Name: Man Up | Sticky Rick
Uploaded: 2020-11-28T05:47:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Man Up | Sticky Rick' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Man Up | Sticky Rick' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-28. Transcript available.

Men are in trouble, mansplaining, manspreading, me too, time's up, Tekashi 6ix9ine,
regular 6ix9ine,
meeting up behind the shonies to be buddies, Jaden Smith.
Thankfully, I'm here to help.
Now, why am I qualified?
Because I've got a popular podcast, a gender-neutral haircut, and fuck, dude, I
bought whippets off the internet.
This is Man Up.
I mean, these days, a lot of young men don't have anywhere to turn with their
struggles.
I mean, who are they going to turn to, dude?
Mr. T died.
And over the last few years, thousands of men or women with really low voices
have been calling into my podcast and asking for suggestions.
But sometimes a phone call just doesn't get it done, you know?
Like with pizza delivery, you can talk about it, but until somebody shows up
with the pie, you know what I'm saying?
It's all a bunch of hearsay.
But what I am trying to do is just show people that somebody cares, because I
hate feeling like somebody doesn't care when I need help, and it's the least I
can do.
And this week, I got a call from a sugary vixen named Jane, and she's a single
mother, and she gots a boy named Ricky, and he's veering heavily into adulthood.
I'm talking the deep end, you know?
I'm talking about this boy's getting a little bit long in the nut.
And she said he's having a lot of problems.
He doesn't want to work, he doesn't want to motivate, he doesn't want to
contribute around the house.
She said some of the best things he's ever done are he's still alive, and that
he lied to people and said that he survived a sinkhole.
I think it's definitely time to see how I can help this young mother with the
issues that she's having with her son.
Hi, Leo.
Hey, what's up? How are you? Nice to see you.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, it's a pleasure.
You've got pretty eyeballs.
Oh, thank you.
Why don't you come this way, and I'll show you where Rick is.
Oh, yeah.
He's out back.
As you can see, he's got his vape out there, and he's...
That's an adult, huh?
That's an adult.
Man, when you first see Rick, he definitely looks like the kind of guy that'll
reach for your crotch and have a, you know, a fresh thing of popcorn in the
other hand.
So, what's been going on with Rick?
Rick is 29 years old.
He will sit in his room and play video games for eight hours in a row.
Hmm.
That hurts my heart.
I will ask him to finish the dishes, and days and days will go by when the
dishes don't get finished, and then I end up being the one that finishes them.
He doesn't pay rent, and losing his father at a young age, I think, has had an
impact on him, too.
What age was he when his father passed away?
He was 10.
I'm so sorry to hear about his dad.
This makes me so sad.
He hasn't had that male role model type thing that shows him how to be a man.
I'm getting ready to kick him out.
I mean, look, let's be honest.
If Rick doesn't get his act together, his mom's giving him the, uh, kielbasa.
You feel me?
That fucking sayonara sausage, Daddy.
You know, it's time for him to just get out of the deep end of bullshit, at
least into the shallow end of life.
So, yeah, dude, what the fuck's going on here, man?
You know, to be honest, it doesn't seem like you're doing your share here.
Well, who am I hurting?
I think you're hurting your mother, probably.
It's tough to live together.
We live different lifestyles, you know.
I'm younger, so I'm up late, you know, I'm playing loud music, and she wants to
go to bed and clean up the house, and I'm sleeping in late and stuff.
You know, a lot of stuff she said you're doing around the house, nothing.
Smoking weed, she said.
She said you smoke a lot of weed.
Yeah.
So that's nothing.
What else?
And that's nothing.
I mean, do you even have any hobbies that you're working on, like, a lot now or
anything?
I have, like, a Lego set.
Okay.
So that's nothing also.
You know, Legos is for children, and we know it is.
It says on the box 6 to 14.
So when those kids see you show up, they're like, what the fuck happened to
this kid?
I know your father passed away.
