Name: Door to Door | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #452
Uploaded: 2023-07-11T22:28:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Door to Door | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #452' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Door to Door | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #452' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-11. Transcript available.

Door to Door | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #452

I have some new tour dates to announce, and some of these are coming up soon,
and these are new.
August 3rd, Chattanooga, Tennessee, Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Auditorium.
August 4th, Memphis, Tennessee, the Cannon Center for the Performing Arts.
September 7th, Milwaukee.
September 13th, San Jose, California, the San Jose Civic Center.
September 16th, Oakland, California, the Paramount Theater.
October 5th, Cleveland, Ohio, at Temple Live at Cleveland Masonic.
And then October 7th, Akron, Ohio, at E.J. Thomas Hall.
And October 19th, Washington, D.C., D.A.R. Constitution Hall.
Artist Presale begins Wednesday, July 12th, at 10 a.m. local time, with code RATKING.
General on sale begins Friday, July 14th, at 10 a.m. local time.
We've also added an 8th show in Toronto on August 30th at the Elgin Theater.
Tickets for that are available now.
Get your tickets only at TheoVaughn.com slash T-O-U-R.
Any other site is a secondary site.
Man, craziest thing.
You know, I was eating dinner.
You know, because I eat at night.
I'm not going to lie to anybody.
I eat it.
I eat it.
You know, I eat in the evening.
I eat at night.
I eat dinner.
You know, I'm a...
It's just kind of one of the people I am.
I'm somebody that eats dinner.
And, yeah, I guess there's a new...
I don't know if this is everywhere, but this was...
They're going...
Blood donor.
They're looking for blood.
They came to the door.
The blood donor people come to the door and ask if anybody is willing to donate
blood.
And I'm like...
You know, I'm eating dinner.
That was the thing.
I'm having dinner.
I don't want to...
I guess I don't want to stop having dinner to give...
I mean, I want to give blood.
I want to be supportive.
I just think it's weird if they're going door-to-door trying to get it.
I understand you go door-to-door, you need a glass of milk.
Right?
I understand you go door-to-door, you need CPR.
You know?
Hey, Ernie can't breathe.
We can't...
You know?
We need help.
But door-to-door for blood, that's a...
I can't even handle the insect guy.
Hey, buddy, we're here, you know.
You know, that guy always shows up.
He's like, hey, man, we're just, you know...
We're exterminating the neighbors.
We want to extend the option to you.
You know, we'll give you $40 off.
And then he's always like, what's that behind you?
Is that a wasp?
You know, they always try to scare you, them guys.
Like, oh, damn.
He'll just do like that with his head.
And we're like, whoa.
Was that a wasp?
You know?
And they're doing fake wasps.
And some of these companies now, these insect companies, they'll have a guy
sitting in the
truck with a little drone, a little drone wasp.
And he'll have that bitch going.
And they set you up.
And then he's like, damn, your house is infected.
You know?
You got bed bugs.
You got bench worms.
You got damn, you could have, you know, there's probably bumblebees in your flout,
in the,
you know, in your bread box.
And you're like, what?
You know?
But before you know it, it's $80.
And you got some guy spraying gas all around, you know, doing that gas all
around the house.
Or the, you know, they come through and they're just spraying.
I mean, those insect people, they'll spray damn.
I saw a dude one time, he was on his phone and just had the gun, the spray gun
just going.
He left about probably seven or eight ounces of, you know, it's probably just
repellent.
He left seven or eight ounces in a children's playroom.
I saw him just, he was only just sitting on the gas.
He was on his phone ordering something.
Getting him a Jimmy John or getting him a fat sals, you know, or something.
Or a vet, you know.
Getting him a little bit of Butch's pizza.
He was ordering something on the phone.
But, yeah, so those are people I can understand doing door to door.
Those are people I can understand.
But when they're door to door,
like, hey, we're here with the blood, you know,
sewing, you know, state blood bank or something.
And we're here.
We're just seeing if anybody in the home today is willing to give blood.
And then the guy kind of looks in my house, like,
like, like he's going to see somebody in a distance who just happened to be
like,
oh, you know, I got a, I got extra blood on me or whatever.
I was like, yeah, you know, I wouldn't, I was just going to play some Call of
Duty, but I'll drop off a pint.
I'll give you half a pint.
I, um, I don't know if I can legally give blood or not.
They said I couldn't one time because I had done steroid use.
And they won't let you give blood.
So.
It kind of hurt my feelings a little bit, but I, you know, it shouldn't hurt my
feeling.
But when somebody's like, hey, we don't want your blood.
That's a really.
Cause you got a lot of blood.
Somebody's like, damn, we want, we don't want your blood.
Yeah.
Door to door sales.
And that would be going door to door.
They don't have as much of it.
You know, when I was young, the egg man would come and he'd come and he'd bring,
you know,
he'd show you a thing of eggs.
You want some eggs, you know?
And my mom would be like, get our, get off our porch.
You fucking pervert.
Cause sometimes he'd be looking in the windows.
Sometimes he'd just be looking at, he wouldn't even have any eggs.
He's like, dude, are you selling eggs?
Or are you just a peeping Tom?
You know, like, are you, you don't have any eggs.
So what are you doing here?
You know, it's 10 PM.
And who, what other drop, what other people, they had door to door.
Oh, the people would do the magazines and it was like a scam, you know, they
come, they'd
be like dancing on your porch.
Like, Hey, don't you want a copy of this magazine?
You know, and it would be a scam.
They'd have like a menu of magazines, you know, like time magazine, you know,
Newsweek,
Cosmopolitan, um, bitches getting rowdy.
