Name: (Uncensored) Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447
Uploaded: 2023-06-06T20:24:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '(Uncensored) Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '(Uncensored) Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-06. Transcript available.

(Uncensored) Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447

I have some new tour dates to announce. I will be in Grantville, PA, on July 19th.
That's
Pennsylvania at Penn Heroes Stage at Hollywood Casino. Presale starts this
Wednesday, June 7th
at 10 a.m. Eastern with code RATKING. General on sale begins Friday, June 9th
at 10 a.m. Eastern.
We're also announcing a sixth Toronto show on August 19th at the Elgin Theater.
Tickets for
that show are on sale now. We also have tickets remaining for Austin, Texas,
June 11th, Edmonton,
Alberta, July 14th, Guilford, New Hampshire, July 20th, Windsor, Ontario,
August 18th, and Niagara Falls,
Ontario, August 20th. Get all your tickets through theovon.com slash t-o-u-r. I'm
so thankful to you
guys for coming out and spending time. Check out our classic merch with the
racing, hunting,
and fishing collections. We also have the classic rat tee, the I'm upstairs
gear, and more. Head
over to theovonstore.com today to take a look. Today's guest is one of the most
entertaining men
on social media. He's been here before. I love getting to spend time with him.
He has his studio
right upstairs from ours, and it's just great to know that there's such good
creative energy in the
building. He has his Stiff Socks podcast. He tours, and he's one of the most
creative young men
in the game. Today's guest is Mr. Trevor Wallace.
Kelly Rowland, baby.
Kelly Rowland. We rolling. You see me, Kelly Rowland. They hate Chimillionaire?
He's like an investor
now. Dude, Chimillionaire, um, Chimillionaire was, uh, he had a studio by our
first studio. He had a
office in our first studio. What was he doing in there? In the same building.
He was just
Chimillionaire. I don't know what they do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he's,
last I saw, he's just a big
investor in a bunch of, like, business shit. Yeah, he wasn't in the trenches
anymore. You know, he wasn't...
No, no, no, no, no, no. You know what the trenches are? I've heard of them.
Yeah. Now, I grew up in a
suburb. We never, like, we, we wish we were in trenches. Really? We always
thought we were in a gang,
but, like, nobody, like, would check us. Like, that's how you know when you're
a suburban. Like,
you could just say you're in a gang and everybody, all right. Like, nobody was,
like, which one?
People would just be, like, oh, me too, man. What time do you guys meet? We had
a meeting time for our
gangs? Yeah. After math on Tuesdays. Yeah. Yeah, like, if your mom picks you up
from the gang,
it's not really... Exactly, right? Right? And then she offers a ride to
everybody else.
Do you need a ride home, Riley? Oh, your mother's coming? She's a sweetheart.
Like, fucking mom, stop, dude. Mom, stop. Mom, we call him fucking Gunner.
You know, she's not even using people's code names. Right, right, right. Yeah.
And then when
your mom walks away, you look back, you're like, fucking bitch. Yeah, don't. I
used to cuss
my mom all the time. I'll fucking tell dad. Did you ever cuss at parents? I
used to cuss
them all the time. No, I think, um, we would sometimes spray paint obscenities
and stuff on my mom's
car, I remember. And tell other people. Big words? Huh? Like, big words or just,
like, kind of small?
No, just things like queer or whatever. Like, things that didn't even really
relate to her. It
was just... Would people honk? Be like, I'm with you. I mean, I don't know what
people like. Some
people, I think, showed up there at night, like, thinking it was like a club or
whatever. Like,
sometimes you'd go out there in the middle of the night, there'd be a couple
gay dudes out there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are knocking on the windows, be like, where do I Venmo?
Where do I Venmo?
Yeah, we had a spray paint that was, like, meant for just, like, art, but it
washed off. So you
could spray paint somebody's car, and then they'd lose their mind, but then
they'd rub right off. Oh, that's sick, man.
It was fun, yeah. Yeah, they had this thing bust. People would put, uh, they'd
put, like,
a sliced meat or something on somebody's car at night. Oh, a shark. Oh, bologna.
Bologna would
take paint off a car. Yes. It'd be like a Honda Civic rolling around with just
smallpox on it.
It'd look like somebody had done cupping on the back of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Or on the hood.
Damn, that Civic's really working on itself. It's trying to find its inner core,
you know?
Yeah, dude, definitely. Got its chakras right.
Yeah, it seemed like, yeah, it's like... I forgot about that. Oh, yeah, and you,
somebody,
if you really hated somebody, you'd put three or four slices on them. I mean,
you would charcuterie up a damn, uh, the front of a Ford Escort. Oh, yeah,
exactly. If you hated
somebody in the area. Right. You know, they'd fucking, you'd just have them.
But then the birds
would pull up and be like, oh, shit, we got a charcuterie board right here.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
there was one, there was one that would, like, turn somebody's grass a
different color. You could throw, like,
Cheerios in it. Or do you ever do forking, where you put up plastic forks in
somebody's lawn and you
snap the handle? That was most fucked up, because it would just break a lawnmower.
Oh, really? You
break it, and then at the top, you break the handle, so you can't really get
them out. We were just
bored and didn't have drugs. Yeah, it sounds like a very low-risk gang. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did
y'all have a name or anything for the gang or not? I don't remember. I just
remember the initials
were TFE. I don't remember what it stands for. The fucking English or something.
