Name: Christmas Friends | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #332
Uploaded: 2021-03-30T18:24:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas Friends | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #332' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas Friends | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #332' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-30. Transcript available.

Christmas Friends | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #332

Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard, on
the way to the beach in Los Angeles.
Gray Block, get that hitter.
And they used to have a big girl bus, they called her Clutch.
And that's what they called her.
Because she was conceived in a standard vehicle.
You know?
So, that's how that works, baby.
Good to be here, man.
I'm just an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
And I'm just trying to come up.
Who isn't?
Come on.
This is the Come Up with Eddie 9V.
I'm on a come up.
Yeah.
Feels real good out there.
I've been so blue.
Mm-hmm.
He's on a come up.
He's on a come up.
I'm on a come up.
It feels so good to have a brand new view.
Oh, yeah.
He's on a come up.
Well, I just broke off with my baby.
Now, I can finally get the love in you.
Come on.
Mm-mm-mm-mm.
Yeah, yeah.
Come up.
Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street.
When the mayor came and said to me,
Here, I'm on a come up.
Come on.
You're on a come up, baby.
Come up.
And it's plain to see between you and me.
We got so much loving and chemistry.
It's about to come up.
It's about to come up.
Well, good things keep on coming.
And there ain't gonna be no running.
No, I'm on a come up.
I'm on a come up.
There you go.
Good things keep on coming.
And I ain't gonna keep on running.
I'm on the come up.
And that is Eddie 9V.
They call him Eddie 9V.
And people look at Eddie and they say,
Well, damn, man.
And that's Eddie 9V.
Good to be here, man.
I'm alive.
You're alive.
And what's going on?
It is...
Hell, it's the end of March.
It's 2021.
And a lot of people didn't think this was gonna happen.
And I'm not naming names, but...
Mayans, dude.
So if you know any Mayans out there,
Maya...
Who they got?
Maya Rudolph.
Maya Angelou.
There's a couple of Mayans out there still remaining
and they don't believe in the calendar.
So it must be nice.
Must be nice, Mayans.
To just...
Somebody invites you over and you say,
Well, yeah.
I don't believe in...
Oh, Friday doesn't exist,
so I'm not gonna be there.
Or somebody says,
Hey, come to my birthday party.
They say, hey, well, you know,
the world ended 11 years ago,
so I'm not bringing a present.
You know?
That's the most Mayan shit ever, bro.
That's so Mayan.
How is that not a TV show?
That's so Mayan.
And we can actually get to the bottom of what these Mayans were saying.
Because the Mayans...
I mean, whatever.
I don't want to give them any more credit,
but you know what they did.
They sold us short.
That's what they did.
That song, again,
was called The Come Up
with Brighter Days
by Eddie 9V.
And that's a nice tune right there.
And you know,
what's going on?
What's going on in your world?
We got a nice episode for you today.
I want to continue to suggest to people
that they send in unique videos
and things that they want us to discuss on here.
Also, on theovon.com
is where you can upload the video.
Or you can email it to
tpwproducer
at gmail
or gmail.com
right there.
What's happening?
I'm in the original studio, baby.
Let's go!
So if you need me,
I'm right here.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Moi, baby.
French, me, daddy.
Because I'm here.
Look, I'm, you know,
I'm multi.
You don't have to be in one place anymore.
When I was young,
you had to be in one place.
If you wanted to, you know,
if you wanted to talk to a man
who sold matches,
you had to go.
He was only at the match shop.
Or if you wanted to see a man
about a, you know,
a cantaloupe or a horse
or anything,
if you wanted to talk
to a, you know,
somebody that sold belts,
you know,
or outdoor equipment,
yard seating,
then you needed to go
to a specific spot
and meet him.
But now,
people can be anywhere.
You see how I just did that?
I'm in three spots, daddy.
I'm in three spots right there
if you're looking on the video.
Yeah, nice to be here.
I did some comedy last night.
Got up out there
at,
they had a place over
in Los Angeles.
It's like between two buildings
and it's,
you can hear people,
you can hear,
I'll be honest,
you can hear gay dudes
swallowing pills
right on the other side
of the fence.
I mean,
it's a,
you know,
there's a lot of that
kind of activity.
