Name: Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #405
Uploaded: 2022-08-23T13:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #405' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #405' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-23. Transcript available.

Bobby Lee  | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #405

I want to let you know I'm upstairs with the return of the rat tour and I'll be
coming to
your city October 11th and 12th Wichita Kansas we added the 11th at the Orpheum
Theater
so get those tickets October 13th Omaha Nebraska and October 14th Denver
Colorado
the first show is sold out we've added a second we may even add another one let's
see how it goes
go to theovon.com slash t-o-u-r to get tickets and make sure you go through
that link so you get
accurately priced tickets and don't get hit with that upsell thank you guys so
much for your support
I look forward to seeing you soon I want to let you know we have new be good to
yourself tees in
new summertime colorways like banana salmon and other colors check those out
and more at theovonstore.com
thank you so much for your support today's guest is a uh a man that just I mean
just makes me feel
so much dang joy when he's around he just makes me sprout this damn just happy
tits just just lunge
out of my chest when he's around he just brings that out of you he's a special
guy he's originally from
another continent and um he's always welcome here this is his fifth time on
this past weekend you may know
him from mad tv from his countless film and television appearances or from his
astounding podcasts tiger
belly and bad friends I'm grateful to spend time with him and I'm grateful for
him as a human today's
guest is mr bobby lee
shine that light on me
I'll sit and tell you my stories
shine on me
and I will
find a song
I'll be singing
well you know when I get when I've dated white girls before every time I get a
white girl it just feels a little extra special
really yeah like I won in some way oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah do you um
why do you date a lot of whites or not I haven't had love I haven't made love
to a white in years dog wow yeah yeah the first girl you ever made love to was
she
that no yeah yeah she was fat first
damn yeah yeah she was fat first dude I got food poison one time hooking up
with a big girl
did you really yeah manella no I think she just had so much food in her and it
it poisoned me somehow
oh you ate that you ate the box no no she ate the box dude no I didn't did you
eat the box bro there was
no she wasn't leaving leftovers you know what I'm saying it was yeah yeah
everything had been had been kind of uh
she was she there was she kept it all in you know
yeah but I mean I've always wanted to make love to a plus size model oh I could
see one there yeah like they're beautiful but there's more oh yeah there's more
beauty oh yeah there's as much well there's a lot of like you see those plus
size models with the um like a lot of them on the beach and stuff now I like
yeah yeah think about all the decades when bigger women just had to stay inside
and didn't want to go outside
what do you mean it just breaks my heart if you just like now they can is what
you're saying
well now it's more popular bigger women being out and about and being in
bathing suits you know
well back in the day if you see like paintings at museums and shit right there
they used back in the day they used that that was the sign of like beauty
oh yeah yeah I mean diabetes or whatever Rubenesque
yeah they were yeah they liked it back then yeah the lady would be laying by a
stream with like an apple or something or a little ham
what's all those grapes right yeah all that sugar yeah yeah all that sugar dude
all that sugar dude yeah yeah yeah
dude I remember we used to go to the library when I was young and we'd look at
those art you know I'd look at the art of the drawing
I can't wait a library not a museum oh no not a museum I feel like you've never
been to a museum
you've never been one you've never paid ticket to go to a museum oh I did go
see body world that thing where they cut people in half you know and they have
their bodies in there
that's not a that's not a fucking museum it's like a thing it seems like it
yeah yeah it's like a one man
you know those people are Chinese all the people that they that are in there
what yeah well who's Chinese
the p you know those people in the body world exhibits where they cut the
bodies you can see inside the bodies
and it's all like yeah I don't know what that is you bring that up um let me
show you these people man
looks like a snuff film or no no it's a it's a it's like an activity I guess so
this is body world you
go look at the bottom right you go so that dude what you're telling me right
now is that dude's Chinese
yeah he just doesn't have any skin bro he was just saying you're you know what
I mean just because
they don't have no skin doesn't make it look do Chinese people look like they
have no skin look at
this guy because it's yellow I'm not saying that man oh you are leading to that
yeah but that is
I think that but these people they buy them out of China apparently because
these are real bodies they
just take some of the skin off oh that's a real human being that's not like a
play thing no that's
real oh fuck dude that's body world you can go see it and some of them are like
on horseback there's
all kind of stuff they're doing jab look at that one right there with a javelin
look at that guy
that's Chinese yeah for sure and that dude is Chinese bro look how Chinese he's
so fucking Chinese
right now dude damn and they sold him they sold his body to this exam I mean it's
just kind of crazy
you know yeah man like there were still slaves not that I'm a proponent of that
or I support it
but what like if you could get a slave where would you get it from oh that's a
good question right
oh yeah yeah I mean I've thought about this a lot
um my first instinct is Mexico really yeah I just feel like they work hard
yeah they could be out in the sun you know what I mean they can't they do the
shingles and then the
