Name: Bryce Mitchell | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #371
Uploaded: 2021-12-14T16:28:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryce Mitchell | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #371' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryce Mitchell | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #371' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-14. Transcript available.

Bryce Mitchell | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #371

Good afternoon, or whatever time it is that you are alive, and I'm letting you
know about something called Truebill.
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I'd like to let you guys know that I have a tour out now.
The Return of the Rat Tour.
New dates announced.
Jacksonville, Florida.
St. Petersburg.
Florida, Orlando.
Rockford, Illinois.
Chicago, Illinois.
Tulsa, Oklahoma.
And Los Angeles, California.
Those are all in the spring, starting in February.
You can go to TheoVaughn.com slash TOUR for tickets.
There will be more dates added.
So, just hold your caballeros.
I think that means horses.
I don't know, actually.
But, just hold your, you know, just be patient.
We'll be there.
Love you.
And, thank you guys so much for your support.
TheoVaughn.com slash TOUR for tickets.
Today's episode is brought to you by Liquid Death.
We are thankful for their beverages.
Today's guest, this is his second time being here.
He is an undefeated UFC featherweight from Searcy, Arkansas.
They call him Thug Nasty.
He's got a lot going on.
It's not just, it's not just MMA anymore for this guy.
But, that's his main focus.
Happy to spend some time today with my friend, Mr. Bryce Mitchell.
I'll set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine on me.
And, I will find a song I've been singing just for you.
Yeah, man.
That 269 card.
Mm-hmm.
It was wild.
Who'd they have in your division that far?
They had Ige.
And Josh Emmett.
And Josh Emmett.
Yeah.
And what does it feel like when you're watching that, dude?
Because you've been, you've been out for what, almost a year now, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Well, shit.
Actually, that fight, I missed it.
I watched that last night in the hotel.
Mm-hmm.
I took half a bag of these fucking gummies.
I was falling asleep, bro.
Were you?
Actually, uh.
When, last night?
Podcast is live.
Oh, no, not live.
No, but are we recording?
We're recording, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
I got the goodies, bro.
Oh, you got some?
You brought some?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, damn, boy.
That's Swamp Santa right here, son.
Come on, son.
All right, first thing, this is homemade, bro.
That's Spanish Moss Santa right here, baby.
Let's go.
Get a little homemade lemonade, bro.
Damn, is that really?
Ain't no alcoholic beverages, nothing.
You know, I just, you know, I know we're going to get thirsty up here.
Hey, man, baby.
High quality H2O ElectroLite.
Oh, yeah, boy.
And some homemade lemonade.
Then I got you some ear jerky in here.
Ooh.
Now, this stuff's dry as another, brother.
Is it?
Dang, because I've been wanting protein for breakfast, man.
Well, like I said, that's going to be real dry, but I do that on purpose
because it's going
to store for, like, years.
It'll probably be good for three years.
Oh, my God.
So, like Apocalypse, bro, that ear jerky, it'll get you.
Come on, B.
Got you some of that Jocko, baby.
Oh, that mulk, son.
That shit'll make you dig bigger.
Oh, damn, my dick's pretty big.
Well, that or I had on glasses, one of the things.
Bro, so this is homemade jerky right here?
Yes, sir.
That's deer jerky.
Wow.
And so what's the process you have on this?
I shot that one with my bow, and then, shoot, just dried.
I dried the fuck out of that, brother.
That's like, it's going to stay for years.
And I know a lot of people like it a little bit more moist, but the thing is, I
have problems
with it going bad.
Really?
I put a lot of salt, a lot of pepper, and I dry it.
I mean, it's dry, dry.
But when you start chewing it, it'll come back to life.
You could actually...
It bounces back quick.
It bounces back quick once you start chewing it.
I actually think you could take that, put it in a little pot of boiling water.
I wouldn't do this unless if I was just mixing it up because I got bored.
But you could put that in water.
Right.
They call it reconstituting it.
Kind of get it kind of back to life, and then put it over some rice.
Ooh, ooh.
You know, so that's if you wanted to.
Or you could have put rice in your mouth while you're eating it.
You're damn right.
And a little bit of that lemonade.
Yeah.
Dude, thank you, bro.
Oh, thank you for having me, brother.
And this is from my sponsors, Bigly.
They got you...
This is those gummies I was talking about.
I'm not kidding you.
It says take one of them.
I took half the bag.
It ain't going to kill you.
Right.
But, bro, I got sleepy.
I was watching that Emmett fight and that EG fight, and I was, like, watching
it.
And then, like, round three comes around, and I'm like, what the fuck?
Waking back up, and then, you know...
And what's in them?
Is it THC in them?
This is CBD.
Oh, wow.
And maybe some Delta-8.
I stopped even reading this shit.
You did?
I just take them.
You just get them in you, huh?
Then I got some...
Blaze, baby.
Some vape pens, and then a little bit more of those.
But those vape pens, I'm actually not smart enough to smoke them.
Really?
I tried on the way here.
I was going to smoke one.
I think you have to have a...
DD?
Some shit like that, bro.
I don't know if it's an activated passcode or something, but I think you plug
it into
a phone charger.
Damn, boy.
So you plug that bitch in, and then you smoke it.
Some Arkansas treats, huh?
Now, this is the best gift of all, in my opinion.
This is from me.
Okay.
And I hope that you're not offended.
I won't be.
I can already tell, I think.
Ooh, what's that little turtle bowl?
That's right.
I know you stopped smoking.
Oh, gang.
