Name: The Last Sun | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #461
Uploaded: 2023-09-06T16:55:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Last Sun | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #461' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Last Sun | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #461' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-06. Transcript available.

The Last Sun | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #461

we got new merch to let you know thank you guys get the rat life shorts in blue
salmon and sand
we've also got the new tie-dye bgty be good to yourself teasing aqua creamsicle
and indigo
get that and more only at theovonstore.com um all right
and sometimes when i don't have any lotion you know i will um i'll spit on my
hands and rub it on my arms
um i don't know yeah i don't even know why i do that i think that is
i don't know what that is but i don't that's just
yeah i'll i'll tell you everything i um
yeah i ate half i ate half of a butterscotch that i found in my truck earlier
and um
yeah i don't know why i did it but i did it
it's just that's the kind of stuff i'm doing i guess and um anyway sorry we are
we are
good to see you we are here happy september can you believe it or something
wrong as they say in
somewhere else um
sorry my brain is all over the place uh and that's okay that's all right it's
that time you know
it's that time of year you know the heat has gotten to people the heat i mean
it is
it is this is when summer this is that encore when summer's like okay you don't
think i'm gonna ball out
watch me whip watch me nay nay this is when summer do that thing you know get
sturdy
i mean it is this is about hot as it can get
yeah and with labor day you see people you know people at labor they're trying
to do grilling
they're trying to grill but man this is the time he the sun say hey don't a
grill won't even start up
because it can't compete with a sun a microwave won't start up a match won't
strike they say nah nah
come on man how you expect me to compete with this boss man with this suge
knight in the sky up there
the sun is just it's like that this is it's weak the rest of the year is
weather right
but this is that time where it is the sun and and i'll say this you know um
white people don't get
enough credit for having to deal with the sun white people yeah white people
don't get enough
credit for having to deal with the sun man they you know it put put a white in
the sun
put a white in the sun and look what happens to them
let's don't pretend like we don't know what happens to a white in the sun
put an irish on a beach
my god you better pray for them
let's don't pretend that the sun don't like black people better
i look i think the sun is recruiting black people man
it's trying to transition folks it's trying to make more blacks and browns and
semi-browns and off browns
this do put a white in the sun for 30 hours and now make him walk down the
interstate he he keep
pretty browned up at that point see if somebody don't pull over and give him a
nelly cd or cornrow his hair up
i'm just saying baby the sun the sun be making it make the sun be making more
black people man
that's the truth or it's trying to put a swedish person in the sun for 40 hours
and let him apply for a home loan
okay what's up that's what i'm saying man that's the sun be doing like that
and that's just what is this the time of year it is when the sun this is its
boss
the sun is him right now um
yeah we got a lot in this episode man we got a lot we're gonna get into we're
talking uh
well that you know that reminds me um when i was in school you know and you had
to build that
solar system baby remember that it was maybe third grade or fourth grade
you had to build that solid system which uh like a mo you had to make a mobile
with the different
planets hanging on it in that and the rich kids they had they came their mom if
you had a dad first of
all then if your dad had a job and your mom didn't have to work then your mom
had a car with a hatchback
right and the rich kids you know zachary or uh abigail they would come to the
school and they had um
their my their they would their mom would open the hatchback and get their uh
their solar system out and you'd see all the planets on it made out of a little
styrofoam ball
and everything and oh it's cute it said her name on the side is that all right
how about gal
now if you was over by us bro if you had to ride the poor bus bro you had to
get your
first you had to build your bro mom wouldn't help mom you ain't had no hot glue
gun
you was doing your thing you had to do it yourself right that's how you had to
do it i remember my
solar system that had a uh orange in the middle bro and i put it in the uh
microwave for like 30 seconds
to warm it up to give it that that sun mentality you know so i heated that bit
put it in the middle
and then i hung whatever i could for the other things bro i had me a cherry
tomato on there i had me a
uh part of a mitten uh what else i had a closings pen um i had a butterscotch
and what else was on mine
maybe a marshmallow and a thing of tweezers that i had found in mom's room and
that was my solar system
baby and i and you had to get on the bus bro that was the problem and on the
bus people some people
they didn't have their their theirs made the other children so they had some
lurkers on there
like daniel you know daniel he he'd steal four jupiters on the bus bro he'll
roll off the bus
with a half a pocket full of jupiter's dog and that was his uh presentation
and gerald damn i remember oh man we had this one fella in our class gerald bro
and he
you know he didn't have a lot of brain in him he wasn't real he wasn't that
real that brain dog you
know and he had his solar system had i remember it had earth and alaska that
was the two planets bro
that bitch had earth and alaska
and one night i remember we was at a camp out or something and i remember
looking up at the sky
with him and he he he we were looking at the moon and he he said hey man you
think
you think we'll ever land on alaska
and i just patted him on the back a little extra
you know because sometimes some folk need that extra patent bro and that's what