I don't really
know what it was. There's definitely a fucking in there. Yeah. When I found out
the F word,
the first time I said it to my dad, I called him a fuckhead. I didn't know. I
knew the power
of fuck, but I didn't know how to use it. Oh, yeah. So my dad said something,
and I was walking
away from the table on my way out. I was like, whatever you fuckhead. Then I
just heard the
belt coming off. Oh, yeah. Did you just hear the fondling with it? Yeah. And I
was like,
oh, boy. Then you run to your room. It's like, he knows where you're at. That's
the worst
thing. You only had one place to go. And you're cornered. You should get your
ass beat. Papa, no. Yeah. But it. Papa, no, dude. Yeah. It sounds like, uh,
sounds like
very. We got arm. What century was it? Uh, the early nineties. Okay. I was
gonna say. Early
nineties. Papa, no. It sounded kind of. But I just tried to make a connection
so he wouldn't
hurt me. Oh, yeah. Father. Yeah. Father. It's his eye. Yeah. Your loving son.
If I made a
connection, maybe you wouldn't hit me as hard. Yeah. Father. It's not meant to
be father. It's
me. Your dementia is kicking in. Yeah. It's your good old pal. Trev. Do you
want to be in
the gang? Yeah. I remember one time my mom, uh, broke a paddle over my ass and
I started
laughing. She really, she really, she really abused you. They would, uh, spank
you. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh yeah. It was a classic white family, but like they would do that. And
then they would
be like, I'm only doing this because I love you. And then they'd like hit me.
Yeah. Fucking
hit me. Talk some shit. You know, don't, don't throw in some soliloquies as a
haiku
poem. Yeah, it is. I guess I think the thing about running to the room, that is
such the,
cause as a parent, you have to be like, how dumb is this kid? They ran to the
only place.
And it's the same thing you did as a kid. You're like, how have we not learned
as a,
we just think that that was like our safety. It's like, I'm in my room. You can't,
you can't get in here. Yeah. It was like, watch me. We didn't have any locks on
the doors. You
didn't. I had to jerk off just with a, with a safety off every night. Just with
God was your
lock. Yeah. Just hold. And what I, and the light used to crack through the door.
So I'd be like,
oh, I'm going to bed. I'm going to touch myself. So I'd go to bed and then I'd
put a towel. Most
people do this to hide like smoke from weed, but I wasn't cool. So I put the
towel under the door
cracks so the light wouldn't shine through because I was touching myself. Smoke
from that
freaking rub, baby. Smoking that cock. Just in case you were freaking, yeah. In
case you just did it
so well, you just started native and out. Yeah, exactly. They knew what was
going on.
Oh God. Dude, I remember when a, have you ever laid on your back and put your
legs in the air
while you jerked off? That's like the biggest thing you could do. I'm never, I
would never do that.
It sounds like you might've done that. I haven't done that. You want to? No, I
don't want to do
that too. That's crazy dude. Wait, so you're saying this guy's team. When would
you ever need to be in
that position? You're laying on your back and your feet are in the air. I don't
know. I just
remember. It's a reverse chronoscopy right there. Yeah. I just remember seeing
this very alarming
like drawing or something on a website. It could have been on a website or even
like the side of
like a dumpster, which was like an early website. Oh yeah. Like before they had
websites, people would
like write message for help on a dumpster, you know, of course that is true.
You know,
like my son's gay on a dumpster recycling or yard waste. Neither. It's for my
son. Can you pick
what position you get a colonoscopy in? Oh, well I've wondered a little bit. I
mean, you know,
and I've long thought that a lot of misbehaving children or kids that are
really bad were born
doggy style. I've heard that. I feel like that was the most like wholesome
missionary. Probably
just jerk off into your hand and give it to her. Like however you want to
insert this into you.
Oh, that's very, that's like a Valentine's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's like an
old school
Valentine's where people would walk thousands of miles to get it there. The
seed, right? Yeah.
Here you go. Postmates, Postmates for Cheryl. If you were to have a kid, what
position would
you want it to be? Um, what's it called when you, uh, um, conceived? Yes. Well
that, oh,
that was, that was what I thought. I thought years ago and I've long thought
that children conceived
in doggy style positions are more likely for things like crime. Um, yeah, they
got, yeah,
they just, yeah. The labradoodle. Something about it. Yeah. I think if you
throw it, yeah. I mean,
the kind of kid where, why their parents are making love, you fucking, if a frisbee
goes past and the
semen in there just kind of runs to one side of her body, that's that dog, baby.
That's that dog
right there. You think, what do you think it would, the, the type of kid would
be if the girl's on top
and then that's how it was conceived? You think the kid, he was like tall,
maybe a little like
good posture, good posture. I definitely think good posture. Straight. I don't
like people with good
posture. It feels like they know something that we don't. Well, it feels like
they're working for
somebody. Yeah. It feels like somebody who's trying really hard to blend in to
be a human.
Yes. And like, if you asked him what his name was, he would know it. He would
say like too quick.
Rick, Rick. Yeah. I'm Rick. It'd have a question mark. Yeah. I'm Robert. Robert.
Yeah. And it's just
like this. I don't know. It just feels weird. I'm Rick. Like they start, like
the, it starts
glitching afterwards. Like you didn't get the update or whatever. Yeah. Like he's
probably
trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup. Like he could really quickly if he
wanted to. Yeah.
Yeah. Just start yelling all the letters. I'm Rick. I'm Rick. I'm Rick. And
then he's
like, starts like, if you don't get the update, the guy gets gay or something.
He's like, I'm
Rick. You're like, what? How much does the update cost? And the update costs
like $59.99.
You know, like, well, you can also like hack updates. But then if your son,
like your good
postured son is now a gay son, everybody's like, oh, you can't afford to make
your son
straight. You won't get the update. I think it'd be more expensive to make your
son gay.
Oh, that's true. I think 