Name: Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #463
Uploaded: 2023-09-20T03:50:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #463' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #463' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-20. Transcript available.

Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #463

I have some tour dates to tell you about. I'll be in Washington, D.C., October
22nd, Las Vegas, Nevada, October 27 and 28, Norfolk, VA, November 9, Roanoke,
VA, November 10, and Huntington, West Virginia, November 11 at the Mountain
Health Arena, formerly the Big Sandy.
Get all your tickets at TheoVaughn.com slash T-O-U-R. Thank you for the support.
We have a new merch drop. We merchin', baby. Check out the new Be Good to Yourself
tie-dye hoodies in aqua, indigo, and creamsicle. Find that and much more at
TheoVaughnStore.com. Also, there's a lot of other bootleg merch out there, and
some of it's real neat. But if it's not from our store, just know that we're
not the ones doing it, just so you know that.
He's beloved in the comedy community. He's an actor, he's a podcast host, and
he's an endangered species of a man. Today's guest is from the Far East, and we're
happy to have him. You know him from Bad Friends and Tiger Belly. Today's guest
is Mr. Bobby Lee.
I like that. I like that.
He called me a chigger, dude.
He did?
Yeah.
I go, what does that mean? He goes, it's half two racial slurs in one word, man.
Oh, that's, yeah.
Isn't that crazy?
Well, it's uncalled for.
It's uncalled for, dude.
Yeah.
And I'm like, dude, I'm no chigger to you, dude.
Yeah, that's crazy. And you can say chigger because you are, what do you mean?
How do you, can anybody say?
I didn't say it, dude. Some white dude comes up to me, go, yo, what's up, chigger?
And I go, what? And he's like, yeah, man, it's two racial slurs in one. I go, I'm
not a chigger, but Tiger Woods is, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, dog, what's up?
I don't know, man.
That's out of pocket.
It's so hard to be racist these days because of diversity and intermingling.
What do you mean? What do you mean?
It's always been hard to be racist.
Oh, yeah, you know.
Yeah, it's always been a hard thing, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
And it should be, I don't think.
Yeah, it should never be easy.
Yeah, it should be easy.
But if you could do it, good for you, dude.
The problem is there's no, like, there's no way to win with racism.
There's no way to lose either, though.
That's the thing.
You know what I mean? It's like, well, in between kind of thing, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
I don't know either, man.
Sometimes I don't even know, dude, but you just do it, you know?
Yeah, dude, I think the racism that I think is kind of the safest way,
if I've seen any, to try and do any racism is, I don't even know if this is
like.
I don't know.
But you don't want people doing anything dangerously.
That's the thing about racism, dude.
It's like, for me, it's like, if there's a, you know, a noose
or they're going to drag me in back of a truck, you know how they used to do
that?
These Italians in the back of a truck and they just drive, you know?
Really?
Yeah, give us a ride, you know what I mean?
Like you're wake skating or something?
Yeah.
Well, it's like a reverse rickshaw.
It's like the white version of a rickshaw.
You know, but like, if it's like, if comics are being racist amongst, you know,
we're amongst
friends, I like it.
But if it's, if I don't know you, dude, and I'm at an airport and you're like,
what's up,
chigger?
It's like, it's like, oh, I don't like it at all.
It breaks my heart, dude.
It breaks my heart, dude.
The saddest thing, I think, but also the thing that kind of like, if, say like
you're
hanging out with somebody, right?
And you guys are different ethnicities or whatever.
Well, give me specifics.
Okay, because depending on what kind of ethnicity, it depends on how I would
react.
Okay, say you're hanging out with like a Muslim guy.
No.
All right.
No.
Okay.
Well, say someone, pass.
Say somebody's hanging out with a Muslim.
All right.
You know, let's, okay, I'm hanging out with a Muslim.
I know a couple.
So I'm hanging out with like Fahim Anwar.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
So, and somebody drives by in a truck, right?
Because it's always a truck, I guess.
It's always a truck.
It always is.
It always is.
