Name: Howie Mandel | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #355
Uploaded: 2021-08-26T21:03:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howie Mandel | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #355' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howie Mandel | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #355' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-26. Transcript available.

Howie Mandel | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #355

hey guys i want to apologize for not having a solo episode this week um just
been dealing with some
stuff and have uh doing some work too so just been a lot of different things on
the plate at this
moment um but i love you guys and i'm so fortunate to have today's guest in
this guy has been
entertaining humans and animals even i mean heck the guy's been an animal and
even and entertained
humans as an animal he's done it in animation um real life flesh and bone
verbal audio visual this guy
done it all he's done it for decades now um you you know him probably most
recently from america's
got talent i know him at one point he was my boss and uh and i'm so grateful to
have uh the hilarious
the timeless comedian mr howie mandel
yeah i just wonder like because i remember when i was a kid sometimes if we get
if we did something bad then
we would come downstairs we would try to get my mom to let us watch tv that was
the big thing
and it was you're not allowed to watch tv as a kid no not if i was if we were
bad that's what they
held from your tv yeah wow wow yeah they held that tv and it was the main you
know we had i think
this tv was probably it was a pretty tiny tv maybe 14 inches you know it was
one of those size doesn't
matter but you had to get yeah you had to get close to it you know you had to
get real close so right so
anyway um we had it we'd come down and like perform for my mom so that she
would let us you have to
dance for tv time yeah and that's so that's like uh like vons got talent yeah
yeah it was kind of like
vons got talent you know it was like the ron and instead of a million dollars
or a show in vegas
you just get to watch a show on a 14 inch black and white tv yeah and it was
usually like uh yeah
a lot of times it was um you know bob saget show with the uh full house full
house or um you would
dance to watch full house yeah when i look back on it i think i should have
just you know i should
have danced for something better sometimes it was honestly the one with john walsh
the missing p
you know where the people go yeah the most want america's most wanted right
which actually actually
ended up catching people yeah that tv show oh yeah i still watch that i like
that and i like cops
i liked all those the mics open king um sorry it's okay is somebody was that
somebody breathing yeah just
nick so i just was gonna try to give him to close that was that nick you're
breathing yeah i had the
speaker way too loud in there i'm my voice is probably way too loud no it's not
even your voice
it's just i was starting we were talking no but i was talking then i heard
heavy breathing and i
thought oh my god your fan base for this pie is really enjoys like this is i've
been on a lot
of podcasts but i've never heard the enjoyment of the audience coming through
you know it's just like
thanks nick they're separate audio tracks sometimes they remove it sometimes it's
an extra layer
oh you don't know it's so like this may have been removed in post-production
before it
went out yeah so then i come off like an asshole talking about breathing that
only i heard but
now i'm gonna keep it in well no if you keep it out then you can cut out this
part too but this is
hilarious yeah i think at this point he doesn't he got a free he got a groupon
for a lamaze course too
that he's using is like kind of uh to meet women i love that that's a great way
to meet women
yeah and you're not seeing them at their at their best have you ever been with
a a pregnant woman
deal i don't know not no you would know you wouldn't know oh then no no i haven't
been with like
somebody that's passed like probably a week or two oh okay i don't think anyway
not in my lifetime
i have but it was my wife oh okay but i'm talking about like sex in the third
trimester is no oh my
god what you do is you don't want to hurt the baby right so you don't want to
lie on top and you don't
want her to lie on top of you what we used to do is just butter the table and
then lie her on the
table and i just grab the ankles and then slide her back and forth and that way
there's no pressure
on her abdomen oh or you know that's an emerald lagasi method too i feel like i
feel like he
that has like a lot of pow yeah is that what he says bang bam bam bam right i
forgot thank you bam
what did you turn on now nick that's there's a humming noise that's the
elevator that's the elevator yeah
that's just a rent issue it's just why we pay a low rent do the people at home
hear
the hear that there's a lot of background noises that i'm hearing and a lot
going on in here um
the people well a lot of it is the part of the elevator i don't mind is it's a
lot of senior
citizens going to get checked out is this a medical building we're in yes
medical are you
kidding me what is this this is not like an infectious disease center no no
what kind of doctor
are we right next to lots of mental health lots of that's okay lots of lots of
dads coming alone and
women coming with kids and then they meet and go to meetings oh mediators uh
yeah it's a divorce
well that's different than a medical building there's divorce and there was
pornography for a bit down
the hall you had pornography down the hall we didn't but somebody did with nick's
breathing he could
almost have it um but you could hear some some you could hear i couldn't tell
if it was argue like
contractual arguments through the wall or what it was you know but you could
hear a bit of tussling kind
of when i i don't know that people know this but i i did years ago i i did the
movie gremlins and i'm
gizmo oh yeah yeah this gizmo yeah but you know had to i had to audition to get
that and i auditioned
in a building in burbank not unlike this building here and i didn't know that
