Name: Thanksliving | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #310
Uploaded: 2020-11-30T19:38:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thanksliving | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #310' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thanksliving | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #310' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-30. Transcript available.

Thanksliving | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #310

amen and that's what they say sometime you see amen some gay fellow will say it
like that you know he'll kind of they'll use it to holler at you you know if
you
got a buddy that's a homosexual or a you know registered you know or not
registered but just you know gay some men is gay and you know that's how it is
sometime you see a man and next thing you know they're trying to you know do a
piggyback on the
front of you and that's you know that's just that's society bro that's society
and that's
i mean they've they legalized it and that's what it is baby so um what else is
going on man who knows
baby boy who knows what's up
uh hopefully your spirits are hopefully you had a good uh weekend i got that
turkey
hopefully everybody got birded out because that's what they hit you with that
bird and a lot of things
can happen after thanksgiving meal
you know a lot of time somebody will steal your wallet right at when you buzzed
out on that bird
you know you have a little bit of that turkey bro and next thing you know
somebody stole your rims off
you know they said damn they hit you with that bird
that air dope baby the lord's perka said baby i'm talking about that turkey
i'm talking about that damn that shit a turkey bro if i bet if you if you snuck
up on a turkey bro i bet they know what i bet a turkey knows how to use a
pillow
that's what i bet if you see a turkey animal
in the woods or whatever i bet they i bet they know how to use a pillow because
that's a damn that meat will tire you out
you follow us i mean that turkey you
you know it'll really soften your damn
pecker all right uh what's going on we'll see
let's get into it right here man uh thank you guys for being here
this is robert finley get it while you can
mmmm
mmmm
if it don't come in the mailbox it may come in a moving van
but you got to take it when you can get it
you can get it
and get it while you can
oh yeah that's robert finn
robert finn
and i know the dealer
but i sure didn't know his daughter
but if i had no taste of y'all
i never would have caught her
you got to take it when you can get it
get it while you can
wrap it up in bacon
and seal it in a pan
it may not run in a mail bar
it might take a moving van
but you got to take it when you can get it
and get it when you can
yeah man
and that's adulthood right there that's robert
robert finley
and that's a beautiful right there
beautiful urban gentleman hitting them
the high notes and the low notes
and the in-between maybe
damn
he's just a real i mean that man he's a real damn billy goat of
of just charisma and
and capability man when he really
if you go watch him watch his video on the internet
robert finley
get it while you can
and you got to get it while you can baby
because they they ain't always giving it out
you know they you sometime you go outside and there's no wind out there
sometime you run out there with a kite and nothing
and you just nothing a squirrel run by flip you off bro and that's they you
know
something you know God don't always make wind
so you got to just get it while you can baby
because not every day is it is is the is the world gonna offer you the same
stuff
so we got to keep our cup on us man when we go out there and if it's raining
you got to get you get you half a cup
get you a little quarter quart you know get you a third of a gallon baby
and just you know hoard a little save a little fill it up
when you get a chance you got to get involved in the world
I got to I got to stay active I got to you know if I see somebody laughing
having a good time I can't just you know go sit out in the van
I got sometimes it's hard to stay you know to go over there and chuckle with
them and absorb the the joy
sometimes it's hard for me to put my kite into the wind
you know and trust the breeze I
but then I but then I but then if I don't then I then I can't I can't be pouting
when I don't have no gusts in me
I can't be pouting when I'm thirsty for some kind of happiness because I didn't
run my cup out there earlier
you know when that breeze is it going when the water is a falling when the sun
is a shining you got to take it where you can get it
and you got to get it while you can baby that is Robert Finley
and you'll enjoy that I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving
you know it's interesting I
you know it's interesting I I
I didn't have a big plan really for Thanksgiving
and
David Arquette lives out here now
and he's in a new wrestling documentary he was a
he came in came on to this podcast and he invited me over
and he got his wife he got two offspring males
males
juvenile males
and
so I went over there
and drove out to the country and
another buddy invited me over do some four wheeling
I went over there
and
and
and it was nice I had a nice time
you know I had a nice time was getting to see a family and
his mother-in-law made some
like a salad the salad had a I was like damn somebody
they might have a little bit of Alzheimer's in the recipe you know I'm saying
it had a couple ingredients in the salad recipe I was like I don't know
this thing got a damn pineapple you know I'm saying it had a little bit of
you know this thing a little bit heavy on the
bay leaf
you'll see you know it have to you know half a marshmallow and a bay leaf and
it be like
damn this thing
but
but it was a good time man really enjoyed myself and
you know and part of me I was like I don't want to go
I'm just gonna be at home you know I don't have a plan I didn't go home
but I'm glad I put a foot forward and say you know I'm just gonna you know
I'm gonna go get out in the system I'm gonna go get out in the
just into the flow of the world
and I ended up having a nice time
and I think it makes people feel good when they can
