Name: Joe Rogan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #403
Uploaded: 2022-08-09T07:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #403' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #403' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-09. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #403

I want to announce some upcoming tour dates. I'll be coming to see you with the
Return of the Rat
Tour. October 12th in Wichita, Kansas at the Orpheum. October 13th, Omaha,
Nebraska at the
Holland Performing Arts Center. And October 14th, Denver, Colorado at the Paramount
Theater.
All tickets go on sale this Wednesday, August 10th at 10 a.m. local time with
the pre-sale
code RATKING. And then Friday, August 12th, they will be on sale generally with
no pre-sale
code. You can get all tickets through theovon.com slash tour. Those are trusted
links on there.
If you go elsewhere, you may get an untrustworthy link, and that could lead to
upselling prices.
So theovon.com slash tour. I also want to tell you, we have some new be good to
yourself tees
in new summertime colorways like banana, salmon, and more. You can check those
out and more at
theovonstore.com. Thank you. Today's guest was grateful enough to let us tape
out of his studio
down in Austin, Texas. He's a linchpin in the mixed martial arts community and
a prized UFC
commentator. He's the host of the largest podcast on planet Earth, the Joe Rogan
Experience. And his
new hour of stand-up comedy is the best comedy that I've seen him do. We're
grateful to have him here
for today, Mr. Joe Rogan.
Shine that light on me
I'll sit and tell you my stories
Shine on me
And I will find a song
I'll be singing
I'm on the stage
Okay.
We're live.
And we're back.
Yeah.
We're doing your podcast, though.
Yeah, thank you, man.
Wow.
Thank you for the hospitality and for jumping on, man. I appreciate it.
My pleasure.
And for letting us do it here.
Been having some fun.
Yeah, we have, man. Last night was really cool.
It's a good time, right?
Yeah, the new place looks great.
Doesn't it?
Yeah.
It's exciting.
When you go in there, do you feel like, was it scary to start to think, okay, I'm
going
to build an actual building for comedy? I mean, it's like a whole new business,
kind of,
isn't it?
Yeah, it's kind of overwhelming. It's a little overwhelming. It's kind of crazy.
Yeah.
Did, um, all right.
It's exciting, but it's, part of me is like, what the fuck?
Yeah, because I was listening to you show it to me, and I was like, damn, Joe,
it felt
like you were like a, um, like a contractor, like a, you know, like a, um, like
a landlord,
kind of. It was like, oh, this is a whole, it feels like a whole different
uniform, kind
of.
It's a totally different thing. But luckily, I got people running it.
So, my participation in that aspect of it will hopefully be minimal.
Yeah.
You know, but it is, uh, it's definitely, you know, but I felt like, I felt
compelled.
I felt compelled to do it, you know, because I always felt like, if you, you
know, I never
wanted to own a comedy club, but I always felt like you just have to be nice to
comedy
club owners because you never want to be one of those fucking people.
Right.
But then when I knew I was moving here and Cap City was already closed, I was
like, maybe
I should buy a fucking club and start a club. And so, that became my focus. It
became this
thing where I was thinking, I really should do that. I really should, like, set
it up so
that I'm setting it up the right way. So, I'm not setting it up to try to make
money. I'm
just setting it up to make an amazing environment for comedy and have a home
for comedians where
they just feel good.
Yeah.
Like, they can go there and that's a great spot to hang out and you just feel
good about
the atmosphere. You'll be able to perform well. You'll be treated well. Like,
everyone
will be, you know, treated with respect and with fun and just a good attitude.
Has the city been receptive to it? Has there been, like, any, like, kickback
like that?
No.
Has there been any, like, barriers to creating a comedy club that you didn't
expect just because
you'd never done it before?
It's a process. I mean, it took a long time to get the permits and all that
stuff, but
it wasn't, you know, it's just normal. It's normal for any business. And
especially if
you're going to get a liquor license and all that jazz and you're going to have
live performance.
Yeah. Dude, I heard you and that guy, they were talking about, y'all were
talking about
horse sex and the, uh-huh. When I pulled up in the lobby, I was like, oh, okay,
this is
my kind of place today. Dude, I saw in New Orleans one time they had a lot of
the cops in
the French Quarter on horseback, and two of the horses started fucking with the
cops on
them, bro.
Were the cops getting mad?
One of them was.
Was the other one excited?
The one in the back, I think, was kind of fucking vibing with it a little,
because at least
he was in the winning position, you know?
Right. You don't want to be the guy where the horse gets done fucking that
horse and
then he starts fucking you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or the horse collapses and you get trapped under it. I saw a horrible video the
other day
of these dudes were racing horses, they're running, and a dog, a yappy dog runs
out onto
the track, and the horse trips over the dog and the guy dies.
What, was the dog running out there to tell him something or something?
Uh, yeah, no.
Or like to greet him?
To bark.
Oh, just some shitty dog that thought it'd be a good idea to bark at a fucking
horse, and
the horse trips, and the horse is in full throttle, and the horse trips over
this dog and the,
you know, lands on this guy. The guy goes, you know, the horse goes head first,
and the guy
goes with him, so the guy goes down, the horse comes on top of him and crushes
him.
And the guy died?
You want to see it?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll find it.
I'll see it, man. I didn't want to at first.
But now you're thinking about it.
But now I'm in. Dude, they had a fundraiser one time when I was going to LSU.