Baby, I sure did.
I'm not using an ashtray, though.
Wow.
But I know you're creative.
You're going to find something to use.
Oh, I'm going to stack a little bit of my deer jerky in this bag.
You ever heard two turtles fucking?
Uh-uh.
All right.
Let me show you what it sounds like.
All right.
Oh, that's good, huh?
That's it.
How about that pace right there, man?
They don't speed it up for nothing.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah.
And why should they, bro?
I just, uh, I think that you'll get creative.
Dude, thank you, man.
Thank you for having me, brother.
Heck yeah, boy.
We got that rural Santa in the vicinity today, baby.
That's right, brother.
That rice, that ball sauce right here, son.
Damn.
Lemonade's strong, too.
Yeah, it is, huh?
My God.
Oh, yeah.
But, man, I thought that the fight was good.
Yeah.
They both kind of hurt.
I mean, they're just so evenly matched.
One of the judges had it 30-27, one of them.
In my mind, it was pretty, like, really, it was a draw, to be honest with you.
Because Ige got dropped in the first round, but then I thought he won the last
two rounds.
Shame.
So, I honestly would give him a draw.
Yeah.
So, when you, um, when you're watching guys like that fight, do you start to
feel, because
you've been out now for, what, a year now because of your injury?
Over, yeah.
Over a year.
About a year and probably, what, two months?
Is it hard to still, like, see yourself as part of the show, kind of?
Do you start to think, like, man, I'm not, does it, do you start to feel a
little bit
separate?
Because you were on a kind of a roll there, you know?
Shoot, I wish.
I mean, dude, like, it's intense in my head, bro.
Like, I'm battling every day.
I'm fighting somebody in my fucking head, bro.
Like, I'm not gonna lie.
Like, I feel like I'm always on edge.
I probably need to chill out.
Right, right, right, right.
So, what, so, so, let's talk about the rest of that night, that, those fights,
man.
Well, first things first, I got to say that I called the Pena win.
Did you really?
And, well, yeah, but first off, I think she's cute.
You know, I think she's pretty cute, so I'm gonna go for her.
Oh, yeah, boy.
Second off, you know, I like both of those chicks, though.
It wasn't because of the personalities or anything that I picked Pena.
I picked Pena because she had beat, I believe, Kat Zingano.
And Kat Zingano beat Amanda.
And she didn't, it wasn't a fluke win.
Right.
When Kat Zingano beat Amanda, it was domination of wrestling and superior
groundwork.
And so, you get one ground fighter who's already beat this chick.
And then somebody comes and beats the chick who beat her.
Right.
At what she beat her at.
Ah.
And so, in my head, I'm thinking.
She's gonna get her to the ground and beat her.
She's gonna get her to the ground and beat her.
And I didn't put no money on it, though, because I always fucking lose if I put
money down.
I don't ever do it.
Actually, I never even put money down.
One time, I put a weed bet.
Yeah.
I bet my buddy a quarter of weed on a fight.
And then, uh.
Oh, yeah.
Lost it.
Yeah.
And then he's all stoned and you're not.
That's right, bro.
Well, he shared it with me a little bit.
Oh, he did.
Well, damn, that.
It's all good.
But the worst is when you lose a weed bet and your buddy just smokes it on, you
gotta just sit there and look at his ass.
That's right.
Like, he's just been, like, he's just been eating ghosts, bro.
My dude, my buddy gets so fucked up when we're younger, bro.
He looked like he'd eat a couple damn humans.
A couple damn ghosts was in him, bro.
He looked fucking haunted, dude.
Yeah.
He got so high.
One time, his fucking dad came to pick him up.
And he didn't even know his dad, bro.
And he fucking fought him right there in the yard.
And he fought him, bro.
It felt like it was somebody coming to a kidnap him.
God, shit, I'd do that right now.
Damn, dude.
See that motherfucker.
But, dude, fighting your own dad just because you're high?
Like, are you so high?
I'd fight him because I'm pissed off.
I don't care if I'm high or what the fuck, dude.
I'd just beat his ass just for some child support, motherfucker.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's go, son.
Yeah, they should have, if a dad flakes on the kid, they should have at least a
couple rounds when the child's 16 or over that they got to do in the yard.
Legally.
Yeah.
That's right.
That's what I'm saying.
That should be part of the jurisdiction, baby.
Let's go.
Dude, we got to rewrite some of these laws, man.
Absolutely.
They got some soft laws out there.
Let's go through the last minute of this.
I'll say this, man.
So, I'm sitting over there.
And, man, Nunes just looked so much bigger.
Yeah.
Here's the thing, though, brother.
Let's do no audio.
It don't always come to your favor when you're bigger like that.
It means you cut more weight, and she's a power puncher.
Right.
So, it's like, okay, so you're talking about a power puncher who cuts a lot of
weight.
Yeah, I bet she's going to be great in the first round.
Right.
She's a power puncher who cuts a lot of weight.
She's fighting somebody 10, 15 pounds smaller, and she hits twice as hard.
Now, what do you think, when you start to see this happening, what would you
have done different here if you're Nunes?
Okay, I'm Nunes.
First off, round one.
That's where she made the mistake.
She come out like she's going to knock her out in the first round, throwing the
power punches.
She should have barely won round one.
I'm serious.
I mean, she should have gone out there saying, I'm not going to knock this girl
out.
Yeah.
I'm going to barely win round one.
And then I'm going to win round two a little bit better.
And I'm going to win round three a little bit better.
By round 