Yeah.
And, you know, my father passed away when I was young, and I didn't know for
years that I needed him to be around to tell me what to do, you know?
And sometimes when that happens, you don't want to grow up, because the person
who you want to see you grow up the most isn't alive anymore.
Like, you still have a really good opportunity in your life to care about your
mother and to be a good son.
Yeah.
And I feel like if we have an opportunity for you to help your mother out, man,
you're going to go from being this child to being really a son.
I feel like I can relate to Rick.
You know, I lost my father at a young age, and from him losing his father, it's
just left a lot of messiness in his life.
And his mother's been taking care of him.
You know, she's still nurturing, breastfeeding, but without the breast, you
know, sans con teat.
So it's time for him to learn some skills to help her and to help himself.
Hi, gentlemen.
Welcome to Butler Training.
My name is Steve.
My job is to train you and to teach you how to be able to work and earn a
living as being a butler.
Here's the thing about Butler School.
Every butler I know has their shit together.
When you see a butler, you're like, holy shit, dude, that's a fucking butler.
Right now, Rick looks like a renaissance fair escapee, you know, one of the
hottest outfielders on an Amish women's softball squad.
So if we can get Rick to start doing some things to help others, like a butler
would, then he just might start doing some things to help himself.
Part of being a butler is you have to have nice fingernails.
Do you chew your fingernails, sir?
No.
No, they look like they've been chewed.
You need to get a manicure.
You have a nice haircut, sir?
You have a nice mustache?
Hello, corto.
You look good?
Cortina de palabras.
Oh, okay.
Juan's actually a buddy of mine, low-key.
We met in the elevator about maybe 11 months ago, and he teaches me Spanish,
and I teach him English and Spanish.
This gentleman's handsome.
This gentleman's handsome.
This gentleman, I would say, needs some work.
Now, I actually met butler Steve through, well, fuck, I'll be honest with you,
dude.
He's a swinger.
Gentlemen, dust the outside and the inside so that it looks perfectly clean
when it goes on the table.
Good job, brother.
Thanks.
Hey, gentlemen.
I want to see a nice, professional butler fold.
Rick, you did a great job.
That looks like a shirt I would wear.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Theo, you need to help him remove the jacket because you don't want him
grabbing your fine jacket and ripping it off your back.
You look very professional.
When was the last time you vacuumed?
I think this is the first time I've ever vacuumed.
In this exercise, we're going to see what it's like to work with a boss that is
irritated.
Okay, Theo, you're the angry homeowner.
You're gonna have to stand there like a man and just take it.
I'm about to light this chubby honky up like he stole a sign in the Philippines
in the late 90s.
It's time to take it up a notch and get this hairy chunk of Wagyu ready for the
real world.
Look here, boy.
The fish was fucked up.
What did you cook it in?
It wasn't even cooked.
It wasn't even cooked, boy.
I'm so very sorry, sir.
The next fish that I cook you will be absolutely perfectly cooked.
I want a catfish.
I'm very sorry about the fish.
Well, learn something.
Get a book and learn some shit.
Because I'm tired of eating bad fish around here, motherfucker.
A homeowner would not talk to you like that because there would probably be a
lawsuit against it that way.
Don't look at him, boy.
Look here, you little fucking trucker.
Okay?
Theo, you won't be able to use that kind of language.
You have to speak to him and be more direct about specifically what's wrong
with what he did.
Okay.
You're gonna get the scarlet letter, boy.
And you're--
A for always fucking fish up.
You know how hard it is for me to fucking swallow limp creme brulee and some of
my friends in there?
Dulces horribles, you little fucking pussy.
You want some fucking violencia?
The next creme brulee I make you, sir, it will be the crispiest, crunchiest creme
brulee that has ever been seen.
You better crisp that bitch up, son, or I'm gonna put your fucking bones in
your ass.
Well, the problem was I ran out of butane.
Hasta luego, eh?
No, no.
