Name: Male Auctioneers | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #345
Uploaded: 2021-06-17T13:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Male Auctioneers | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #345' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Male Auctioneers | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #345' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-17. Transcript available.

Male Auctioneers | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #345

today's episode brought to you by liquid death god kill it
today's guests are um you know they're those frontline tongue ninjas baby you
know what i'm
saying uh i mean these guys are you know the uh the the the senseis of selling
they're a father
and son duo from san marcos texas they work in a business that i know nothing
about but i'm very
curious to learn today's guests we are very honored to have in studio it is cameron
and his father
spanky nichols and they are auctioneers
nashville is a cool spot man first time here is your first time here yeah yeah
my first time
too okay very cool spot and you've been sober ever since no i haven't been
sober ever since i've had
a couple relapses here and there uh well but every day is a work in progress
yeah it really is dude i'm
grateful to have each new day you know and just try to have a good attitude
when i get up right yeah if
i can start out decent i usually do pretty well yeah it's when i start out yeah
so you don't want to go
have a drink with me later probably not man i'll watch you drink dude hell i'll
buy you some steroids
dude if you want we used to do a good bit of uh you know one of my buddies one
night we were i was
doing some touring somewhere and um he's like he's like 3 a.m he's like hey man
i'm going to get some
drugs you know give me some money and i was like all right you know i'm not
going out there to get them
but i'll you know what i'm saying i'll be a part of it fiscally i'll be
involved yeah right right
so i give him some money and then he comes back like two hours later man he had
steroids on him
he's like let's party and he had injectable steroids man i said well it takes
two weeks to get in your
system yeah so even if we do them right now we gotta you know i'm saying i
gotta get a gym membership
and then you and i gotta meet back up in a couple weeks so this wasn't a good
idea so we decided not
funny story though i'm sitting here with cam and spanky and you guys are
auctioneer men right
that is correct and is that a safe term what is the term
to to to to reference somebody that does auction auctioneer that's it yes sir
the old school term
would be colonel colonel really in world war one the the all the the the colonels
when they got done
with all the equipment they were the ones that sold the equipment so they
labeled auctioneers as
colonel horses too oh really so they had to get them to listen to them so they
gave them the the
title colonel just so to get the men to listen to them they gave them the title
colonel so then the
men had to listen and so at the end of like a battle or something or a war
sometimes the colonel would
auction off the gear i think so to my understanding horses and gear yeah so
technically we are colonels
okay and so think technically and you guys so spanky you got into it first yes
sir okay and so how did
that occur how did you how do you just how did someone become an auctioneer it's
really uh uh it's a
family passed down trait i mean it's tough to get it's really really tough to
break into like like
they'll tell you five percent of every graduating auctioneer class only five
percent ever pursue it
and make a living at doing it and is that uh and is it because it's a family
business like it's hard
it's not necessarily a family business but it's it's more so of uh with
anything it's who you know
right versus what you know correct yeah and that's everything i mean and even
actually in
i know in louisiana there's a lot of barge captains and stuff like that and
that business
tugboat captains yeah and that is a familial business i mean if your
grandfather you can
literally get grandfathered into it right you know and that's um and they're
always going to court over
that over trying to like uh adjust the way people can get into that um so spanky
take me into how you
get into it so my father uh graduated missouri auction school in 1974 oh wow
and he's he's had auto
auctions my whole life owned auto auctions my whole life and so i mean i was
working the ring which
they say the ring is the floor taking bids yep yep yep yep the floor bidders
okay i mean i i was
working the ring as young as 10 11 12 years old okay and when you're in the
ring what is that like
so so the ring is the floor where the arena and and and working the crowd okay
working working the
people that are attending the auction they're buying and bidding you're you're
taking their bids
and turning them into the auctioneer which is that on a block okay at that time
would have been my dad
i mean we've done anything from tool sales to car sales mainly my dad has owned
car auto auctions my
whole life wow so uh do you remember like so as as a ring person were there
some like was that kind of
was that harder than being actually the big boss no not at all you don't have
to count you just have
you don't have to count you just got to turn bids in i mean yep yep yep yep yep
and every time you yep
i mean you're going up the auctioneer is going up a hundred or whatever increments
he's counting okay
so what determines uh and and what determines how you count like how the
auctioneer sets the
like the increments what how fast the crowd is bidding right and also there's a
floor so like
there's a reserve so if you're like 10 000 bucks you know you count in 250s or
hundreds and if you're
like in whatever the two or 300 bucks it's 50s sometimes okay whatever the
crowd will allow you
to do right okay and uh what um what are some of the things as you're okay so
you you get out of the
ring and you end up becoming the auctioneer so did you have to go to school for
that like
okay and and you went to missouri auction school missouri auction school the
same one you went to