You know,
outdoor barbiturate use
and a lot of men
trying to say
they're just buddies
but they're also,
you know,
one of them has a condom
in his sock.
So,
you know,
what they call,
they used to call it
Christmas friends.
When I was growing up,
they would refer,
if they had men,
when I was growing up,
they didn't have
probably maybe 70
or 80 gay men.
You know,
overall.
Okay?
And so,
you know,
you didn't,
there wasn't a lot of,
now there's a thousands.
You know,
you have gay,
you have gay pride parade,
you have,
you know,
gay,
you know,
you have bath houses,
you have,
what do you have?
You have Kathy Griffin,
you have all of the,
you know,
everything you could want.
You got,
you know,
you got little,
you know,
sex toys and stuff
where you could also do
a little bit of coke
off the end of it.
You know,
they got everything that,
you know,
they got man,
you know,
every,
you know,
they got swing sets
that vibrate.
They got everything
you could want
for gay culture now.
But when I was young,
they didn't have that.
And sometimes,
you would see men
being with other men
and they called it
Christmas friends.
oh,
that's,
those guys
are Christmas friends.
Or they would say,
oh,
them boys is,
you know,
they said there's,
oh,
those boys are brothers.
You know,
they tried to trick you
if you were a kid
and they didn't want
you knowing
that gay existed.
Because that was
kind of the time
I grew up in.
They didn't want
everybody knowing
that gay was
an option.
It was still
kind of under wraps.
It was
kind of covert.
You know,
it was like,
you could get,
it was,
it was available
but it wasn't
readily available.
It was like
these top shot
NBA basketball cards.
You gotta,
if you're not
on the website
at a certain time,
you're not,
you're not gonna get it.
And that's kind of
how it was
with gay back then.
You know,
it just wasn't
readily available.
So,
every now and then
you'd see men
and your parents
would say,
oh,
those guys are
unique brothers.
Or those guys
are cousins,
you know,
and you'd be like,
well,
they're cousins.
Why are they,
you know,
wrestling and kind
of kissing
in that,
you know,
in the front of that
Pontiac?
And nobody had
a lot of answers
for you.
But anyway,
that is
The Come Up
by Eddie9V.
And,
um,
what's going
on in my life,
man?
Oh,
yeah,
I got into
a new home.
And it's
kind of like,
I never,
you know,
I went out of town.
So,
I,
you know,
I'm back here
in Los Angeles
for a week.
and so,
I'm like,
well,
I literally
was leaving
the house
and I was like,
well,
who takes care
of the house
while I'm gone?
You know,
who,
what,
like,
is everything okay?
I literally
looked,
I was like,
hey,
you guys
gonna be okay?
And I'm just
like talking
to the furniture
and so I just,
it was kind
of nervous,
just,
I don't know.
I didn't think
about who
is taking care
of the home
while,
cause I never
owned it.
So,
now I'm just
like,
okay,
every,
you know,
I'll open up
the cupboard,
I'll be like,
alright,
you guys be good,
you know?
And it's just
like a little
spice rack
in there
or,
you know,
some thyme
and some,
what else
they had
in there?
Cinnamon.
So,
but that's
been kind
of interesting,
just kind
of feeling
that out,
you know?
Can't decide
if I want
a hat on
or off,
you know?
You ever
feel like
that?
I get
like that
sometimes.
You know,
a hat is
just a little
apartment for
your head,
really.
And that
is,
that's
legitimate.
What's
going on?
Yeah,
a lot of
neat stuff.
Yeah,
so if you
have some
cool stuff,
send it
in,
we're
going to
get into
some things
on this
episode.
What's
happening?
What's
happening kind
of,
like what
happened this
past weekend?
I did some
comedy sets
over there.
That's what I
was telling you
about.
I did some
comedy sets
over there
in Los
Angeles.
and they
and they
had a,
you know,
I don't
know,
I got in
an argument
with this
one,
not an
argument,
but like
a confrontational
moment kind
of,
I guess,
with this
one female
comedian.
And she,
I don't
know,
I've never
seen this
woman seem
like she
has ever
had an
ounce of
joy in
her being
but,
anyway,
she got
on me
like,
I didn't
have a
mask on.
I didn't
have a
mask on.
And here's
why,
because nobody
has them
on anymore.
That's what
I'm saying.
