Singapore.
Oh, water animals, you mean otters?
Yeah, the otters.
That reminded me of wrestling.
Oh, let's see that.
Oh, look at this.
This is so fun.
Look at these otters.
Oh, hell yeah.
So they're, like, these otters that are just wild otters, but there's gangs of
them, and they don't like the other gang.
Damn, really?
And they're having a rumble here.
These otters just –
Oh, smack.
They're going at it.
Look at the small crew.
They're smaller than the big crew, and they're going for it.
This is very BLM Royal Rumble style.
Yes, I know.
Oh, my God.
Look at those guys that came in off the top rope.
You saw those guys that came in at the end.
I know.
I know.
They're really into it.
And do they know who these otters are?
Are they pets that people brought, or these are just natural?
No, they, like – I think they might have bred the otters for this lake, but
then they broke up into two different groups, and then they don't like each
other.
Man, it's kind of like Romeo and Juliet a little.
Yeah.
But, like, Gangnam style.
Yeah, it is.
And that's in Asia?
Singapore, yeah.
Yeah, West Side Story.
Oh, they will do that, dude.
They'll fight anything.
I wonder if Michael Vick's behind this.
I feel like that's insane.
That's crazy.
Dude, how crazy do you think if Michael Vick would have fought a cute animal
against each other?
I wonder if it would have been different.
Oh, man.
I know.
Like, gerbil or, you know, like – I guess probably not, because they had –
I think they got upset because of, like, a lot of the deaths of the animals.
But, anyway –
Yeah.
So –
My friend's a cop who's in the documentary, Jerry, in Connecticut.
He just sent me a video, too, of these two turkeys fighting for a girl.
That's something funny about animals fighting over a girl.
It was just so funny.
And I guess we do it.
Yeah, I guess animals will get real territorial.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Did you ever get in a fight for a girl whenever you were younger, you think?
Yeah, for sure.
I once got upset.
I dated Alyssa Milano for a little while, and I once got upset.
She showed up at this club we all go to, Roxbury, and she showed up with
another dude, and we were just broken up.
And I was, like, crushed.
Did you stay in the club?
No.
I came outside.
I kicked her car, unfortunately.
I apologized to her since.
She's cool.
I was a real piece of work.
But I just kicked us out of her car.
It wasn't anything bad.
But we didn't even really fight.
It was so pathetic.
Were you pretty heartbroken or not, you think?
Oh, yeah.
She was, like, one of my first loves.
First loves?
I mean, yeah.
She's a wonderful girl.
Dude, you had a real nice smile, huh?
Yeah, I was.
That must be nice.
I wasn't happy.
But were you all – I mean, you were pretty handsome.
I mean, you're still a handsome guy.
Oh, thank you.
But, I mean, this is a time in our lives when people really were –
I was just young, young and in Hollywood for the first time.
Never really had pictures taken of me.
Wow.
I was sort of – I was a mess, though.
I'd once, like, confess my love – I hope she doesn't mind me sharing all this.
But I once confessed her love and I had taken some pill.
And then we had some real sweet conversation and I'd forgotten all about it.
And she was so hurt.
I don't blame her.
I was a real, like, horrible boyfriend.
There was terrible things that happened.
Oh, we once went on this really beautiful trip.
Oh, I feel so – I mean, it's sort of silly stuff.
At least you're honest about being a bad boyfriend.
I was a really bad boyfriend.
Oh, man.
We went on this trip and we were playing this mixtape and it was all these
beautiful love songs.
And then she popped it out and she saw some girls writing on it.
And she was like, where'd you get this tape?
And I was like, oh, it's from my old girlfriend.
She's like, how dare you?
I didn't get it at the time.
I totally get it now.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's been a long road to figure out how to be a good man.
That's been something for me.
Oh, yeah.
I feel that, man.
Dude, that's what this whole podcast is based on.
There you go.
Oh, dude, struggling men, bro.
You're a young guy.
You got a serious lady or –
No, I've never had a serious lady in my life, man.
No kidding?
I don't think so.
I mean, I have.
Yeah, yeah.
I've just never been in a relationship where I didn't lie or cheat, you know.
That's kind of really, I think, been my MO.
You know, kind of always, like, I think – like, dude, I remember having a –
some girl invited me to Colorado one time.
I go.
She takes me to a party.
I'm at the party.
Somehow, I end up getting her to play, like, a board game at a new tick a long
time.
And then I met some – snuck off with some other girl and, like, professed my
love to some girl in this closet.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Everybody's feelings got hurt.
Yeah.
I hear you.
My first marriage, I was re