yes sir okay same one my dad went to okay and how many like is there like a how
big is it is your
was your class i think there was like 50 of us yeah for that year and is that
pretty competitive i
mean that seems like a competitive like you just business sharpening your
tongue before class like
it's yeah the business is the school you you don't come out of auction school
as an auctioneer
no you come out of auction school with the with the ability to practice and
learn to become an
auctioneer takes years after takes years after i will say that he cameron has
become the fastest
auction not just because of my son but it comes natural to him right i have to
work a lot harder
at it he he's he's a lot more natural at it really than a lot of people i've
ever seen and what do you
what makes him what what are some of those kind of natural abilities that make
someone have an easier
uh walk with auctioneering just breathing it just he just came real natural uh
to him breathing he
learned uh counting and he's a real sharp guy on on on top of aside from
auctioneering and and that's
memory is a lot of of of auctioneering i mean you gotta you know stay on track
with your numbers and
not not miss numbers and and at counting that at that rapid speed it takes it
takes a good memory
and he has that what do you think like there's some of because i i can almost
relate to you there
spanky when you're saying like i don't know the pressure would max me out dude
you know i'm saying
i'd be on the law audit or something i'd be on you know what i'm saying i'd be
calling big pharma i
would need like i think the pressure like even just in the moment of the like
it's like keeping the
tablature in my head worried i was going to upset people well there's there's
there's a lot going on
when you're up there auctioneering and selling cars at 30 40 seconds every car
i mean you're you're
you're and nowadays with covid uh you know you you don't have a guy sitting
over here talking to you
necessarily or sometimes you do that's a luxury sometimes he's in the computer
and so you're
watching the computer you're watching the crowd you're watching another screen
for online bidders
so you're you're watching everything at the same time wow and you and you you're
trying not to piss
off eight or ten people at one time and keep the whole entire crowd happy and i
mean there's a lot
going on when you're up there right uh cam what would you say is um is there a
moment in the bidding
like in the bidding process when what's the toughest moment for an auctioneer
as the bin really gets
tightened out you know like or is it in the beginning like in the beginning
finding some of
the journey through when you start an item so you the car rolls in or the item
or whatever you're
selling and who brings it in is it women usually yeah usually no it's just
random people they just
get these drivers in oh damn i feel like you put a bit you know you put a
beautiful little bird
a blender i'll buy it yeah oh yeah oh absolutely for sure it will help i'll buy
a used vacuum if
she's nice you know what i'm saying but that's gone by the wayside really
because yeah they're all
temp drivers well you got to be politically correct nowadays and give everybody
an opportunity
right but if some man walks out there with a blender dude he can keep it yeah i'm
not interested
you know i'm saying like so i mean yeah you're giving people opportunity but
you're not giving
you're not really you know you're not going to push my buttons i don't think as
well like
my mom when i was growing up my mom used to deliver these magazines called news
on wheels
and it was a magazine that had pictures of like women like semi-lewd women kind
of laying on the
hood of the it was usually like a uh not t-mobile what am i thinking of um
prime co uh it's like a t-mobile
uh t-top car oh yeah and so like a uh corvette or something you know something
that had a pack of
winstons in the dashboard you know what i'm saying like something like that
yeah some old guy like and
so they would always have some lady laying on the front oh yeah and it would
just be and that
would help sell the car oh yeah yeah absolutely that's advertising marketing it
was advertising
yeah um but yeah that's kind of sexist now damn that's crazy dude i mean i get
it but also we
used to have like hooters girls come and uh serve wings and stuff at our
auction okay so there's a
little bit of like uh used to be catering to the day yeah yeah absolutely right
um okay so take me
i'm sorry to interrupt you cam so take me through some of that what's that like
man once you get the
items so they kind of do they always wheel the item out yeah the car will come
in so it's like a huge
barn with like big bay doors and there's 18 lanes there's four to 18 lanes
depending on what auction
we're working and they just drive the cars through the car sits there lanes
when you say that what does
that mean i know like a bay okay so like a big garage okay so like if you were
to take this garage
door and open it up over here it just goes through auctioneers in the middle
and you got the ring
right there okay and uh the car will roll up and it sits there for until pretty
much so we find money
on it which is basically get you get a bid okay uh i'd say the toughest part is
probably just finding
the money but it's also the easiest too because you can just drop it really low
and go okay so a car
rolls in right and you do you start the bidding or the audience starts the
bidding we start the bidding
so we're we look at our computer or if we have a rep next to us uh there'll be
a reserve or a floor
with that dealer needs for that car uh so we usually start it around there give
or take and then from
there we find the money and then we go up and get some excitement and bids roll
in now using that
beginning moment do you see people kind of talk to their friend oh yeah yeah we
read people like
we read people for yes yeah so if you see somebody and i didn't mean to
interrupt but they're waiting
for you to drop back oh yeah back back back back and so you're fishing they
want to fishing for
money i see and so you just drop down and in you know numbers so who are you
working for the seller
or the bidders are you working for both we're working for the auction but w