Name: Sean Strickland | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #476
Uploaded: 2024-01-03T01:19:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sean Strickland | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #476' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sean Strickland | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #476' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-03. Transcript available.

Sean Strickland | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #476

Today's episode, it was taped live at the Durango Casino and Resort over in Las
Vegas,
Nevada, and we are grateful to them for letting us spend time at their
beautiful
place for gambling and fun and joy. If you like it, you will like it. That's
Durango Casino and
Resort. Thank you for letting us tape your episode, our episode over there.
Today's guest is the
current middleweight champion of the UFC. He grew up in one of the rougher
areas of Southern
California. He is a complex individual. That's for damn sure. He's a damn, he's
a dang 30-sided
Rubik's Cube of a human, but he's an undeniable talent in the world of fighting.
There's something
just, there's something extremely lovable about the guy, and he's not afraid to
speak his mind.
Now, how good is his mind? That's TBD. But I'm very thankful for his time, and
it was a joy to sit
down with him. Today's guest is Mr. Sean Strickland.
Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my stories. Shine on me. And I
will find a song I've been singing.
I'm going to stay.
All right, I'm ready, guys.
Yeah, we're ready.
Get the dick wet.
Yeah, well, I mean.
We got to pay for it.
There's a lot of other terms we could use.
Yeah, I guess that's one way to do it.
Yeah, a lot of, so for people that don't know, you're the middleweight champion
of the world, right?
Yeah, fucking weird, right, man?
Yeah, the UFC's really lowered their standards.
You should be class, and they let my ass in here.
You know, fucking A.
How's your latte? Good?
It's okay, man. I just needed something. I don't do drugs or alcohol, so.
Not anymore.
Yeah, yeah.
That's good, dude.
Good call, yeah.
And so then it's slim pickings on what do you use to get you going, you know?
Yeah, or something like that. Smelling gas.
I mean, we all got an addiction. You know, we all got an addiction. Mine's, you
know, caffeine.
Are you? Is it really?
Oh, yeah, I fucking crush it, dude. I fucking crush it.
Oh, wow. How much can you have in one day, you think?
Oh, dude, I'll have like 10 cups of coffee in a day, especially when I'm dieting.
I just drink that shit instead of food.
Really?
Yeah.
And do you still have the ability to eat or to use your hands well after that?
Ideally, I try not to eat.
Yeah.
But yeah, no, man. You're doing big fucking things, dude. You went from a white
trash fucking redneck to interviewing Tucker fucking Carlson. You're doing big
things, dude. Big fucking things.
Dude, I can't believe they would let either one of us really have a job, huh?
Hey, you know what's weird about you, dude? And let me say one thing, and this
is like, honest to God truth.
Like, sometimes, dude, you say some genius shit. Like, you say some shit where,
like, I'm like, fuck, I scratched my head. And sometimes you say some shit
where I'm like, this man's fucking redneck.
So I haven't quite figured out, dude, if you're a genius or read a little bit
of both, made a little bit of Rain Man in you, you know?
Thanks, man.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
Yeah, no. Yeah, look, I think it's like, um, I think sometimes it's hard for me
to match up my thoughts and my words at the same time, you know?
So I think sometimes it's like there's like a, uh, if I really think about it,
um, I think there's sometimes it's like my brain, I can't tell if my brain
starts going before my mouth does.
Yeah, yeah.
Or one or the other, you know? But I feel like some of the equivalency or
whatever isn't, uh, like the gear shafts off or whatever, you know? Or the,
like my, I don't know.
Yeah, because you guys, before we started this, he was saying some clever shit,
dude. Talking about all the pussy he paid for, like, but it was going really
fucking good.
Well, I wouldn't say I paid, yeah, I would say, yeah.
Have you ever paid for pussy?
I don't know.
You don't know? How do you not? It's a very simple question, dude. Have you
ever took out your wallet and said, here's 20 bucks, blow me.
Oh, no, nothing like that, brother.
Dude, I'll tell you this, one time I went to Vietnam, right, and so, uh, I was
a student, right, and we went there on a, uh.
You were a student? You went to school?
Oh, yeah.
No shit, what'd you study?
Urban planning, dude.
No shit, you're a college man, huh?
Uh, yeah, I'm an urban planner.
Did you graduate?
Yeah.
Oh, here, dude, I, here I am thinking we're cut from the same cloth, this man's
an educated man.
I wouldn't say educated. I mean, yeah, I have, yeah, I mean, I have, like,
Microsoft Word or whatever on my computer.
Yeah, there we go.
But I wouldn't say, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't.
That's all right, dude.
You know?
Oh, I say you're in Vietnam, fucking later, boys. Well, tell me about it.
No, no, well, I got there, and whenever we got there, you could tell the taxi
drivers or whatever to take you anywhere, right, and then we'll literally take
you to a.
Whorehouse.
Yeah.
You'd be, like, anywhere, like, take us to the hospital, my friend is bleeding
to death, and they'll drive you both off at a whorehouse, you know?
And they'll try to, like, you know, and your friend can barely get an erection
because his pulse is low or whatever, you know, because of his, uh, you know,
his heart rate or whatever.
I mean, pussy will, pussy will cure a lot of issues.
Yeah.
Like, I can't tell you how many times I've been really fucked up, and you get
some good pussy, you're like, you know, I guess it's not broken.
We'll be at, we go to the hospital tomorrow.
Oh, yeah.
We'll do this shit tomorrow.
It is true.
Oh, the touch of a woman, I think, has always done that for men, you know?
I didn't, to me, dude, like, real talk, I can't pay for pussy, dude.
I went to the Philippines.
Yeah, I can't either.
Yeah, like, I don't know why.
Like, if a girl don't want to fuck me, I don't want to fuck her.
