Name: Belated Bunny | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #389
Uploaded: 2022-04-19T19:56:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Belated Bunny | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #389' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Belated Bunny | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #389' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-19. Transcript available.

Belated Bunny | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #389

all right let's get into it uh good day everyone and welcome to uh another
episode of this past
weekend um what's going on happy belated easter if you did it if you did easter
man
then you probably know what i'm talking about or if you enjoy easter
don't let the lord lick you where the good lord what they used to say don't don't
i don't know what they said but here we are um happy easter happy belated easter
uh and let's get into this episode
oh that's a little slow boy that'll make you damn kill yourself at a wedding
right there that
thing sounds a little that's a little slow i'm sorry i'm trying to find some
easter soon easter
easter music and easter don't have a lot of good music that's another thing you
know easter don't
have a lot of good music most of it's at church you got to go to church church
to hear it let's
try one more here we go
one more here we go
*sad music*
Mmm!
*sad music*
Ooh, that drum comes in.
*sad music*
That drum comes in and doesn't even help.
*sad music*
Yeah, that's a little...
That's bad when the drum comes in and doesn't even help.
You know?
That sound like a little, maybe like an elementary school band on the Titanic
or something.
Like damn, you know the second they start up, this band is going down, boy.
*sad music*
Oh, yeah.
*sad music*
Yeah, you could hear the water.
I mean, you could see the water rising outside of the classroom windows right
there.
That thing...
That's a real sinker's anthem right there, I think.
*sad music*
What is it?
I'm trying to find that they have one more good track for Easter music here.
Let me see what I can do for us.
Try to find one more.
*sad music*
*sad music*
There we go, baby.
*sad music*
That's got a little more lift in it.
Whenever you're down, out in the cold, faithless and dark, your story's untold.
Come take my hand and walk there with me.
I know a place where we can be free.
Let's go, baby.
*sad music*
There is a light shining for you.
Guiding your way.
Helping you through.
Mm-hmm.
Shadows and gloom are all that you see.
We'll find a place where we can be free.
Come on now.
From the mountain top, down to the deepest valley.
Hear a voice calling you.
Calling you.
It's the rising sun.
Shining in the darkest valley.
Come on.
Can't you see?
You will be free.
Can't you see?
I have been far.
Can't you see?
You will be free.
And that's a beautiful little tune right there.
I just found that.
And that is There is a Light by the Stone Keepers.
And that band, they play some stuff.
It seems like something you could wash a baby to, really.
That's what you want.
Let's hear them again.
It's just instrumental here with this hitter.
Come on now.
Oh, yeah.
Tuck your junk, baby.
Tuck your junk and feel something.
You don't need a bra, ladies.
Let the Lord hold your tits, ladies.
Come on.
And big fellas.
Come on.
There you go.
That's something you could wash a dang baby to right there.
You could just see the water going over his little back.
Yeah, that's something you could wash a baby to right there, you know.
Even wash under his thick little arms right there.
You know.
Just get it up.
Just damn.
You just want to just clean that little sucker out.
Get the devil out from under his arms.
When I was young, they used to tell you that if you stank real bad, they said
you got the
devil under your arms, boy.
And as a kid, you'd smell under your arm.
You're like, dang, something is going on under there.
I do have something non-well festering under me, you know.
I do have something, you know, I got a little dark arts garden under each pit,
under each
flapper, under each lifter, under each arm.
What's going on?
Yeah.
I hope you had a beautiful Easter time.
I had a nice time myself.
I hope you were, you know, wherever this episode finds you today.
If you're in your car, if you're sitting at home maybe, having your little soup
or something.
You know, maybe you're on a lunch break and you got a sandwich.
And some people look, some people cut their sandwiches.
And that's me.
I cut my sandwich up.
You know, I do the four cut.
Some people do their sandwich.
They don't do any cut.
They just bite into it just blindly.
Just know there's not a real game plan.
It's very, those people, that's a real question mark fella right there.
Or strong woman.
Somebody who don't, the sandwich, it's more of that attack dog style.
You know.
I'm just going to get in that bitch.
Get in there.
But I like that more, that one that's been more dissected.
You know, and you always knew how much somebody's mom loved them when they were
a kid.
If they, if that sandwich had been really clipped up.
You know, and sometimes, you know, yeah.
Cause your mom, your mom, if you, if your mom really loves you, cut that thing,
you know, nice and.
And then you had them, you know, them regular boys out there.
And they eat that bitches, you know.
That thing.
Look, there's no plan to get into that thing.
That sandwich looks like it doesn't even want you to get into it.
Sometimes if you look at it that way.
And that's certainly when I was, yeah, when I was young, I had that kind of
thing was.
That thing was, uh, didn't have a lot of entry points on it.
A lot of the sandwiches we had, um, what's going on, man?
Uh, yeah.
There's always that person at lunch that pulls that bad bastard out.
You're like, damn boy.
This dude, this dude's going through some stuff.
That sandwich doesn't have anything going on with it.
And sometimes some people's mom would cut the heart in the middle, be like,
damn.
They must be rich, bruh.
If somebody had that heart cut in that sand, like, they must be rich.
And sometimes they were.
That's the, that, that's the real kicker there.
Sometimes they were.
Um, yeah.
Happy belated Easter, man.
Hope everybody had a nice time.
I hope everybody got to at least sit and spend time with a loved one.
You know, got to be around somebody that they cared about and, and, uh, do
something joyous.
I went down to Louisiana, which is a beautiful place down there, man.
It's a slower place.
You get down to Louisiana, man.
