Name: Jelly Roll | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #385
Uploaded: 2022-03-26T20:59:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jelly Roll | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #385' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jelly Roll | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #385' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-26. Transcript available.

Jelly Roll | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #385

Today's guest is a musician, an entertainer, and really just a smooth criminal
honestly.
He's one of the most infectious human beings that I've been around and I'm
grateful for
you guys to get to hear his story.
Today's guest is Jelly Roll.
Shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine on me, and I will find a song I've been singing just for me.
And now I've been moving way too fast.
Bender it is, baby.
The song, what is it?
Dead Man Walking.
It's the number five song on rock radio.
It's called Dead Man Walking.
It's fucking crazy.
I've never had a song on radio, ever.
Gang, baby.
So yeah, it's big shit, dude.
Is that crazy?
It's weird.
Yeah.
But in a cool way.
Oh, yeah.
It's like, as a kid, I don't care who you are, especially like my age group,
you dream of
having a song on the radio.
So having one on the radio is like surreal.
You know, that is kind of a thing that when you're young, man, and you hear
that radio,
it always seemed like it would be impossible to get your song to come out of it,
I bet.
Oh, yeah.
Imagine being a little white trash kid like me and you, and you're wondering
how it's coming
on the radio anyways.
Yeah.
You're looking around like there's no cord on the car.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How is this even coming through right now?
Yeah, yeah.
It's almost like they were sitting inside of your motor and playing for you
personally.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, I used to have a dream that at one point in automobiles, they would have
a disc or something
you'd put into the dashboard.
Right.
And then the band, they'd have like hologram.
I always had this vision that hologram was really going to pop off.
Right.
And the band would come out onto your dashboard the way it would be built and
the band would
perform right there for you.
Right there.
Yeah.
We should still make that.
I could make money.
I could make some wrecks.
Yeah.
Sure.
Yeah.
First day I smoke a doobie and look over there and see Hendrix shredding.
I'm fucking crashing.
Yeah.
Somebody's just, somebody's just locked in on Wiz Khalifa.
They can't even handle it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's cool, man.
So what was that for you?
For like me as a kid, it was like radio was like the thing.
Like you want, like as an artist, you wanted to have a song on the radio.
Now I'm having, so what's for you?
Was it like, I guess, was it, did you come up with like the disc comedy era?
Like you wanted a comedy album or was it like Comedy Central or?
Yeah.
Getting on Comedy Central was big doing that and getting the album out and
getting it
on the iTunes charts was real big, you know?
Wow.
I remember 30 pounds of Hamster Bones was like my first real album release and,
and that
got onto the, like, I think we've, I think we got to number one at some point,
you notice,
based on the way the sales go.
And so that was pretty wild.
Right.
But I remember my first, do you remember the first song you ever heard through
the radio?
Oh man, probably not the first song I ever heard through the radio.
I know the first like album we wouldn't bought or like cassette tape my sister
bought.
Yeah.
But I can't think of like the first song I heard on the radio.
You remember the first song you like remember hearing on the radio?
Yeah.
I remember I had a, uh, my mom had some, um, some, uh, like babysitters took us
to summer camp.
Right.
And they would take us up in the morning and they would take us.
And this one lady picked me up.
I feel like her name was Heather, but I don't know.
But she picked me up, man.
And she, they had Bon Jovi.
She had playing and I'd never, I think cause there was a woman involved also.
There was like a babysitter and she was like hot and she like had tits and
everything.
And so like, I remember it was, uh, what was, um, what was one of those Bon Jovi
hits?
It was, uh, what was like one of his biggest, most popular songs?
Oh, dude.
I just woke up and I'm high.
Oh.
Nevermind.
I haven't even ate breakfast and I'm stoned and I'm sitting here with Theo
talking about Bon Jovi.
I'm like, fuck it.
This is wild.
I'm on the radio and Theo's telling me about Bon Jovi and Heather.
Yeah, bro.
I would, I would like to touch on Heather for a second though.
Oh, I would have liked to as well, brother, baby.
I'll tell you that, dude.
I think we all have a first teacher as dudes that we like mine was my
kindergarten teacher.
I don't remember my first grade teacher, second grade teacher, third, fourth,
fifth.
None of them.
But I remember my kindergarten teacher's name was this Harris.
And that is when I knew I liked asses.
Yeah.
She had the fats, not the flats.
I mean, she had, boy, that thing, man.
She had a monkey on her back, dog.
I tell you.
She was real doubled up, huh?
She had the little pants monsters.
I remember going home.
My brother had to explain to me what I was feeling.
I was like, I think you could pop it.
I was like, you know, as a kid, I was like, and my brother was like, oh yeah,
you're going to like asses when you're older.
It flew over my head then.
Oh, yeah.
Later?
Oh, dude.
My wife's got Miss Harris's ass to the T.
Yeah.
I got it.
School's in session.
I'll set an apple.
I'll put an apple right between them cheeks, baby.
If for you it was Heather, for me it was Miss Harris.
Dude, I remember.
And she, I would always be like, hey, can I put your seatbelt on for you all
the time?
We'd be in the car and, and I think we had to sit in the back, but I'd be like,
can I put
your seatbelt on for you?
And she would just take it off and I would like reach across her and just like
put that
seatbelt on.
Oh, it made me feel so good.
While listening to Bon Jovi.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't remember.
I wish I could remember that song, man.
It was, but anyway, it was one of his hits, man.
Yeah.
For my listeners that don't know about you, man.
So, so you guys start to take me through the story, man.
Your story is, is a really inspirational one.
And also you just had this infectious energy, man.
I just noticed that anytime I'm around you, I wish I was you.
Oh dude.