Come on.
Suck it in.
Your job is to take it.
You're improving, you look great, you look very professional.
I hope that this is gonna help you maybe later on when you have guests come to
your house.
Man, butlering is pretty hard work.
You know, I thought it would just be, you know, you kind of dress up like you're
at a funeral and you just kind of steal silverware on the DL.
But Rick is making progress and I feel like he's getting the hang of it.
Okay, gentlemen.
Well, he was good to start with.
These two were very good at the beginning.
But this gentleman improved the most.
Amen, brother.
Did you think you improved a lot today?
I think I did.
I came in here not knowing anything about butling.
Butlering?
Butlering.
Okay.
I think it's time to put this training into action.
Let's have him butler for someone who I barely even know.
Who's rich and judgmental.
And John Lovett.
Everybody love money.
Everybody love dough.
Everybody love paper.
Everybody want more.
So stay making money.
Stay making money.
Hey.
Oh, Theo.
Good to see you.
Is this the butler?
That's him.
Yes, sir.
What's your name?
My name's Rick.
Rick, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
How are you?
Great.
This isn't where I actually live.
This is a fascinating studio.
Anyway, come on in.
All right.
Well, let's just start.
Can you help me up these stairs?
Okay.
Uh.
Just kind of push.
Okay.
I can't do it, but I'm lazy.
It's all you.
Thank you.
All right.
This way.
I think if Rick can handle butlering for a unique male like John Lovitz, then
he'll be able
to handle anything his mother can throw at him back home.
You can start with a glass of ice, please.
I don't hear any dishes being washed.
Yep.
Just staying busy.
Don't complain.
I can hear you.
It's a very small house.
Well.
This exceeds all expectations.
You're a fresh glass of water, sir.
Thank you very much.
Your fresh glass of water, sir.
And find my dog.
Get down there.
I think I found Jerry, sir.
Hello.
Oh.
Oh.
Would you like me to remove Jerry, sir?
No.
No.
I like him.
Oh.
That's terrific.
You fucking idiot!
Shit.
Your lunch, sir.
Oh, thank you.
You can set it here.
You know, Theo, I've been a little hard on you.
And you've been sweating so much.
I don't want to watch TV, but you're a stand-up.
And I hear everyone say how funny you are.
Could you do some of your acting?
It was a rainy night.
And there was a couple of bad boys looking to get into some trouble.
And before you know it, everybody was being wild and nasty.
And one man wanted to learn how to play the piano.
But his buddies were like, you ain't playing shit around here, boy.
Is this a KKK meeting, Theo?
I'll do this.
John Travolta impersonation.
Okay.
AIDS!
How long you been a stand-up?
About 14 years.
Did you hear about Henry Winkler?
14 years?
Yup.
He got AIDS.
Tough crowd.
By the way, the sandwich is very good.
Thank you, sir.
Like, great.
I'm glad.
I think Rick's taking on some new knowledge today.
I think he learned what it feels like to be appreciated.
What it feels like when he dresses up and takes care of his appearance.
And you can tell he felt good.
And this is, I think, the real Rick.
This is the Rick that he wants to be.
What'd you think?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I feel different.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Like, not just from the shave and haircut.
When the times got tough, when John was losing it, when there was a lot of
stress up there, you didn't lose it.
I just hope that I can take some of this and make my job better.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Like, not just from the shave and haircut.
When the times got tough, when John was losing it, when there was a lot of
stress up there, you didn't lose it.
I just hope that I can take some of this and make my mom's life a little bit
better.
It's like she doesn't ask for a lot.
No.
I feel like such a piece of shit that I'm...
Yeah, we'll just love her, you know?
Yeah.
It's all you can really do is just try better.
And now that I feel like I've got, like you said, momentum.
Yeah.
It's like something I can...
Yeah, just keep it going.
I can do it.
Keep it going.
The rest will come, man.
It will come.
Oh, mom's here.