A half hour will take 45 minutes.
Ain't nobody in a rush to get through that.
Somebody start a sentence at 11 a.m.
And finish it up at about 12:20.
Like, damn.
Dang, boy.
Mr. Eddie really got a gift of gab, they say.
Uh, but it's a real, you know, it's just a slow going.
You see somebody start yawning.
Somebody start yawning about 4:15 in the afternoon.
And they won't stop till about 5:00.
Just that, it's a slow pace.
It's just that, you know, it's that kind of place.
Um, things take time.
And people, even a hug takes time.
You hug somebody, that thing gonna last a minute or two.
You could take a small nap if you want.
You know, you hug somebody.
There's not as much of a hurry.
There's a little more patience.
There's a little more peace.
Docility.
You know, there's something nice about that.
There's something nice about the relaxation of it.
And it's sweaty, too, down there, though.
You get down into Louisiana, you get down into some of these rural areas, baby.
You know what I'm talking about, as sweaty as can be.
Sometimes it's hard to hug some people now.
If they a little thick or if they got a little bit of oil in their skin or, you
know.
Or if they too small, you can't even get a hug on somebody if they real bony.
Like, nah, I can't.
You can't.
It's impossible.
You can't really get a good snatch on them.
Because everybody's sweating down there.
People are so sweaty.
You know, you see people try to shake hands.
Sometimes the hands slide right off.
You can't even.
Somebody put a watch on.
They can't get it on.
Damn.
Because of the sweat pouring out of people.
You know, there's just a lot going on down there.
But we had a nice time.
We had a real nice time, man.
It was, what was it?
It was, you know, when I was in high school, I went and lived with a different
family.
And the fellow that raised me, that man, who was part of my life, he turned 80
years old.
And he getting older, baby, now.
So we went down there and had his birthday.
And that was really nice.
And then went over to my brother's house for Easter.
And they had some good food over there, baby.
What'd they have?
They had them little wiener.
It's like wiener blanket.
It's not like a, it's like a little wiener blanket.
It looked like a piece of bread put a rear naked choke on a damn little wiener.
You know what I'm talking about?
It looked like, yeah.
It's like, yeah.
You know what I'm talking about?
It's just like a little, it's like a little wiener is wearing a little, uh,
French bread as like a cape.
I don't know what it's called.
But they had a whole little stack of mitches and I got in there.
And they had those finger sandwiches.
Somebody brought a tray at him.
And I cracked in at him.
And some of those, you know, the meat, the, the, the, the, the more the
afternoon goes on, that meat gets a little hard.
And that's kind of when you find out who you are as a man, I think is, uh, the
later in the afternoon, you're willing to eat a finger sandwich.
Cause you see some dudes get real dicey with it too.
Some guys will only roll in later in the day, 5:00 PM or something around sundown.
And it was a 1:00 PM party.
And them bitches, it gets real hard on the outside.
On those little finger sandwich, a little bit of ham on that bastard.
You know, a little bit of rots beef.
Somebody just.
And some men, they go tongue first into that bitch.
Some of those older men, that shit is like, damn, bruh.
Y'all need to lock that man up.
Or at least go through his hard drive.
That dude is on to, he's been doing, you know, that guy's got something going
on in him.
Cause his tongue is out here.
He's out here tongue first into the world, looking for something.
But if you see somebody go tongue first into the hard side of a finger sandwich.
Dear God, baby, lock them up.
That's what I say.
Lock them up.
Um, but yeah, we had a nice time and we did a really nice time.
Uh, what else did we do?
Um, I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
I'll tell you.
I want to, I got some new tour dates.
I want to tell you too.
So don't forget.
I'm excited to let you know.
Uh, we got an extra show added in Los Angeles on May 7th.
That's coming up over there at the wheel turn.
And then we got Albuquerque, New, uh, New Mexico.
And that's May 18th, May 19th in Midland, May 20 in Lubbock, Texas.
And May 21, Dallas, Texas.
We've added another show there.
So get your friend or somebody, get somebody you love and bring them.
Grab somebody by the hand and say, hey, babe, we're going to go get involved in
something
good.
We also have Savannah, Georgia, June 2nd, Augusta, Georgia, June 3rd and
Montgomery, Alabama,
June 4, as well as Columbus, Georgia, June 5.
Uh, and some, uh, those are all available theovon.com/tour.
And some new dates down in Florida.
We are, we have June 23rd in Hollywood, Florida.
June 24, Fort Myers, Florida down there, military area, I'm guessing.
And June 2, 5 over in Daytona Beach, Florida.
If you come over there, bring them sunburnt titties out with you.
And bring that skin cancer with you, baby, in Daytona.
Everybody out there smoking on them Dorals and huffing on Winston's.
You'll see a newborn come out and he got his, uh, he'll have a little lighter
in his hand,
hunting a Doral.
That's Daytona Beach, Florida, June 2, 5, June 2, 6, down there in Lakeland,
Florida.
And those Florida tickets are available first to Patreon, uh, on Tuesday, April
19th.
Um, and they'll, we'll send you the code on Patreon.
And then the, uh, my pre-sale starts Wednesday, April 20th.
And that code is RATKING at 10 AM locally.
You can get those.
Um, and that starts on Wednesday.
So, yeah, as well, we have, uh, we've got some new stuff.
We've got the bobble heads on sale and the gang gang hoodies are out now as
well.
And you can find all those online.
Um, and just thank everybody for the support, you know?
Uh, and thank you for supporting this podcast and being patient with this
podcast.
Uh, and just being a part of, of this group.
Um, yeah, I'll get back into 