Name: Return Vibes | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #379
Uploaded: 2022-02-10T10:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Return Vibes | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #379' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Return Vibes | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #379' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-10. Transcript available.

Return Vibes | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #379

gang baby gang um good to be here happy february if you believe in it if you
practice it you know
i know a lot of folks out there don't really uh you know the calendar isn't
their thing
they do they just kind of go on time overall you know start finish you know
they just
they're more that headstone is really their thing that's their clock they're
not on the calendar
like we are but if you celebrate february and you believe in it then then uh
then i'm similar to you
and happy february um you know i was thinking when i was growing up they had a
fellow named uh gene
was his name and his name was eugene but they didn't people didn't nobody
thought much of them
so they just called him gene because they didn't want to you know probably
waste the time on the
on the the baguette the extra part of his name it is say i'm calling him gene
you know
and um and he had the thinnest skin i mean damn you wouldn't even you'd ask him
before you cut on a
light bulb around him his skin to so damn thin you i mean just my god you know
you could see you could
see what was going on you could see his heart it just pumped and it was heading
to his hand and it was
heading back you know come the blood you could see it commuting in him that's
how he was just his skin
so thin you know if he was going to get a pimple hell you knew before you could
tell in advance you
do you just see it form it just thin skin really i don't know if maybe his uh
you know when his parents
had made love or whatever they didn't really do it good enough or well i don't
know what happened
you know i'm not a scientist but um but yeah you'd see you know i remember one
time he uh tried to do
a cigarette and he had to smoke it from so far away he had to just lean his
neck out and get the tip of
it because he couldn't get his body that close to the flame because he'd feel
that heat you know and
he was always umbrellaed up people keep him umbrellaed up and so he couldn't do
any outdoor sports
you know gene you know gene couldn't do no outdoor sports because the sunlight
would just he'd lose
before he started you know he'd be at the starting line he'd write finish on
that bitch and lay down
he just couldn't handle the because his he only had so much skin and that's who
he was you know and
everybody thought he wasn't worth much you know they didn't even call him his
full name
and then we kind of got to an age i think it might have been nine or eleven or
even could have been
seven and when swimming was big you know people you know swimming when i was
really you know swimming
swimming was just you know i didn't know anybody that had a pool till i was
probably
i don't know maybe 13 probably anyway swimming came out and gene got in the
pool swimming was indoors
and so the sun the elements they weren't they were that that wasn't an issue
and dude since he only had a few layers of skin he probably had three and a
half layers of damn skin
on him you know he was just so thin skinned that the water you know because the
body is what
79 percent water probably you know if you if you haven't had anything to eat i
bet it's even a
little bit more than that once you put lunch in your body i bet it probably
drops down about 79 percent
but uh but anyway once he you know so your body is that much water once gene
got in the pool man
dude it was he was his skin there was nothing no there was hardly nothing
between him and the water of
the pool and the water of his body and he was just like a damn i mean just like
a little salamander
you know that had just won a damn scratch off and he was running that bitch
back in there
i mean he would just he i mean he just uh he's that good you know uh it just
took a while sometimes
sometimes it takes a while you know you don't know what you don't know why
whatever you're doing why it
is or what you have you don't know why you have it
you know you don't know why you have it you know you might have one arm and so
you know forever you're
like damn dude you know where's mother arm
and then somebody comes along and just tells you to hold something
anyway let's get into it baby
you're on the comma
i'm on the comma
feels real good i gotta buy no fuel
oh yeah
it's on the comma
well i just broke off with my baby
now i can finally get the love in you
there you go baby
well i just moved off to rocky street
when the mayor came and said to me he's on the comma
and there you go right there that's eddie uh
that's eddie nine volts with the come up
and um
yeah good to be here happy to be back on a solo episode
uh thank you guys for your patience
um
what's been happening a lot
a lot occurred over the past
i think it's been maybe six weeks
uh since i was in here doing solo
and um
i want to thank everybody for their support
uh
through messaging
through
um mail
you know we've got a lot of uh
you know hard mail
you know
um
you know boxed
boxed eyed thoughts
boxed messaging
and uh
you know
licked
licked mail
that people sent
and uh
just want to say thank you for that
um
we'll do a
anthrax challenge soon
and open that up
and also i want to thank you guys for um
i want to thank you for uh
just the support
and coming out to the shows over the past
six months
you know um
as the tour was kind of getting its feet
and
you know the old special
was the
was coming out
and the new material was
making its way in
it was a
lot of transition
and um
and man
this weekend
this past week
we went to florida
and i felt like
it was
the wheels were on baby
i felt like
that thing was in
four wheel drive
so uh
just thank you to everybody
that's come out in the different cities
um
at the end of last year
and just for the support
i know a lot of you guys come
you don't even care about the comedy
you just care
you just want to show support