Oh.
Hey, you guys look great.
He's ready for prom.
He certainly looks it.
I think Rick learned a lot in the past few days.
I mean, he's going to be able to take this experience and hopefully go forth
and let it resonate and ripple through his life in positive ways.
At a certain point, we have to grow up.
I'm learning a lot of the same things that he is, and it's hard, but it's
possible.
Yeah.
Wow.
You look so handsome.
Cut all this stuff off of me.
This is a good look for you.
I'm going to take everything that I learned, and I'm going to apply it to us,
and I'm going to be better about the housework and stuff that needs to be done,
and I'm going to be better about taking care of you.
I really appreciate that.
I'm proud of you, and I love you.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you, and I love you.
Thank you.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Ah!

Man Up | Sticky Rick

Men are in trouble, mansplaining, manspreading, me too, time's up, Tekashi 6ix9ine,
regular 6ix9ine,
meeting up behind the shonies to be buddies, Jaden Smith.
Thankfully, I'm here to help.
Now, why am I qualified?
Because I've got a popular podcast, a gender-neutral haircut, and fuck, dude, I
bought whippets off the internet.
This is Man Up.
I mean, these days, a lot of young men don't have anywhere to turn with their
struggles.
I mean, who are they going to turn to, dude?
Mr. T died.
And over the last few years, thousands of men or women with really low voices
have been calling into my podcast and asking for suggestions.
But sometimes a phone call just doesn't get it done, you know?
Like with pizza delivery, you can talk about it, but until somebody shows up
with the pie, you know what I'm saying?
It's all a bunch of hearsay.
But what I am trying to do is just show people that somebody cares, because I
hate feeling like somebody doesn't care when I need help, and it's the least I
can do.
And this week, I got a call from a sugary vixen named Jane, and she's a single
mother, and she gots a boy named Ricky, and he's veering heavily into adulthood.
I'm talking the deep end, you know?
I'm talking about this boy's getting a little bit long in the nut.
And she said he's having a lot of problems.
He doesn't want to work, he doesn't want to motivate, he doesn't want to
contribute around the house.
She said some of the best things he's ever done are he's still alive, and that
he lied to people and said that he survived a sinkhole.
I think it's definitely time to see how I can help this young mother with the
issues that she's having with her son.
Hi, Leo.
Hey, what's up? How are you? Nice to see you.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, it's a pleasure.
You've got pretty eyeballs.
Oh, thank you.
Why don't you come this way, and I'll show you where Rick is.
Oh, yeah.
He's out back.
As you can see, he's got his vape out there, and he's...
That's an adult, huh?
That's an adult.
Man, when you first see Rick, he definitely looks like the kind of guy that'll
reach for your crotch and have a, you know, a fresh thing of popcorn in the
other hand.
So, what's been going on with Rick?
Rick is 29 years old.
He will sit in his room and play video games for eight hours in a row.
Hmm.
That hurts my heart.
I will ask him to finish the dishes, and days and days will go by when the
dishes don't get finished, and then I end up being the one that finishes them.
He doesn't pay rent, and losing his father at a young age, I think, has had an
impact on him, too.
What age was he when his father passed away?
He was 10.
I'm so sorry to hear about his dad.
This makes me so sad.
He hasn't had that male role model type thing that shows him how to be a man.
I'm getting ready to kick him out.
I mean, look, let's be honest.
If Rick doesn't get his act together, his mom's giving him the, uh, kielbasa.
You feel me?
That fucking sayonara sausage, Daddy.
You know, it's time for him to just get out of the deep end of bullshit, at
least into the shallow end of life.
So, yeah, dude, what the fuck's going on here, man?
You know, to be honest, it doesn't seem like you're doing your share here.
Well, who am I hurting?
I think you're hurting your mother, probably.
It's tough to live together.
We live different lifestyles, you know.
I'm younger, so I'm up late, you know, I'm playing loud music, and she wants to
go to bed and clean up the house, and I'm sleeping in late and stuff.
