Name: Fence Rabbits | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #300
Uploaded: 2020-10-13T21:22:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fence Rabbits | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #300' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fence Rabbits | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #300' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-13. Transcript available.

Fence Rabbits | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #300

we had a female trucker that canceled.
Couldn't make it in here.
And, you know, that's just the way it is sometimes out there on the road.
You know, that's why the road comes in different patterns.
You know, you can get an interstate.
Keeps going.
You get an intersection.
Meets up with something.
You get cul-de-sac.
You get dead end.
You get other roads.
So, trucker canceled.
So, you know the podcast is going well when a female trucker cancels on it.
Gasoline females, you know, just ladies out there burning gasoline.
18-wheeler bitches.
You know what I'm saying?
Legitimate women.
What else happened?
And, I got rejected by a woman.
I don't know if, well, not even the trucker.
I didn't even think about that.
But, I hit on a woman and got rejected.
I'll tell you what happened.
So, you know, I went to this place out here.
And, we're coming out to you live right now from the Central East out here.
And, I went to a locale and I went to a local shop and they sold crepes, crepery.
And, I don't know what a crepe is, but I didn't care.
Once I saw this lady working there, I said, all right, you know, I'll eat them
until, you know, she and I are married if I have to.
They had a girl in there and I saw her and, you know, I made some small talk
and it was awkward because we both had masks on, you know.
Having a mask on, it's kind of like the beginning of like Shrek or whatever.
You know, because you don't know how anybody really, you're not getting the
full package.
You're just kind of getting that Japanese package of somebody, you know, kind
of snout up or mid-snout upwards.
You know, you're kind of getting that, you know, like everybody's kind of a
desert nine.
You know, when they got that Middle Eastern, you know, a lot of Middle Eastern
women, they wear the, kind of that word yarmulke, whatever it is, that muffler.
You know, they wear that front muffler.
You can't see them.
I was in Saudi Arabia one time at the airport and they had a man there and fat
fella.
I'll be honest with you, he really was.
And if I could think of another word to describe him, I would use it.
But I cannot.
And this man was what you would call a fat fella.
And he had about five women with him, all of his wives, and they all had on
that, you know, just that little kind of, they're all wearing like a what's
behind door number one kind of curtain right on their face.
You know, you can't see them all.
So that's called that desert nine, you know, or that desert eight.
Everybody's kind of a desert nine when you can only see the eyes.
So I went in there and I'd seen her and I was like, you know, was nervous.
And anyway, you know, I went in there and I went in there a follow up time.
Because I'm the kind of guy that'll show up somewhere, fall in love with a
woman that works behind a counter.
I don't know if you've ever done this, but I'll I'll go somewhere, fall in love
with somebody who works at the place and then try and and then go back to the
place to try and profess my love or make a connection.
So anyway, so I go back and I was nervous and we talked about MMA fighting.
We talked about adult male, you know, you know, fighting.
And so I figured I would try and talk about that again when I saw her.
I couldn't remember her name.
And so I was like, hey, remember me?
You know, what's your name?
And she's like, oh, my name is, you know, Clara.
I believe her is her name.
So then I was like, oh, uh, have you been watching any of the fights?
And she said, no, I haven't.
And then I was like, so you ever like are so nervous that you can't even hear
what the other person is saying.
You're just like, oh, have you ever watched any of the fights?
And you just you can't even no matter what their answer is, your next question
is going to be something like, do you have a boyfriend?
You know, uh.
So she said, I don't know what she said.
She might have.
Who knows?
She could have been calling the police.
But I was like, oh, do you, you know, have maybe we should watch the fight
sometime.
And and that was kind of weird because I didn't I don't even know kind of how
she responded if she was like, yeah, or maybe or.
And then I was like, oh, do you have a boyfriend?
And that's how I said it to give a boyfriend.
Like I just got so.
Just I was just strung up, you know, just like when you see a rabbit and he's
got one of his legs caught in the.
In that wire, you know, do you have a boyfriend?
And that's how I was verbally.
You know, I was that verbal kind of hung rabbit.
And she said, I do.
And I didn't have a plan for her having a boyfriend.
I did not have my plan was I ask her out and she maybe says yes or no, I guess
was also.
I mean, that's probably that's always that's the biggest option.
But I didn't have a plan for when I was going to think she says do I.
I'm making this story so long.
So I was thinking, OK, I ask her and then she said she says, no, I don't.
And then I follow up with, oh, well, maybe I could take you out sometime or I
could buy you something that's not a crepe, you know, or something.
Just a chill line.
Well, I said, do you have a boyfriend?
And she said yes.
And so when she said yes, I couldn't.
It was it would have been weird for me to follow up with, oh, well, maybe we
should go out sometime.
So I didn't know what to ask her.
So I just asked her name again.
And I was like, oh, what was your name?
So it just didn't make it didn't make any sense, man.
Oh, it just didn't make any sense, man.
So anyway, oh, and this was the worst part.
Then I had to I'd already ordered the food.
So I had to sit there.
She said yes.
I was like, oh, what was your name?
What is your name?
I said, what is your name?
What is your name?
And she told me her name again.
And then the conversation was just.
And then she'd like given me like my plate and fork and knife that comes with
your food that you order and you just go sit down at your table and then it
comes out.
And I was the only person in there.
So now I have to sit and I this is where I really messed up.
I sat facing the counter.
