Name: Brian Barczyk | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #362
Uploaded: 2021-10-14T16:38:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brian Barczyk | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #362' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brian Barczyk | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #362' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-14. Transcript available.

Brian Barczyk | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #362

I want to invite everybody to watch my Netflix special that will be premiering
on Netflix platform Tuesday, October 19th.
Make sure to thumb it up and do all the deals.
Share it. Let your friends know.
You guys are always supportive.
So just when you get some time, check it out.
And thank you if you ever came to see that tour on the road.
And if you didn't, I'm glad you're getting to see it.
And I love you.
Today's episode is brought to you by Liquid Death.
Today's guest is a man who, well, he knows a lot about things I don't know
about.
I've been dealing with issues that he would know about recently.
He's one of the most popular and celebrated reptile and animalia men in the
world.
I'm happy to have him slither through our doors today.
It is Mr. Brian Barczyk.
For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind
Shine that light on me
I'll sit and tell you my stories
Shine on me
And I will find a song
And I will find a song
I've been singing just for me
Yeah man, so I guess I think my top fears with snakes are
And I don't know, do people come to you suddenly like
I feel like snakes create so much fear in me
That right when I see you
I want to tell you about it
Right
Like you're the middleman for them
Yeah
And I'm really good at getting people over their fears
Right?
You know, like
That's one of the things I pride myself on
You know, I mean
Every single week
We have dozens and dozens of people
That come to my reptile zoo
That are like
I am terrified
And I'm like
Your pace
But I guarantee you by the time we're done
You're going to be holding snakes
Never, never going to happen
Then they're holding like a 12 foot python
You know, by the end
So I'm telling you
When I get you to my place
You're going to be holding a giant snake
I'm telling you
Dang, man
Yeah
Dang, I don't know if I want it
You know, I think
I think snakes for some reason
Create so much fear in me
You know
Why is it that snake is that fear animal?
You know, I think it's
You know, I mean
It goes back to probably a bunch of things, right?
Biblical, number one
Number two
They are
You either love them or hate them, right?
You know what I mean?
And there's that thing I always talk about
Like, you know
I think Howard Stern once said the thing
Like, similar
Where it's like
If you love snakes
You want to talk to me
If you hate snakes
You want to talk to me more
You know what I mean?
It's like
They're just so interesting, right?
But for me
I've just loved them my whole life
I mean, like
My first memory as a kid
When I was two years old
Was of a ball python at the zoo, right?
And I've just been obsessed with them
You know, I was three years old
Four years old
Out in the woods
Collecting snakes
Was that a Rescue 911
Do you remember that Rescue 911 episode?
No, I didn't watch it, no
Where that snake
I remember as a kid
It was like the scariest one
Like a baby was playing with a snake
Oh, crap
And it wasn't like an Indian baby
Like they do, you know?
Yeah, like they do
It was like a regular just street
Like white baby
You know, local white baby
Was it a big snake?
Huh?
Was it a big snake?
It was a
Here we go
Rescue 911 Snake Baby YouTube
Oh, gosh
This is what did it
This is what did it
For a lot of America
Is this what did it?
Independence Day
Is a time for celebration
This is my parish
This is the parish I'm from
I didn't even know
What happened there
Oh, come on now
Oh
Little Terry got bit, man
My God, little Terry got bit
Okay, that's good
Holy
Jesus Christ, dude
I didn't realize that happened
In my area until just now
So I can see now
Why I remember just sitting there
With my mom
And watching that
And I knew it was
Going to be a rough go
Well, what they did there
Is they used two different snakes, right?
The one snake was a water snake
Harmless
The other one was a cottonmouth
So they look real similar
Yeah
Just for the scare factor
So, yeah
That's what most media does, though, right?
Right, the media makes it scary
The Bible made it scary
Well, a snake bit somebody
In the first eight pages of the Bible
Right
So that's probably
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, we didn't start off well
Yeah, you guys didn't start off well
Yeah, but I'm here to change
Everyone's opinion
Okay
That's my thing, you know
Okay
I tell you, they're great, man
Do you feel that?
That's kind of like your purpose
Like a little bit of your mission
Is to
Yeah, I mean, I think so
I think so
I mean, like, listen
There's nothing that makes me happier
Than someone changing my
I had, like, a 75-year-old woman
Come in about a year ago
And she's like
I am terrified of snakes
She said
I've been having nightmares about snakes
Since I was, like, two years old
And she said
And I started, like
She had a good memory
Yeah, yeah, exactly
Right
But then she's like
So I started, like, looking online
Find her videos
She goes
I'm starting to watch her videos
Kind of exposure therapy
And then she booked a private tour with me
And she says
You know, listen
I don't even know if I could touch a snake
But I'm coming here for an hour
With you
And I said
Let's just take it slow
We took about probably 40 minutes
Just to walk around
I'd take snakes out
Then I'd eventually let her, like, touch a snake
Then eventually she held her first snake
By the time she was done
She's holding giant snakes
And stuff like that
And she's actually come back
Two or three times since
Because she's like
Now I love them
You know, so yeah
I think it's something
I'm really passionate about
And do you
So you said when you were small
Y'all had a
You ran across a ball python
When you were little?
Yeah
Yeah, I didn't run like
It was at the zoo, right?
You know, it was at the zoo
It's my first memory
I was a kid
First memory
My mom said I was two years old
I have a crazy memory, right?
But literally
I remember that cage
I remember the smell in the air
I remember everything
Like, it was like
And from that time on
I was just obsessed
You know, I just
And no one in my family had snakes
Everyone thought I was crazy
You know what I mean?
