Name: Dave Portnoy | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #429
Uploaded: 2023-02-07T11:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Portnoy | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #429' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Portnoy | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #429' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-07. Transcript available.

Dave Portnoy | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #429

I've got some new tour dates to announce right now.
April 25th at the Celebrity Theater in Phoenix, Arizona.
We're adding a date onto that week.
March 23rd we've added in Houston, Texas.
That's a Thursday night at the Hobby Lobby Center for the Performing Arts.
May 10th, Newark, New Jersey.
New Jersey Center for the Performing Arts.
May 11th, Westbury, New York at the New York CB Theater at Westbury.
June 9th, Austin.
We've added another Austin show.
And June 30th and July 2nd, Las Vegas at the Encore Theater.
Wow, I can't believe it, man.
I just can't even believe that we're getting to do all this.
This is crazy.
Thank you.
It's at TheoVaughn.com slash T-O-U-R.
You have to go through those links to get accurately priced tickets.
If you're elsewhere, that's out of our control.
You know, there's already a lot of monsters there on the internet with these
ticketing fees.
And those are out of our control as well.
But I love you guys.
And I hope to get to see you if you can come out.
We now have Be Good to Yourself crew necks available in light blue, maroon, and
cement.
That embankment gang color, you know it.
Check these out along with the new windbreaker at TheoVaughnStore.com.
And thank you for your support.
Today's guest is the founder of Barstool and Barstool Sports.
He's a, I mean, he's a media legend.
He's kind of a revolutionary in a way.
He's kind of a dang Paul Revere for a lot of people.
He has a unique ability.
He makes you feel like anything is possible.
And I'm grateful to have him here today.
Today's guest is Dave Portnoway.
We hire, I mean, I hired a guy.
Strictly because he's legally blind.
But it was like, yeah, it was like in the, like he interviewed, it was a, he
was a wallpaper.
I mean, he was so boring.
But he knew me.
He's like, I have one thing that may sway you, like, in my favor.
It's like, what?
He's like, well, I'm legally blind.
I'm like, well, like, can I make fun of you for it?
Like, is it open game?
He's like, yeah.
So we hired him.
Oh, wow.
He's still like, he's still with us in a way.
Like, to the point we thought he was faking it because, like, he knew that
would get me.
So one day we just, and a bunch of people thought he was faking it.
So we called him up.
I'm like, I'm just going to, like, toss my wallet to him to see if he were
actually, smacked him right in the face.
The only time, like, I felt bad.
So he was literally, literally blind.
But he'd sit at his computer, like what you were saying, with this huge magnifying
glass.
You tell him to do something, it took him four hours.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was kind of a gimmick, but not the most productive guy to ever come down the
street.
Yeah, we interviewed a blind woman one time, and it was pretty fascinating.
She said she almost feels like a computer sometimes, like how, like, she would
remember the way she would walk to school and stuff like that.
So she lost her sight?
Yeah, she had some sight when she was young, and it wasn't a lot, and then she
lost it completely.
Yeah.
And so then she had to, like, she said she started to feel like a computer.
And the only animal she didn't like, she said, was a snake.
She said a snake doesn't give any feedback.
She's like, it just feels like, just like a piece of Satan, I guess.
Maybe I was born to be blind.
I don't like snakes either.
Yeah.
That's the age-old question.
Like, would you rather, like, if you were blind, would you rather have been
able to see or never been able to see?
I think I would like to, if I'm going to be blind, I'm going all in.
I'm saying never see.
Right, because then you don't know what you're missing.
Yeah.
And then you can yell stuff.
You could use, like, I don't want to say slurs,
but you could probably say things that are, other people are going to be like,
oh, he shouldn't say anything.
Like, oh, he's blind, you know?
Dave Portnoy, thanks for coming in, man.
Yep.
We don't know each other that great, you know?
Definitely not.
Yeah.
Definitely not.
I feel like maybe we're.
I mean, we just met recently, really, for the first time.
I think it was the U.S.
No.
When was the first time we met?
Was it at the LSU tailgate, I think?
Yeah.
And then we saw each other a couple times after that.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
We're kind of, like, just sort of getting to know each other.
And you are, you grew up in New York.
Wrong.
See, we don't know each other that well.
Boston.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But does Boston always have such a chip on their shoulder about New York?
It's almost like, it almost seems like, there's more like, it seemed like New
York, but with
more, like, kind of spousal abuse, kind of a little bit low-key, you know?
Yeah, I don't know.
I'd have to look up the stats on that one.
There's definitely animosity.
I don't know if it stems from, like, spousal abuse.
But it's the, you know, New York.
So, I grew up in Boston.
And everybody in New York is always, like, Boston is a little town.
Yeah.
Basically, it's not a city.
It's a town.
And, you know, as a Boston guy, you kind of take offense to that.
Then we moved to New York.
And New York, it is, compared to Boston.
It's a small little city.
But it's so close, the sports rivalry.
Reminds me, I was in Milwaukee, right?
And I did a pizza review, which I do, and I thought I was in Milwaukee.
It's actually in Racine.
Oh, yeah.
The Racine Bells from League of Their Own.
I was actually, I didn't realize it until after, and I was mad.
I didn't know that I would have worked it in.
But Racine people were very upset that I was calling it Milwaukee.
Like, you're in Racine, you're not Milwaukee.
It's kind of that vibe, Boston.
You know?
Yeah.
Like, the underdog.
When you were growing up, what kind of, like, school did you go to?
Like, what was it like when you were growing up?
Like, traditional.
I was middle class.
I went to all public.
Like, Swampscot.
Just, the town I grew up was called Swampscot.
So, I just went to the normal high school, normal middle school, normal
everything.
