Name: Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #484
Uploaded: 2024-02-21T18:49:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #484' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #484' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-21. Transcript available.

Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #484

I have some new tour dates to announce.
I will be in St. Louis on April 18th.
Get your tickets early starting Thursday, February 22nd at 10 a.m. local time
with pre-sale code RATKING.
General on sale starts Friday, February 23rd at 9 a.m. local time.
We also have tickets remaining in Atlanta for April 5th.
Get all your tickets at Theovan.com slash T-O-U-R.
And if they're really overpriced or overpriced
or it's some secondary website, don't pay a lot.
We'll come back through.
And thank you for your support.
Today's guest is my dog.
A wonderful content creator, comedian.
Has a new comedy special out on Amazon Prime called Pterodactyl
that I really enjoyed.
I suggest you check it out.
I'm grateful to spend time with him today.
Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Trevor Wallace.
Shine that light on me
I'll sit and tell you my stories
Shine on me
And I will find a song
I've been singing
I'm lost.
Parking attendants are always on some shit.
Oh, parking attendants, because you have to think
one of the things that they
One of the things that the parking attendants deal with a lot
is
boredom probably
and potential
I don't want to say
Yeah, I would start more beef
if I was them.
Yeah.
Just the shit in LA is so funny.
It's like, if you're here for 15 minutes, it's $17.
How are you getting that math?
Where's that math from, bro?
We doing Bitcoin numbers out here?
Dude, a lot of the behavior from parking attendants,
you can tell that they
some of them have never driven a vehicle
Yeah, they don't have a car there.
Yeah.
They never have a car there.
They get dropped off.
The prices are arbitrary.
It almost depends on how angry their wife was at them that morning
as to how much you're going to have to pay.
Yeah.
That's how I feel a lot of times, dude.
And that guy, because you and I
had the same location for our podcast.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah.
And that got
the parking attendant
we would find him
he started
wearing no shoes in the bathroom.
Really?
It must be more freeing.
I mean, he was there so much
it probably felt like home for him, you know?
Yeah.
Something about taking a shit
and kicking his shoes off, you know?
It's kind of like
it's like a white flag.
It's like a tree's tree, you know?
But yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, you're like, my wife wins, you know?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah, you take your shoes off shit.
Yeah.
You're about to be there for 25 minutes at least.
You're parking a shit
if we're talking about it.
And also, your office
is three feet by four feet.
Your office is a standing up coffin.
When you die,
they just tilt over the toll booth
and just put it on the side
and they're like,
hey, it's buried right there.
Dude, your office,
that's a crazy thing.
Your office,
you can't even turn around
in your office.
Like, you have to walk out
sideways out of your office.
It's kind of nice, though.
He's got like a porch,
which is just the parking lot.
Yeah.
Well, he also had,
what the craziest thing that guy had
was he had an air conditioning unit.
Did he really?
On the side of the...
That's bigger than the whole unit.
It was a port-a-potty
with like an air conditioning unit
on the side of it.
Yeah, it was.
And he would blast that bitch, man.
He would be in there
just getting frosty, bro.
Yeah, that's fun, man.
Yeah, that's quite a job, man.
Yeah, there's been a lot of...
I guess,
because that's where
King and the Sting was.
That's where we did that.
What other podcasts were in there?
I wonder.
Was there other ones?
H3.
H3 used to be in there?
H3 was in the same building.
Yeah.
Wow.
Fucking legendary.
So that place has
a little bit of history to it.
There's some other shit
going on over there, too.
I always see couples
who are fighting
coming down the halls.
So maybe there's like
a couples therapy in there.
There's a...
It's like that
Jerry Springer outpost
or whatever,
like where you get tested
or whatever that thing is.
Wait, they have a Jerry Springer
outpost in there?
Dude, look at young me.
Wow.
You and Callahan.
Three years ago.
I remember being so excited
when I was on that episode.
I watched it like the premiere
sitting on my couch.
Yeah, with the girls dating
at the time.