And yells out, get out the street, Slim.
They call them Slims a lot of times.
Wait, wait, wait.
They call who Slims?
Muslims.
No, they don't.
Yeah.
I've never heard that before.
You haven't?
I feel like you mix it up, dude.
Nuh-uh, dude.
I've never heard anyone go, what's up?
Like after 9-11.
Those Slims, bro?
Yeah.
They never said that.
Bro, people, it's definitely been said.
That has been-
You said it probably a thousand times.
That's why.
And you heard yourself say it and you're like, oh, that's a thing.
I'm just saying it.
I've never heard Slim, bro.
All right, so I'm with Fahim.
We're walking down the street.
Okay.
Truck drives by.
Get off the street, Slims!
Now, I think we would look, honestly, I think we would look at each other and
go, was they
talking about me?
You know what I mean?
Right.
Or you?
Because we've never heard Slim before.
Okay.
So we would both, we'd both absorb it.
Understood.
Yeah, yeah.
But what I'm thinking is the best way for any racism to occur, it shouldn't
occur.
It should never occur.
Right.
But if it has to occur in the world.
Sometimes it has to, right?
Well, I don't know.
Is that what you're saying?
Sometimes it has to.
I don't think, look, I don't, I think a little bit keeps thing, it keeps, you
know.
It keeps the engine running.
Yeah.
It keeps the engine, yeah.
And let's not use the term engine.
All right.
Well, what I'm saying is that I think you, the best way for racism to occur, if
it has
to occur, is if somebody drives and yells it out of her, because then they're
gone.
It's over.
It happens.
It's a drive by racism.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
But you're saying that's okay?
No, I don't think it's okay, but I think it's the safest way for it.
It's the safest way to do it.
Yeah.
But then if they do a U-turn, then we got a problem.
What's up, Slim?
And I'm like, oh, that's, eee.
Yeah, they turn around.
Yeah.
Then we're running.
Yeah, no U-turns.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And we don't even know, me and Fium, we don't even know who they're talking
about, but
we're both going to run just in case, you know?
Yeah.
I don't, you know, can I be honest with you, man?
Yeah, man.
You don't have a racist bone in your body, man.
I don't think so.
I don't think so, man.
Yeah, I don't think so either, dude.
I can name a few comments that may, you know what I mean?
They kind of lean, you know, I want to name it.
Oh, can I just get this out of the way, bro?
Yeah.
And I have some resentments, not towards you.
Yeah.
But toward the community.
Okay.
I want to, so anyway.
What happened?
Well, yesterday was my birthday.
Mm-hmm.
I knew that.
So over the weekend, you know, me and Bad Friends, we did some shows.
We were in, um...
One of them white people.
Columbus?
One of them places.
No, we were in Pittsburgh, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Dang, dang, dang.
Dang, dang, dang.
Dang, dang, dang, dang.
Yeah.
Dang, dang it.
So we're doing a show.
Dang, dang it.
Sorry, it's Pittsburgh, boy.
Dang, dang, dang.
Dang, dang from now.
Dang, dang, dang.
Mom's gonna get your Playboy subscription.
Is that Pittsburgh new?
Yeah, if you come down from now.
All right.
All right.
Anyway, we're in Pittsburgh.
We're doing a show.
Half we're doing the show.
It's my birthday, right?
So then Andrew goes, yo, dude, happy birthday.
Andrew Santino from Bad Friends.
Your co-host.
I'm just making sure everybody knows who you're talking about.
Yeah, man.
We didn't say his name.
He said Andrew.
Yeah, but I said...
Anyway, oh, yeah, Andrew Santino.
Okay, okay.
So then he goes, you know, we have...
Happy birthday.
I got a birthday collage of people sending in, you know what I mean, videos.
Oh, yeah.
And I want to say, bro, thank you so much.
You sent in a video, dude.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
A lot of people did.
John Mayer did.
Wow.
Yeah, not the musician, you know, that I know a guy named John who was a mayor
at Victorville.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, the musician.