Like, my friends that I grew up with are still, like, really my best friends.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
And what was it like at your house?
Like, was your dad pretty cool, or what was he like?
No, he's definitely, I went to, cool is not the word I would ever describe my
dad as.
He's like, my parents are like the Seinfelds.
That's a better way to, like, Morty.
You know, Morty.
And he takes, by the way, great offense to that.
Oh, he loves it?
No, no.
He, if you're like, you're like Morty Seinfeld.
When Morty Seinfeld does something weird on Seinfeld, he's like, no, I'm not.
What are you talking about?
But he is exactly like them.
They're kind of maybe the traditional, like, overprotective, like, Jewish, like,
family parents.
Kind of, that's what they are.
Is it fun?
So, you've been Jewish your whole life.
I mean, you're.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Is it fun being Jewish?
Like, what is it like?
No, I won't say it's fun.
It's nothing.
Like, I wasn't overly religious.
Right.
So, but it, no, I wouldn't say it's fun.
You got to battle, you know.
I always, like, Jews, you know, there's more.
Everyone celebrates Christmas.
Right.
Like, far fewer do Hanukkah.
So, like, in the early days of Barstool, we had this guy, Kevin Clancy, gets
the big
ass tree, you know.
It's like, well, if we're going to do a big ass tree, I'm going to get a big
ass menorah.
We had the biggest menorah, like, ever made.
It had to be, like, put together in the office.
Just so we weren't getting, like, short shifted on it.
But, yeah, no, I don't, I don't really give a fuck.
I'm not overly religious.
I mean, you know, I'll stick up for Jews if we're getting, like, if Kanye is,
like, you
know, Hitler wasn't that bad of a dude, I'll be able to hold on there.
Like, he kind of was.
Like, I don't, I, like, well, he did rail, he did the highway system.
I'm like, yeah, but.
But he used it wrong.
Yeah, he killed a lot of us, too.
So, I don't know that one plus one equals two or whatever.
So, but I'm not, you know, I'm not overly, but, like, shit like that, I will
get involved.
Like, when people are defending him, it's like, the guy's out here, like,
basically pro-Hitler.
How can anyone defend him?
So, that shit, I'll speak up on, but I'm not, you know, I'm not overly, like, a
lot of the
holidays, I don't follow and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just always wonder, like, probably half of my closest friends are
Jewish, especially
once you get to, like, LA or New York, you meet a lot more Jewish people.
They didn't have, like, a lot of Jewish people when I was growing up, so.
We're running the media.
Yeah.
That's what they say.
I mean, yeah, I don't, I mean, there's so many Jewish people that work in the
media.
I don't know, I have no idea, you know, it's like, I don't know who's, I don't
know who's,
if somebody's really running something, I don't know.
No, well, I mean, it's like anything, you can look, I run Barstool Sports, that's
a media
company, I work my ass for it, I mean, whatever, it, listen, there's bad people,
or scumbags
in every race, religion, creed, whatever.
Oh, yeah.
Jews get a bad rap, but a lot of people get bad rap, so what, you know.
Yeah, I was just wondering, what is it like, like, does it feel, I wonder if it
feels
different being Jewish, does it feel like.
Like, do I wake up?
I'm like, damn, I'm a Jew?
Or like, yeah, I guess, I don't know, I guess I don't even know what I'm asking,
I guess
I just, I guess, sometimes I wonder what it feels like.
Yeah, I guess like.
The thing about it, though, which I've always said, so.
Because Jewish people are very determined, Jewish people like to create value
in things.
Yeah, well, I think it's kind of like a family thing, like they're very, very
education,
very hardworking, and put a premium on that, and then it shows.
But the thing about being Jewish, which I have always pointed out that we're
getting deep,
but it's like, people say, you'll hear this a lot, like, what are you?
And someone will be like, I'm Italian, I'm fucking, you know, Russian, I'm
Jewish.
Yeah.
But Jewish, like, if I wanted to change being Jewish tomorrow, I could.
It's not like a blood thing.
Jewish is a religion that you choose.
If someone wants to be Catholic, they can choose it in a second.
You can't change being, like, Italian if you're, that's what you are, like, if
you're born from there.
So, Jewish, it's kind of one of those things over time, I think it's probably
out of prejudice.
People make it sound like it's your blood.
It's fucking not your blood.
It's like, it's your religion that somewhere along the way somebody chose to
believe.
But you can change it.
Like, I'm Russian.
My family is from Russia.
Oh, you are?
I could see that a little bit now.
Yeah.
And we don't, and my family, to be honest, we don't talk.
Like, I don't even know that much about the history.
I'm sure bad shit happened.
Like, most people don't leave their country just because.
Dang, you're Russian?
Yeah.
Yeah, Russian.
Dang.
Yep.
Marusky.
Wow, man.
That's great, man.
I don't know.
I knew this one Russian girl, and she was so sexy, man.
And, God, she invited me over one time, and, like, she was sick or something.
And I brought her some soup, and she, like, was so aggressively trying to fuck
that I got so.
While she didn't feel well?
Yeah.
And so that, I was like, oh, what do you do here?
You know?
See, I'm such a hypochondriac.
I would, I'd be, like, not, like, you got to get healthy.
Well, that's kind of how I was.
I was so scared.
It was, like, you know, I kept trying to lead her back to the soup, and she
kept coming for me.
And I got so scared, and I got so scared because she was sick, but she was so,
like, aggressive and determined.
It's wild.
Yeah, it was interesting, man, and she actually went to jail.
I remember she hit me up, like, years later to come testify for her in some
thing, and I couldn't make it.
Or I just wanted to sleep in, honestly.
Yeah, that's tough.
Like, if you're being asked to testify, and you're like, sorry, I slept in.
You must not have really been 