They're like,
fucking one King's Sting.
Dude, that's so cool.
That was fun, man.
Yeah, it was awesome.
There's been some good
podcast studios,
and a lot of them,
I guess, move over time.
I'm trying to think
because H3 moved out of there.
Rogan's moved
at least twice.
I think he remodeled
his new one in Austin,
but he had the one
that was out
like in Woodland Hills
for years.
What I was like about
whenever you move yours,
it always looks the same,
so you never know
if you're like in L.A.
or Nashville.
Where are we right now?
Who knows?
Welcome to Tennessee, people.
We're in Nashville right now.
Where the tax savings
are better.
Hell yeah, brother.
Hell yeah.
If the IRS is watching,
we are in Nashville, Tennessee.
All year,
or at least half of it.
Yee-haw, boys.
You had a show last night
at Wilton?
How was that?
Yeah, I showed up at the Wilton.
It was cool, man.
Bro, a lot of the fucking Raza
showed up, bro.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah, Sunday's a good day
for the Raza, though.
The fucking Raza
because they're all off of work, dog.
Oh, it's the holiday today.
Oh, yes.
President's Day?
President, yeah.
Is it?
President's Day.
What is Biden doing today?
Playing Angry Birds somewhere?
Imagine what he's doing.
I bet he's just kind of like this.
I feel like President's Day
should be like a bachelor party for him.
I think he should like...
I know.
I think people look over the fact
that Bill Clinton got ahead
and that's like so cool.
Yeah, when you think about
the fact that he did that...
Good.
Yeah.
Oh, somebody should...
Yeah, they should ripen up
the President's nuts
every now and then,
I feel like.
It should be...
That should be
in the fucking contract.
It's crazy how you work
so hard to be president.
You can't even get somebody
to suck you off
because you can get somebody
to suck you off
if you aren't president.
Yeah.
And it's fine.
I've done it.
I'm not president.
To go to Amsterdam,
it's like $200.
You get a quick nut off.
And I ran for senior class president
in high school
and I didn't win,
but I still got sucked off.
Yeah.
In Amsterdam?
Yeah.
Yeah, bro.
I've been there too.
I got escorted in Amsterdam.
Did you go to Red Lake District
or you had someone come to you?
I went to Red Lake District.
You had somebody come to you?
No, no, no.
I was saying...
Like a door stasher?
Like what are you talking about?
Yeah, I have my own Red Lake District.
I put my iPhone light up there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
No, I went there.
Yeah, it was interesting, man.
Bro, yeah.
What was that like?
So, like,
what was it like for you?
And I'll tell you
what it was like for me.
It was...
It was...
Were you by yourself?
No, I was with four dudes.
More sauce.
More sauce, bro.
Dude, the Red Lake District
is just all dudes.
And then, like, families,
which is weird.
Like, what do you tell your kids?
There's mama back in the 90s.
You know?
Well, it's all dudes
and everybody,
I think,
is trying to pretend
like they're not there.
Which is interesting.
Yeah.
They're acting like they're there
for, like, the art of it.
Yeah.
And, like,
when their wife goes,
like, I'm gonna go get a churro,
like, you're not gonna go
pop one off real quick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was a lot of
just groups of dudes.
And it'd be funny
because you could tell
who did it already
and who didn't
because some groups
would look curious
and some guys would have,
like, little...
The guys who just did
would be, like,
a little sweaty.
Yeah.
And they'd be coming out
like, oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, we were at a bar
just watching this one red door
and the guys would come out,
like, laughing.
We were, like, ashamed.
It was scary
when I went in there, dude.
It was.
For lights, really.
Yeah.
Well, there's a blue light.
Do you know what that is?
Is that for gay men?
It is for, I believe,
if you have a tits and a penis.
Oh, for trans.
Yeah.
So it's, like,
a trans-like district.
Yeah, blue light district.
The lights tell the story,
well, most of the time.
Yeah, so that's, like...