you know
and i feel that
i want to let you know i feel that
and uh
yeah and just
i want to thank a lot of you guys
just for loving my
for for for loving me
when i couldn't even love myself at times
you know
um
i want to thank you for that
so uh
it's hard for me to feel that kind of a
it's hard for me to feel it
it's hard for me to feel
when people care
but
um
i'm doing my best
and i
and i see it
and uh
and thank you
i just want to say
thank you very much
for that support
um
what's going on man
well a lot
uh
what have i
so
here i wrote down some stuff in here
so just so i could have some idea
um
things to talk about
how i spent my january
so
um
well a lot of things
i mean i
i
i'm mostly
you know
i haven't
i haven't
uh
i haven't felt good for a long time
you know i haven't felt good
i had for a couple years
that something had been bothering me
and i've talked about it on here
and
um
something had been bothering me
i just felt
uh
i think there was a couple things going on
one i was exhausted
and then two
something was really bothering me
and i couldn't tell exactly what it was
or
what things it was
it was like a damn group of goblins
i felt like
and they were hanging out just
just under the earth
i just
it was like i had this
a lot of anger
and i didn't know why
um
and one of the things that was going on
i wanted to
i thought that i was
getting all
i wanted to get off antidepressants
because i thought that was preventing me
from having a lot of my feelings
you know
i thought it was preventing me from
uh
getting
figuring out what was going on with myself
like on the interior
because
i couldn't access my feelings
you know
the antidepressants kept me at like a comfortable space
and it felt like there was stuff that was under there
and then also i was noticing about like trying to be in love or
um
or
you know with relationships and dating
i was having trouble getting into like a
any other mode than just
wanting to be you know
wanting to be you know doing touch or
you know jerking each other or whatever
you know or just one of a you know
i was getting you know
and then
the female
you know what i'm saying
like so that's what i'm saying but
um
yeah i was having a tough time with a lot of that
so i
so i wanted to get off antidepressants
and so that was kind of spooky
because damn
boy you get off antidepressants
you hitchhiking son
you
hitchhiking
you know what i'm saying man
i
before that i was in a
i was in a uber
i was i was sitting in the back seat
having me a couple
you know
takis or whatever
you know
uh fritos
chili cheese flavored
and i don't like them
but i accidentally picked those up
instead of the regular bag
because the bags
look too similar
so anyway
i'm sitting back
you know
i was in a
the lord's uber baby
i was on antidepressants
but you get off them bitches
you standing on the side of the
road
your shit is raw
you got your thumb out baby
and it's cold
and it's cold
um
and i thought i was going to take a break
and go off to do some
do a treatment center
but i couldn't
uh
i started working with therapists
heavily
and i couldn't figure out
like what do i want to go for
like what is my real
issue
what is really
and i didn't know
so
you know
i don't want to end up
in some center for damn
you know
people that can't see well
but i can
you know
but i'm seeing pretty decently
you know
i don't want to
be in there doing like
you know
that little chart
the e
m
you know
leftwardy
upwardy
and i'm just
fucking
ace
in the shit
and everybody else
in there
got a damn
you know
one of those sticks
they're you know
beating or whatever
looking for uh
you know
whatever that you
i guess you just
try to beat the
truth out of the air
in front of you
i don't even know
what they do with
if you have like
a blind stick
or whatever
but
um
or just get the air
to tell you
what's
in it
i don't even
that whole thing
has never made sense
to me
but um
anyway
i'm losing my train
of thought
but yeah
so i wanted to see
what was going on man
so i started
and i couldn't find
like an exact
place that i wanted
to go and i didn't
know what for
uh
i just knew that
i wasn't feeling good
so i just decided
to go to meetings
i started going
in meetings
um
for
uh
like
they're basically
like sex and love
addiction
but the real thing
you're in there
that wasn't my thing
i don't have a sex
addiction
but i do have
like a
uh
i noticed an addiction
and a
interesting relationship
with um
attention
and admiration
female
especially female
admiration
uh
so i started
going to a lot
of meetings
about that
and i started
going to a lot
of aa meetings
i was going to
two meetings
a day
um
just to be
social
just to have
like a social
environment
that was like
um
a place
where people
were sharing
their thoughts
and feelings
you know
because i really
were i really
got intent
on trying to
figure out
what is
what is
why is
there something
in me
that's always
you know
that's always
in pain
kind of
and i'm not
trying to have
a pity party
or anything
i'm just
trying to
share
what happened
with me
so
so
so anyway
i got it
i got into
um
i started
i was going
to meetings
i was doing
that
and i was
off the
antidepressants
and it's
wise
dude
you'll be
talking to
somebody
and like
somebody will
pat you
on the
back
and it
just
it feels
like a
pat on
the back
you never
got
and you
just start
just tearing
up
it's real
you sent
all your
feelings
that haven't
been doing
anything
them bitches
been milling
around
some of them
are pissed
some of them
have been
doing damn
oxy
i mean
you know
they're doing
oxycontin
some of them
are on pre-workout
you know
some of them
have been
at zoo
culture
there's a
you know
they've been
milling around
so you got
all these
feelings
once you're
off antidepressants
i did anyway
and i'm not
telling you
to get off
them
don't do
anything that
i do
ever
and maybe
you know
talk with
a doctor
but yeah
i went
to talk
to the
doctor
and then
i weaned
off
and that
was that
so
and i
started
microdosing
psilocybin
you know
because that's
like an
alternative
so uh
you know
i got like
a whatever
dose you're
the dose
you're supposed
to get
and started
doing that
um
and i started
working my
step work
and
in different
programs
and different
recovery
programs
um
and then
so i don't
know who was
tal