Name: Bird Neckin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #387
Uploaded: 2022-04-04T17:36:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bird Neckin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #387' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bird Neckin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #387' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-04. Transcript available.

Bird Neckin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #387

Happy to be alive.
That's how I feel, that's how I try to feel most of the time.
I just try to remind myself, hey man, happy, happy to be alive, you know.
When I get to open my eyes, it's like, okay, they want me back, you know.
That's how I feel a lot of times, like, in the morning when I open my eyes, it's
like,
all right, God wants me back, you know, or they want to, you know, they want to
run it
back, okay.
I made it, you know.
I think that's how I feel in the morning when I open my eyes, like, yeah, okay,
I'm, they
got called up again.
What's going on?
Happy day to you.
Oh, I got that big hair today, baby.
Mm, I can feel it.
I feel it.
Because I knew when I parked and walked into the building that I saw a bird
look at me.
I saw a bird.
Because birds move their neck and it's so quiet, you know.
It just, it's so severe and quiet.
A bird can't slowly move its neck.
You notice that?
A bird is like, has to be either at like 12 o'clock, nine o'clock, three o'clock,
11, 15.
But a bird can't just slowly migrate like 11, 15, 11, 16, 11, 17, 11, a bird
can't slowly
move its neck.
But anyway, I saw a bird look at my head and I knew it was thinking, it was
like a, you know,
having nest thoughts.
I just felt, that bird looked, I knew it was thinking, oh damn, look at that
fella.
That boy's got a damn Hampton Inn on his neck.
That's what he, when he saw his big hair, he's thinking, oh that boy, that
fella's got a fair
field in and sweets that I'd like to sleep in.
I could just feel that bird looking at me.
And that's when you know you got big hair.
That's when you know that I got that teepee today.
I got that wigwam.
My shit is Native American.
I got that, literally that wigwam.
And I'm having reservations.
I'm always having reservations.
But yeah, I wake up and I'm like, right when I wake up, I'm like, all right.
Life must want me back.
And it's the same for you guys, man.
Life wants you back.
Life wants you here today.
You know, life, life, God, the powers, the deities of the universe made a
choice and they said
yes to you today.
And that's, that's beautiful, you know.
That is, um, that's a welcome mat.
You know, when you open your eyes, that's a welcome mat.
From the gods, really.
That's exactly what that is, baby.
Gang, baby, praise God.
And, uh, yeah.
Let's get into it.
Let's get into it.
Let's get into it.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Higher than a mountain, mountain, mountain. Set me free. Just don't say goodbye.
It's you and me. Enjoy the destination, nation, nation.
Fantasy, painted on the wall. It's never too late to come over. Time slips away
from you and me now.
All right. I don't know. That audio felt low to me a little, but maybe it could
have been just me.
That is Come Over by Stevie Starlight.
And if you're not familiar with that little dang, the cinnamon bear of the
universe that is Stevie Starlight,
then go get you a dose. Go have Mother Nature cut you up a gram of Stevie Starlight,
baby,
and put that in your Snoutelufagus, son. You'll be on Yesamie Street, bro, in
no time, dog.
There's, um, he's a beautiful listener and a beautiful man, Stevie Starlight.
What's going on? Um, a lot. You know, it's, uh, it's been a, there's a couple
things I can tell you about.
Um, you know, I've had, I had, uh, I had, oh, I want to tell you actually that
we have some new tour dates coming.
And I do want to, I want to announce them because I'm excited. Um, uh, Return
of the Rat is heading to Albuquerque, New Mexico.
We will be there May 18th. Midland, Texas, May 19. Lubbock, Texas, May 20.
And Dallas, Texas, May 21. Right there, beautiful.
Also, Savannah, Georgia, we want to come and see you and see how you're doing
and take your temperature.
Do that rectal monitor. That's June 2nd, Savannah, GA, Augusta, GA, June 3rd,
June 4, Montgomery, Alabama, and June 5, Columbus, Georgia.
So there you go. Some beautiful choices. Um, excited to be going to those
places.
And, uh, you can get tickets at theovahn.com slash T-O-U-R.
And those will be on sale, um, for our Patreon on Tuesday, April 5th at 10 a.m.
local.
Uh, we have a small Patreon, but we are very grateful, uh, to them for their
support over the years.
Um, and then the artist pre-sale that goes on sale on a Wednesday, April 6th at
10 a.m. local time.
Um, and that is Rat King.
And so, very grateful to you guys, uh, for supporting me.
And, uh, then the general on sale will be Friday, April 8th at 10 a.m. local
time.
So, Wednesday, April 6th, you can start to get them on Rat King will be the
code.
And I'm, I'm excited about that, man.
I'm excited.
You know, it feels, the world feels weird right now.
It feels, and I might be the only one, I don't know, but to me something feels,
it feels, I don't know.
It feels disjointed some, you know, it feels like, uh, and I don't know if it's
the world or if it's just like our society or if it's just America even.
You know, but things just feel strange out there.
You know, is it just me or does it, everything has a little bit of a Halloween
edge, I feel like.
Uh, like stores, some stores, they don't have anybody even their work, you know,
they're like, you know, stores don't have employees, we're understaffed.
You know, you get through, you're at Chipotle and you get to the end of the
line and it's like they hired some person who's never even worked before.
Like has had, you know, and the, they're just staying, they don't even know
what to do.
They're just standing there just eating guacamole.
They have no idea.
You ask them anything, they kind of go, they get scared.
Like there's like a vampire seeing sunlight, you know.
