Name: Back From France | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #427
Uploaded: 2023-01-24T19:24:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Back From France | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #427' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Back From France | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #427' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-24. Transcript available.

Back From France | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #427

we now have be good to yourself crewnecks available in light blue maroon and
cement
that embankment gang color you know it check these out along with the new windbreaker
at
theo von store.com and thank you for your support i've got some new tour dates
to announce we will
be going to newark new jersey may 10th um westbury new york may 11th um and you
can get pre-sale
tickets to those shows with code rat king starting wednesday january 25th at 10
a.m eastern time and
the general on sale starts friday january 27th at 10 a.m eastern time i will be
in las vegas on june
30th and july 2nd at the encore theater we've also added a seventh show in austin
on june 9th and a
fourth show in houston on march 23rd um all other shows and dates uh theovon.com
slash t-o-u-r make
sure to go there to get uh the best pricing available and um and follow those
links and uh looking forward
to seeing you guys oh man i bought this button up shirt i got it on i don't
know if i like it i don't
know if i like being in this i don't like i will say i don't like being in this
sort of shirt i don't like
you know this the concept we're gonna button you up boy we're gonna button you
up you little nasty boy
i just feel like they're like getting you ready for i don't know
i feel like somebody's just packaging you up in some like a formatted i feel
like i'm being formatted you
ever formatted a document or something on microsoft word and you got the
document how you want it
you did as much as you could you got a couple extra commas in there if you like
me i eat dude i unlimited
commas bro oh i do unlimited commas tiffany comma ben comma
fucking the comma neighbor
all caps unlimited commas bro but then you do formatting and it puts it into
nor you know
regular whatever so the teacher can grade it
and you give it to the teacher and like this is a history report
what does this have to do with anything and i'm like well
that's that's history baby tiffany been a neighbor you know what i'm saying
that's history boo that's in the books that's in god's library now son because
she did it she did it
so
anyway i'm in a button up and for me that's a lot you know i you know and also
i never liked
because when i was young all the rich kids they wore button ups
they had the buttons and and it was buttoned up and damn they just you know
their lives looked buttoned up
and i didn't like them i just didn't like it it resembled something i didn't
like
i think in some ways organization or so i don't know but something about it
just always made me feel
uncomfortable but that's old shit and today i'm doing it i'm wearing and i'm
buttoned up for you
today and with you today and i'm grateful uh i'm excited to be here you know
i'm excited to be here a lot of interesting stuff uh just been going on in my
life and in your life
and uh i want to hear about some of it and and um and talk about some of it and
share you know um
but i feel a little formatted i feel like you know this button up got me
feeling
you know just damn caged up i don't know what i'm talking about
and i never have baby i'm happy to be here with you today let's get into it
welcome to this past weekend
whenever you're down out in the cold faithless and die your story's untold
come take my hand and walk there with me i know a place where we can be free
there is a light shining for you guiding your way helping you through
and shadows and gloom are all that you see
we'll find a place where we can be free
from the mountain top down to the deepest
so that's a slow tune that's that you know that's something we went with and i
you know there's
something about it i like there is a light
you know there is a there is something to see that will keep you warm there is
a
there is a possibility
there's something about that that always because it's hard to see a lot of
times man
dang it's hard to see
it's hard to see that possibility
i struggle with it a bunch man it's i don't want to see it
i don't want i don't want to see your possibility i want to sit right here and
boil
i want to boil in this dang just in this damn
in this anger broth i just want to boil in this anger broth
i mean it's hard to sometimes see some possibility
um but it's always there and usually it finds you
i notice when i'm fuming boy when i'm damn just i mean just huffing my own damn
i'm just huffing my own fucking anger duster
i'm damn just huffing the damn keyboard cleaner of my fucking anger
some type of possibility breaks in somebody makes me laugh something happens i
see a thing
a bird will fly by and shat on somebody window god damn and that's when god's
breaking through and
saying hey there's possibility out there for you um what's going on man it has
been i just got back
from paris baby france son and i've never liked the french i'll be honest with
you
if you put 70 french people in front of me
i don't like them
i don't i just they just the way they they're like
no yeah
you don't know no no no they just it sound like
you just want to just pat them on the fucking back boy
i just want to spray paint my hand red white and blue and pat them on the back
and get the truth out of them what are you trying to say
it sounds like japanese but they got the but they're uh nasaled out or
something
it sounds like somebody hit a bunch of cotton in a japanese dude
god dude you just can't get it sound like somebody's just ejacking out and it
just
just somebody just got stuck ejaculatin you know
what the are you talking about
so anyway i'm i'm angry i guess i am i i am keyed up today man
a lot of going on i'm trying to quit vaping vaping vaping vaping it's vaping
motherfucker
so i'm still on that dude god damn
i'll put my tongue in a in a damn bird house baby and lick the walls i don't
