Name: Mike Perry | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #399
Uploaded: 2022-06-28T08:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Perry | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #399' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Perry | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #399' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-28. Transcript available.

Mike Perry | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #399

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Today's guest is a gentleman that I've been enamored with for a while.
I've been wanting to meet this cat and just get to see what he is and who he is.
I've always been a huge fan. He's beloved by many.
He is a mixed martial artist.
He competed in the UFC for a long haul.
And he's currently fighting in welterweight in the Bare Knuckle Fighting
Championships.
He's got a fight coming up in August.
And he joined us today right here on the tour bus.
So I'm grateful for his time.
Mr. Platinum Mike Perry.
Look, thank you so much for coming, man.
With the dogs, man.
With the bullies from Louisiana.
That's it.
Yeah, we out here.
Man, thank you so much, bro.
Honestly, I am so...
This is the most excited I've been in a long time, I think, man.
I really am.
I'm excited.
Thank you for coming, man.
Thank you for having me, bro.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Theo.
Same.
Crazy guy.
So, you know, meeting a crazy guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think we're different kinds of crazy, huh?
I don't know, man.
I think you get down, bro.
I think you've gotten drunk at a bar and slapped somebody before.
Yeah, I mean, I've definitely, I've bitten people.
Oh, that's a good one.
I won't bite nobody.
Really?
I don't want to catch that.
Yeah, keep this up on you.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry.
So, you won't bite?
Yeah, I don't bite, you know.
I mean, even though I'm pretty sure I've had other people's blood in my mouth,
but, like,
you know, we get tested to go to the fight.
Yeah.
So, we're pretty clean athletes at that time, but, like, a random on the
outside, no, I can't
be biting.
No.
I don't want to catch rabies.
Yeah.
Oh, they had a lot of rabies busts growing up.
You see somebody every now and then rolling down the street, bro, trying to
lick their elbows
and shit, and you knew that they had been, you know what I'm saying, they'd
been a little
too close to a raccoon.
Yeah.
They've got a little dicey, man.
Man, I used to have a couple raccoons that lived in my house.
Yeah?
Yeah, because we, my house in Flint, Michigan, and, you know, that's a pretty
crazy place
up there, and I had a big hole on the side of the house, and we had, like, a
blue tarp
over it, and we had aluminum shingles on the side of the house.
So, I think my dad told me that someone stole them, but I think he took them.
Yeah.
And then, so then we had a big hole in the house, and we used to have raccoons
in there
sometimes.
It was cool, man.
Yeah.
We used to hang out.
Bro, I used to work at this restaurant.
I was a busboy over there, and I did other things, too.
I would sell a little bit of weed, but mostly I was doing dish work.
But, and when the chef would cook duck, when they would make duck, they had
loose floor
boards in the back of the restaurant, and they had a lot of raccoons in the
wall, and
one of us busboys would have to sit there with a broomstick, because the raccoons
liked
the duck smell, so they'd come out the wood, bro, and I'd just sit there and
just beat
them back in, dog.
Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
So, definitely.
That was a five-star restaurant over there.
Down here in Florida, I seen something with the Golden Corrals.
They put, they had all the food on the trays, all the raw steak, and at Golden
Corral, you
can, it's an all-you-can-eat spot, but, like, you go over to the chef, and he'll
cook a steak
for you, and you can keep going back and eat more steak.
People like it.
I haven't eaten there in years, but they used to keep the meat outside next to
the dumpster,
uh-uh.
Yeah, they made, like, a video about that, so I stopped eating there.
That's a storage issue.
Yeah, right, you know, freezer.
Man, I'm so, I just, I'm honestly, I'm excited.
I'm not that fun, though.
I'm not that exciting.
I'm actually a really boring, like, you know, solid, focused individual.
You're you, though.
You're you.
Yeah.
You are you.
You couldn't be any more you, I don't think.
People love you, bro.
Thank you.
People love you.
I'm grateful.
Well, I feel, I feel differently, a little bit.
About yourself and me?
I feel like there's a lot of hate.
Oh, really?
Yeah, just about myself as far as, like, what other people seem to think or act
or what they say.
Not that it matters, but, like, you know, so I'm 30 now.
I'm a little older.
So I'm trying to carry myself in such a way to be older, to be wiser.
I'm not, being a fighter is, like, I'm still young mentally because, like, I
want to think about having fun all the time.
And then you got to, you know, I look in the mirror and I realize or I see all
the stuff that people say and I'm like, you know, on one side, forget about
that.
But on the other side, it's like, you know, if they're right, you got to take
constructive criticism and you got to take a look in the mirror and just, you
know, I'm trying to be better.
I'm trying to be an example, you know?
Yeah.
Was there kind of a moment that changed?
Because you seem, from an outsider's perspective, you know, I've just always
been a fan and you seem a little different over the past year or two.
You seem a little bit more, I don't know, you seem, I don't know if it's more
grown up.
I don't want to say grown up because that's not it.
I don't know, do you feel differently over the past few years and what's kind
of changed for you as a person?
Well, I met my girl and, well, I met her years ago, actually.
But, like, when I went back to her and we started making a family together, I
noticed some things about her, her character, that really just made me, like,
you know, respect her a lot.
Like, she's the littlest, cutest little thing, but she's a savage.
And you can't get an emotion out of her.
You can't get nothing out of her.
And I saw that and I was like, these grown men out here be acting like little
babies.
Right, all emotions.
