Name: Tom Segura | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #450
Uploaded: 2023-06-27T15:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Segura | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #450' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Segura | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #450' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-27. Transcript available.

Tom Segura | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #450

I want to thank Rooster Teeth for allowing us time today here in their studio
space
out here in Austin, Texas. We are grateful to them and we are grateful for this
space.
Today's guest is a comedian with a new special, Sledgehammer, coming out July 4th.
He is a podcaster. He is the creator of YMH Studios. He is one of a kind and we're
grateful to have him back today.
Mr. Tom Segura.
Looking alive. Is that a Nirvana shirt?
What's that?
Is that a Nirvana shirt?
No, I think it's a Basquiat.
Basquiat?
Yeah.
Basquiat.
What is it?
Basquiat.
Basquiat?
Basquiat.
Basquiat.
Basquiat?
The artist. He overdosed.
Oh, no, I didn't know that.
All the good ones do heroin, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah. I didn't know that he had a big collabo with Warhol, two heroin addicts
going at it.
They made some cool f***ing. I mean, it looks like drug addicts did it, but-
Does it?
Yeah, yeah.
I never seen a lot of that Warhol stuff. Trying to think of a good artist that
I knew growing up.
I don't know if we had any art, per se, in our area, really.
Yeah. Yeah, no, I didn't. I mean-
I don't think we had it.
I was exposed to a little bit of it, I feel like, as a kid. And then I had an
uncle who was really into it. I think I like it more as I get older.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I do like going into a place, like, whether it's someone's home
or a business, like, people that have art colors popping, you're like, oh, yeah,
this is better than-
Like, when you're young and everything's just like, like, you have your
apartment and it's just white walls. You're like, this is actually, like, oh,
that's why I was depressed.
This shit is sad as fuck. This is a sad place to be. And I remember, like,
girls coming over to apartments when I was, like, in my early 20s and them
being like, this is a serial killer who lives here, huh? And you're like, yeah,
it's cool, right?
You don't even think about it. You're like, this is sad as fuck.
You're like, oh, you like that. You like that dateline-y vibe? Yeah, it is kind
of, when you look back, oh, when I look back on some of the things that I
considered, I guess, were art or whatever that I would hang on my wall.
Oh, dude.
I remember I got a jump rope one time and I was so fucking excited and I, like,
hung that bitch all along the wall.
Yeah. And you're like, this is my shit.
Yeah.
And people are like, is this a rope?
Yeah. And people would come in, I'd be like, yeah.
No, and then, you know what really does it? If you go, even if you just walk
into the lobby of, like, a nice hotel,
and you're like, oh, my God, like, where they have, like, the bouquet of
flowers.
Oh, yeah.
And you're like, oh, this, like, this, like, makes everybody feel calm and kind
of, like, this, what it makes you go is, like, I want to be here.
I want to be in this room.
Yes.
Colors on the walls and you're like, oh, this is nice.
And then, and then you, all of a sudden it hits you years later where you're
like, oh, I can do a version of that.
Like, I could paint.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I could do something to help out.
Yeah, I think I always, I've never, one of my friends came in my, my home.
The other day.
And he's like, dude, everything that's in here is stuff that was in here when
you bought this house.
Like, you just kept the shit.
Oh, there's not, yeah.
And he's like, dude, your house, it doesn't even seem like you live here.
Like, you have to start doing something to make this your home.
Can I tell you, I, I, I don't, I, some things in life you just realize that you
have to spend the money to do.
And I, I had to, I accepted that I am not a fucking interior designer, but I
don't want the place to look as sad as those early apartments.
Yeah.
It is the thing you have to call somebody.
You just call them.
Yeah.
You just call them.
And what you do is they go, here's pictures of things.
And you go, I like this.
And I like this.
And then they go like, what do you think of this idea?
And you're like, yeah.
And then they just do it.
Wow.
And you go, yeah, that's worth it.
And it was worth it.
Yeah.
It's worth it because it's your home.
So you're going to walk in there every time and be like, oh, this feels, this
feels awesome.
And it feels like you because you want it to be things that you pick.
But you realize that you're never going to do that on your own.
Yeah.
And I mean, you specifically just said that there's shit in there that was
there like from when you bought it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I'll pick drawings of the previous family was a black ownership and they, uh.
Black ownership.
There's two black.
Yeah.
There's like a thing of.
Like a business.
You're like, there's a black owned fucking car dealership.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like a Tulsa, whatever that thing was.
But it was, uh, yeah, there's like some.
Yeah, there's people that I don't know on the walls.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And so you bought this place.
Yeah.
They had left a few things and you're just like, leave it.
Yeah.
I just didn't.
I just never got a plan.
I think I just, I don't know.
Yeah.
All the furniture, everything that's in there.
See the, what I would do, all the furniture too.
Oh, everything.
Beds, everything.
Wow.
Even awards, actually.
I guess the man had won a couple of awards.
What kind of awards?
Uh, first black something or other, you know?
So it's like, I feel bad keeping that, you know?
Some of them are kind of cool, you know?
Some of them are cool.
Dude, what you got to do is when you, you have somebody help you, you know,
design the
place.
Yeah.
But in court, like have a few of those like photos or something that are still
from when
you got it.
Uh-huh.
So it's mixed in.
It's all, it's all Theo.
Okay.
But then when people are like, what's up with this black family?
You're like, that's previous owners.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like, do you know them?
And you're like, nah, I just, I like to honor them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I want to have some honor for them.
Yeah.
That's all.
Yeah.
