Name: Dialed In | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #431
Uploaded: 2023-02-21T16:00:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dialed In | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #431' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dialed In | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #431' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-21. Transcript available.

Dialed In | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #431

all right i want to announce some new tour dates for you guys okay i want to
announce these tour
dates right now wednesday march 22nd we have a new show added uh for houston it's
a new venue at
the bayou music center down there that's march 22nd wednesday at 8 p.m um and
then we're going
back to boston we're coming back for another week march 31st uh at the hampton
beach casino ballroom
that one's in hampton beach new hampshire um that's uh friday and then saturday
we will be uh in medford
massachusetts saturday april 1st now which is just right outside of boston um
on april 1st and uh
sunday may 14th uh we have the beacon theater in new york city and then uh friday
july 7th we have
now added the encore theater another show in las vegas uh that is the day
before the ufc fights if
you were going there for ufc um you can come to the show the day before and all
those tickets is available
at theovon.com slash t-o-u-r uh make sure you're going through there to get
tickets and thank you so
much uh for the support out there in the world what's up guys my name is theo i'm
a human being
um happy just checking in about life right now uh what's been going on recently
um
i've been feeling pretty good recently you know uh honestly it's a little scary
you know i get a little scared sometimes when i i think when things are going
well or when things
are feeling good um it's like you know i i kind of i don't know how to handle
it
uh i think there's a little part of me that feels like oh you well you don't
deserve it or there's it's
not something's wrong i think i'm just so used to the feelings inside of me
over the years not being
uh good ones that i i'm that those are the footprints i still i'm those are the
footprints i i continue to walk in
you know and so only recently have i felt like i'm kind of making some new
shapes in the mud
man things are kind of going okay um
and yeah it's just such a foreign it's a it's just been foreign to my life to
feel okay
it's been foreign to me um
and sometimes there's a part of me that doesn't want to that doesn't want to be
it doesn't that doesn't
want to feel okay if i'm real honest um
there's a part of me that always wants to have something wrong
there's a part of me that always wants to be able to
look at the world or look at myself
or look at my past and say i told you so
you know um
so it's
it's scary almost to be like i think everything's kind of okay
because it feels kind of new
um
but yeah i just i just wanted to kind of check in
uh
with someone just some you know i like feelings i like
most of my life i really have been
um kind of addicted to my own feelings i realize
you know i even notice it when i go to like these recovery meetings and stuff i'll
be in there and
people are talking about uh being addicted to a drug or an alcohol or something
over over the years i've been addicted a lot of times to my own feelings
it's like i start having a feeling and then i'll start sipping off that
bitch
you know i start feeling one way and then i'll i'll buy an eight ball of my own
feelings almost
i'm like well i'm gonna better better do a couple grams of this depression
i'm i better do a couple lines of i'm not enough how do you know i can get i
can get
that that my feelings become almost the drug that i'm using
i don't know if that makes any sense uh and that's okay if it doesn't i'm just
i'm just saying what's going on um
but what's up nice to see you guys nice to be a part of your life today um i'm
happy to be alive
i miss my brother uh i've been thinking about him a lot recently he's alive i
just miss him um
what else uh i went to the super bowl the other day which
i can't even believe i'm just saying that so casually
but dang you know i went to the damn super bowl uh which was fine it was good
it's almost a little
you get you know you go to the super bowl and it's such a business it's such a
corporate deal
you know everybody there is you know smells like they're a briefcase or you
know has a um
business account or something you know or is you know everybody claims their
friends with like uh
you know uh puff diddy or jeff gordon or some or guy fiari everybody's like oh
you know i got
you know i got seven autograph uh spatulas from guy fiari i'm like all right
well
chill out you know big daddy or whatever but it's like uh there's a lot it's it
just feels like a real
businessy events so much so that you almost feel bad for the players on the
field
because it doesn't seem like it's about the game that much
they stop in the game every 30 seconds they got they're selling a toaster they're
selling a nintendo
you know they got they put a new uh hearing aid and you know in big ricky the
uh
offensive top you know um tackle and they're you know look at ricky you know ricky
hears his dog for
the first time or whatever you know ricky here's a uh someone open a lunchable
for the first time ever
you ever hear you ever see those videos they'll be like uh you know uh disabled
veteran
hears um wolf howl or you know or native american uh disabled native american
here's wolf howl for the
first time and they'll have a uh they'll have a disabled uh na out there and he's
all feathered
out or something or he's washing his feet or something and he doesn't know what's
going on
and then they put that earpiece in him and then they show the fucking wolf
and then the guy like looks up for the first time you know
and probably starts jerking off i mean if i i got it if i'm this is no judgment
but if i'm here if
i've never heard anything my whole life and i hear a wolf set it off dog i mean
you gotta damn
you gotta pretty you gotta come soon i feel like how i mean that's as native
and natural as you can get
um but anyway yeah it was just very corporate you know every 30 seconds they're