They had
a fundraiser there for a guy who had gotten hurt playing football, right?
Yeah.
So they raised all this money. They wanted to get him a nice, fancy wheelchair,
one that
has like, you know, like everything on it, like the centrifuge or whatever you
can have
on a wheelchair.
Right.
Speakers. And, um, and also get him a golden retriever, like an animal, because
he had gotten
a paraplegia from playing football.
Right.
They get him those things, right? There's fundraisers, a couple of different,
at a couple
of different LSU games. People are walking around the parking lot with buckets
and stuff
raising funds. They get him that and they give it to him. And then a few months
later, the
guy, the dog had the wheelchair or whatever it had, like life support on it for
the guy
as well. He had to have some kind of like oxygen system. The dog pulled the
plug out from
the thing and the guy died.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
So, but yeah, seeing those horses fuck made me want to be a cop, dude, for a
little while.
That shit looked like a party, especially in New Orleans, you know, where
people are kind
of dancing anyway in the street.
I can't find the video, but I can find you a video of a Komodo dragon swallowing
with a deer
hole.
All right, that'll do.
If that's what I got to take, dude, that's your second option. Bro, did you see
that we
made the Fox News last night at Get Home, right? I'm looking at some different
news sites.
That front page of Fox News was Joe Rogan reading the TikTok.
Oh, when we're reading the Terms of Service.
Yeah.
Fucking crazy, right?
Yeah, but it was the front.
It was the main thing.
Yeah, it was the, it was like, and it almost was like, I was like.
Watch this.
Watch this video.
This is bananas.
He already swallowed it.
He'll, he'll do it again.
Here it goes.
Watch this.
Wow.
He quickly ate that whole deer.
Oof.
Mmm.
He swallowed a goat.
Sorry.
I've never.
Look at that.
Seems like it sped up a little.
I've never had goat.
It's good.
It's an unusual tasting meat.
I had aardvark at a wedding one time.
Aardvark?
Yeah.
What kind of wedding was that?
It was, I think it was just like a white wedding or something.
Like, they said it was aardvark.
It could have been something else, though.
Or they could have misspelled it.
Like a Billy Isle type white wedding?
No, it was just like a regular, like, two whites getting married, you know?
They ate aardvark?
They said they did.
What state was this?
This was in Louisiana when I was growing up.
It was at a fancy French place, and they said that they had aardvark over there.
So, we believed them.
But, yeah, I just thought it was crazy that, so the, so the head, so, like, it
was like,
the night after we did the interview, same day, right?
So, the head article is Joe Rogan reads the TikTok agreement, right?
Terms of service.
It's almost like someone said, like, is Joe the only person who's reading the
terms of
service of things in America, and the rest of us are just using shit, like,
right out of
the box, like, not even paying attention to what's going on?
That's what I felt like a little bit.
I think a lot of people are now with things like TikTok, because there's been a
lot of
articles written about it, and a lot of people calling for it to be banned,
because it's
basically Chinese spyware.
But if they get us, then what would they, like, so say we talked about it a
little bit
the other day, but say they, like, they infiltrate all the electronics, they
get all the data and
everything, but then how do they get us as people?
Like, how do they get us into the cages?
Well, I don't think it's as simple as get people in the cages.
I think what they want is intellectual property.
They want to steal data, and they want to, like, if they have access to your
computer and
say, what if you're working on some fucking weapon system, or what if you're
working on
something, some communication system, and they have access to your computer,
they can steal
that data from your computer because they have access to it because you're
using TikTok.
So, it's just about information.
Yeah, one of the more disturbing things was saying that they have access to
computers that
aren't even being used for TikTok.
Right.
Like, other computers that you're using.
Yeah, I remember you saying that.
Which is just...
That's crazy.
It's so insane that that would actually be something that someone would allow.
They had an engineer, a software engineer, back-engineered TikTok and said it
was the most, in terms
of, like, invasion of privacy, it was the most egregious example that they'd
ever found.
So, wouldn't there be some structure or template in American society or
government or hierarchy
that would protect us from that sort of thing?
That's what I don't understand sometimes.
Why isn't there, like, something that protects us from that sort of thing, or
is it just our
own responsibilities?
I don't know what they can do now other than ban it.
But I know they were talking about banning it for a while, but then there was
some sort
of a deal that was made where the data was going to go from the American
version of TikTok was
going to go to America.
But it turns out that it's not.
It's going straight to China, and then they get the version to America.
See if that's correct.
See, that's...
That sounds right like what I read.
That's pretty honest.
Yeah, let's...
And we're going to keep using it.
It's almost like...
Because, like, what if they told women there was a makeup that would steal your
face, right?
Like, you put it on, and it's going to put your face in China.
Yeah.
And then we still use it.
Right.
I mean, that just shows me the level of addiction that we have to...
Social media.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's an addiction.
They have an office here.
TikTok has an office in Austin.
For people that need help?
Yeah.
You know what I found about that?
Some lady was heckling at the creek in the cave, and she said, like, what do
you do?
She's like, I work for TikTok.
Damn.
How old was she?
She's in her 20s.
Oh, that's all right.
Dude, Tony ripped into that lady the other night, dude.
Oh, that lady was nuts.
Fell over a table.
It's very sad.
There was some fucking drunks last night, man.
Some rowdy-ass people.
For a Tuesday?
Yeah, you crushed, ma