Name: Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #468
Uploaded: 2023-10-31T15:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #468' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #468' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-31. Transcript available.

Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #468

i have some tour dates to let you know about athens georgia on november 7th and
atlanta georgia
november 29th and 30th at the fox theater get your tickets at theovon.com t-o-u-r
we got new
merch three new shirts you can check them out uh they're beautiful they're nice
if you're getting
somebody a christmas gift this could be one get on it early rat king america
gang gang palm and
the hitter 500 racing get all that and more at theovonstore.com thank you so
much for the
support today's guest is a journalist a political commentator author and just
damn yapper he's one
of the guys that uh that has made a big transition recently from going to a
major network to um onto x
which is a major network but a little bit different uh you guys know him
probably by name and if you
don't you're going to get to um today's guest is tucker calls
and i'll have to do this
insert a zen or you need a spit cup yeah you gotta try this product it's
unbelievable maybe i'll try one
towards the end of the episode it will wind you up really yes once you try this
you're gonna get a lot
richer zen is that their advertising campaign zen is not a sin that's the
advertising campaign really
yeah but the truth is zen is a powerful work enhancer and also a male enhancer
if you know
what i mean really yeah talking erection huh yep there's no election fraud was
in wow
i don't know if i want a zen supported wiener you know i don't know i think you
do you think so oh yeah
because you want people to get addicted just close your eyes oh it's like that
that's the
neighbor saying hey it's real quiet over there just whack it on the nightstand
oh sorry excuse me sorry dude i would hate to have a real long wiener if you
have a cat that
would be the that would be the that would be dangerous it would be dangerous
talk about a cat toy
oh yeah but you'd have to put a little bell at the end of it or something
and a feather yeah um nice to meet you man we never met
did you have such a crazy you have a crazy laugh don't you it's real it's
beautiful it's beautiful
it's very hot is this are we on tv huh is this being recorded okay yeah so yeah
my laugh is very
high and that's how you know that it's real because it's so embarrassing and i
do it anyway
i like that yeah and i shouldn't have said that it's not nice to condemn
somebody's laugh or what oh
i you too you can't hurt my feelings okay go ahead and oh i'll give it a run
man okay good
no i think you're laughing kind of reminds me of like a like a proud kind of
grandmother from like
maybe the 1850s or something maybe totally sending her boys off to war
or like a woman that just got a new cookie recipe in the mail you know
it's joyful but there's a sort of undertone of diabolic oh yeah yeah but in my
case it's totally it's
totally real and again it's not an appealing laugh it's not like wow what a manly
laugh that is
it's not a chortle it's more a giggle yeah yeah no it seems like yeah a kid
yeah like a kids would
love it it seems like um but not too much yeah it reminds me of like winnie the
pooh kind of you
know you you look you do have a christopher robin vibe if he grew up you know
thank you i don't think
he ever did though i think he exists only in the pages of the books oh yeah
actually there was a
christopher robin that was milton's son and he grew up to be a super bitter
bitter atheist
hated his dad uh-uh yeah it didn't work really it's all fantasy yes wow unless
i'm misremembering
that a milan who wrote the book yeah he had kind of a tragic family life oh
that's heartbreaking um
good to see you today man we never met before one of my children is like your
biggest fan really yes
and are they like how children are we talking mid-20s oh that's fine i'm just
saying i don't
want yeah i don't know nothing creepy or anything yeah i don't need like
because it's kind of weird
that they allow like little kids to watch you to see that like sometimes it's
weird that there's no
barrier to entry in a lot of porn on twitter dude so i mean in a world that
allows that you're fine you
think there should be porn on twitter no no it shouldn't be porn on twitter i
mean i'm you know
no yeah don't go to i mean i don't i mean i wouldn't you know spend a lot of
time trying to
ban porn on twitter but like porn on twitter come on yeah twitter is for your
ugly opinions not
not your nudity yeah um what things do you think shouldn't be on twitter
i mean i think everything should be allowed on twitter i mean i'm on twitter
because everything is
allowed right um i don't think everything is allowed on twitter i haven't found
the boundary yet but
but elon musk who owns it has said he's for free speech and if it's a political
view that most people
don't like it's still allowed yeah and i'm so grateful for that that someone
with unpopular views
you know well didn't they have well one thing that i don't like on twitter
sometimes you see like
people beating up teachers and stuff like that you ever seen any of this
violence that happens right
i don't like it but the fact that they allow it and kids beating up each other
they'll have
like those things where somebody's gonna set up somebody's filming some other
kids like are gonna
come in and beat up the kid right um but why did that because then i feel like
if they would stop
allowing that then because other kids just start mimicking what they see well
it's also bad it's
bad for you to watch it i say someone's watched a lot of it's like the isis
videos yeah do you know
what i mean or there's a whole bunch of channels of criminals getting shot
coming into a jewelry
store or a liquor store and some korean guy just blows them away yeah and you
can't help but love
it i mean it is the most alluring kind of porn you just watch it again and
again this guy getting
killed yeah and you think this is not good for me actually i shouldn't watch
