Name: Jay Cutler | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #357
Uploaded: 2021-09-06T21:58:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Cutler | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #357' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Cutler | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #357' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-06. Transcript available.

Jay Cutler | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #357

Today's episode is brought to you by Liquid Death.
Today's guest is a unique man.
He's had a lifestyle, an experience that not many get to have.
He's led a rare path.
He is celebrated and discussed ad nauseum, you might say.
I think that means getting sick.
I don't know what that means exactly.
But we're happy to have him here today.
He's a retired NFL quarterback and the host of Uncut with Jay Cutler.
It is the man himself, Mr. Jay Cutler.
Shine on me, and I will find a song I've been singing just for.
We're grateful you're coming in.
I know you've got a podcast starting up.
We have a lot of podcast listeners over the years with this podcast and a
different podcast.
I know you went on Nate the other day.
It's pretty cool.
Because Nate's a big fan.
He's a big Vanderbilt fan.
Huge Vandy fan.
Yeah.
From here, grew up here.
He's in there.
He's funny as hell, too.
He means it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Nate Bargatze, he's really that.
He's a real more of a scientist of humor, I feel like.
Yeah.
It's calculated, almost.
He sets it up.
He's got his whole thing.
Whenever he walked in, you don't really know.
I just started doing this podcast stuff.
You don't really know how it's going to go with somebody you don't know.
Doing something with somebody you know, you're like, all right, I've got this
down.
I've got this figured out.
But when he walked in, I was like, shit, this might not go well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because he was not a lot of emotion, just kind of just sat down.
And he's like, I was like, oh, boy.
He's real passive.
Yeah, he's a calm guy.
I'm trying to feel.
It almost sometimes feels with Nate like I'm getting in trouble for something
in the beginning.
But then once you kind of get to know that he's just, it's just kind of some of
his demeanor.
Exactly.
He's real smart.
He's a real smart guy, man.
Yeah, what else going on?
Not much.
I had a freaking bad dream last night.
Do you ever have those dreams?
Like, I just get shocked sometimes, like even as an adult, that I'll have these
dreams where I'll like wake up and I'm like, what's your heart?
You know, I'll be like drooling.
I'll be like, what happened?
Do you know what I'm talking about at all?
I do know what you're talking about.
I don't feel like I dream that much anymore.
I don't know what that says about me.
It might not be a good thing.
Yeah.
Or it might be a good thing.
You might have to get your chakras worked on or something, man.
I have a couple of Indian buddies and they're always like, dude, your chakras
are bad.
And I'm like, how do you fix that?
That's what I always, you know, I try to get into it with them.
And it's like, I would love to get my chakras fixed.
Yeah.
Oh, dude, that would be a good show of something.
Jay Cutler gets his chakras fixed.
That's a good show.
That's a great idea.
I got to, I need to write this down.
I need to look into this.
Hey, man, you may need a construction worker though, dude.
I might need like five of these guys in here.
One guy's not going to fix me.
Yeah.
You may need a little bit of work, man.
Yeah.
I'm trying to think.
So you got the new podcast.
What is this?
This is called Liquid Debt.
This is a water company.
From the Austrian Alps?
Yeah.
It almost sounds a little, I don't want to say Nazi water, but it's definitely,
it sounds
like on the can.
I don't know who's.
Stone Cold Mountain Water came straight from the Alps to murder your thirst.
You've got like cool sponsors.
This stuff's good, man.
They've been good.
It's pretty good.
You know, they mail us a lot of water, man.
That's nice.
I'll send you a couple of cases.
I know you don't need it.
I know you're doing well.
Yeah.
But I'll put a, we'll throw a couple of cases.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll just put it on my podcast and just be like, hey, I'm just doing
this.
Oh, I bet they'd probably get on board.
Yeah.
You know?
I mean, the amount of like weird ad sponsor requests is, is, is mind boggling
to me.
What did you have to read?
I didn't see your ads yet on your first, on your, we did a, uh, I should know
this.
I really should.
It's okay if you don't.
Yeah.
I did a, like a helicopter, basically a helicopter ambulance.
Oh, really?
So if you're hurt somewhere and you can't get a, get to a hospital, this, you
pay $149 a
year and this helicopter will come and get you and take you to a hospital.
Dude, that sounds.
I didn't even know it was a thing.
It sounds like risk.
It sounds very something that would happen to like somebody in Mexico.
I feel like it sounds like a kidnapping or more like a Colombian type of thing.
I mean, I kind of, I mean, I kind of want to do it and just like call them up
and see what
happens.
Like, Hey guys.
Yeah.
I'm having a tough time.
I'm afraid my ankle.
I need, I need, I need a lift.
I'm out at Lake Radnor.
I got bit by a duck.
I need to go home.
Yeah.
Um, I was pretty shocked a few years ago when Uber, like there was something
was going on
in the world when Pete, like, um, was it the Olympics?
I don't remember what it was, but when Uber started having airplanes on their
thing, do
you remember that?
I do remember that they stay and they started doing, um, airplanes, helicopters,
and I think
they were trying to get in like the freight business.
People were getting rich.
That's when I realized, holy shit, man.
People are rich, dude.
Yeah.
If you can just dial up a plane on Uber.
Yeah.
10 grand.
Yeah.
No big deal.
Charge it.
It starts feeling to me recently.
I felt like during the pandemic that there's so many more rich people or that
money doesn't
mean anything.
I think these weird thoughts.
Yeah.
I think now, like, I don't understand how people like are functioning.
Like, I don't feel like anybody works, but everyone's just spending money.
I don't know if people are in debt and they just don't care or what's happening
and everyone's
just driving around.
Yeah.
Doesn't it feel fictional?
Yeah.
It's like, everyone's just cruising around.
