Name: Sean O'Malley & Tim Welch | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #386
Uploaded: 2022-03-30T23:43:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sean O'Malley & Tim Welch | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #386' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sean O'Malley & Tim Welch | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #386' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-30. Transcript available.

Sean O'Malley & Tim Welch | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #386

Today's guest is a professional mixed martial artist, MMA man, you know it,
that grappler,
that cage baby, you know what I'm talking about, you know who he is, man, you
know what
it is.
He currently competes at the Bantamweight division in UFC and is allegedly undefeated.
That man is here with his mixed martial artist coach and trainer.
They are, the combined do the Timbo Sugar Show, which is a beautiful podcast
you can check
out.
One of them also hosts a podcast with his brother Daniel, and that's a name of
that guy.
And that show is called The Bro Mally Show.
You can check out both of these men, I'm happy to have them back, actually on
the podcast for
the second time, it is Mr. Sean O'Malley and Tim Welch.
For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song I've been singing just for you.
And now I've been moving with you.
Praise God, baby.
Amen.
With Jehovah, too.
You gotta remember.
Are you jayed out, huh?
Jayed out, too.
You clayed out, you know what I mean?
Y'all were witnesses, huh?
K-A-W, the truth and the one and only truth, boys.
Just him.
Wow.
I'm more of a Christian slash Lutheran.
Yeah, we went to, when I was growing up, we went to Sixth Baptist, I think, or
Seventh
Baptist.
We were...
Which one was it?
I want to say it was Seventh Baptist.
Because we don't want to disrespect the Seventh Baptists.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, we were...
I mean, we were at the end of the Baptist line.
We were barely, you know...
You weren't the first Baptist?
Yeah.
I mean, they had a sign on them going into the church that said, Lord wanted.
Oh.
So it was...
So they were looking for him.
Yeah, they were...
It was a lot of soul searching.
You're looking healthy.
Really?
I mean, your complexion, your build.
I want to know what you've been eating.
What did I have?
Or what you haven't been eating.
I had a crab cake yesterday.
Uh, what else?
I don't know, really.
I guess...
I don't know if endorphins or something.
I don't even know how you have that.
But we're sitting here.
We got Sugar Sean.
We got Timbo.
Timmy Welch.
Thank you guys for your time today.
Hey, man.
Y'all look very...
You were...
Tim kind of...
You have that look.
You remind me of like one of the...
like a hitman or a wrestler
like in the 80s
or like late 80s.
Oh, a gay one?
But never...
But he would never admit he was gay.
In fact, he threatened to fight gay.
He'd be like,
I'll fight gay.
I'll go 40 rounds with gay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's in the closet.
Yeah.
I mean, I've been called a fag
a handful of times.
Yeah.
Well, I mean,
when my girl met me,
she thought Tim and I were gay
the first time.
So, we've been called...
been there.
How close have you guys ever been
in like a nudist environment
where you guys are both nude?
Probably grappling.
I mean, you're both, you know...
No, I mean in like a sexual...
Has there ever been
a sexual environment
where you guys like were...
Double teaming to shake or something?
Or just even like
somebody's there coach,
you know, you're coaching.
You're cornering him
or vice versa.
Like in a room?
Yeah.
Have you ever cornered during sex
is what I'm asking?
That's a good question.
Yeah, nothing yet.
I think...
Nothing yet.
No, there's going to be a time
where we're...
Elenita!
That's his baby.
There's going to be...
Look at her.
She has her backpack on.
Look at her.
Yeah, I saw her, dude.
Are we looking at my girl?
That's one of many.
I watched seven minutes
of her swim lessons.
Are you kidding?
You think I don't know her?
No, I think there'll be a time
where we're like
double teaming a chick
or like we both got a same...
A different chick
in like a hotel or something.
Like, there'll be a crazy time
because, you know, we party.
Yeah.
What'd y'all think
of that Oscars deal, man?
I thought it was like...
