Name: John Mulaney | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #440
Uploaded: 2023-04-18T15:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Mulaney | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #440' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Mulaney | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #440' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-18. Transcript available.

John Mulaney | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #440

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the way to
uh heaven and you can check all that out at theo von store.com thank you so
much for uh
wanting to support us and and wanting to support the merch we do our best today's
guest is one of the
most unique men comedians on earth he is a unique man and um and that's that's
a tough thing to be
sometimes uh but he has mastered it um he has a new special coming out on netflix
called baby jay
uh if you haven't gotten to see his other specials you should check them out um
today's guest is a talent
mr john mullaney
i'll sit and tell you my story
shine on me
and i will find a song i'll be singing
yeah man i'm just saving it because we never communicated really no it's
interesting
huh not a bit isn't it
i'm still saving it because yeah yeah we're saving it
yeah zach don't look ready yeah that's his nickname zach don't look ready
i know see he gets upset about you man we're just joking zach we're just
kidding
yeah he'll come back around he's been losing weight too so he's feeling more sly
aren't you what's that
you've been losing some weight recently huh i'm trying i'm out there i'm hiking
yeah you look lean
brother hiking is you gonna do it hiking yeah it's like free you just go like
running 100 free
yeah that's freedom in it hiking yeah i don't know where are you hiking i'm not
i do fryman canyon
yeah with dan levy oh you go with dan yeah i only hike with dan oh wow he's a
good guy to hike
with he's a good guy to hike with you talk about money the entire time yeah
yeah he'll get you
involved i've been involved in countless things with dan i'm still in some i
think i'm in a class
action with dan somewhere along the line oh for real did you get involved in
one of the flips he was
trying to do uh i don't think it was a flip i don't it was some sneaker thing
it was like uh
i think yeah i'm trying yeah he has a lot of sneakers yeah tons he has a whole
special closet
in his home for sneakers his wife doesn't have that no but he does yeah and his
wife yeah
his wife doesn't his wife doesn't have anything and he has everything he wants
yeah he's giving his wife nothing oh it's three children oh hey and he named
them all after he
named them all dan levy yeah well danny yeah and then danielle danielle and
then the baby's just dan
yeah the little girl's just dan levy i think you have to be at that size you
have to be at that size
he just bought a porsche too did he really so he's really going through it yeah
he paid 125
000 for oh yeah and his wife i think i saw her on a bike or i think crutches
even crutches old ass
crutches oh not good crutches no i'm talking i found the crutches at cvs and i
said you guys have
a dumpster and she said i could actually use those they were just in the
parking lot of the venture oh
she had some real polio chopsticks when i saw her that sucks man it sucks how
dan treats her uh
you know it's uh i'll put her on my prayer list you know for sure yeah for sure
i'll put her at the
top but it's cool to be married to dan levy probably oh you get to watch him
drive to the
improv in a bomber jacket and a porsche yeah and you get to watch him put all
your money into his hair
gel yeah there's a lot of hair treatment going on and it ain't just gel yeah i'll
tell you this
um did you ever get involved in a sneaker business with him i got involved i've
been involved in some
things with dan yeah he sends me links like these jordans are coming out today
why don't you buy 500
of them and then we'll sell them yeah yeah yeah and he sent me off brand like
players that people have
like a lot of foreign players like uh you know these vladi divaks are coming
out you know they make a
vladi diva it's a dress shoe you know it's a hard shoe like a church shoe it's
a czechoslovakia yeah it's
like a czech republic like there it would be a nice brown loafer yeah good for
them yeah but yeah
he's dan is a dan is a talented guy oh he's the greatest you gotta know dan and
he is great his
energy is always he always has energy he always has energy um his father is an
abraham lincoln addict
his father is an abraham lincoln addict and uh we went to we were doing a show
in springfield illinois
uh this winter and we went to lincoln's grave really yeah just basically for
elliot levy
yeah take a photo show the respect man for the lincoln he was one of our like
first responders
oh yeah abe lincoln or abe lincoln was one of our you know when you like to
salute our first
responders no one responded like there on that you know he was like a first
responder to slavery kind
of in a way i think wasn't he there were probably some people before him who
had thoughts on it but he
was definitely out there yeah he was like as far as our history books tell us
he was kind of like
one of the guys out there like hey yeah for real yeah he was like an emt kind
of for slavery he was
an absolute emt he did cpr in this country this country was being ripped apart
this country was
dragged under a car and he did cpr on it let's see because you would do cpr on
someone who's dragged
under a car uh john mulaney thanks for hanging out man thanks for having me it's
nice to meet you yeah you
too man we've never met we saw each other in passing at the improv the other
day that was the
first time i think yeah i might have like we might have crossed paths at the
store once yeah but i think
it was at the improv maybe two months ago dude thanks for all your um thanks
for all your amazing
comedy man it's thanks for yours you are really interesting to watch i love