bushes oh that's true right they just do all kinds of stuff you know they know
how to do everything bro
they can't be out in the sun okay they have to be out there to survive yeah
yeah but they're also
the latest immigrants really is Mexican is Mexicans are the latest like leg of
immigrants in American
history so immigrants are always the ones that are out there doing whatever
right right you know
yeah yeah like you guys had your time who's the you guys uh
Asians Asian people in general yeah what was it when was our time you guys were
those rail babies dog
weren't y'all well yeah but the Irish did it too bro oh yeah yeah damn wonder
was there beef between
the Asians and the Irish I wonder no they got along I think you have to be out
in the sun like that
yeah do you think they drink lemonade oh dude no I always think if they drink a
lemonade and then
they at after they're done with their shivs the Chinese give them opium and
they party dude don't
you want to be you and I dude back in the 1700s oh we worked hard on the rails
god we'd have been
ching ching ching chong why does it make that sound that's the worst no because
when Asians do it we we
make that sound that's how they got the name you know that is that how they
yeah that's yeah that
crazy yeah that's how they do it yeah with the real ching chong um but um and
then after our shift
we'd probably like go to the den and smoke opium together god and our souls
that's when you're so when
you're high on opium and somebody else is that's when your souls come out and mingle
you think so
yeah oh yeah man and we would just look at each other huh or would you close
your eyes you think
i'd close them a little to look make it look like mine
i didn't say that but i mean you know i just want you to feel at home yeah but
back to the um
back to the the fat when the women were fat back in the day oh i used to go to
the library i would get
the book and i would like um it was whenever i like was first having those
times where you would
like press your wiener against something and it would feel so good you know
what do you mean like
when you first started getting like a lot of feeling in your wiener like just
like when your wiener
just felt like it just um just just had so much tendency in it and uh and i
would press i would get
a book and i would it would be like those drawings of the pictures of the women
like rodan or whatever
the man's name was the artist and i mean the rodan is the he was the artist he
was drew those women
oh i thought it was like the oh reuben no godzilla's buddy rodan oh rodan yeah
yeah yeah
yeah whatever that guy's name is lonnie rodan or something who is it you bring
him up
and i would just put in rodan see what comes up just rodan
that's what comes up with the rodan oh no don't lonnie run it just put rodan in
oh lonnie
rodan's a brother huh this is a white guy just put rodan in that's that
that's rodan oh that is it that is that the guy no no do oh r r o d i n bub oh
there we go that fool look at those thick i mean that's when had whiskers
so would you jerk off to the the book i would close the book on my on my wiener
until i like
or reached orgasm i would like in in the library yeah wow can i say something i
did dude this is
gonna i don't know if i got in trouble for this but um so when i was in high
school i used to like
do math my freshman year yeah wow and what i would do i get really horny yeah
and i would go to the
library and um there was these medical books oh yeah you know what i mean like
skeletons and you
know what i mean or but sometimes they would have a titty or whatever oh yeah
yeah yeah like a medical
titty yeah yeah and i would sit there i would ditch class and i would sit there
and i would move some
of the books to the side to see if because it was like a dead end my aisle was
at the dead end where
the medical books were and i would lean against the wall and i would scoot to
see there was no
cameras back then right yeah and i would jerk off to these medical books oh
because i couldn't afford
porn back then oh i didn't know where to even get it like i didn't have a car
you know how do you
when you're freshmen you don't know how to get it oh you have to drive that's
back when you had to
drive to point people like children now don't understand you don't get how hard
it was to see
even to see it a drawing or a sketch or even somebody who'd make a little in
the mud
you know or like a mold of you know i'm saying yeah yeah dude back then it was
freaking
if you if you saw any hole it would feel you would go you get hard oh dude i
remember i
remember seeing like they used to have these crawfish holes pull that up crawfish
uh houses
crawfish houses there you go google in on zoom in on one of those mud little
things
right there dude so these are things that crawfish live in right
that looks like a dick well find a shorter one go scroll down a little
no uh yeah right there one no right there on the left up oh i see now right
there no i see it
oh oh that's a that's a dick dude that one's uh another dick that time of the
month no go back to
right there that's a good so they have something like this would be everywhere
these are all over
louisiana and this is where crawfish live in by the ditches they get the little
houses yeah and
somebody wrote in good next to it in the in the mud in the dirt yeah yeah yeah
but dude it was i mean
there was nothing more there was like it was such an adventure once you were
looking for i used to
bicycle probably four to five miles to get to my buddy's house his family's
house yeah and his dad
would keep porno under the sink oh yeah yeah and i would go in there and tell
him i was doing a number
two for like an hour and a half really really yeah it would take you that long
to jerk no but i would
have to i would just be there was like 11 books it would take so long to get
through all the information
yeah my friend alan meadows right his dad was like collected porn but he would
hide it
right but the fun was in the hunt like the beatster bunny right right and then
like one time we found
like a magazine behind the cereals oh you know what i mean like it was like you
mean and i found it i
found it ri