Cause it's, uh, but I, yeah, there'll be nights where I'm grogging.
I'm like, holy shit.
I'm the first black, like, you know, commissioner of something, you know?
Yeah.
Uh, when I'm kind of just wandering around, um, good to see you, man.
Good to see you too, man.
Yeah.
Thank you for the, uh, for coming and hanging out.
Absolutely.
I, uh, you know, I was trying to think about, um, what was I looking at earlier
that I was
thinking about?
I don't know.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Just how it is sometimes.
Yeah.
It's hot.
Yeah.
It's getting hot, huh?
Yeah.
It just makes you want to not think.
Do you think there's something nice about, like, I've lived in places where I
never had
air conditioning, right?
Yeah.
And it's tough, but there's also something that's kind of like primitive and
real about
like, I feel like the dreams I had at night were a little more like, like I
would be sweating
in my sheets.
Does that make any sense to you?
A thousand percent.
A thousand percent.
And it's, you know, the thing is too, is that it's pretty easy to snap your
head back
into the hottest, physically hottest, most uncomfortable times in my life.
Like I can actually, you say that and I immediately, I go to this Florida Keys
trip I took when I
was 14 and we were down in the Keys and it was hot.
It was like May, June.
It was hot as fuck.
And they had no AC and you just, you just, I mean, I just literally remember
that.
I remember doing, um, I worked construction for my friend's, uh, family and we
were, um, he, the dad had bought an apartment complex and he wanted to, he had
to redo the apartments.
So they stripped them down and then we laid tile and grout in apartments in the
summer in Florida.
I mean, we're talking like, you know, it's a hundred degrees with a hundred
percent humidity and you're on your knees, just like, and you, but there's, and
there's no, there's not even wind.
There's just, right.
But like, and you need children for that labor.
You definitely do.
You can't have actual adults.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that was, but like, as soon as you say that, like you just, I just
immediately remember those moments.
And then there's something about like physically, like, cause you hate it.
I mean, in the moment you're like, I hate this, but you do kind of feel like
you're, I don't know, you're in a different place.
Like you're, you really feel like you're working.
You really feel like your dreams are just about air blowing on you.
That's like the simplest type of dream you have.
Or how, like, how amazing in those moments is a cold Gatorade?
Like the, you know what I mean?
When, when you're like, you're like, you feel, and then somebody goes, they
pull it out of a cooler.
Yeah.
It was as strong as I could be.
And there's nothing sweeter in the world.
Oh, it's so good.
And you can even taste the flavor.
Or if you're comfortable when you have a Gatorade, I don't even know, you're
like, I don't even know what flavor this is.
Yeah.
Like what flavor do you like?
Are you any of them?
I don't know.
Who cares?
Yeah.
It's like ice.
Yeah.
Like floral ice or something.
Gay bash.
You're like, that's a flavor.
That's insane.
Yeah.
It's always now it's like polar plunge.
And you're like, just give it.
I don't care.
Yeah.
I don't care what color it is.
Missing bitches.
And you're like, this is Stace.
Stace is actually pretty amazing.
Yeah.
This is good, dude.
I didn't realize I wanted a gay bash, but I do now.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll take it on ice, brother.
Yeah.
That's, yeah.
Those.
Yeah.
You could think of like the fucking most uncomfortable you've ever been.
Hot and cold, I guess.
Yeah.
Cold.
I never really.
I don't think I had too much real coldness in my life.
Thank God.
There's people that are just not as funny.
Like my trainer.
He's, you know, he's like, he's one of those dudes that is like, he just, they
get after it.
They're disciplined.
Yes.
And like, he eats right.
He works out hard.
Like, come on.
Like, let's push, like, go.
Let's, you know, it's another one.
Like, that's what.
Right.
That's who they are.
They're coaches, you know.
And the heat.
He's like, I like, I like to be outside when it's a hundred and run.
And when people are like, you're going to fucking pass.
Like, he likes it.
Yeah.
He wanted, they, some people want to go there.
They want to go there.
But the dude has no tolerance for cold, which I find hilarious.
You know, he like, he doesn't like cold weather.
He doesn't like the, the cold plunge shit.
And like, I don't know.
It's kind of fun to like.
Catch him on the other side.
Yeah.
Catch him on the other side.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm like, it's cold.
And he's just like, man, I want to get to a warmer place.
You see his whole personality change.
Yeah.
I love it, dude.
Yes.
I guess the cold really, I remember at one time it snowed in our town and
people had never
seen it and people were yelling shit at the sky and just yelling like racial slurs
at clouds
and shit.
Yeah.
People were, you know, like just like these ice inwards, you know, just people
yelling shit
outside.
And some kid went outside and got hit by an icicle.
It was like the first icicle that probably ever fell in our area.
And that bitch fucking hit him right in the cheek and his mom tried to sue the
city for
like eight years, dude.
It was this huge thing.
And she's like, Ricky would have been different.
And everybody's like, Ricky fucking was never different.
Ricky was always just.
Going to be Ricky.
Yeah.
Ricky was never.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ricky never had a chance, you know.
You think Ricky was going to be a senator or something like Ricky?
Yeah, Ricky was not.
Ricky was always going to be cleaning gutters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No chance.
Ricky was at best going to be a drunk driver.
Yeah.
That's that was like if he achieved.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like that's how he got his name in the paper.
But dude, what was that?
Oh, they used to have those cool things.
The did you ever see that?
Like they had Evel Knievel.
Remember those times?
Yeah, sure.
So it was probably before our time a little bit, but they had who's this guy?
They had a guy.
You k