Name: Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #376
Uploaded: 2022-01-19T11:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #376' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #376' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-19. Transcript available.

Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #376

Today's episode is brought to you also by Liquid Death. Grateful for them.
Oh, I, um, man, it's nice to have some relief from the snow. It burnt my skin.
I didn't know snow could burn your skin up. And it can, even though it's a cold
feature, it can burn you.
Anyway, uh, today's guest is a young man out of California. And he is, uh, he's
just hilarious.
You know, he's very outgoing, vivacious. He makes a lot of beautiful, um,
material out there on Instagram, TikTok.
Um, he just, he's the viral video, you know, he's, are you that guy? That's
when you see, you just, that's his new tour.
Are you that guy? Um, and he'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. Um, you
know, he's a comedian.
He's a, uh, he's just, uh, he's a damn just energy man, you know, and he puts
it out there in ways that people, uh, like to laugh at and, and with.
And I'm one of those people. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Trevor Wallace.
I'll be singing. Just go.
Yeah, cause I'm supposed to head back to, I was supposed to head back to LA
tomorrow or tonight actually, but my flight got, um, canceled.
Yeah. It's a lot going on out there. Yeah. I always thought Nashville was like
72 minimum.
Yeah. Oh yeah. It gets brisk, man. We just, I actually just went sledding this
morning actually.
Did you? Yeah. How was it? I feel like doing anything like I went bodyboarding
like a couple of weeks ago.
Insane. Just great.
Bodyboarding. And what is it?
Just body, water, body.
Okay.
Waves.
So you were out in the, uh, what are you talking about? In what, what, uh,
ocean. What ocean were you in? Santa Monica? Pacific? Atlantic? Which one is
that one? I'm not good with geography.
That's specific, man.
Pacific. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's an easy one.
Yeah. I know my rights from my lefts and north, south, and east and west, but,
but oceans?
That's an easy one, man. I don't know that one.
Oceans, uh, I'm trying to think how many.
I know Oceans 11.
Yeah.
I know, but could you name 11 oceans, do you think?
I think I can name 11 cities that have oceans.
Huntington, Hermosa.
That's cheating, bro.
Santa Monica, Venice.
You riding a lot of that same ocean, man.
Yeah, that's true.
I met some people the other day from Bahrain.
Where is it?
That's what I was like, what?
Yeah.
I was like, are you guys like.
Where'd you meet them?
Huh?
Where'd you meet them?
At the airport.
Oh, yeah.
I was like, are you guys?
And I didn't even know what to ask.
I'm like, are you guys?
What's offensive and what's not?
Or just like, no, not even ethnic, ethnical.
I was just going to be like, are you guys like, I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, are you lost at the airport?
Do you believe in magic?
You know what I'm saying?
I didn't know what to ask.
I feel like they would.
Where is that, by the way?
That's what, see, that's where I was, even where the thing was.
What was it called again?
That's all of that.
All of that was happening for me at one time.
So it was like, I'm going to need you to write it on a piece of paper.
Yeah.
They're like, we're from Bahrain.
And I was like, Bahrain.
All right.
It kind of sounds like Byron.
It kind of sounds like, yeah.
Did you meet Joe Byron?
Bing, bong.
It sounds like Bah Humbug, too.
What is that?
I know what it is, but I don't know what it is.
Bah Humbug is like a famous saying from Christmas.
That's like when you stub your toe and you're like, Bah Humbug?
Or somebody like stole some shit from you and you're like, Bah Humbug.
Oh, Bah Humbug.
They got the PlayStation.
Bah Humbug was like a famous saying for people that I think weren't, were angry.
Like if, yeah.
Like if your grandfather, like if you asked him for a dollar and he didn't want
to give you a dollar.
Right.
They'd do anything but cuss back in the day.
Yeah.
Anything but cuss.
But they would also like hit people.
And you're like, I feel like there's a better alternative.
You could just cuss.
But they would hit him with a cane.
Are we talking seniors, you mean?
Seniors, yeah.
Yeah.
Seniors, I think we did.
I remember my girl, I had a girlfriend's grandmother one time just slap me
right across the face.
And her grandfather slapped me.
After?
Huh?
After?
The alley-oop.
He's like, fucking my turn?
Batter, batter, swing, swing, you know?
Different.
Different.
Yeah, that is weird.
What did you do to deserve that?
Oh, made love to their granddaughter.
I think that's enough.
That's usually what it is.
I think so.
If I'm, especially, and she was, she was very attractive.
And if I'm the grandfather and I have an attractive granddaughter, this may
sound very creepy.
Or just any granddaughter, right?
And somebody's making love to her, I think I'm not going to be.
I think it would be hard to be really stoked about it.
Yeah, because if you're too excited, then it's weird.
Then it gets a little Pornhub category-ish.
Grandpa gets excited over prom day.
Right, right, right.
I'm like, where's this going?
I'll watch.
Yeah, grandpa's just by the door with a big listening thing or something.
You got a red solo cup with a string in it.
Yeah.
Would you be the guy meeting, like, a daughter and then, like, at prom?
Are you shaking the guy's hand hard?
Are you kind of just like, what's up, man?
Good to see you.
Oh, dude.
I feel like in the movies, they're always trying to be, like, intimidating.
But, like.
Oh, I was so, I remember, wasted at one time at prom.
I went to pick up my date, right?
I was too drunk.
There you go.
You driving or no?
You're probably floating a little bit.
I was definitely floating, man.
You're just on one?
A couple Mad Dog 2020s, just feeling it?
No, I was Mario Kart.
Yeah.
I was kidding.
All different colors.
Red, white, and blue.
Yeah.
I was like, damn, why am I a mushroom?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not doing real well.
So, you're picking her up?
Oh, well, I had to send my friend in to pretend he was me, because the dad had
never even
met me.