Like Tim said,
it was a nice shot.
It wasn't loaded up.
It was like...
You couldn't see it coming.
It was...
Boom.
It was direct, open hand.
So he didn't drop him,
which was, you know,
best case scenario
because I don't think
he wanted to knock him out.
Right.
You know what I mean?
So a good slap.
I thought it was a good shot.
Do you think Rock
handled it as well
as he could?
Like, because Rock...
At a certain point,
it looks like he thinks
that it's going to be...
He's joking.
Yeah.
And then I'm sure
at a certain point,
I bet it was very close quarters
when the energy
probably changed in his mind.
He's like,
oh, this is not a joke.
What do I do?
Do you think Rock
did the best thing
that he could have done?
Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
I think so.
I mean,
you see him kind of
want to get fired up,
but I think he did it the best
because what the fuck
is he supposed to do?
And imagine
what would have happened
if Will smacked him
and it piled up Chris.
Boom.
Just boarded him.
Yeah.
That would have been bad.
That's what I'm saying.
Good thing it wasn't a...
It wasn't like a boom.
That's the same scenario
of Colby Jorge.
I was thinking,
I'm like,
that was probably best case scenario
that Jorge didn't knock
Colby out,
hit his head,
kill him.
So you ran into Chris
at the after party.
Yeah, bro.
So it was pretty wild.
So Spade took me over
to the...
Who actually is from Arizona.
Shout out.
I think he's from Scottsdale.
Hey.
So Spade invited me
to be his guest
or whatever.
We went to the
Vanity Fair party
and then we went
to some other dude,
a rich guy's house.
This dude was really,
really rich.
How did you know?
They had a machine
in the front.
You could just get money
out of it.
It was just like...
It was an ATM.
But you could guess
any number
and it gave you...
It was like,
this dude was real,
real rich.
Like, yeah,
they had...
Even his dog
had like a little wallet
on the side.
Damn.
So this dude
was really,
really rich
and we went in
and like Jennifer Lawrence
is sitting in the back
just hanging out outside
like just in her pajamas.
She like lived next door,
I guess,
and so she came over
because she heard
some commotion
or whatever.
So she's out back
just hanging out
like there's like
Pellinophi.
Pellinophi Cruz.
Like, you know,
just fancy people.
I mean,
it's like fancy people
you see on the magazine
and they're just sitting there,
you know,
eating, you know,
they had some raviolis.
What else did they have?
They had a salad
that looked...
It was a little...
I thought it was a little bit
of wilted,
but people were eating it.
Rich people will eat.
They'll eat kind of more...
They'll say it's like
more artistic kind of...
But anyway,
so we get to finally
see Chris Rock, right?
And so...
And I'm with David Spade
so Spade knows him
so they're just kind of talking
and he was just shocked.
He was like,
what the fuck happened?
He's almost...
It reminded me of...
You ever been at a party
and somebody gets hit
by somebody
and then the person
that hit him leaves
and there was never really
like a big fight
or maybe there even was a fight,
but the one dude
never had any idea
there was any beef
or anything going on
and then you'd start
talking to that guy
and he's like,
bro, what the fuck happened?
Like, what do you think?
You know,
that's kind of what it was.
He was just like,
what the fuck happened?
So did he not know
that she had alopecia
or whatever disease
that's why she was bald?
Did he not know that?
I think he had no clue.
I think he had no clue.
And who don't have alopecia?
Everybody's going bald.
Well, it's...
I'm not.
Not yet.
Exactly.
And when you start, dude,
it's going to look crazy.
You go like,
one of those things
that kids used to put
on the end of their pencils.
It's going to be wild, right?
Because it was the front
or the back.
Oh, yeah.
What do you want to lose first,
do you think,
if you had to lose front and back?
I just shaved the back.
So I always have, like,
a good front profile
talking to chicks.
Yeah, you got to go
at the front.
Yeah.
Then you turn around.
No, I wouldn't turn around.
It's a salvage yard back there.