care
that's just where i'm at today dude
i'll eat a damn bird's ass bro
no cat praise god man we're working through it um but dude i went to france we
went to a lot has
happened um i want to thank everybody that came out in colorado uh i just went
into that advertiser
voice like whenever some of the ads are like if you're doing the um date the
tour date reads
that's the voice sometimes i just noticed that um
yeah sorry i'm amped up i feel like there's so much to tell you guys uh
so yeah let's just start i went over to colorado and man it was awesome
god it was fun it was good we went to um we went to pueblo and it used to be a
native town i think
and you know i don't know a lot of the history but we went there
and it's beautiful we went and saw the mountainsides in the distance monuments
national monuments beautiful
place i mean just damn kind of place you want to just damn push your spouse off
of you know just
beautiful cliffs and dwellings and just god
that's where god shows up in places like that
that's where you get up on those mountains and you look out and you can hear
god saying this ain't an app homie
welcome to my bandwidth dog
look what the lord's doing
um and that was good we seen a lady out there too i didn't know you know it's a
mining town
if you're not familiar with that and uh it used to be anywhere people mine it's
just people just
digging in the dirt looking for something you know and people did i mean look
people will dig far
you know i grew up a lot of wishing i grew up on the wishing well circuit and
they had a lot of people
our town was you know semi-famous for the number of uh wishing wells that had
in it
so you'd see people rolling through town just damn just just nickeling up the
earth baby
just humming dimes into the
in the into the in the mother nature's orifices you know just damn you just
if the wind blew right you could hear damn 60 cents hitting the damn bottom of
a well somewhere
people just wishing their ass off because we had about six whales in our town
wishing whales
and if you're not familiar with a wishing well
a wishing well is basically it's like a
it's a
it's like a place you go to wish for something that you want
and i don't know how it started i mean i think i guess a wishing well somebody
just
somebody dropped their money into a hole in the ground
and just wish they hadn't
i mean there's no other way for that to have had you know
and then they probably felt so ashamed they
they just built a thing around it and just said hey everybody come do this
but um yeah so we went to colorado it was it was man it was just great people
came out uh
so we had a couple of devout lesbians over there at uh got into the little uh
violencia
after one of the shows outside in denver that was interesting because that's
where you know
a lot of lesbians they're starting to peak out
you know when some some lesbians they got so much man in them that will peak
out every now and then
but they were just damn trying to beat each other into just
you know i think and it should be if if enough lesbian beat each other and
whoever wins gets to be a man
i mean what are we doing you know if we're not giving goals and opportunities
if we're not you know because if you you see two to two you know
two hardcore you know wallet wonders out there
you know they out there hunting that slick wallet homie and you see them go at
it and one of them went
what did they get but one of them should be able to hit that final form and
unlock just basic dude at a library
yeah you don't get top dude you got to start it at you know at at you know at
library dude
you got to start over there at hogwarts henry babe you don't get to start just
at the top
you know you don't get to be like a uh macgyver or a um
who's a famous young man that's talented
joe burrow
all right what else so anyway that was colorado um and now pueblo yeah that was
a mining town and
we saw they had a woman there we passing down the street and the ladies over
there digging in a garden
mining we seen a woman over there just hand mining just looking for items and
she had damn half of a
claire's boutique in her hand she had probably this had a half a zales in her
palm
she i mean i'll you know there's pictures right here in the youtube if you're
watching it she had
you know
it had half a cole's jewelry counter right there
and it was funny because it was like who would look she was looking in like a
in a median of a walkway
where a guard you're like no who would ever look for gold there
and this lady was just hands and knees out there
and this lady um
she she she oh she she had a kind of a middle age on it she was probably
anywhere from like about 28 to
maybe
55 56 and she looked like greg valentine that's who i'm thinking of and he was
a famous wrestler
and if you put them side by side but she was out there digging in this garden
and we walked up and i figured maybe she'd been on some tough times so we're
gonna you know
drop her a little bit of cash and just say hello and check in on her and
um she said i'm looking here i'm looking for treasures
and uh and then you know i asked her why are you looking here she goes because
nobody looks here
and i looked at the space and it was just a guard it was like a place you
wouldn't
nobody even walks through it you have to like it was up in the air and then a
garden it was like
like a kind of somebody you'd see like a they'd put a garden in like the middle
of a walking area
in a nice part of town you know and then she showed me in her hand she had damn
some gold bullion in there she had a couple uh necklace pieces and different
gold she had real gold she'd found and i was like damn
you know just i don't know just interesting this lady's looking where nobody
looks
and if you just said in the beginning hey look there everybody said no that's
crazy nobody even
walks up there you can't there's not even a lot there's no way to get who would
walk up there
and here she was half a handful of gold
but yeah she reminded me of greg valentine who i used to love and adore and he's
probably dead
all right anyway but yeah i want to tell you then we went skiing and um what
else i got a letter from
kai the hitchhiker which is blew my mind um went to paris france all those