Mind you guys, I got a girlfriend.
I'm doing the right things.
I'm doing the right things.
I don't cheat on my chick.
No.
But, you know, back in the day, back in the day, if a girl don't want to fuck
me, I generally don't want to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't like, I mean, I would get, well, if I ever paid for women, I
would, um.
If I ever paid for, no, you've definitely paid for pussy, bro.
I don't know.
I mean, and this could also be.
But there's nothing right, there's nothing wrong with that, bro.
I mean, you know, you're helping the economy.
You're fucking, you're paying for a service.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
I think that it's definitely, and they used to do it, like, on the Mayflower
and everything.
But I'll tell you this, dude.
I would, I would be high on drugs, and then I would hire an escort.
Can you hear us okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, I got you.
I'll put it, I'll put it on my mouth.
I gently don't, like, get a little, like, fucking.
I'm trying to put big black.
Really?
Yeah, a little fucking scary, dude.
You know?
Maybe you made it more of a beige color.
Nick or not?
Should we put it somewhere else?
Okay, great.
No, we're good, dude.
Because he looks caged up over there, does he?
I feel really, well, we're in this fucking prostitute room.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, it's a nice way.
Dude, you got women on the brain today, huh?
Fucking all I got is testosterone, bro.
What do you think?
That's all.
Yeah.
All I want to do is fucking kill a man and, you know, fuck a woman.
But I got a girlfriend, I'll cheat on her, so, you know.
Yeah, sure, dude.
You said that so many times.
Me and her are wondering if it gets the case.
Wait, here's the thing, dude.
Here's the thing.
The moment I stop saying it, I'm going to put my dick and anything in the mood.
So, I just got to, like, make that positive affirmation.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to move, then.
Yeah, no.
Dude, well, but here's what would happen.
I would do drugs.
I would hire an escort, right?
Yeah, that's fair.
They would come over, I'd be so high and scared, paranoid, that there was, like,
a guy with a gun or a pimp.
And a lot of times, it wouldn't be the same person in the pictures.
I would go downstairs, I would give the money to them and have them leave.
And I would be too scared to, and also, I'd be so high on drugs, I couldn't,
like, even get my wiener going and something.
And so, yeah, you'd be so scared.
Because the craziest thing is inviting somebody over your house to have sex,
and you can't have sex.
Because then you're just, you know, just, like, you just got to talk to them.
Well, then you're just milling around for a while, you know, for an hour or
something.
What do you, what do you, when you talk to a hooker, what do you say?
Like, hey, how's your day?
Like, just ask them where they're from or whatever.
Where are you from?
How'd you get here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What else?
What else?
Do you have any good stories from them?
Like, what do you, do you have any hobbies?
I guess.
I don't know if that's a crazy, but yeah, dude, I would get so scared.
How many dicks have you sucked today?
I'm kidding.
I mean, would you ever wonder that?
I've always, I've always wondered, like, okay, you get a hooker and say you're,
like, the last client of the night.
Okay.
Like.
Yeah.
There's a lot of, there's a lot of fucking semen to get through, you know what
I'm saying?
Like, like, you ever, but like, do you ever wonder that?
Like, what, what number of my, what, what tag did I get?
Yeah, I think you wonder where, yeah, how you, yeah, I guess what you're going
to, yeah, I guess where you can be for the lady or whatever.
Yeah.
I think, yeah, you don't want to, like, if a lady comes and she's got, she
seems like she's been sweating and stuff.
It's like, at that point, I think you just kind of coach them up, you know, you're
almost more of a.
Do you take an exam and do you look for, like, an eraser burn before?
Like, dude, I'm telling you, I would be so high.
I would literally go downstairs, crack the door, because I'd be so scared that
they would have a, um, like a pimp or.
Like a camaraderie, yeah.
Like an officiant or whatever, you know, or a commander or whatever.
They, I don't know what a lot of hookers have, but it's like, and then I would
put the money outside of the door, give it to them, and then kind of go like
that or whatever.
And, uh, and that doesn't mean they're Asian or whatever, but I would just,
like, do like that.
And then, um, then this would be the craziest part, though.
I would still be texting them, like, did you get home okay?
That would be the craziest shit.
And they're like, leave me the fuck alone, you know?
Well, you're a lover, bro.
You're a nice guy.
I don't know if, I mean, I think, uh, I don't, if the whole thing just scared
me, man.
But I always, if I would, yeah, like, women have always had, like, that's, you
know, it's had a big effect on me.
I mean, how do you get laid now?
Dude, it must be hard, right, like, to get laid now.
Like, you just can't go fuck the average woman.
Like, how do you, how do you get your dick wet now?
Well.
I mean, it's hard, right?
Like, you're, you're a fucking famous guy, dude.
Yeah, it's.
Yeah, I don't, I mean, I guess.
I mean, let me say it's easy, but it's easy.
But then it's also, like, you know.
Well, I think you get scared that girls are trying to, like, like, you, like, I
think you, not use you for, like, I think, I get scared that I don't want to
communicate with girls.
Like, text or something.
Yeah, screenshot it.
Yeah, and just.
Ask them to show your pussy.
And then Theo Vaughn's asking me to show my pussy and shit, you know?
I wouldn't use that.
I would use, like, some charades or something or, you know, like, maybe do,
like, um, I'll send, like, two gifts.
You know, one is, like, a curtain open, like that.
Yeah.
And then a picture of a cat is the second one.
Okay, just lead them on a little bit, yeah.
Yeah, but I wouldn't say, like, let me, you know, you have to do a lot of.
Have you ever sent, do you ever send a picture of your dick?
Never.
Not a Snapchatter?
I've sent a picture of my buddy Jason's dick, though.
My buddy Jason used to, for, like, this is a few years back, but I'm sure he
would