Was he hotter, like, buffer?
That's a good idea.
He was my friend, Lance.
Yeah, he was definitely, he was more, he was, honestly, in hindsight, he was
more attractive.
And here's the crazy part.
They ended up.
Hooking up?
Yeah, they ended up.
What did you do?
Hooking up.
Oh, I was fucking.
I was fucking jerked off.
You went into the house to meet the dad later, like, you're trying to play some
Madden
real quick?
I got too, I was just too wasted, yeah.
Yeah, I feel like.
That's the worst.
Did you ever, did you ever get too wasted before a dance?
All the time.
I remember one New Year's, I, we, there was a, there's a bottle of Absolute, it's
like
a hundred proof, and it comes in like a disco ball looking thing.
And I remember I, like, brought it to the party thing, and I was like, the dude,
I was
like, yo, I got the, this is like bringing, you know, Coors Light to a frat
party.
We in here.
Yeah.
But I drank the whole thing, and I woke up just under their dining room table
and pissed
myself.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So.
Were you laying face down or face up?
Face down.
Oh, yeah.
But I was like, under.
Under, under the table, like mentally, like in my drunk mindset, I was like,
that looks
like a blanket.
Just a levitating blanket.
Oh, yeah.
It was an interesting place to pass out.
That's manly.
The saddest way to pee yourself is laying on your back.
Just like casket.
Just ready to end it.
There's just something about like, you're like, you would, cause here's what
happened.
It's like you're in ER or something.
You're like waiting for someone to put, you know, a colostomy bag in you or
something.
For me, it's like, if I wake up and I've urinated myself and I'm laying on my
back, it feels like
it's the weakest.
It's just like, cause I was so vulnerable.
Cause I, I, I then envisioned myself actually having done it.
Somebody walks by and I'm like, oh, this guy's up pissing himself.
Up pissing himself.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It feels weaker.
Face down is sad.
Somebody face down and pee, you're like, oh fuck, he peed himself.
But if you're on your back and you pee yourself, that's like, I remember I was
in a frat.
Shocking.
I was in a frat, but like, if you pass up with your shoes on, people could just
fuck
with you.
Right.
Just whatever.
Oh, that was the.
Just tape a bootstrap can to your forehead.
Yeah.
It was like, if your shoes were on, you were good.
And if they're salkenies, you're getting your ass beat.
Yeah, exactly.
But it's like, that was such a weird, and it was like, I feel like a lot of
people listening
would know that that was like a general rule.
If your shoes were on when you passed out, you were like fair game.
You could play tic-tac-toe on the forehead with a Sharpie and like no repercussions.
Yeah.
Draw a dick on the cheekbone.
We had a dude who had, who was like men, uh, he wasn't, he wasn't like, he was
like
paraplegic or whatever.
And they would braid his legs and shit when he got wasted.
Like a, like a, like a boy scout type of knot?
No, not like a boat knot or nothing.
Yeah.
That would fucking, that would kill him.
But just kind of, braid it up.
His grandfather would slap you if you did that.
Oh yeah, that's what, grandpa's coming back in with the, so after you got
slapped by
grandpa, did you, would you just take it or you fucking be like, I'll fucking
pull
the double A's out of your life alert right now?
Oh, I remember, cause I didn't know what their traditions were.
I think they were Greek or Italian.
I could see that.
Cause they're always kissing you on like the cheek, so they might be slapping
you on the
cheek too.
When you get over here near the Mediterranean, you don't, you don't know what's
going to
happen, you know?
They, they had a little bit of that, they had a little Joey Diaz somewhere in
them.
Right.
You like hummus?
I just got big on that shit.
Really?
I don't even know.
I put it on a carrot.
I was like, I didn't know you could do this.
It feels like a, uh, it kind of feels like ranch for bitches.
Call me a fucking bitch.
That's, I don't know.
I like it, dude.
I don't like celery cause the strings in it pissed me off.
It was like a guitar in there.
But I feel like you'd like doing something, you know, I can never do it just
for a meal.
Like, like just a plant diet.
Little much, little much for me.
I would never.
Um, yeah, my flight, I was getting, my flight got canceled.
That's what we're talking about.
Yeah.
Luckily I flew in yesterday, but it is, I mean, they were asking if I wanted to
cancel shows.
I was like, don't fucking, I don't know.
Don't look at me.
Yeah.
I guess who makes that decision?
They put it on me.
Did they?
Yeah.
They're like, do you want to cancel?
We can move this shit.
I was like, I don't play, I don't know what snow is to y'all.
I didn't even know that we were in Tennessee.
Like I knew we were in Tennessee, but like, did I know that we were in
Tennessee?
Right.
And that's every place you kind of go.
It's like, you don't really, you're never in a place long enough to really like,
you know,
people are always like sending you messages like, Hey man, come, you know, we're
doing,
my cousin owns a root beer factory, dude.
We'd love to have you stop by and you want to do all these things.
It's sometimes it's just a lot to be able to take on, but Oh, it's too much.
You never really know you're in a place.
Right.
Well, I also don't want to make a call based on y'all's weather where I say
something and
then people are like, you canceled for that.
And I'm like, I don't fucking know.
I remember when Delia one time canceled for snow.
He got so much shit online.
I mean, people were yelling at me and he got a lot of it for me because he
shouldn't have
but that's what I'm saying.
It's like people canceled for snow, bro, which is basically, let's be honest.
Gay one.
Okay.
Gay rain.
Okay.
Let's be honest.
It's very powdery out there today.
It's like, I was, I was, I was telling your boy to produce.
It's nice to walk on.
You feel like you're like, is this the next step to heaven?
Oh, I literally, I woke up this morning.
I watched miracle on 34th street or 38th street.
Shirt on or off?
Shir