They're just some, I mean, there's just some, I don't know what's going on in
the world.
Yeah, I guess the, they say the workforce, something is going on.
There's not a lot of workforce.
Um, let me look that up so I'm not just, is there a workforce shortage?
There we go.
In 2021, more than 47 million workers quit their jobs.
Um, many of whom were in search of improved work-life balance and flexibility,
increased compensation, and a strong company culture.
Huh.
Yeah, and I don't know how factual this is.
You know, this could be, this is U.S. Chamber of Commerce, so who, we have no
idea if it's legitimate or not, but I do notice you go play.
Like, bro, I, I walked into a store the other day and the guy, it was like a
little grocery store, and the guy asked me to work for like 30 minutes.
He's like, do you, can you just help out for like 30 minutes?
I'm like, dude, I'm just trying to get some limes, bro.
I'm just here for, I needed two limes.
And, uh, I'm like, bro, I just trying to get some limes.
I mean, I used to work checkout, you know, I used to do, I mean, I know bananas
code is 4011.
But, um, but I'm here for, I'm not here to work, you know, like that's how
strange it's getting that they're just, if you're even in a place, they're
asking you to work, it feels like.
Which is exciting, I mean, at least it's great, and I, and, you know, I guess I'm
lucky that I don't have to take that, that, you know, 30 minutes.
I don't need that employment at that half hour mark.
But, um, but damn, it's just, it feels like the wild, I don't know if it feels
like the wild west.
Ah.
And then where is everybody?
That's another thing.
You're like, if nobody's working, where is, what's going on?
I don't know.
And then you start thinking, are people bots?
Are you running into bots?
You know, I watch people when they get in their car a lot of times if they're
leaving me because that's when I figure a bot would have the toughest time.
Because there's a lot of little intricacies when you get into a vehicle.
And I don't think a bot could do that real easily.
You know, you could easily see a bot like, oh, I like the sunglasses, you know.
But if you're running into like a bot human, I think if you watch them get in
their car, they would have to really do it good.
I'm happy.
I'm, it's Tuesday, you know.
So I don't know.
It's just getting, everything feels strange out there.
And it feels kind of lawless.
You know, it feels lawless.
It feels like the, you know, people are just running red lights.
It doesn't, you know, it's like fucking I'm running red light.
I mean, I'm running stops.
It's just like people are doing what they want.
That's what it feels like.
It feels like people are just doing what they want.
And I don't know.
Maybe that's just, and it could just be my area, you know.
But we have like the police live in fear.
They're afraid.
It feels like to do their jobs.
I don't know.
A lot of fear out there.
A lot of fear out there.
And I'm sure you know that.
I'm not trying to be a downer.
Just kind of saying, I guess, what's been happening.
Or just things I've been thinking about.
What else, dude?
I went to the, I went with David Spade over to the Oscars after parties.
And that was interesting.
You know, and fuck Oscars, man.
Yeah, fuck, you know, I don't like all of that shit.
You know, I don't like Hollywood or much of it.
And, but getting to go with him and stuff like that was real interesting.
And I was over at his house.
We watched the Oscars at David's home.
And they had the, you know, the Chris Rock got hit.
And I was thinking about that.
And I think there was, so many people have talked about it, right?
And that is what it is.
But I think there was like a, there was like a moment where part of the anger
was that here you have somebody who's just saying something, right?
Chris Rock.
Now I get he's jabbing at the guy's wife.
I get that.
But also, he's a comedian.
He should be able to do that.
Or he should be able to take his risks.
And I felt like it was a calculated risk.
It felt super safe.
But there was something about how you saw a guy walk up because he didn't like
what somebody else said.
Or for whatever reason.
It's hard to really know the reason that Will Smith had in his head.
People said all kind of stuff.
He was gaying out or he was gayed out.
People said his wife was, you know, they have a, you know, they do foster cocking
or whatever.
Or when people can make love to your wife.
You know, foster cocks.
I don't know what it is.
They do foster cocks.
Or cock fostering.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know.
I'm not going to look it up either because I have a blocker on my computer.
But yeah, so they said.
So anyway, but there was a guy who said something.
And then you saw somebody, a rich guy, another rich guy, come and hit him and
then get an award for it.
And it just kind of felt like, this is where I ended up really feeling the most
anger at the end of it all.
It was just really towards Hollywood, towards the Oscars, towards the whole
fucking machine of all that shit.
It was like, hey, somebody can hit somebody else.
They can do whatever they want.
They could say this man can speak or not speak.
And we'll give that guy an award.
And then, this is the craziest part.
All of Hollywood will stand there and applaud the guy.
As if the, the, the fucked up thing he did didn't even happen.
And it was kind of like a microcosm, I think, of everything that's been going
on.
You know?
So many people feel like their reality is neglected by Hollywood.
That, uh, since Hollywood owns a lot of the media and, and mainstream media,
that they just, uh, they just, that they're so powerful that if they want to
act like something didn't happen, they can just brush right over it.
Which they do all the time.
Pick and choose what they think, um, or when they think something is important
or what they think is important.
Uh, so I think there was a lot of that in there for me.
And I hope Chris Rock sues the Oscars.
I would sue the Oscars.
I would sue everybody in that bitch.
You know?
Um, that's what I would do.
Because, yeah, they just, that, that's what it was for me.
It was like, here's this powerful machine saying once again,
Oh, we determine how, if the way you see things is real or not almost, or we
think we determine it.
Because we all saw somebody hit somebody and then get an award, then give an
insane speec