You know, a lot of stuff she said you're doing around the house, nothing.
Smoking weed, she said.
She said you smoke a lot of weed.
Yeah.
So that's nothing.
What else?
And that's nothing.
I mean, do you even have any hobbies that you're working on, like, a lot now or
anything?
I have, like, a Lego set.
Okay.
So that's nothing also.
You know, Legos is for children, and we know it is.
It says on the box 6 to 14.
So when those kids see you show up, they're like, what the fuck happened to
this kid?
I know your father passed away.
Yeah.
And, you know, my father passed away when I was young, and I didn't know for
years that I needed him to be around to tell me what to do, you know?
And sometimes when that happens, you don't want to grow up, because the person
who you want to see you grow up the most isn't alive anymore.
Like, you still have a really good opportunity in your life to care about your
mother and to be a good son.
Yeah.
And I feel like if we have an opportunity for you to help your mother out, man,
you're going to go from being this child to being really a son.
I feel like I can relate to Rick.
You know, I lost my father at a young age, and from him losing his father, it's
just left a lot of messiness in his life.
And his mother's been taking care of him.
You know, she's still nurturing, breastfeeding, but without the breast, you
know, sans con teat.
So it's time for him to learn some skills to help her and to help himself.
Hi, gentlemen.
Welcome to Butler Training.
My name is Steve.
My job is to train you and to teach you how to be able to work and earn a
living as being a butler.
Here's the thing about Butler School.
Every butler I know has their shit together.
When you see a butler, you're like, holy shit, dude, that's a fucking butler.
Right now, Rick looks like a renaissance fair escapee, you know, one of the
hottest outfielders on an Amish women's softball squad.
So if we can get Rick to start doing some things to help others, like a butler
would, then he just might start doing some things to help himself.
Part of being a butler is you have to have nice fingernails.
Do you chew your fingernails, sir?
No.
No, they look like they've been chewed.
You need to get a manicure.
You have a nice haircut, sir?
You have a nice mustache?
Hello, corto.
You look good?
Cortina de palabras.
Oh, okay.
Juan's actually a buddy of mine, low-key.
We met in the elevator about maybe 11 months ago, and he teaches me Spanish,
and I teach him English and Spanish.
This gentleman's handsome.
This gentleman's handsome.
This gentleman, I would say, needs some work.
Now, I actually met butler Steve through, well, fuck, I'll be honest with you,
dude.
He's a swinger.
Gentlemen, dust the outside and the inside so that it looks perfectly clean
when it goes on the table.
Good job, brother.
Thanks.
Hey, gentlemen.
I want to see a nice, professional butler fold.
Rick, you did a great job.
That looks like a shirt I would wear.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Theo, you need to help him remove the jacket because you don't want him
grabbing your fine jacket and ripping it off your back.
You look very professional.
When was the last time you vacuumed?
I think this is the first time I've ever vacuumed.
In this exercise, we're going to see what it's like to work with a boss that is
irritated.
Okay, Theo, you're the angry homeowner.
You're gonna have to stand there like a man and just take it.
I'm about to light this chubby honky up like he stole a sign in the Philippines
in the late 90s.
It's time to take it up a notch and get this hairy chunk of Wagyu ready for the
real world.
Look here, boy.
The fish was fucked up.
What did you cook it in?
It wasn't even cooked.
It wasn't even cooked, boy.
I'm so very sorry, sir.
The next fish that I cook you will be absolutely perfectly cooked.
I want a catfish.
I'm very sorry about the fish.
Well, learn something.
Get a book and learn some shit.
Because I'm tired of eating bad fish around here, motherfucker.
A homeowner would not talk to you like that because there would probably be a
lawsuit against it that way.
Don't look at him, boy.
Look here, you little fucking trucker.
Okay?
Theo, you won't be able to use that kind of language.