I sat facing her at the counter and then I had to sit there and just eat a crepe,
which is the loneliest, saddest thing you can eat as a rejected man.
It's almost feels like one of those Japanese games shows like, oh, you lost.
You eat the crepes, you know.
And so I'm sitting there just eating this sad.
Every bite tasted like this girl did not like me.
But I did it.
I did it.
I went in there.
I asked her out.
I didn't get.
She didn't.
There was no option.
And I asked her her name again.
And then I sat.
And point blank ate a crepe in front of this woman.
Very, very, very sad.
Very, very sad.
So anyway, if you've ever been rejected, if you ever tried and failed with a
woman, which I'm sure you have or you wouldn't be listening to this podcast,
then I'd love to know about it.
And I'd love to hear the sharing of it.
And if you can hit the hotline and keep it concise, you know.
And hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
And let me know about that moment.
Let me know how you handled it or how you didn't handle it.
The succeeding is in the trying.
That's where it is.
That's where it is.
So if you've ever been rejected, bro, rejected nation, son, you feel me?
Gang, man.
We out here, man.
We out here.
Let's get into the episode.
This is Paul Cawthon, Holy Ghost Fire.
I got the Holy Ghost Fire and it's burning in me.
I got the Holy Ghost Fire burning in me.
I got the Holy Ghost Fire and I'm burning down the street.
I got a sweet little patty at your own in the caddy with me.
I got a sweet little patty at your own in the caddy with me.
I got a whole lot of patty for my Holy Ghost Mama.
She'll make it sweet eyes for me.
Don't let me down, sweet mama.
Oh, my sweet mama.
Don't let me down.
I'm a no-no-no-s man.
I was dying to get you in the palm of my hand.
If you knew the truth about me, baby, girl, in hell, girl, you'd stay.
If you knew the truth about me, ain't no way in hell, girl, you'd stay.
If you knew the truth about me, ain't no way in hell, girl, you'd stay.
Have you disappointed a woman in your life, Raleigh Mal?
Oh, have I?
I definitely have.
And how do you feel about it now, now that some time has passed?
I would say pretty great because she wasn't the one.
And in hindsight, how do you know that she wasn't?
I think it was just the feeling.
I just had a strong feeling she wasn't the one.
But at the time, you had a feeling she was, huh?
Oh, of course.
And what was it, you think, leading you down that path to thinking she was?
Do you think it was naivety?
Do you think it was sensualness?
Do you think it was the devil?
What do you think it was, really?
No, I think she just, I don't know.
No, she just, she was acting really different and odd.
Like, what was she doing?
Like, what do you mean?
Like, walking, like, sleepwalking or something?
Well, apparently, what I was told is that she's pregnant.
I was like, ha ha, what?
So then I fell in love for a pregnant woman.
Pretty much, and I had no idea because she wasn't showing yet.
So it was very early in the stage.
And I literally had no idea.
That pregnancy, the first three months, they can trick you.
That's the thing about leeway.
That's called leeway, Riley.
And that's where, you know, a woman will have a certain amount of time.
They can still trick another man.
They get pregnant over here.
They get pregnant with Jerry.
And then they tell him, Lance, oh, I love you.
You know, I love you.
Come, you know, spray in me.
And then they trick you and say, oh, yeah, you know, you must have a strong
seed.
I got that six-month baby.
You know, I got that little hatchling right here, six-month one.
You know, that little premature bad boy.
And he comes out weighing a pound, pound and a half, some of these children now.
You know, half the wombs out there, they, you know, you see a womb up close on
the camera, and the windows are busted out in it.
Half these women out here, they got, you know, they got Cardi B blaring out of
the damn second floor of their womb.
You can't even know, you don't even know what's going on anymore.
You know, it's all people's thought and people, you know, somebody's, you know,
you hear somebody stealing a purse and jumping off a rooftop of the damn womb.
And you're like, what is going on here?
But that's where we are right now.
A lot of these pre-packaged wombs, a lot of, you know, these pre-fab.
It used to be back in the old days, Riley, a woman had a decent womb in her.
You know about it?
You heard about it?
Yeah, definitely.
And then now you get these ladies, they got the damn, you know, you don't know
if it's a womb or a damn Ziploc bag in there.
You don't know.
It's not as reliable as it once was.
Back in the day, they had a woman at a damn concrete womb.
It was something, you know, they had a bird.
There was a bird's nest in the corner.
There was more, there was something there.
There was something, it had a doorbell on it.
You know, it was a damn real place.
And now you got these, you know, they got somebody smoking on the porch.
You don't even know the guy.
So it's just, it's a different time, man.
It is a different time.
What's going on?
What's going on?
I was thinking the other day about, about racism.
Because obviously I think about it a lot.
And we've discussed it before on here, Riley.
Would you agree with that?
Yeah.
Yeah, I totally agree.
Well, I think that here's what I'm thinking is.
Nowadays, you see a lot of children, a lot of mixed children.
You know, you see somebody, and we talked about it last, a couple weeks ago.
There's somebody who's Japanese and Filipino, you know.
Or you see somebody that's, you know, from Delaware and also somebody that's
Malaysian.
You know, malware, they'll call them or whatever.
But when I was young, they called them mixed.
Oh, look at that little mixed fella.
You know, you'd see a kid.
He'd have a white body, one black leg.
You know, you'd see a kid.
He had a little, you know, maybe he was 10%.
You know, maybe he was 10% pinoy.
And he'd have one kind of lean e