this yeah it's probably
part of your spirit or whatever totally it's not edifying it's it's like
actually bad but it's very
hard have you ever seen the criminals getting killed oh yeah yeah i've seen a
couple of them
there's one guy who's so good at it he's killed like seven criminals yeah he's
a watchmaker in l.a oh is he yeah
no it's a very famous guy oh there's a one guy mike dude they gotta quit trying
to rob this guy
well he finally gave up and now i think he lives in vegas but this was in the
80s or 90s in l.a
i think he killed five people literally with revolvers too this was this was
before everyone had like
a double stack you know 19 round magazine these were just like with
conventional 38 or 357 revolvers
that's him right there can you have that up for me nick this is a um yeah watch
seller he's actually a watchmaker he's the guy who
you know fixes expensive watches and makes the new gears he's a very yeah look
at mr thomas the
dealer lance thomas was wounded five times at his shop wow let's see he's like
the 50s i'm sorry is my
memory pretty good or what he killed five robbers since 89 that's amazing he's
like the 50 cent watchmaker
he's like 50 seconds he's like yeah that's good okay that dude's unreal they
ran me out of business
because thomas says there's got to be a truce there's got to be a time
there's got to be a time when you walk away from the war zone wow so he just
quit because it was too
but what a bmf i mean he just yeah he shot a couple in one day he says this is
his best quote
mr thomas said he felt no remorse for the lives he had taken the police ruled
each shooting was justified i was
ice he said a frightening thing about this is that it all becomes easier wow it's
not good for you to
i mean you don't want to have to kill five people i don't you know i don't
think it's i don't think
it's good for you what's a fair amount of people to kill i don't think you want
to kill anyone if you
can help it you know i mean well it's certainly justified in self-defense i
mean no one will judge
you no no honest person will judge you for killing someone to protect your life
your loved ones even
your property but i just don't think you want to have to do that yeah i agree i
mean well unfortunately
there's some people i think that wake up and they're kind of like kind of
looking you know wouldn't mind
getting into a little you know killing or whatever but i think yeah i think you
have a lot of people
move into places where you can defend yourself where the laws are more in your
favor to defend yourself
because it feels like your own safety has become your own responsibility you
can't defend yourself
you're a slave i mean by definition if someone can hurt you but you can't
defend yourself then you're
not a human being you're you're subhuman obviously yeah like because that that's
a human right that
precedes government right i mean being a human i think defending yourself you
know you have to be
able to defend if i walk up and punch you in the face and you can't hit back i'm
the master you're
the slave obviously yeah you know yeah that's why i think it's one reason why
you can't take
guns away is because people have at the end of the day have to be able to
defend themselves or
groups that people have to well of course and the police you know they've got
their own thing their
own concerns and yeah you can't rely on them um but i was thinking yeah what i
don't like about those
viol like the violence that they show on twitter where it's like the children
beating up children
yeah is because if you're a kid and you see that and you see it gets a lot of
traction then you get to
go do it so you're just replicating this vibe like that it's like you see so
many more kids doing it
now because they've seen it as like a thing like so that kind of thing i don't
think they should
allow one there well also you don't want to see every ugly thing that people do
do you know what i
mean yeah you don't want to see fat people in the shower you don't want to see
people on the john like
there are a lot of things that happen that you don't necessarily want to look
at video of i don't mind
watching a thick person in the shower if there's a real skinny person in there
with them and they have to like
kind of like jockey for position or something you know sean was somebody's
heart i think i don't
know no matter what size they are have you seen a lot of that i think i've i've
been in some showers
with some you know with varying sizes of humans and yeah what's the fattest
person you've showered with
oh probably a good
i'm trying to remember like real fat or just kind of bulky i remember i picked
this gal up one time trying
to go back to how it felt on my back um i'd probably say
upper ones upper ones but you're not going to
i wouldn't get into that no no no no just as yeah yeah
okay you're lying i can tell
yeah yeah you are okay no is there laws like do you know if there's any laws
like if there's people
who are doing pedophiling yeah right and they are reaching out to children
through social media why
isn't there a responsibility on the social media companies well that's allowing
that to be an open
wall i think there is i think there is and i think some have gotten in trouble
for that oh okay providing
a space for that um look i'm not a lawyer uh but it's certainly wrong certainly
immoral yeah and i and
i you know i you gotta think they make some effort to stop that though i think
there's there's a lot of
it a lot of creepy people out there yeah and the number of creepy people is
increasing you think so seems to be
yeah seems to be yeah i wonder why that is huh because you can look up other
creepy people it's
kind of like you said you wouldn't allow video of kids fighting on the internet
because it inspires
other kids to fight yeah you know creepiness inspires creepiness right yeah
that's a good point
um yeah man i just want to get to know you a little bit i want to get to know
you too all right not
like the whole shower thing oh no out no no you don't weigh enough i don't
think close or what i'm
looking for okay um yeah man nice to meet you so you 