You're like, that's, and that was a cookbook.
They also had like a little cookbook area.
Um, but I remember, and it was always a scam.
You'd pay the guy.
You would never see the magazines.
And then a year later, they'd come back by, but the, yeah, some of the titles
had on
there.
It was just, they were like, is this, are these really magazines, you know, gays
and guns?
And it was like, is that a, that was a, I remember they had, um, all types of
stuff in
there, sports illustrated, um, different stuff.
Grateful to be here with you guys today.
Um, I know it's been a while since we had a solo and I'm sorry about that, but,
uh, it
won't be any longer.
Let's get into it, baby.
It's Bishop Gun.
Now, I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
I found I can feel it.
Come on.
In my bones.
Come on, stand.
Cause it's gonna take, a little time, for me to set that parking brake, and let
myself
unwind.
Shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you my stories, shine on me, and I
will find a song.
I will sing it just for you.
And there they are right there.
That's Bishop Gun with Shine.
Gotta love them.
Gotta love them.
I'm so grateful for that song.
Um, that song has really given us an anthem and a, a piece of material over the
years to,
to have together.
Um, what's going on?
Just staying alive, brother.
That's it.
Uh, it's been a bit.
I'm trying to think of where to start.
Um, I feel a little bit nervous, actually.
I think, I don't know if I just haven't done this in a while or, uh, yeah, I
don't know.
I feel a little nervous.
I feel kind of nervous today.
Um, so that's okay.
I'm just gonna say that, you know, and that's okay.
Um, yeah, I want to just fill you in what's going on with, with, with, with me
recently.
Just tell you what I've been up to.
And, uh, yeah, see, I feel like I'm just forgetting how to do this, but that's
okay.
I'm not.
It's just like a new, it's just been a little bit, um, of doing a solo episode.
Haven't done it in a while.
And so I'm really grateful.
I was really excited to be able to sit here and I want to get into some calls
in a little
bit.
Um, I just got back.
I went to UFC.
That was really cool.
But one thing I did really recently, that was, that was just divine.
And I mean, you could just, God, it was just dang divine.
I mean, you could feel the Lord just, just touching you while you were watching
it.
And it was the rodeo.
I went to the rodeo recently.
I went to the Franklin rodeo and it was in Franklin, Tennessee.
And, um, man, the rodeo, you think it's going to be a, you know, a lot of
people spit and
dip and, and even women doing it.
You'll have a woman.
She'll have a, you know, she'll have a hit of Copenhagen tucked up, you know,
somebody,
they're tough.
They'll tuck, they'll tuck a hit of Hagen right up in their lab.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't, you're like, damn, where's she, where's she spitting from?
You know, it's tough.
So it can be a unique lot out there, but, or a unique lot of people that go to
watch
rodeo, but it was unbelievably entertaining.
I had just, I'd forgotten how good it was.
You know, I think I'd only been once and, um, and I had pink eyes, so I couldn't
even see
that good.
I remember, I think my mom took us once and, um, and yeah, so I was, you know,
I only had,
you know, I was, I was infected at the time, so I couldn't see good, but it was
unbelievable.
I went to the Franklin rodeo and at one point there's this event where they
bring out all
of these, they bring children out of the stands and they, they tie like ribbons
to the, the
tail of, or they put like a ribbon onto the end of a sheep and they let the
sheep run and
all these kids just chase these sheep trying to get the ribbon off of the tail.
It's, it's just, it was insane.
And then you have also bull riding, um, and then you have, there's some calf,
like roping
and stuff.
Some of that's kind of intense.
If you were kind of like very, you know, pretty sensitive, it can be maybe a
little bit intense,
but yeah, I mean, you'll see, there'll be lasso and sometime they'll, they'll,
you'll see
milk fly to something, you know, you're like, damn, was that milk?
And your dad's like, cover your eyes.
You're not supposed to be on this website.
Um, but they had a horse.
There's one point where they, some, this man had trained a horse and the horse
stands up
on his legs, brother.
And I'd never seen this.
And this horse, I don't know if he was like a business or like a business horse,
or if
he's one of the, you know, if he, I don't know how he got his skillset really,
but he
stood up on his legs, like in the middle of the arena.
And then he walked out of the arena on his legs, a horse.
And I'd never seen it, but it blew my mind.
Anyway, if you get a chance to go see a rodeo, um, I totally recommend it.
I just, I'd forgotten how great it was, how interesting it was, um, the
different amounts
of talent.
You get to cheer for people.
They got some hardcores out there too.
I mean, they got some women out.
They got some strong, you know, men and women.
They got some people that are, they'll, they got some people that will fucking,
they'll shake
your fucking hand.
You know, they will shake your hand.
So they have some people like that out there.
Um, but yeah, it was amazing.
I just want to recommend the rodeo.
If you haven't been going and doing things that are interesting or you're
thinking, oh,
there's nothing in my area.
Or if you just haven't been to a rodeo in a long time, I want to recommend the
rodeo.
Um, what else we had the, uh, we had the Roseanne, uh, our Roseanne episode got
taken
down, do a little bit of business with you guys here.
Um, our Roseanne episode got taken down, uh, and we got strikes on YouTube, uh,
a strike
on YouTube and we couldn't post for a week.
Those were the rules.
Um, and at first I was really shocked.
You know, I believe that, I believe that what Roseanne said was satire, right?
I believe that wholeheartedly.
I believe that she is a comedian.
I know she's a comedian.
We're having a satirical, we're having a conversation.
She was being satirical to me, very evident.
Um, n