That was a bad joke.
But John Mayer did, right?
Whitney Cummings, right?
The little handsome dwarf.
He's in the movies.
What's his name?
The handsome dwarf.
Adam Devine.
No way.
Yeah, dude.
Wow.
One of the best looking dwarves I've ever seen.
Better than Peter Dinklage.
Oh, yeah.
And they're not acting similar, but in terms of good looking, dude, oh, my God,
dude.
Devine vs. Dinklage?
Dude, that's a show, dude, or a movie or something.
Yeah.
It's like Alien vs. Predator.
It'll be that kind of movie.
Don't you think?
I wonder how much Dinklage he's got on him.
That's got to be it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He won't say that all the time.
Yeah.
So there was a bunch of people sent in videos.
Oh, man.
Except, and then afterwards, I looked at Andrew, and I go, who didn't send one?
You know what I mean?
Because he requested a lot.
I don't want to call anybody out, man, but there's a couple that I don't want
to say their names, but it really broke my heart, man.
They got requests, and they never sent one.
Can I guess who someone could be?
I can give you some hints.
Okay.
One hint?
One of the guys, imagine finding a dead body in a leg, but it's been there for
a month, and it's bloated.
Oh, yeah.
It will be bloated.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some of the jewelry, too, will be like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's one of them.
Okay.
The other one used to look like that.
What?
Bert.
I'm not going to answer that, man.
Okay.
The other guy is friends with the dead body guy who used to look like that, but
doesn't.
And he claims he's Hispanic, but you don't see no Hispanic bloodlines in his
face.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, you know, definitely.
Tom.
Never said that.
Okay, sorry.
Never said that, man.
Neither, neither.
Okay.
But those are a couple of guys, man, that I thought they were like my boys,
dude, and they betrayed me a little bit.
Like, you know, you said that the video was long.
There were some people that I don't even know that well that sent a video.
Yeah.
You know?
And, you know, it just goes to show you who your friends are.
Oh, you seem like Steve right now.
You seem like your brother.
This is what my brother does.
Yeah.
When he says stuff.
Yeah.
But, you know, when we get emotional, we do this, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
So, it's like, you know, you think that, like, they're your, you know, you know,
those two guys, you know what they're like, man?
You know what they're like?
In a war, dude?
Oh, dude, do you ever see Forrest Gump?
Yeah.
Remember the guy?
Who was the guy that lost his arms and stuff?
Oh, oh.
No, not Dan.
Not Dan Dan.
Benedict Arnold?
Not Benedict Arnold.
No.
No.
I'm not even talking about.
Oh, yeah.
Lieutenant Dan.
I remember when, who was he saving when, like, Forrest was running and in the
Vietnam War, he was grabbing, he went to go save somebody's life.
Was that him or was, was it the black guy?
Baba.
Baba.
Anyway, that's a terrible analogy, but these two guys would not run back from
me in a war.
I feel like if you were in a war, let's just make up a war, like, okay, the war
of.
The Serbian Mantegrado, what's it called?
But wars are going to be sponsored probably by different, so it would be, like,
the, like, Amazon War of 2027 or something.
Right, and they're, oh, you know what, dude?
Amazon versus the Eskimos.
That's never been done.
There's not a lot of Eskimos, though.
I know, but still.
If it's cold, dude, they might win.
Yeah, I don't know.
If it's an icy environment, dude.
Like Hoth?
Like Amazon versus, like, who, Amazon truck drivers or something?
Yeah, dude.
Amazon truck drivers versus Eskimos.
I mean, that could be a good war.
Yeah.
Anyway, you and I are caught up in it.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
My legs are gone.
Oh.
Right?
I feel like you would go, I think you'd come back for me, dude.
Yeah, I'd put you on my, um, on my back, you know?
What do you mean on your back?
Like a backpack?
Like a backpack, yeah.
Back, back, back, back.
And, uh.
Hey, this is my friend.
Back, back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What I would do, what you would do, I would put, tie a 