Name: Stavros Halkias | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #439
Uploaded: 2023-04-11T15:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavros Halkias | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #439' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavros Halkias | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #439' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-11. Transcript available.

Stavros Halkias | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #439

i have some new tour dates i would i would like to announce um we are trying to
come everywhere
i know people are like you got to come to london you got to come to england
you got to come to vietnam you got to come normandy there's places everybody
that people
have been asking kansas city so we're trying to get there it's just uh there's
only so much you
know time works and and we're dealing with that and and everything so we're
doing our best but i
would like to announce that we have guildford new hampshire at the bank of new
hampshire pavilion
we have windsor ontario on august 18th at the coliseum at caesar's windsor that's
in canada
we have niagara niagara niagara falls niagara niagara falls ontario on august
20th at the falls view
casino some of those venues are larger but we will make sure that there are
screens in them
so you can see the pre-sale starts wednesday april 12th at 10 a.m local with
the code rat king and the
general on sale begins friday april 14th at 10 a.m local we've also added a
ninth show in austin texas on
june 10th at the bass concert hall and a seventh show a new show in phoenix arizona
on april 30th at the arizona financial theater those tickets are all available
get all your tickets at
theovan.com to you are make sure to go there for the most accurate pricing
and not off the secondary sites and i know people are asking come to different
places
you know and we're going to come there uh just give us some time thank you very
much for all your support
i did a show this past weekend and it was in um fort lauderdale and it was the
largest show i'd ever
done and it was just it was scary um you know it was just learning a new size
space but people had a
great time and uh just thank you guys so much i can't even believe it all right
we have new merch i
want to let you know to check out the new root beer hoodie if you want the coldest
root beer then
get that ice cold drip uh and the four piece enamel pen set we got a beautiful
little pen set right
there you can put a pin on somebody put it on somebody you love or put on
somebody who needs
love or put it on yourself if you're even if you're burying somebody you hit
them with that pen
send them with that be good to yourself all the way to uh heaven and you can
check all that out at
theovonstore.com thank you so much for uh wanting to support us and and wanting
to support the merch we
do our best today's guest is a stand-up comedian and a podcaster uh you may
have seen his special live
at the lodge room which came out on youtube last year he also hosts his own
podcast stavi's world where
he offers advice to callers he is greek he's a greek man or child was a child
and he has a new crowd work special coming out on youtube this week called four
nights in new york city
i had a great time chatting with him uh today's guest is stavros
you know you get to some of those rural areas or something like that and people
bring they'll be
they'll bring their sister out there yeah it's like an event dude yeah yeah hey
you gotta meet martha
yeah like they're like people are like it's like going into town yeah like it's
like an hour and a
half they like stock up on like dry goods and then they go see theo vaughn they're
like i guess i
gotta get kidney beans for the winter while i'm in the while i'm in portsmouth
and then i gotta go back
to my little cabin yeah i gotta get some corn meal and i gotta get uh i gotta
get uh cindy lou a little
cindy lou cindy lou who needs a cindy lou husband yeah go to the dentist too
yeah like this is a drawing
of my sister you gotta come see her oh dude that would be such a come up for
some somebody in like a
rural ass new hampshire if they got if they successfully got you to like if
they basically sold their sister's
pussy for entry into your life you know what i mean like that would be i mean
that's what marriage
was truly back in the i mean purely transactional like take my daughter off my
hands here's it was
the opposite you had to like give a motherfucker goats to take your and why
would they do it because
you're from greece yes so you there was a lot of that over there was a lot of
that my grandparents
are an arranged marriage straight up my grandparents like it's not even that
long ago dude um and it was
arranged marriage is what they have like you so arranged marriages they say all
right guess what
yeah yeah yeah yeah this guy you don't know darren yeah yeah yeah stavros
actually yeah my my
grandfather stavros was married to yeah the guy i'm named after hilarious guy
is he and now were they in
love or did you could you notice that they were arranged dude there you there's
never a more
arranged couple in the history of the world like my grandfather was so cheap
like it's funny because
you find out about him later on and you find out about like the guy he was
outside of this weird
toxic marriage and he's like he would help homeless people he was like really
politically active he was
like you know greece was really the politics after world war ii were really up
and he was like
you know fighting fascists and shit like he was like a cool dude but all i knew
him it was is the guy who
like wouldn't let my grandmother turn the lights on because it because it took
electricity but he would
buy he collected rare birds and he would get like my grandmother would go to
like the cheapest like he
wouldn't go out of pocket she would have to go to like the government doctors
but he would buy his
birds like special fucking pills for their coat make their coat shiny he would
buy vitamins and
shit this would not let her like if she ran the fan on not the air conditioning
forget they didn't
have air conditioning if the fan was going too long he'd be like toothlessly he
