Name: Red Rover | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #352
Uploaded: 2021-08-04T02:58:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Red Rover | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #352' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Red Rover | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #352' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-04. Transcript available.

Red Rover | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #352

what size shirt do you wear brother small yeah and how does that feel on you
does it feel tight
feels good what a little tight but good amen brother all right today's episode
is brought
to you by gray block pizza gray block pizza 1811 pico boulevard on the way to
the beach gray block
get that hitter baby you know i really i live between them i live kind of
between uh
i live in a lot i kind of go with a large shirt and
and sometimes i want to be in an xl
you know i want to just be in an xl i want people to see me and be like oh yeah
he wears an xl
you know i want the ladies to see me and say oh yeah that's an xl fella that's
a real
you know that's a stallion or something
because i feel sometimes like a little you know
i mean i was so excited when i got from a medium to an l i was
i remember i bought myself a damn can of beer when i when i did it
you know when i got from that medium to that l i remember getting myself a damn
cold can of beer and
god i just felt like i had made it
you know and
and some people you know your size you run out of size you know god only gives
you so much size and
you run out of you know you know he doesn't give you enough yarn to keep sewing
yourself bigger and
bigger and so you run out and
you kind of uh
you know you're stuck with the quilt that you are and
and you're always i feel like as a man you're always kind of hoping to get to
those other levels
you know the to the s to the m to the l to that xl
and the double xl that's true that's really
that feels like tricky territory
to me riley what do you think about that
yeah i think you're totally right
and did you ever go from an xs to an s
i have
and what was that like for you
oh it was a change
yeah did you feel
you remember when it was
i think it was around sixth grade
sixth seventh
god it's beautiful man
and what happened your bones grew out or something
they did
and did you remember people noticing did you notice did you feel any different
yeah i i felt a lot different i felt a lot better
and do you think will you ever get to an m do you think you're headed there you
feel it coming on
so sometimes i wear m's
um oh really i do depends what type of shirt
okay so big dog getting out and about huh
yeah seems so things things are changing for you bucko
i love that i love hearing that i love hearing people get to new levels
all right let's see what we can do here
welcome to this past weekend
a long time ago
i was in love with a girl
and i think i took that love a little too far
you can see the cigarette burns on the wall
and all the empty bottles in the hall
if the water gets too rough you know who to call
don't you babe
don't you babe
don't you babe
and i can see the way he looks in your eyes
i can see it baby
a soul soul lost with his foolish lies
if you even have to ask baby i'm surprised i'm so surprised so surprised
Sometimes you gotta leave your lover
If you wanna learn to love again
Little black eyes
Flying all around the kitchen
Little black eyes
On your wings and bad decisions
Well here I am and it's another night
Little black flies
And that is Eddie Ninevolt
And that's a new hit they got there
That new soul ringer right there
Eddie Ninevolt coming in hard
Coming in hard like an erect garbage man, baby
And doing what he do
Collecting things, baby
That's it right there
Man
Little black
Little black flies
That'll get you
That'll get it for you right there
And that's off that album
I think Little Black Flies
I believe is the name of their album
That's Eddie Ninevolt
Good to be here with you today
You know, I've been watching the Olympics
I just went out of town
You know, I tend to travel
And I remember when I was young
The first place I ever went
A friend of mine
A neighbor
And this fellow was haunted, man
This fellow was haunted, brother
And his little Gerald was his boy
And he was
He had a
Deficiency or something
When he would say something
He would say it again under his breath
Real quick, you know
He would be like
Yeah, I'm going
I'm going to get me a lime soda
I'm going to get me a lime soda
He would say things twice
And people thought that he
Was twins
That had never
Separated
You know, people said
Oh, he got another one in there
And
God never divvied him up
At birth
And
So he's doubled up in there
And other people said
It's just an echo
You know, he got a big
He got a wide throat
So
When he says something one time
Then you just hear it another time
Hear it another time
So there's all these different rumors
And speculations, you know
But I
You know, when I see Gerald
He would just say
You know, he would say something to you
And then he would say something to you
He'd be like
Man, I got to go home
It's lunchtime
I got to go home
It's lunchtime
You know, he just had that double up on him
He had that reverb
That heavy
He had that heavy
That audio bounce inside of him
You know, just
Just double dribbling
All of his
Syllables and consonants
In every word
You know, God was just
Double dribbling on him
And the first time I ever went anywhere
I remember his mom
His mom was
His mama was fat
And I hate to say it like that
And she was
She wasn't like
She didn't have like a beer belly
And look
We all come in different sizes
And I think there's advantages
And disadvantages to all of them
And his mama was just warm
Like a damn
I mean, she just
I think she worked at a hospital
Or at a
Either that
Or she just wore
She might have just worn men's clothing
And I don't know what she did
She just
She always had matching pantsuit
Top and bottom
So she could have been a nurse
Or she could have been a damn
You know, she kind of dressed like a black guy
You know, matching pants and shirt
You know what I'm talking about, Riley
I do
And anyway, she was so warm
She was a big lady
She kind of was
You know, and I
I shouldn't have said she's fat
I mean, and I don't mean it like that
Like degrading her
I just mean she's a
You know, she was just
She had extra
And that's the kind of woman she was
She had a little extra hug for you
She had a little extra love
She had an extra
You know, whisper in your ear
If you need it
She had a little extra sandwich
If you needed a meat on a bread
She had it for you
I don't remember her name
I don't remember her name
And she died
She did die
Eventually
I'm not sure what happened
But she really
She wore like a gold chain as well
She dressed honestly like a brother
She dressed like
You know, kind of like a Crayola crayon
With a gold chain on
You know, a lot of times
You'll see a black gentleman have
Orange pant
Orange shirt
Orange
Orange
Leggings
Orange shirt
Orange sunglasses
He'll have the full
Dichotomy of one color
You know
Anyway, they took me one time to
I guess it was a campground
I thought it was in Mississippi
Mississippi, America
And if you haven't been there
You're really
It's very much like
It's like reading Tom Sawyer
But
With your time
With your lot
With your body
And your time
It's like
Basically like wandering around
Inside of Tom Sawyer
You know, you see people
That don't even
Don't even believe
Don't even know about certain things
You tell people
You know, about the
21st century
They don't even believe you
You know, people too busy
You know, drinking sweet tea
And just kind of
You know, putting teeth under their pillow
Hoping for the best kind of vibe
But anyway, so we went there
And that was the first place I'd ever traveled to
My first experience getting out
And they took me over there to Mississippi
And
We went swimming in some type of
Hell, I don't know what it was
It could have been
I think it was some type of river or something
And
And they had a snake in there
And I was so scared
And
And we stayed in these trailer homes
And we ate bologna sandwiches
And if you haven't had bologna
I mean, it's like
It's like a damn
Have you had it, Riley Mal?