it was a medical building
and the casting person had rented an office in the medical building so i was
going for the audition for
gremlins and it wasn't just me to play gizmos all the all the all that but as i
went up the stairs
all i heard is a woman's voice going oh oh oh oh that's all i heard and i
thought oh she's gonna
get the part and then i uh it was so is right next to an obgyn some gynecologist
and she was having
a procedure i assumed she was having a procedure yeah maybe she wasn't maybe
she's just a complainer
sitting in the waiting room yeah yelling ow yeah but uh and then i i got the
part i went into the wrong
office i went into the gynecology no i did but then they said no next door
because i was the only
guy i went you're going i couldn't beat that she's going ow and i'm going oh
did you uh did you practice that voice before you went or did you kind of just
go on the fly
no i didn't practice that's the only voice i do you know people i think we
talked about that before
i do i was it was part of my act i was 11 years old and i was at a birthday
party and i was choking on a
piece of cake and you know when it goes halfway down your throat and then you
can't dislodge it
i think there was something in the you know when someone's help me help me help
me help me and they
were doing that they were laughing i'm saying help me and you're laughing
everybody at the party was
laughing i'm going i can't breathe there's something halfway down my throat
please help me
and and they were laughing that sounds like what i heard through the wall with
the pornography group
actually that exact quote really that exact help me there's something halfway
down my throat and then
and then i i dislodged it and and but when i went home my memory was the trauma
of almost choking
and dying but more importantly what stood over that was everybody at the party
was looking at me and laughing at me and i thought oh my
god if i could just bring myself this close to death yeah each and every night
i could be an entertainer
i could be in show business i could so i i practiced without my uh without cake
so you know you could do it
it's just like you take the nipple of a balloon you know when you blow up a
balloon and you stretch a balloon
so that's not my voice i'm not i'm not talking like no it's not doing that if
you close your
this is a really bad asmr yeah wow but it's good the weird thing is there's
some star trek
fan out there probably getting erect right now
so i i now i i did that voice and that became part of my act and then uh i did
i got a job on a show
called muppet babies oh and i'm i'm skeeter i'm skeeter i'm oh skeeter is that
yeah you know is
skeeter's kind of the ones he's yeah he more he's multi-gender he's everything
kind of oh what is his
pronoun oh i think his pronouns is just everything i'll go moss you know it's
like everything in spanish
i think wouldn't skeeter didn't have a gender did he i i don't know yeah so
that was that that was the
voice i don't know i don't know what i am my pronoun is everybody there you go
yeah okay so uh that was
skeeter and then a couple years later i got bobby's world and i decided to use
the skeeter voice so i did
this it's a skeeter this is bobby yeah and then years later when i saw my gynecologist
i got uh uh gizmo
and i did so they're all the same a whole array of voices i did other voices on
the uh on muppet
babies i was also bunsen honeydew oh i don't remember that when you bring up
bunsen please
honeydew if you don't listen to me i'll make your sister disappear there was
that and i was animal
go bye bye oh that's cool bro oh bye bye and then i i i was busy and i was on
the road and then uh
who took over for me on that i think it was dave coulier you guys almost look
the same now
it does look like me i didn't realize that bunsen honeydew looks exactly like
me oh shit
you that is so great i never you might have to rebirth you might i gotta do
oh my god it's me look at me how did it it saw the future the puppet is
designed you gotta see
bunsen honeydew they could see this they're watching this on youtube right yeah
art imitates
life man that's the oh my god i didn't know holy it's like my new headshot
there you are yeah that is
going to be my new headshot rich is in there richard works with me we got to
just give out bunsen
honeydew pictures oh my god look at all of them what are you getting what is
all that and there's
merchandise oh that's google him just look where he went to the beach so you
can see him tanned up a
little bit there in some of those yeah oh my god i was a good looking i had no
idea that i was voicing
my own future and that's me oh yeah nothing to me myself well i think that's
not baby bunsen
was there a baby bunsen it's muppet go muppet babies bunsen honeydew that's the
regular um bunsen
honeydew i was a muppet babe there i am oh even more even more like me and
there he is with an eight
ball too and that was obviously and look at the glasses i have my own an eight
ball you're going
through a tough time you know we talked about it before we went on the air
mental health i've been
dealing with it from the beginning and look there's mentioning there's my new
glass line i had he was you
know i i got into the glasses did you eyeless just people going totally eyeless
now well that's why he
needs glasses he has no eyes he only uses those for i i've never seen somebody
wear glasses without
actual eyeballs until you bro as a baby that's me that's who you were well
because i didn't want to
be called four eyes i wanted to be called no eyes i like that yeah but this is
uh i started also
predicting the future so i'm doing that character i had no idea that one day i
would shave my head there is
one hair on there isn't there at the top is there one hair there seems to be
like oh yes do you see
that yeah if you pull that it undoes my belly button yes and then uh and then i
didn't know i'd
have my own line of glasses and my own glasses that'd be so funny if you pull
that and your belly button
just came on top haven't you ever done that have you ever cleaned the lint like
there's i get a lot of lint
in my belly button and and sometimes when i start pulling the lint out i
unravel my underpants
that's insane 