he needed a couple
extra pats on the back baby but that's what god's doing man what i'm saying is
we all have different
universes you know we all got different we all got different universes um
welcome to the episode thank
you guys for being uh a part of my life um and let me be a part of your life
what's going on uh we got a
unique episode we have um we're gonna get to some calls we have the gator boys
some of them boys they
they they they nabbed that gator over there in mississippi they nabbed one i
mean just one of them
big daddies this thing big boy this thing big this thing won't fit in a condom
you know what i'm saying
this thing's big so they nabbed it and uh we're gonna talk to one of those guys
um we had some finance
we had a fr we was a victim of a fraud we're gonna talk about that um and what
else can we talk about
i've got a lot of great calls um what else i've been i've been feeling a lot
man i've been i've been
having a tough i've been feeling like everything's got to be perfect man
i've been feeling like you know it's like i come to even just come into
podcasts like i feel all right
i gotta be every you know everything it's like or just every day every life
like man everything is
just like i it just it just uh and sometimes it builds up it's like and i don't
even notice it's
going on um but it yeah but that's not the truth and i just sometimes i let it
build up and be the
truth or it's just i can't explain it but it starts happening in the background
like everything's got to
be perfect you know uh so yeah i just want to call that out on myself and just
think you know like
i can't make things i can't be perfect i can't make everything perfect um
yeah so it just i can't you know uh and nobody's asking me to really it's like
it's this
it's like this self-fulfilling like or not a self-unfulfilling prophecy you
know it's like uh
it's a ridiculous pressure it goes back to when i probably associates to when i
was young you know
and i felt like if i wasn't perfect then uh i wouldn't be cared about you know
um
or the only way i had to change it was like you know i wasn't getting when i
was
i don't know i'm not trying to get in all that kind of stuff but it was like
what i guess
it's like if i was if
it was like i guess i felt like if i'm not if i don't the only way i have a
chance to get the
what i need in the world is if i'm perfect
because i wasn't getting what i needed so it was like man if i i guess the only
way i can that i
even have a chance i must i must have to be perfect to get the care i need you
know or maybe if i'm perfect
maybe if i'm perfect
then i then i will have to be cared about
you know because no nobody somebody couldn't not care about something that's
perfect you know
um i'm not saying that i'm perfect or anything i'm just saying that's an old
thing that would be in my
head man and it's not even a thought that i had or created it was like a
survival thing that happened
when i was young and um and i could see how a kid could think that you know a
kid could think that
so uh
but yeah sometimes that flares up and i'm like man if i'm not perfect
then uh people are
people are not gonna like me
you know if i'm on if i'm real honest about it um and i know that isn't true i
know that's not true of like
my friend i like as an as an adult now i know that's not the truth
but it still doesn't stop those old feelings from uh
they kind of take over the they kind of uh hijack the mainframe sometimes
and i get stuck in that space and i don't even realize it you know um
so yeah i just want to share i just want to call that out to myself and and
just say yeah man you
don't have to be you you are oh you're fine you're okay brother you know and um
yeah i just want to call that out to myself because that's important to me
uh to notice and i'm grateful now that i can even notice when that happens
sometimes so that
i'm not just sitting there and just being a victim of it um
we have some really nice calls some really nice stuff and uh grateful to be
here with you guys um
well i got this call that came in right here let's just let's let's hear this
daddy real fast let's see what this cat has to say here because i know
what's up you little love muffin i just heard your podcast and it's about time
coming to north kakalak
i live 20 minutes away from winston-salem and i'm so excited bro gang gang homie
gang baby yeah and that's that'll just lead us right into the tour dates that's
what i want to tell
you we have some new ones and uh man some really exciting stuff um yeah we just
got back from canada
i'm going to talk about that in a second but i want to let you know that uh we
have live now norfolk
va uh roanoke va and that's where i think um i think that's where the pilgrims
started uh huntington
west virginia up there up there about a big sandy arena they now call it the
mountain health
and they used to call it the big sandy evansville indiana uh at the ford center
pikeville pikeville
kentucky at uh on november 16th and winston-salem uh november 17th and then new
orleans louisiana baby
november 24th the day after thanksgiving at the uno lakefront arena and uh that's
mad for me that's
real magical that's the first place i ever um seen like a big concert and uh to
get to go there and perform
um yeah it means a lot you know and um
yeah it means a lot man i know and a lot of people there i know we're excited
about it
and um on behalf of them i'm excited as well it means a lot just to be uh from
uh that community
in that area and to be able to go back there and um and i just am grateful for
that support there and
everywhere and we had some nice calls that came in um i just got back from toronto
and uh niagara
and i was on the canada side and you look i got to my hotel room and i looked
out and i and you see
i mean it just is unreal it's just there's so much energy there i mean you see
that river and you see
that mullet on it baby you say damn that's a waterfall baby that just is god
you just
yeah just i mean i mean it's just stunning you know it's just a stunning um it's
a stunning place
over there so if you get a chance to check that out it's worth it um and then
we spent time over
there in toronto and you know tor