Like, I loved them
And my mom hated them
She was terrified of them
And finally when I was 15 years old
After, you know, whatever
You know, my entire life
Begging her for snakes
She finally let me get a snake
And it turned out
It was a Burmese python
Which is, by the way
The worst snake
You could possibly get
As a first snake
Because they get like 18 foot
So like, my first snake
It was a little baby
But the thing ended up
Getting like 18 foot
You know, and
Anyways, long story short
I was like living
In my mom's basement
At the time
I was like 15
Worked at a pet shop
And were you doing drugs
Or anything at the time?
Oh yeah
Yeah
I don't do drugs now
I don't do drugs now
But yeah
But it wasn't because of snakes
It was just because
I was a rocks guy
Right, right
Yeah, yeah
Whatever
I'm just trying to get
The whole picture
I don't know if it's a guy
Like a kind of a nerdy kid
You know, I don't know
If it's a science kid
Down there doing volcanoes
Doing snakes
Or if it's a kid like
You know what I'm saying
Who's listening to some
Megadeth and some ACDC
Megadeth ACDC
Huffing a little bit of gas
And then petting something
You know
Yeah, well, you know
I was always pretty good
About not messing with the snakes
When I was, you know
Partying up a little bit
But don't get me wrong
I had a snake room
And by the time I was like 17
I had like 200 snakes
In my mom's basement
She like didn't know
What?
She just wouldn't come downstairs
You know
And you have, you know
When you have 10 snakes
What's 12 snakes?
What's 15 snakes?
You know what I mean?
That's more snakes
Yeah, it's more snakes
But yeah, I ended up having
Like 200 snakes
But the thing is, dude
Literally
I started breeding snakes
I was 17 years old
I made like 40 grand
In my mom's basement
When I was 17
Breeding snakes
Yeah
Really?
Yeah, so I was able to literally
And who's buying them?
Are you meeting people outdoors?
Are you meeting people indoors?
Where are you?
How are you getting rid of these?
You're showing up
You got a little
Is it in like a briefcase?
Like how are you
Where do you even
Where do you even meet anybody?
You'd be surprised
How many people
I've done a lot of deals
In the Walmart parking lots
There's no doubt about that
But not anymore
But that was pre-internet
So yeah, there was like
Reptile shows
And like, you know
Like reptile conferences
And stuff like that
Yeah, yeah
I've been to one of those before
And that was really
Oh, that was so alarming, dude
That was so scary
And that
The whole thing just really
I think about snakes
It's the element of surprise, man
That was the same thing
That happened in my kitchen
The other day
I get a snake came through
And I didn't know he's there
Like an animal
You know, a little
You know, you see a puppy
You see a little falcon
Or something
Yeah
Realistic, you know
It's a little bit more like
Oh, look at this
You know, it's more noticeable
Maybe it'd have a bell on its neck
But if you see a snake
You don't see
There's no like
They don't whistle
There's no like
Email in advance
There's no information
You don't hear it
Licking out of a bowl
There's no
And then it's just there
I think it's um
It's like you're playing
This game of hide and go seek
That you didn't know
You were playing
Yeah
And then you fucking lost
That's how I feel like
All of a sudden
When I see them
Yeah, I got you
Well, I tell you
You know, listen
Coming across a snake
Even I
When I come across a snake
In the wild
I'm looking for them
You know, I'm out
You know, I've traveled
All over the world, right?
You know, I mean
I had a series
On Discover Channel
You know, for the most
Venomous snakes on the planet
And when I come across
You know, Venom Hunters
What was it?
Yeah, Venom Hunters
Venom Hunters, yeah
Yeah, it was great
Great season one
Almost died several times
That's all right, you know
They wanted me to
Like, they're like, you know
Hey, you know
Instead of having a nice
Big snake hook
I want you to use
This little tiny snake hook
Or, you know
Let's make it as dangerous
As possible, so
Oh, they want you to die
Oh, they want
The producers want you to die
Bring your sick girlfriend
She'll do great
But even I
Like out in the bush
You know, when I come across a snake
I'm looking for them
And I come across a snake
And it startles me for a second
If it's in my living room
I tell you
I literally went out
Again, I was at my mom's basement
Okay
Bought a house
When I was 20 years old
Because I hadn't made enough money
You made that bread
Now you got a lady at this point
I just want to know
What kind of man has these snakes
At this point
Well, yeah
Because if I have 200 snakes, dude
I don't know how I'm finding time
To pet a lady
You know what I'm saying
Or to feed a lady
You know what I'm saying
You got 200 dates every day
Yeah, no, you're right
It's a lot of work
But no, I literally
Still am with my wife, Lori
Since we were like 18, 19 years old
And she wouldn't even come
Into my mom's basement
When I met her
Because she was so terrified
Of the snakes
Smart, you mean
And now she's been
Running our businesses
For, you know
30 years together
So
So she's really the bookkeeper
No, she's hands on, man
She's hardcore
Really?
I mean, I tell you
You don't want to mess with Lori
Anyone who knows that
Listen, I run a lot of different things
That are all reptile related
But she's the boss
Okay
You know what I'm saying
Yeah
And like everyone's terrified of her
But she's a badass
She'll get in with an 18-foot snake
Like nothing, you know
I mean, my employees are scared to death
Like, I'm not getting in there
Things, you know, mad today
She'll go, get out of my way
She'll get in there
But no, it's like
But so I moved out when I was 20
Bought a house
Okay, so you moved out
You got a house
You got the girlfriend
Yeah, girlfriend
Turned in my wife
And had a kid
And stuff like that
But I had a few snakes
At my ma's house
You left them in there
A few because I was still
Moving into the new house, right?
Yeah, dude
That's fucking really mean
It was, 