You have to speak to him and be more direct about specifically what's wrong
with what he did.
Okay.
You're gonna get the scarlet letter, boy.
And you're--
A for always fucking fish up.
You know how hard it is for me to fucking swallow limp creme brulee and some of
my friends in there?
Dulces horribles, you little fucking pussy.
You want some fucking violencia?
The next creme brulee I make you, sir, it will be the crispiest, crunchiest creme
brulee that has ever been seen.
You better crisp that bitch up, son, or I'm gonna put your fucking bones in
your ass.
Well, the problem was I ran out of butane.
Hasta luego, eh?
No, no.
Come on.
Suck it in.
Your job is to take it.
You're improving, you look great, you look very professional.
I hope that this is gonna help you maybe later on when you have guests come to
your house.
Man, butlering is pretty hard work.
You know, I thought it would just be, you know, you kind of dress up like you're
at a funeral and you just kind of steal silverware on the DL.
But Rick is making progress and I feel like he's getting the hang of it.
Okay, gentlemen.
Well, he was good to start with.
These two were very good at the beginning.
But this gentleman improved the most.
Amen, brother.
Did you think you improved a lot today?
I think I did.
I came in here not knowing anything about butling.
Butlering?
Butlering.
Okay.
I think it's time to put this training into action.
Let's have him butler for someone who I barely even know.
Who's rich and judgmental.
And John Lovett.
Everybody love money.
Everybody love dough.
Everybody love paper.
Everybody want more.
So stay making money.
Stay making money.
Hey.
Oh, Theo.
Good to see you.
Is this the butler?
That's him.
Yes, sir.
What's your name?
My name's Rick.
Rick, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
How are you?
Great.
This isn't where I actually live.
This is a fascinating studio.
Anyway, come on in.
All right.
Well, let's just start.
Can you help me up these stairs?
Okay.
Uh.
Just kind of push.
Okay.
I can't do it, but I'm lazy.
It's all you.
Thank you.
All right.
This way.
I think if Rick can handle butlering for a unique male like John Lovitz, then
he'll be able
to handle anything his mother can throw at him back home.
You can start with a glass of ice, please.
I don't hear any dishes being washed.
Yep.
Just staying busy.
Don't complain.
I can hear you.
It's a very small house.
Well.
This exceeds all expectations.
You're a fresh glass of water, sir.
Thank you very much.
Your fresh glass of water, sir.
And find my dog.
Get down there.
I think I found Jerry, sir.
Hello.
Oh.
Oh.
Would you like me to remove Jerry, sir?
No.
No.
I like him.
Oh.
That's terrific.
You fucking idiot!
Shit.
Your lunch, sir.
Oh, thank you.
You can set it here.
You know, Theo, I've been a little hard on you.
And you've been sweating so much.
I don't want to watch TV, but you're a stand-up.
And I hear everyone say how funny you are.
Could you do some of your acting?
It was a rainy night.
And there was a couple of bad boys looking to get into some trouble.
And before you know it, everybody was being wild and nasty.
And one man wanted to learn how to play the piano.
But his buddies were like, you ain't playing shit around here, boy.
Is this a KKK meeting, Theo?
I'll do this.
John Travolta impersonation.
Okay.
AIDS!
How long you been a stand-up?
About 14 years.
Did you hear about Henry Winkler?
14 years?
Yup.
He got AIDS.
Tough crowd.
By the way, the sandwich is very good.
Thank you, sir.
Like, great.
I'm glad.
I think Rick's taking on some new knowledge today.
I think he learned what it feels like to be appreciated.
What it feels like when he dresses up and takes care of his appearance.
And you can tell he felt good.
And this is, I think, the real Rick.
This is the Rick that he wants to be.
What'd you think?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I feel different.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Like, not just from the shave and haircut.
When the times got tough, when John was losing it, when there was a lot of
stress up there, you didn't lose it.
I just hope that I can take some of this and make my job better.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
I'