Yeah, what does it say?
Can you give me some info on it?
Let me see.
Blue lights signify
the prostitute is transgender.
Red lights are for female.
A mix of blue and red lights
advertise the trans woman take
on all commerce.
Wow.
That is just...
So you got options.
Yeah, male or female.
Does it say anything else about it?
That's interesting.
I didn't know that, dude.
But so anyways,
it was interesting
because, you know,
at first,
you're shocked at how crowded it is.
It's just right on the main street.
Walking down the street.
Yeah, there's no barrier to entry.
It was like Venice Beach.
Yeah.
Like, it was just like,
oh, get a kebab.
Here's tits.
There's, like, a Starbucks
and then a star...
Cucks?
Bucks.
Star fucks.
Yeah.
How did I miss that?
I don't know.
I feel like that was your...
That's right up my alley.
That's so up your alley.
Damn, my guy, dude.
Dude, yeah.
There was, like,
a Starbucks
and then a star...
Bucks.
Yes.
Right there.
Except I wasn't a star fucking...
I was nervous, dude.
I didn't know...
Like, do I dirty talk?
Oh, I didn't know.
I remember getting two coffees before
and I was like,
that isn't gonna fucking...
I was at that age
where you thought coffee,
like, helped your wiener,
you know?
Is it not?
No, it doesn't do anything.
It makes you very scared
of being in a room with somebody
that you just met for sex.
Yeah, dude.
And it's so...
It's like the red door
is illustrious.
You walk in,
then they take you upstairs
to, like, a cot.
Yeah.
And having sex on a cot
is not great.
Unless you're, like,
in the army,
then it's kind of fun.
But...
Yeah, it's very military style
in there, I felt like.
And the girl...
A little missionary in there, too.
And this is what got me
was the girl was mean.
Really?
Yeah.
She's like,
you want it?
You know?
Put condom, put condom.
Oh, that's kind of hot.
And I was like...
And I was so scared, dude.
I remember putting my...
Putting the condom
around my hole.
Like, even putting my nuts
into the can.
That's probably smart
for safety.
Just, like...
Just bagging your groceries.
Because I was a bagger
for, like, 18 months even,
but...
Oh, really?
I just remember...
Everything.
You hop out to the cart.
And then I was so scared,
where we kind of started.
It was just...
It was just intense.
And then there's, like,
a guy kind of waiting
downstairs.
I remember we walked past,
like, a pretty strong guy.
Well, there was...
She told me,
she's like,
you have 20 minutes.
And I was like,
I only need 19.
But the thought of it...
Now that I got a timer
in my head,
I'm, like, nervous.
And it's so hard
to get hard on demand.
Oh, it's unbelievable.
If I was in seventh grade,
that would have been way easier.
More illegal,
but she could have been,
like, sneeze.
And I'd be like,
pfft, yeah.
But, yeah,
it was that.
And then she's like,
oh, like,
are you visiting?
And I, like,
start to, like,
try to get out myself.
And she's like,
oh, no,
I'll do it for you.
I was like,
damn,
this is, like,
a whole experience,
whole catering here.
Yeah,
there was a lot of...
I remember they put...
After the...
I remember after the condom was on,
they would start a blowjob.
Yeah.
Which can't taste good.
Oh, I felt hor...
I was like,
oh, this isn't...
You know,
I even remember saying,
like,
oh, this is not
what my penis tastes like.
You know,
I didn't want her thinking
that, like...
Yeah.
My penis tasted like that.
Like the Michelin man
or something.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, it is weird.
And I remember
I said something out loud.
It's basically like
somebody that blows up balloons
all the time.
It's the same guy.
Reverse fucking clown
with the balloon.
But I remember
like dirty talking
but I was too shy
to say it loud.
So under my breath
I was like,
oh, this is fucking hot.
I think she said what?
And I was like,
oh, it's nothing.
Yeah.
Oh, I remember.
I said,
oh, yeah.
I said,
I think...
I even think I remembe