I would turn around.
Did you notice
any of those A-listers
judging you?
You know,
this party,
there was no...
And I'd never been...
I'd been to some fancy spaces,
but I'd never been
anything like this.
Like, apparently,
this is, like,
the party to end up at, right?
Were you wearing a suit?
Yeah.
Oh, good.
I was wearing a suit.
And, yeah,
so we were sitting at Spades.
We watched the Oscars
over there,
so we're just watching.
And then that...
The slap happens
and it went mute
on the television.
Everybody's like,
dang.
And we didn't know
if it was real
and then all these text messages
started coming in
and then we ended up...
Oh, we went to the Vanity Fair
and nobody was really
kind of talking about it.
I think everybody
was kind of in shock.
Or contemplating
whether it was real or not.
Right.
That's what I was wondering.
Yeah, yeah.
There was a guy,
there was a guy,
a writer there
and I remember him saying,
I don't think that it was real.
And I'm like,
I don't think the acting
could be that great.
Yeah.
No way, bro.
And so, yeah,
then we ended up at the party
and then Rock was there,
which I thought was a cool movie.
He's at the party.
He's not like ducking anything,
you know?
I think he thought
it was really weird.
He didn't look like affected.
He didn't have like a little cast
on his jaw or nothing,
you know?
What would you have done
if you got smacked like that?
I don't think you...
I think your reaction's so fast.
I think you wouldn't have been able
to be hit by that.
But what, yeah,
what do you think?
I think I would have been...
I think at a certain point
as he's approaching,
I think I would have like...
Squared up?
Yeah.
I would have at least embraced,
like taken on the idea
that something was going to happen.
Yeah.
Put up karate hands.
I would have done something.
Peaceful karate hands,
even these, yeah.
Just some separation though
between...
Yeah.
You're like...
Yeah, I'd have done something
or at least positioned myself
like it was something
was going to happen.
I still might get hit,
but something, you know,
I'm going to look like
I'm ready to get hit.
But Rock took it like a champ, bro.
I agree.
He took it like a champ.
What rematch would you rather see?
Masvidal versus Colby
or Rock versus Smith?
Rock versus Smith probably
just because I don't know
how that plays out.
But Colby versus Jorge,
I think, I mean,
I think that plays out
pretty similar to how
it played out the first time.
Yeah, I agree.
Well, how much bigger
is Will than Chris?
I think at least 50 pounds.
I know that...
How tall is Chris?
You mind checking that out?
How tall is Chris Rock?
5'10".
Wow.
I wonder if either can scrap.
Will Smith is 6'1 1⁄2".
Did you measure him at the Oscars?
I looked it up.
Oh, you did?
And then I got bored
of looking it up
because I was trying to figure out
the weights or whatever
and I just went to sleep.
Yeah, I did that sometimes.
But, yeah.
That'd be a good scrap though.
But that was it.
He was chilling.
Like, the whole party was crazy.
It was like,
like, who...
I mean, it was just...
I felt like I was literally
wandering through Netflix
or something, you know?
Like a live Netflix.
Yeah, like through
like a movie channel.
It was like,
the Kardashians showed up
at the end.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Dude, I've been watching
the Kardashians from season,
the first season.
So, 2006,
me and Danny have been watching it,
like binge watching it.
Uh-huh.
And, dude,
it's entertaining.
It's so much drama
and it's so fucking entertaining
that I look forward to it
every night.
I'm so excited.
There's so many seasons.
It's crazy to look...
2006,
because we know,
obviously,
how their lives
are playing out right now.
And it's so fucking wild
to watch from back then.
Like Kylie and Kendall
are little girls,
like 10, 11 years old.
It's wild.
You think a lot of perv dudes
go back and watch
the old episodes
looking at the kids?
I would just yank, yeah.
Really?
Oh, wow.
Interesting.
It's sad to see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you guys know Jada
was so into sex?
I remember hearing, like,
Will didn't please her, right?
I rem