like this other you
have like this you're doing your act it's non-stop right like i feel like when
i watch you i get my
money's worth you know oh thank you that's very nice because it's like you're
there's almost a
couple of things going on sometimes you're telling a story or you're telling a
joke but you're also
commenting on it with like this and that's how it's gonna be like it's almost
like there's this
other character and i can't really figure out what the other character is like
if if it comes from like
somebody in your life or if it's like a do you know what i'm talking about at
all you mean the um
the way i sound on stage or some you're talking about some other ingredient and
that's uh it's it's
like i'm watching a story it's almost like an insider trading it's almost like
this other guy kind of pops
out of you at the same time and like kind of comments on what's going on but it's
like yeah
there's a part of there's someone out there there's someone in me who doesn't
like the show
and who doesn't like who's embarrassed maybe by the by the fact that he's doing
it you know like
when those multiple personalities come out on an episode of law and order yeah
they're like
franklin's not here right now you know you got to deal with that guy there's
someone in there
who's like by the way i loathe telling this story yes that's what it is yeah it's
this and i just man
it's so awesome to watch it's so awesome that's nice of you to say i appreciate
that thanks yeah
thanks because i'm like when's that guy gonna pop you know it's like i can't it's
almost gives me
something else to look forward to while i'm enjoying the show you know okay is
that not only
are is john performing i'm watching but then there's this other guy who's also
part of john
who's gonna chime in every now and then and tell me something dude i had a
psychiatrist when i was 17
and he told me uh he goes half of you is this really nice guy who wants to you
know do the right
thing and be a good person and the other half of you is a gorilla whose sole
purpose in life is to
destroy the first half wow i think that i could see that that's interesting
yeah i think i mean
i definitely i feel i could relate to a lot of that i don't know if mine's a
gorilla mine's more
probably a chimp maybe or oh yeah well that's pretty scary too that's nothing
to shake a stick at
oh a chimp can rip your genitals off it'll throw them 500 feet that's the story
at least yeah that's
you know the birthday cake story right that guy brought a guy had two chimps
brought one a birthday
cake and not the other which seems like chimp 101 yeah bring one for both yeah
you got a double k
and then pop pop hands off popped his ripped his hands off ripped his feet off
ripped his genitals
off threw them 500 feet oh i mean there's lots of stories like that that's just
the one i've sort of
but the worst part is if your hands aren't there by the time you get to your
genitals you can't even
scoop them up yeah if you walk the 500 feet which you can't because you don't
have feet either it's
a real he was like you can't walk you can't do anything you can't reproduce it
was like bam bam bam
no torso shit he went for the prize areas he went for the things that really
yeah they're
wow that's it right there oh yeah well that this looks like yeah world's most
horrific chimp attacks
as raging apes rip off people's faces hands and genitals but i think say you
get the let the
feet are gone so he took the feet so you just googled chimp birthday cake and
that came up okay
so i have some of the details correct yeah you were correct okay that's
fantastic yeah i think if
you take if you i'm trying to think if somebody took my feet off and i don't
have any feet i think you
could still stick over there kind of but that's you know like that oscar petorius
yeah but you're
talking about the first moment you lose your feet you think you could stick it
if you don't look at
the feet i think and you stay out of that shock moment okay i think and you
just drive forward you like we
still have feet i feel like it would take a while of the physical therapy with
the bars with the
ballet dancer bars on either side stumping around and then i don't know i just
can't imagine that i
could get up and stump it over to my balls in the pants i meanwhile i still got
to sing happy birthday
because you're forgetting that it's still a celebration for the one chimp
so that's rude you know dude i was at a uh i was at an aa meeting right i'm in
a i go to aa and so i was at an
a meeting in person or over zoom in person okay and some guy had only because
there were so many over
zoom during the oh yeah there were so many some meetings stayed in zoom yeah um
and i i some guy
had a seizure in the meeting right and this other lady was her birthday in the
meeting and they sing
happy birthday everybody yeah so she like literally stepped over the guy it was
her birthday it was her
moment it was like i'm gonna get my cake you know so
was it like were you all about to present the cake and the guy had a seizure
yeah they're like uh you
know uh rondra got seven six years or something right so she comes up and
everybody's like happy
birthday and the guy seizures up and then she's just like steps over him to me
right yeah yeah yeah oh she's
saying to me yeah i think nothing was gonna take her shine you know also so it's
interesting even on
regular birthdays i don't know people that sing to me but i like that yeah i
think it's like well
times have changed john i think people want to it's about them now that's a
good point times have changed
but i think yeah dude i think if my feet were gone if i don't know about that i'm
running on pure
adrenaline you know they lift cars off of children off of families that's what
they say yeah i mean i i
assume those stories are true i think they have i think look up like unique mom
lip unique powers
yeah google unique powers from mom powers mom adrenaline yeah oh now maybe that's
what we're
starting to sell search terms there we go