would be like what's
going on in there let's cut it off or he's down yeah he would just shuffle and
he would just
fucking cut it wouldn't even say let me i'll have this owl flap its wings for
us yeah that'll keep
things cool yeah hell yeah my fucking cockatiels we get we need nothing but
them yeah we don't need
a ceiling fan i have two toucans that are here have a way boys yeah dude wow
how beautiful must that
have been though back in the day if you didn't have a ceiling fan but you could
train like six warblers to
just yeah like find a little circle in your living room that would be that
would be really picker-esque
yeah you know you'd feel real whimsical and then that song oh come all yeah
yeah yeah yeah absolutely
you'd have to train separate birds yeah you'd have to train like parrots to
sing you yeah you don't
have a fan you're not you don't have a fucking record player that's a good
point actually yeah the all
bird uh choir yeah yeah yeah welcome to stavrosa's all birds appliances yeah he's
like yeah my
grandfather's like the flintstones but with birds in greece in like 1992 it's
like fully fully had it
like upstairs it was modern this had a like his personal fan yeah he wouldn't
let her cut the
ceiling fan on but he had like a fan before the guards like it was literally a
fan with three sharp
ass blades no no frontal he had a fan from before they had fronts they hadn't
invented the front of
the fan and i was like what the is this where like being like a fat 10 year old
who's like just wants
to be in air conditioning and play you know playstation and i have to go hang
and like the worst
part of our vacations in greece were like go hang out with your grandfather and
you know he's just making
like spaghetti that is so boiled it just disintegrates on your tongue he has no
teeth he's like a baby
you know what i mean he just shred and cheese on there and then he's like come
into my come into my
room him and my grandmother obviously had separate rooms oh yeah so yeah is
that a greek thing or not
that's like a that's a they hated each other their entire lives okay yeah some
adulthood yeah exactly
exactly which is very i guess now it's progressive like i if i got married i
would want
separate rooms oh yeah you know yeah come hang out we'll still probably sleep
in somebody's bed
together most of the time but like i gotta have my especially we travel all the
time
yeah and people now i think there's things now like someone might even
snore at a certain octave oh yeah it's crazy the nuance yeah that can lead you
to sleep somewhere else from your spouse or to want to have some space for sure
no i mean i gotta i got
a c-pap dude you do oh yeah i'm fat as dude i gotta have the c-pap and does c-pap
what does it do
does it like process the fat at night or something i wish that would be sick if
it just jiggled your
shit no you get so fat that it's dangerous to sleep like you get so fat that
you might just like
like when you're fat friends if they've ever like passed out next to you and
you're like oh he snores
funny it's like he is fighting for his life like it's like it's like and
actually not i mean fat people
have it more than non-fat than non-fat people but like when you hear about like
a healthy guy who's like
he ran every day and yeah and he just dropped dead into sleep sleep apnea like
it happens to like like
non like bad snores and and that's really bad for you because it's like imagine
if you never got a good night's rest ever your entire life and it just like you
know
adds up so like it'll it'll you up and that can happen with sleep apnea that's
what so sleep apnea is uh let's bring it up there yeah let's get sleep apnea on
the board
show me sleep apnea what the hell just steve harvey things that make my wife
wet
sleep apnea is a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing
repeatedly stops
and starts wow yeah dude so it's kind of like that new button that they have in
cars a lot yes
push to start if you push to start and your nissan maxima was on the fritz
yeah and you just stopped in the highway you might get fucking rear-ended and
that's basically
suffocating in your sleep as a fat man yeah this is a fucking what if that was
your husband you
just had to make sure you hit the button every time he just he just settles
down like you're in a stop
light oh you hear him starting up again yeah yeah just one big they replace one
nipple with the butt
with the stay alive button yeah he's gotta pinch it yeah and one time instead
of she she walks over
softly right yeah and you think she's gonna go press the button this is how the
movie ends yeah and she
brings her other hand up and there's just flowers and she sets them on his
chest wow and she walks out
of the room and frees all the women that he's been keeping in the basement oh
so he's also a sex
criminal and goes downstairs and tells grandma turn on the fan turn on the fan
yeah uh oh grandpa stavros is
dead and you hear the yeah yeah and everything is free suddenly yeah you hear a
strangle all the
fucking cockatiels you hear all the birds who were his accomplices in the sex
crimes they were he
trained birds with like he would put suction cup dildos on their heads and they
would fly rape
just landing and let's take it all the way yeah let's take this scenario all
the way landing in
women from just the air just like oh damn some some ladies just going for a
walk or something
yeah dude just getting raped by a fucking toucan dude one time i was in new york
and this lady comes
walking up it was my first time ever there yeah and she goes did you see that
right and she kept
pointing and somebody had i guess jumped off a building nearby because a lot of
people were gathered
around god damn you know and she's like did you see that did you see that and
so i'm looking up there
and then i said did i see what and she just showed me her uh vagina and she
goes that guy landed in my
so is the first of all awesome bit awesome you're not thinking about looking at
a oh not at all
she tricks me with the building and then she goes that guy landed in my and
showed me her
it made me so scared yeah and i've just gotten into the city yeah dude you're
like whatever what
they told me back in tennessee was right ye