Name: Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447
Uploaded: 2023-06-08T15:51:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-08. Transcript available.

Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #447

I have some new tour dates to announce. I will be in Grantville, PA on July 19th.
That's
Pennsylvania at Penn Heroes Stage at Hollywood Casino. Pre-sale starts this
Wednesday, June 7th
at 10 a.m. Eastern with code RATKING. General on sale begins Friday, June 9th
at 10 a.m. Eastern.
We're also announcing a sixth Toronto show on August 19th at the Elgin Theater.
Tickets for
that show are on sale now. We also have tickets remaining for Austin, Texas,
June 11th, Edmonton,
Alberta, July 14th, Guilford, New Hampshire, July 20th, Windsor, Ontario,
August 18th, and Niagara Falls,
Ontario, August 20th. Get all your tickets through theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. I'm
so thankful to you
guys for coming out and spending time. Check out our classic merch with the
racing, hunting,
and fishing collections. We also have the classic rat tee, the I'm upstairs
gear, and more. Head
over to theovonstore.com today to take a look. Today's guest is one of the most
entertaining men
on social media. He's been here before. I love getting to spend time with him.
He has his studio
right upstairs from ours, and it's just great to know that there's such good
creative energy in the
building. He has his Stiff Socks podcast. He tours, and he's one of the most
creative young men
in the game. Today's guest is Mr. Trevor Wallace.
Shine that light on me
I'll sit and tell you my stories
Shine on me
And I will find a song
I've been singing
I love this guy
Kelly rolling, baby. Kelly rolling. We rolling. You see me, Kelly rolling. They
hate Chimillionaire?
Hey, man. He's like an investor now. Dude, Chimillionaire, um, Chimillionaire
was, uh, he had a studio by our first studio. He had an office in our first
studio.
What was he doing in there? In the same building. He was just Chimillion, I
guess. I don't know what they do. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, he's, last I saw, he's just a big investor in a bunch of like business
shit.
Yeah, he wasn't in the trenches anymore. You know, he wasn't. No, no, no, no,
no, no. You know what the trenches are?
I've heard of them. Yeah. Now I grew up in a suburb. We never like we we wish
we were in trenches. Really?
We always thought we were in a gang, but like nobody like would check us
Like that's how you know when you're a suburban like you could just say you're
in a gang and everybody. All right
Like nobody was like which one people just be like, oh me too, man. What time
you guys meet? We had a meeting time for our gang
After math on Tuesdays
Yeah, like if your mom picks you up from the gang, it's not really
Exactly. Right. Right. And then she offers a ride to everybody else. Do you
need a ride home, Riley? Oh, your mother's coming? She's a sweetheart
Stop, dude. Mom, stop. Mom, we call him gunner
You know, she's not even using people's code names. Right, right, right. Yeah,
and then when your mom walks away, you look back
Yeah, you know, I used to cuss my mom. I'll tell dad. Did you ever cuss at
parents? I used to cuss them all the time. No, I think
We would sometimes spray paint obscenities and stuff on the llama's car. I
remember
And tell other people big words, huh? Like big words are just like kind of
small
No, just things like or whatever like things that didn't even really relate to
her. It was just
Would people honk be like I'm with you
I mean, I don't know what people like
Some people I think showed up there at night like thinking it was like a club
or whatever
Like you sometimes you go out there in the middle of the night there'd be a
couple gay dudes out there
Yeah, yeah, yeah, people are knocking on the windows be like where do I venmo?
Where do I venmo?
Yeah, we had a spray paint that was like meant for just like like art
But it washed off so you could spray paint somebody's car and then they'd lose
their mind
But then it'd rub right off. Oh, that's sick. It was fun. Yeah
Yeah, they had this thing bust people would put uh
They'd put like a slice meat or something on somebody's car at night. Oh, a
shark. Oh baloney. Yeah, baloney would take paint off a car
Yes, like a honda civic rolling around with just smallpox on it
It looked like if somebody had done cupping on the back of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah
On the hood damn that civics really working on itself. It's trying to find its
inner core, you know
Got his chakras right
Yeah, it seemed like yeah, it's like god about that. Oh, yeah
Somebody if you really hated somebody you put three or four slices on them
I mean you would charcuterie up a damn uh the front of a ford escort. Oh, yeah
If you hated somebody in the area, right, you know, they'd fucking you just
have them the birds would pull up and be like
Oh, shit, we got a charcuterie board right here. Yeah
Yeah, I mean there was one there was one that would like turn somebody's grass
a different color
You feel like cheerios in it or do you ever do forking where you put a plastic
forks in somebody's lawn?
Then you snap the handle that was most fucked up because you just break a lawnmower
Oh, really you break it and then at the top you break the handle so you can't
really get them out
We were just bored and didn't have drugs. Yeah, it sounds like a very
Low risk gang. Yeah
Did y'all have a name or anything for the gang or not?
I don't remember
I just remember the initials were tfe. I don't remember what it stands for
The fucking english or something. I don't really know what it was. There's
definitely a fucking in there
Like yeah, when I found out the f-word the first time I said it to my dad. I
called him a fuckhead
I didn't know I knew the power of fuck, but I didn't know how to use it
Oh, yeah
So my dad said something and I was walking away from the table on my way out
I was like whatever you fuckhead and then I just heard the belt coming off
Oh, yeah, you just hear the the fondling with it. Yeah, and I was like, oh boy
Then you run to your room. It's like he knows where you're at
But that's a that's the worst thing like you only had one place to go
And you're cornered. Yeah, you should get your ass beat
Papa, no
But it's not but no, dude. Yeah, it sounds like it. Uh, sounds like very we got
arms. What century was it?