People are out having a great time.
I'm like, what?
Yeah.
People are buying champagne.
People are buying nice hats.
People are buying jewelry.
I mean, there's like 200 people a day that move to this town.
Yeah.
People are just buying houses left and right.
And houses are getting expensive, man.
Even, like, you'll see a groundhog and even he looks like he's got some money.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like, the land here is getting a little bit.
Oh, it's absurd.
It's getting pretty crazy.
I mean, I hope people are doing well.
Yeah.
I do.
I hope that, like, in a couple years, like, we just fall off the cliff.
And it's like, well, I saw this one coming, guys.
That's what it's.
I feel like I see it coming, but nothing else.
It's not kind of making sense maybe to other people.
Like, I don't know what it is, but, yeah, I'm just shocked.
Like, I have some friends that are pretty rich sometimes, and they say that
they'll be, like, on runways and stuff where, like, everybody has private jets
and stuff.
And they said there's, like, so many more private jets now.
They're everywhere.
But it's also, like, everyone's doing a podcast.
Everyone's doing social media.
Yeah.
But, I mean, people have to be buying.
People have to be buying Liquid Death.
Yeah.
People have to be buying what people are selling on Instagram.
I don't know.
I'm confused by the world at this point in my life, I think.
Yeah, I feel like it gets a little tricky.
Because you really, Jay Cutler, I mean, you really, you're Jay Cutler, man.
And you really had a big, I mean, you've had such a neat experience, dude.
I always wanted to be, like, because you always seem like the tall, kind of,
like, you know, like, you know what I'm saying, bro?
I prefer women, but you seem like a tall, decent-looking man.
I'll be honest.
You know what I'm saying?
I'll give you at least an eight and a half, dude.
Oh, my kids gave me a seven last night.
No way.
I don't even know how this conversation happened, but they gave me a seven.
And I was like, are you guys serious?
I'm a seven?
And they're like, keep it up.
We'll make you a six.
I was like, gosh.
Kids are dicey, bro.
Kids are relentless.
They also tell the truth, so, I mean, maybe they're right.
Maybe it is a six.
Maybe six and a half.
I mean, I think in this town, there's, I feel like there's almost more
competition, I feel like, in some ways in a city like Nashville,
because there's, I feel like here there's a lot more, like, kind of manly dudes
sometimes.
Where I've been living in L.A., and there it's a lot more.
Oh, you crush L.A., I'm sure.
Like, you're a dude out there.
Yeah, out there, chicks.
You're like, hey, what's going on?
You know, tell me about the squirrels.
They'll, like, ask real low-key shit.
Like, what can I eat if I'm lost in the woods, you know?
And I'm like, I'd have a Nutri-Grain bar, but you know what I'm saying?
In my backpack.
Yeah, yeah.
Nashville's changed.
Like, you're used to, I mean, you know, early 2000.
I've been here since 2000 for the most part.
So, like, the whole demographic has completely changed.
There was no one here, really.
It was like a small clique of people.
You knew everybody.
Yeah.
You go downtown now, and it's like, you don't know anybody.
Uh-uh.
At all.
Yeah, yeah.
It's really intense down there, too.
It's too much.
But is it interesting?
Like, so you got, so, yeah, I was like, man, I've always wished I could have
been, like,
the taller guy.
You know, a little.
You're pretty tall.
How tall are you?
I'm six foot.
I'm regular height, I think.
I think 5'10 is regular.
Is it?
What's the average height of humans?
It's gotta be.
It's, yeah.
North American humans, too, please, Sean.
Male.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Put it in male, dude.
5'9.
I mean, you're crushing it.
Yeah, you're right, actually.
Dang, I didn't know that.
5'9.
That's almost surprising.
Is that real?
CDC.
Everything they say is 100%.
Who knows?
Yeah.
So, this could be.
I mean, somebody could have just uploaded this an hour.
A hour ago.
That's the crazy thing about the internet and the world right now.
It's, like, no information.
It's, like, everybody believes so much information, but none of it.
It's, like, I believe less and less.
Because I put out information, and people will tell me, like, oh, man, that's
real.
And I'm, like, I don't know.
No idea.
Yeah.
And everyone's got an agenda.
Like, it depends, like, who you got it from.
Like, everyone's spinning something.
It's just hard to trust anything.
Yeah, that's the thing, I think.
So, then I go back to my instincts.
And sometimes my instincts, I feel like, usually have served me pretty good.
But sometimes it's hard to know.
When you look back at, like, so now you're not a quarterback now.
Yeah.
I mean, you'll always be a quarterback, but you're not doing it.
No.
Like, on a day-to-day basis.
I don't get paid anymore.
Right.
You're not getting paid.
Yeah, I guess maybe that defines it.
Do you look at and see, like, man, what a position I was in?
Like, is it different to look?
Like, sometimes I'll look at things in my life and be like, man, I didn't kind
of not realize the position I was in.
But, you know, like, to a regular man looking at a quarterback, you're like,
dang, that's the guy.
You know, that's Odysseus or whatever.
Yeah, I mean, that's a great point.
Like, looking back on it now, like, you get tunnel vision and, like, you don't
maybe enjoy it or have as much fun or take advantage of it as much as you would
now looking back on it.
I mean, you're just locked in and you're just doing your job.
And, you know, sometimes it's a grind.
Sometimes it's fun.
Sometimes it's really hard.
But looking back on it now, you know, I don't want to say that I wish I would
have done things differently, but it was an awesome, awesome experience.
It was an awesome experience.
It was an awesome experience.
Yeah.
And it shaped a lot of, like, who I am and, you know, the people I associate
with and how I respond to things.
And so, I mean, it's, you know, from the time I was fourth grade till, you know,
35, it kind of shaped me.
Yeah, I just can't,