when they invite you to do things and you say I think it makes people feel
you know I think it makes people feel good you get to you know
they invite you come on and do it
oh come out here come to the zoo
I don't want to go to the zoo
you know I don't want to smell monkey shit and get sunburned
but you do it and then it's fun and they have fun
you know and then now you got a little bit of connection and
you got another little anchor in the world
I'm not preaching I'm just saying yeah I just because sometimes I struggle I
want to say I you know
oh they're just inviting me because they feel sorry for me or they're just
you know they just they're just offering me that because they
you know
they feel like they have to a lot of that shit is in my head
people want to do nice things because people want to do nice things
and the gift that I can give sometimes is just saying yes
is getting and just being involved because if I don't I get isolated
and this past week I just been saying yes man
I've been saying yes
and I've been getting it while I can
that's Robert Finley
what's going on out here I watched a Tyson fight last night
and dude I was most excited about seeing
Jake Floyd against
what's his name Nate Robinson
and dude I thought Nate Robinson was going to whoop his ass honestly
because I've fought black dudes before and they
they'll beat your ass
and so I thought that was kind of
how it was going to shake out
but damn bruh
Jake Paul
he said man he seemed legit just
it was hard to get a real take on it because Nate was just coming at him
Nate kind of had that bulldog
like a bulldog with an ear infection
you ever see that dog and he trying to bite you but he also
he don't aim correctly because his
you know his equilibrium is on
you know it's got a bad wheel
so he's biting but he's you know he missing to the left every time he try to
you know to teeth you down to gum you up
and in Jake Paul he really
he made that dude pay
he made him pay
I mean he put him out son
so you got to give props to both those dudes for getting out there
that shit looks scary
them dudes start throwing them fists man
so yeah I enjoy watching it
I mean the whole I didn't like all the rapping and shit
I'm like what is all this shit
I felt like I was trapped in a
nightclub in Jacksonville Florida
I was like this shit is crazy
people are fighting
a lot of smoke in the air
a lot of dance
like just one dude dancing by himself
it definitely had a very Jacksonville vibe to it
but
so what
when watching the Tyson thing going
I wasn't excited about it
I watched it on
stream east or whatever
where you get the free stream pirated
I'm the captain now
I did the pirate and why was that pirate
you know I stole the shit I stole it
and
yeah I didn't I just felt like
I don't know if I didn't feel like it was for me
I thought the ring looked like a video game
they really went for this video game look like complete black in the background
I don't even know if they need it at the Staples Center
I wonder what the cost was at
because you got to shell out them ducats
you want the Staples Center
you could have done that
you know you could have done that at the
at a Staples
at an abandoned Staples
you know one of those Staples that got looted out there
in Los Angeles or Portland
you could have done that on damn mile six on envelopes
but I just don't know what the cost was to do it at the actual big Staples
Center
but I guess it does add a different mystique to it
and as viewers hell we don't even know if they really did it at the Staples
Center
they could have been showing it from the helicopter and not doing it
they could have done that anywhere
what else I watched it
what did I feel like I felt like it was exactly what I thought it was going to
be
I'm glad I didn't pay for it
I wanted them there was too many rules going into it
and there was too much hugging
mostly the thing about the Tyson fight it made me remember to call my
grandfather
and my grandfather is dead
so I just prayed a little
and almost Ouija boarded him but I didn't even honestly know him that well
and he was my step grandfather and he used to take us on a motorcycle
and we used to catch fresh catfish and he would have them
you know he put them on that stringer and I'd put them over my shoulder
and I barely had a shoulder
I was probably four years old
hell half the fish was older than me I caught
you know I'd have 19 years worth of fish on my back
and I'm just strapped them bitches on
and he would just let me sit on the back of the motorcycle
I'd hold on to him with one arm and just you know
shoulder a
a little batch of bull heads
spoon river catfish shoulder them over my other shoulder
and just
and then get over you know get back to the house
back to the house but
but yeah what else I remember you know it was
Jones Jr. looked scared
or just more nervous
he definitely looked gassed out pretty quick
you know and
I've seen senior citizens fight
you know in my neighborhood
when I was growing up this man
Mr. Polito got in a fight
he got thrown into a ditch fire
by Milford King
and Milford died
but this is when he was
alive
and Milford was our school bus driver
and he was shirtless
and a lot of people think
oh school bus drivers should have a shirt on
well
hell if they should baby boy
you know a lot of school bus drivers
they don't need a shirt
you don't need a shirt to drive a bus
that's a damn
myth
you know that's a
that's what I mean bro
that's people smoking ideas
that aren't
aren't facts
and
and Milford was red headed
and he had red chest hair and back hair
and he probably weighed about
305 pounds
378 pounds
and he spoke
I thought he spoke a different language
but he just couldn't talk
well
you know I think they probably taught him about three quarters of the alphabet
and the last quarter it was just
I mean he was just damn Vanna Whiten out there
he's just spinning letters
he don't know what the hell is going on
he put a seven in the middle of a sentence
you know some of them he throw a damn
an asterisk
in the middle of a damn word
he don't you know he didn't know he wasn't fully equipped
you know if knowledge was an 18 wheeler this dude probably had about a
this dude has seven tires on him
he was that kind of guy
but he fistfotted this old man named Mr. P