Thank you.
I feel the same way about you.
That guy's having so much fun.
I like, I want to be that guy.
I love you, man.
Thank you, brother.
Yeah.
You bet, man.
You got that tan, man.
That's why I'm fucking blowing it.
You think?
Are you spraying that thing on, man?
Are you laying in the bed or what?
Dude, I just went to damn.
Oh, you were fishing?
Oh yeah, I was fishing.
I just seen happy belated birthday, by the way.
Oh, thanks, man.
What a fucking way to spend a birthday, dog.
Dude, you're too kind, man.
That was with the Jimmy John, by the way.
Like the Jimmy John, Jimmy John.
Yeah.
Dude, we went out there.
It was like, we caught.
I mean, you go out there and it's nice.
Like the vessel was damn nice, dude.
I got to, it was like Noah was on that bitch.
You know what I'm saying?
It was damn.
Dude, they had animals trying to get on.
The fish were trying like, damn, that bitch looks nice, dog.
You know?
You'd see all these Mexican fish.
They're like, hey, give us a ride back to freaking Cuba.
You know?
Like they had fish jumping on that.
Panthers were getting on that bitch.
They had animals I didn't even know existed out there trying to get in.
It was a luxury boat, right?
So, you're out on there and they had a couple, they got like some fishermen,
like men that
are just, you know, just a couple damn Moby Dick lurkers out there and them
bitches.
They show up and so they put in, sometimes if you're in like the deep water,
they had these
big electric rod and reels on the sides and they would cast those down to like
1500 feet
or something.
So, you would just cast them down and then you would see the thing go like that,
you
know?
And so you were pressing these buttons instead of doing reeling.
Oh shit.
It's like playing an Xbox for fishing.
Yeah.
It was, bro.
That's fucking nuts.
I mean, it was like, you could catch the past.
You could have memories come up.
If somebody pulled up a memory of something when you were a kid, you're like,
damn, that
was deep, bro.
Dude.
So that was unbelievable.
I was like, is that the real Jimmy John?
That's him, baby.
That sandwich jockey, dude.
He, um, yeah, that man turkey timed his way into the abyss.
You know what's fucked up?
I look at you and I get jealous.
Cause I'm like, you have all the friends I want, but don't need.
It's like Todd Graves is your homie too from Kings, right?
Oh yeah.
I'm like, I'm already fat.
I'd be like, I'd die.
If I had your friend list right now, I'd just like live in a house full of
sandwiches
my chicken.
I'm like, he's got every, you're cool with everybody.
I want to be cool with, but God knows I don't need to be cool.
Yeah.
Some of those people I'm not even going to introduce you to, man.
I seen y'all carrying the Jimmy John sandwiches on.
I was like, fuck me.
In honor of your veins, on behalf of your veins, I'm going to say I'm not
introducing
you to those dogs.
Especially not the chicken man.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, man.
I've been pretty lucky.
And those are the guys that have just come on the podcast and then you kind of
get to,
you know, have a relationship with them or become friends with them.
But that was unbelievable.
And then there's some points where you get a rod and reel and you're actually
doing the
fishing, you know, and it's like an industrial size.
It's like something they'd sell at Home Depot.
Oh dude.
I just think about the distance from what looked like where you were at on the
boat to the water.
Yeah.
It wasn't like when you're sitting on like the little, you know, like the
little boat
in the bayou, you probably used to get on where you just kind of tip your
little toe
in the water.
I mean, it looked like it was a full blown dive.
We didn't, nobody touched the water.
I was at one point.
I jumped in for like 30 seconds because they had some real bad sharks in there.
And, uh, but it, you couldn't reach out and touch the boat.
Yeah.
I touched the water.
Yeah.
It looked like you were high as fuck.
Yeah, you were.
And then you go inside and you're like in a damn Marriott plus or something.
You know, that bitch is nice.
How many days were you sleeping on the water and everything?
Yeah.
You go to sleep out there, dude.
It's like being in somebody's, it's like being, I feel like in a, just like in
a damn black
lady's womb, bro.
That thing is comfortable.
Did you sleep good or did the rockin' fuck with you?
Did rockin' sleep?
That rockin' put me out.
I needed it.
It's like being on a bus without the sound of the engine.
Oh, yeah.
It's like furniture's all made out of Percocet, baby.
You fall straight to sleep on that shit, son.
I was out.
And it was his boat?
It was Jimmy John's boat?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was Jimmy John's boat, man.
So that was awesome.
It was my birthday, so he took me out there.
And so we flew out on Friday, straight down to Bahamas.
And then we jumped on the boat.
Yeah, there's some dude, like an island guy, like, you want that roast beef
sandwich?
They don't even have a Jimmy John for a thousand miles and some dude's standing
there.
And the dude's just sitting there with Jimmy John's.
With a box of Jimmy John's.
No, listen, Jimmy John, this is for you.
Would you please bring back the chicken Caesar wrap?
It was fire.
It was limited time only, and I think the time was too limited, sir.
If you'd like to bring it back, man, or use your influence to help your boy,
man, it'd
mean a lot to me.
Yeah.
We'll see.
Look, I'll put that word in, baby.
I'll send that up the ladder, baby.
Yeah, that's the only promo clip I want from today.
It's me asking Jimmy John to bring a discontinued sandwich back.
Hey, I think we could, I think we could help.
I fucking hate you.
I think we could help, man.
Um.
So how did you find Parker?
We were just talking off camera about how much you love Parker.
We'll call him, yeah.
You know.
How does Theo find music?
That's what I'm really getting at here.
Oh, that's all right.
And then I want to learn about how you got into music, man.
Yeah.
I really want my audience to know that.
And, uh, I