Bologna meat?
I have
And what was your experience with it?
Like, how would you describe it?
It's more like a
Type of ham
I would say
Okay
You look that up for us
Tell us a little bit more about it if you can
Man, I remember we had it
And we had just American cheese on these buns
And
Some type of condiment on there
Could have been mayonnaise
Could have been white
Mustard
I think they came out briefly
With a white mustard
That never took off
Because I think people were squirting it on each other
And saying it was
You know, E-Jack or semen or whatever
You know how kids will be
But
Anyway
What do you got, Riley?
Any intel on it?
Yeah, it's a
Meat batter
So beef, pork, turkey, chicken
Or all of the above
Damn
So that's a damn
Charlotte's Web gangbang right there
You know what I'm saying, baby?
That's everything
I mean, if you
I mean, that's really just like
Taking a damn farm
And putting it in a blender
And then pouring it right into your body
Or into your buddy's body
But anyway, that was the first time
I'd ever traveled
And that's where I went
And
Since then, I've continued to travel
I've been a traveling man
You know, this past weekend
I went up to
Minog
Minog
Minnesota
Can you look at it for me?
Minog
Mingnan
I think
Mingnan
Like
Like Filet Mingnan
Mingnan, Minnesota
What does it say?
There's a
Top 10 best filet mignon
In
Minnesota
Alrighty, man
But this place was called
I think
I think
Mingnan, Minnesota
I'm not sure
It could have been called
Mingnan
But
I went up there
And man
I went up there
Jimmy John invited me
And you guys know
Jimmy John
The Sandwich Monarch
He's that Turkey Tom Kingpin
You know
That's who he is
And he invited me up there
And he does a summer camp
With
All of his friends
He invites all type of friends
And humans
And
And we
And I got to go
And man
Flew up there on a private plane
Fancy plane
Beautiful
I mean
God
Even the air smelled like
You'd inhale
And just
You knew a couple stock tips
You know
You just
I mean
Damn
You'd clear your throat
And find some cryptocurrency in it
You know
Just
Living high on the hog
Baby
Like somebody put a ladder
On a damn pig's back
And I went up that
Man
I was living high on the hog
So we took that
The Jimmy John jet up there
Oh
Sorry man
I got
Got a little bit of Bitcoin
I think they're still stuck in my throat
From the experience
But we went up there
And it was awesome
He literally
He literally treats his friends to a summer camp in the summer
And it's adults and children and childish adults and adultish kids
You know
Autism
And everything man
There's people up there
And you know
Travis Tritt came and played
The American country music icon
Who really has a voice
Like somebody stuffed three black dudes right into his esophagus
You know
And one black woman
I mean he got all the
You know
He
He hits the notes baby
A band called J.J. Gray
Who else
Zach Brown band came up and played
And man
They got so many hits
Dude
You could have a concussion
Just from listening to them
But it was awesome
They had sea doos and jet skis
I went
Fishing
Caught a
Sturgeon
Or a little baby sturgeon
Or something
Caught me a little carp
A little bit of lake carp
Or sunfish
Or brim
Or
Sock-a-lay
Speckled
There's so many names for this one fish that comes out of a lake
It's just
You know
It's one little fish
And there's so many names for it
You know
Whitefish
Sock-a-lay
Perch
Brim
Sunfish
You know
White koi
And white koi
Was also
Also the name of every wigger dude
In
In any community
Any kind of white dude that wanted to be black
Wigger
They were
His name was koi usually
And he wore a North Carolina jersey baby
Praise God
Nah
But what are we talking about man
I went fishing
We went sea
Sea-doing
Jet-skiing
Watched fireworks
Had a nice little cabin
They had some brand new cabins
They had a gym
Man
It was
It just made me
One of the things that was cool
It was like
If you have some extra currency
One great way to spend it
Is doing
Something fun
With your friends
Instead of saving that money
Just saving it all
For what
You know
So anyway
It was
I got to
I met
Clint Boyer
And he is
He drove NASCAR
You know who that is
Raleigh Mal
I don't
You watch a lot of NASCAR
Or not
They allow that
In you guys' dea