stopping it and selling
something and it just gets real corporate to the point where you're like you
almost it's all hurts
hard even pay attention to the game there's so much going on uh but i felt
grateful to be able to go
and have that experience i went down there with um with raising canes with some
of them louisiana boys
so that was very exciting oh i mean i just can't believe i got to go to the
dang super bowl i was
sitting there and caleb presley was there and you know i'm a fan of his and um
and it was just interesting
you know and just like dude i can't believe i'm at the super bowl you know it
was just i don't know
kind of blew my own mind oh but here was the thing that happened that made the
weekend amazing uh
i got to meet drew breeze man i got to meet drew breeze and i was over there
with david spades
and y'all know david spades okay one of my heroes and all one of america's
heroes
i mean he's the damn davy crockett of humor um and he invited me over to a
party it was fundraiser
they're raising funds and um so we go there and it's nice there's like
there's like rich people when somebody's somebody was like being real rich and
then somebody was next
to him and they were you know they started crying and the other person's like
don't cry you're rich you
know so people were just being rich in this place and um and so we walk up and
blake shelton is there
and i like blake shelton man i like blake shelton um he is an oklahoma guy and
he uh you know he
just sings and he's comfortable man and i've met him before and uh and i i like
him i like him
so anyway we walk up blake shelton is playing it's like it's like the part in
the evening at a
party where somebody is playing music so everybody kind of has to be quiet and
we walk up and there's
a guy steve mariucci okay he's a uh coach he's a coach and i want to say he's
italian i'm not trying
to be racial or anything but that's italian you know and he looks italian you
know he looks like if you
if you tickle him he'll just yeah he'll tell you all the ingredients of a cannoli
even if he doesn't
want to you know he just has that that look to him and i walk up and he steve
mariucci is talking to
drew breeze and i've had dreams in my life in my head where i'm like how do you
meet do you ever meet
drew breeze does god want you to ever meet drew breeze you know does mother
nature is there ever
another flood and one of y'all gets flooded right up next to the other one and
you get to finally meet
um and so there he is and i would and and so when you're with david spade david
spade can kind of
just go up to anybody and like be like and people are like happy about it so i'm
just kind of milling
around in the distance being like hey look at david spade and um and so anyway
he walks spade walks
up and i'm just kind of like in his shadow like kind of there but hiding but
trying to be like
confident like okay how do i how do i walk up to drew breeze you know do i look
like uh do i look right
at him do i kind of look you know at the moon like what you know how do you do
it do i you know put my
eyes on the moon is even do i kind of like be like one shoulder is heavier do i
what do i do you know
and i was nervous man and so david kind of starts joking and they're both
excited to see spade and
they're talking to him and i'm right there and i know at some point it's coming
around that spade is
going to introduce me so i'm like what you know how do i how do i look when
they he's like hey this
is the and i'm like do i smile do i so i don't know what to do so i open my
mouth right which is
insane i think that's an insane you know you're me okay guys mouth open and
then i put both hands out
like this like if you know if you ask somebody how long is something they say
oh about one foot long
that's what i did he like david introduced me to each guy and i it was almost
like you had given
somebody uh it was almost like that guy maybe in what's the sport maybe uh is
that
rugby or cricket when the guy does that you know anyway so i did two hands i
two hands shaked
mariuchi and and breeze and so out the gate i'm like oh god this you know i'm
not doing that good
hey i'm not doing good you know and i started just kind of praying for myself
um which you're not supposed to do i know that you know you're supposed to pray
for others uh but i did i
i needed i needed it and i was right there and i'm like what do you say when do
you say something do you
say anything who are you are you someone that says something soon are you not
do you just listen do you
laugh how loud do you laugh do you laugh you don't want to sound like a fake
you know uh so anyway i'm just
being alive and um
and breeze is dialed in bro when you're talking to him he's like you can see in
his eye bro he could
play for i think another i think he could play for another 20 months in the nfl
well
he's just he's so locked in like you're talking to him and you can see he's
watching like where the
waiters and the bus boys are going you know he can see the um you know that one
of the waiters is
running an out route to go on a smoke break he can see that the bus boy did a
curl but you know
short of the sticks you can i mean he's like he's caught you know he's got an
audible he's got colston
going there's everything he's he is monitoring everything while you're there
talking to him he is
dialed in he is dialed into life and you don't even know if drew breeze blinks
that's how much he he
blinks when you blink he sees you blink so that's when he that's when he blinks
he ain't missing a
moment he's locked in and it was interesting because um i asked him i said hey
did you guys ever play
against each other him and um mariuchi right and uh and breeze was like yeah we
sure did and if he
rattled off the date he rattled off the score um and if you could just i mean
he is just an anthology
of uh of precision
is kind of how i would describe as much as i got to you know i i i got to talk
with them for maybe
about 10 minutes total and maybe 90 seconds i could kind of feel my arms and
legs uh while i was doing
it so a lot of time i was just pretending to you know have a stable um uh what's
it called when they oh
pulse so anyway that's a 