And I'm
not,
I've now
spent time
in Nashville,
I've spent
time in
Los Angeles,
I don't
see them
anymore.
People
don't
gots
dumb.
And so
that's like,
well,
you know,
so she gets
on me and
she's like,
kind of like,
oh,
you don't
think we
should be
wearing masks,
you know?
And I'm
like,
I just,
you know,
nobody has.
Meanwhile,
there is
a,
I don't
want to
say homeless
guy,
but a
guy who,
you know,
this dude
is not,
this guy
hasn't been
in a laundry
room,
I bet,
in probably
a year
and a
half.
And he's
defecating,
bro.
you know
what I'm
saying?
Making
freaking
body rope,
dog,
you feel
me?
You know
what I'm
saying?
Serving
that booty
isthmus.
You know
what I'm
saying,
bro.
this dude
is making
them
freaking
dirty
floridas
just
rolling
out
of
his
boot.
And so
I,
like,
nine feet
away from
us.
And this
lady's
giving me
a hard
time.
So,
I stood
my
ground
baby
and let
my
yapper
shine.
So,
that was
it.
It was a
little
conversation.
It was
kind of
exciting,
though.
It was
kind of
exciting.
I got
to be
in a
Tesla.
I got
to be
in a
Tesla.
And that
was
interesting
because
I'd
never
been in
there.
And it's
real
quiet.
I almost
felt like a
snail,
like a snail,
like if you're
in his little
cage or
whatever.
You know,
his butt.
I don't know,
what is that
thing a snail
has?
His butt?
I never
even thought
about that.
That a snail
is just,
you know,
he's just
scooting around
with his big
butt behind
him,
really.
With them
apple-bottom
jeans,
baby.
And he
scoots with
the frickin'
fur,
bruh.
Snail's
got that
frickin'
peach on
him,
boo-boo.
You know
it.
He's got
that booty.
So anyway,
I got to
be in a
Tesla.
That was
interesting.
Yeah,
it doesn't
feel,
I like a
little gasoline
beneath me.
I like
knowing that
if somebody
mishandles a
cigarette in
the vehicle,
we could
all die.
You know,
call me
old-fashioned.
I like that.
I just
like something
about it
a little
bit.
I like
when you
get in
a real
classic
vehicle.
And a
classic
vehicle is
you know,
that's a
it's something
people are
basically hoping
that if
their grandpa
dies,
he's gonna
give them.
That's what
it is.
and
some of
those,
when you
put gasoline
in them,
it's like
you sit
in there.
That thing,
my God.
I mean,
you could
feel the
Lord just,
it feels
like the
you sit
and it
feels like
the Lord's
jerking you
off,
you know.
Trying to
bust you
out at
just a
DNA level.
Just really
trying to
just get
you to
skeet
right out
of your
damn
spine,
baby.
You know
what I'm
saying?
So,
yeah,
so that
was it.
It was
interesting to
leave a
house.
It's just
interesting to
have a
home.
It's kind
of scary,
I guess.
I've
always kind
of thought
of myself,
I think,
as kind
of transient
a little
bit.
you know,
and I
kind
of like
being a
little bit
transient.
I like
having the
ability to
go.
And to
come,
you know
what I'm
saying,
boy?
Just joking,
guys.
Jesus,
man.
Take care
of yourself,
man.
But no,
I realize
that about
I like
always having
the ability
to just
kind of
scoot
off if
I want
to.
you know,
less hooks
in the
fish.
And I
realize that
about myself.
Even when it
comes to
anything,
I like
having one
foot out
the door.
I'll be
eating at
the dinner
table,
but I'll
be damned
if I don't
have one
of my
legs all
the way
out the
door.
Or at
least hanging
out the
window or
something.
I'll at
least leave
my shoes
over there.
because I
got one
foot out
the door.
It's just
the way
I've always
been.
You know,
I think
I just
don't want
to feel
connected.
I think
sometimes
that I
don't want
to feel
connected,
man.
I want
to,
but man.
You know,
it's scary
how much
connection
can,
how
debilitating
it can
almost be.
how
yeah,
I mean,
it's a
vulnerable
thing just
showing your
glue to
somebody,
just saying,
hey,
here's the
sticky parts
of who
I am.
Does this
work for
you?
d