Compared to my tiny little girl who then, you know, these are the type of dudes,
they'll cry to somebody,
but they're the same ones who would bully someone that they can dominate, right?
So, I try to be this person that, you know, for the ones who are weaker, even
though I like to do, I like to think like a winner.
I see what winners do.
I try to follow winners, see what they're doing, try to, you know, emulate that
in my own way.
And, but I still want to be that guy for the weaker people, the people who can't
stand up for themselves, the people who, there was somebody just about to get
into a fight in their cars.
There was arguing, getting in and out of the car, arguing, blocking traffic for
everybody trying to turn right to come here.
And, like, I was like, man, I was wondering, you know, if the guy is fighting a
girl, you know, what would happen?
What would I do?
But I just drove in the grass past them, you know.
And do you think a few years ago you might have got out just to see what was
going on or no?
No, because I'm not nosy.
Right.
Right.
If it's not my business, but if I do see a guy fighting a girl, I would
probably, you know.
Help out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At least investigate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, who was it?
They were talking about Kevin Holland keeps saving people.
And then Ben Askren wants to say that he's paying people to do a crime so that
he can hunt them down.
He's like, how does this guy get in all these troubles?
Because you've never, you know, wanted any trouble, Ben.
You never did.
Yeah.
Ben doesn't look like the guy that's had a lot of trouble, really, huh?
Yeah.
I mean, he's probably had more trouble than me.
But when it comes to fighting, whatever made you want to fight, if you think
back in your life, like, were you, did you just kind of at a certain age start
to see like, damn, I fight?
Or did it, was there something inside of you?
Like, is there a, do you know what it is?
Are you able to get a look at it?
Whatever that is?
My dad's a savage.
Really?
He's crazy mofo.
He's probably still the toughest dude I've ever seen.
And, you know, he's just too loose cannon.
So, I try to take that and, like, focus it into the art of, you know, being a
martial artist, a fighter, a boxer.
I really like the boxing nowadays, especially because I'm doing it.
Yeah, yeah.
I've always wanted to be a boxer.
I like the flash, the, you know, the outfits that they can wear in the ring.
And when the UFC takes everybody and they try to make them look the same and
then, you know, the grappling breaks up the fight.
When boxing is all about, like, just, to me, I just have the word swagger in my
head when I think of boxing.
You just got to carry yourself with a certain demeanor.
Yeah.
And, like I said, you know, my dad was a crazy guy.
Did you see him fight growing up?
Did he fight?
I heard stories.
We got in fights with the neighborhood people.
I saw him make people back down from fights a lot.
You know, he would get in people's face and be like, I'll bite your nose off.
And, like, in their yard.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, that's wild.
He's like, I'm in your yard.
What are you going to do?
Yeah.
And, you know, he told me one time we fought, like, the whole block.
And, like, I was trying to break it up.
And I was, like, 13, 14.
I was just getting strong.
And my dad, I think, he was drunk and he wanted me.
To fight with him, with the neighborhood.
And I was trying to break it up.
And he got mad at me.
And then...
Because he wanted you in it.
Right.
He wanted me to want to do it, I guess.
And, like, you know, I was a kid, though.
But, and I think he got arrested that night.
And he got out the next day.
And he said that he was talking trash to the cops all night.
And that they drove into an alley.
And they beat him with their nightsticks in the backseat.
They opened the backseat, started whooping his ass.
It's good stories, man.
Yeah, it's good, bruh.
It probably stung a little bit.
That's a good story.
Yeah, bruh.
We grew up in my neighborhood.
People are always fighting, bruh.
And it was a sign of respect.
Like, everybody had their shirts off all the time.
Dudes walking around with, like, those...
Do you ever see the dude with, like, the semen arms?
He just walk...
He just, like, a...
The only way he know how to move, he just...
He never even could lift his arms up.
They just swinging in front of him.
We had that kind of dude.
We had a guy who had Down syndrome, bruh.
But they wouldn't say he had it, bruh.
So he was always out there fucking people up, bruh.
Thinking he was in regular education.
We had, like, uh...
Dude, we had, like, a whole family was shirtless, bruh.
Women, all of them.
The whole family was shirtless, bruh.
Always smoking in their house, bruh.
The children were smoking cigarettes.
Everybody was out on the block back in the day.
You know what I mean?
You had your bicycle.
You drove to people's houses.
You knock on their door.
Yeah.
And their mama answered the door.
You're like, damn, where your son at?
Where your son at?
We got some hoodlums.
Yeah, we got some shit to do, bruh.
Yeah, let's go.
Dude, that was so...
I miss that kind of stuff.
I forget about that.
Remember how kind of crazy it was when you would go to your buddy's house?
Because that determined your whole day, if your friend was home or not.
It determined how the rest of your day was going to go.
If you wasn't home, you had to go back to your fucking house, bruh.
And that always...
It wasn't bad, but it wasn't the same as having your buddy, you know?
Yeah, a couple places.
You know, I had a couple places to go.
I rode my bike miles every day, all over.
And I remember playing tackle in the grass and two-hand touching the street
football.
You ever played that?
Yeah, and the car would come and everybody would have to shut it down, bruh.
Everybody would call a car driver.
You f***ing, bruh.
The dude's driving through, bruh.
It's not even a gay dude.
It's just a dude with his wife or something.
You're like, this motherfucker's ruining our game, bruh.
People were yelling, you queer, just down the street, just, you know, just ba