The early 90s
Early 90s Papa knows sound kind of
But I just try to make a connection so he wouldn't hurt me. Oh, yeah
Father, yeah father tis I yeah, your loving son if I made a connection, maybe
you wouldn't hit me as hard
Yeah, father, it's not meant to be father. It's me your dementia is kicking in.
Yeah, it's your good old pal trev
Do you want to be in the gang?
Yeah, I remember one time my mom, uh, broke a paddle over my ass and I started
laughing
She really sure it's really abuse. Yeah, they would uh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah,
my mom spanked
It was a classic white family
But like they would do that and then they'd be like i'm only doing this because
I love you
Can I get me? Yeah, fucking hit me talk some shit, you know
Don't throw some soliloquies as a haiku poem
Yeah, it is it I guess I think the thing about running to the room that is such
the
Because as a parent you have to be like how dumb is this kid? They ran to the
only place
And it's the same thing you did as a kid. You're like, how have we not learned
as I think that that was like our safety
It's like i'm in my room. You can't you can't get in here. Yeah, they're like
watch me
We didn't have any locks on the doors. You didn't I had to jerk off just with
uh with the safety off every night
Just with god was your lock. Yeah, just oh and what I in the light used to
crack through the door
So i'd be like, oh i'm going to bed i'm gonna touch myself
So I go to bed and then I put a towel most people do is to hide like smoke from
weed, but I wasn't cool
So I put the towel under the door crack so the light wouldn't shine through
Because I was touching myself that freaking rub, baby smoking that cock just in
case you were freaking yeah
In case you just did it so well you just started native and out. Yeah, exactly
They knew what was going on
Dude i remember when a have you ever
Laid on your back and put your legs in the air while you jerked off
That's like you could do i'm never i would never do that. It sounds like you
might have done that. I haven't done that
You want to? No, I don't want to do that dude. That's crazy dude. Wait, so you're
saying
This guy seems like
When would you ever need to be in that position you're laying on your back and
your feet are in the air?
I don't know. I just remember right there
Yeah, I just remember seeing this very alarming like drawing or something on a
Website uh, it could have been on a website or even like the side of like a
dumpster
Which was like an early website. Oh, yeah
Like before they had websites people would like write message for help on a
dumpster, you know
Of course, that is true, you know, like my son's gay
On a dumpster, you know, is this recycling or yard waste?
Neither it's for my son. Can you pick what position you get a colonoscopy in?
Oh, well, i've wondered all about I mean
You know and i've long thought that a lot of misbehaving children or kids that
are really bad were born doggy style
I've heard that I feel like that what's the most like wholesome missionary
Probably just jerk off into your hand and give it to her like however you want
to insert this into you
Oh, that's very that's like a valentine's
Yeah, yeah, yeah
That's like an old-school valentine's where people walk thousands of miles to
get it there the seed, right?
Yeah, here you go postmates
postmates for cheryl
If you were to have a kid what position would you want it to be um, what's it
called when you uh
Um conceived yes, well that oh, that was that was what I thought I thought
years ago
And i've long thought that children conceived in doggy style positions are more
likely for it makes sense things like crying dog in them
Um, yeah, they go yeah, they just the labradoodle
Something about it. Yeah, I think if you throw it
Yeah, I mean the kind of kid where why their parents are making love you
fucking
If a frisbee goes past and the semen in there just kind of runs to one side of
her body
That's that dog baby. That's that dog right there
You think what do you think it would the the type of kid would be if the girl's
on top?
And then that's how it's conceived you think the kid looks like tall maybe a
little like good posture good posture
I'll definitely think good posture straight. I don't like people get posture
It feels like they know something that we don't well. It feels like they're
working for somebody. Yeah
It feels like somebody who's trying really hard to blend in to be a human
Yes, and like if you asked him what his name was he would know it. He would say
like too quick. Yeah, right
Rick, yeah, I'm rick. It'd have a question mark. Yeah, I'm robert
Robert. Yeah, and it's just like this. I don't know. It just feels weird. I'm rick
Like they start fun like the it starts glitching after or it's like you didn't
get the update or whatever
Yeah, like he's probably trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup like he could
really quickly if you wanted to
Yeah, yeah, just start yelling all the letters. I'm rick
And then he's like starts like if you don't get the update the guy gets gay or
something. He's like i'm rick
You're like what how much does the update cost and the update costs like 59.99
Well, you can also like hack updates, but then if your son like your good postured
son
Is now a gay son everybody's like oh, you can't afford to make your son
straight. You won't get the update
I think it'd be more expensive to make your son gay. Oh, I think it's an
upgrade to be gay. Yeah, that's true
You get better style. You always have energy. You ever seen a gay dude yawn?
Yeah, uh-uh
Just always on dude. I've never seen a gay dude yawn. They're just too pumped.
They just got life
They all also I just I think you need a couple gay dudes in your corner because
they're just opinionated
They will give it to you straight like like like bro like just like every dude
at barstool
Like you could ask him