Name: Dustin Poirier | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #494
Uploaded: 2024-04-09T15:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dustin Poirier | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #494' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dustin Poirier | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #494' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-09. Transcript available.

Dustin Poirier | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #494

I want to announce some new tour dates, especially a Canadian one.
We will be in Vancouver, B.C. on September 14th at Stanley Park.
Get your tickets early starting Wednesday, April 10th at 10 a.m. local time
with pre-sale code RATKING.
General on-sale starts Friday, April 12th at 10 a.m. local time.
We also have tickets remaining in St. Louis, Missouri on April 19th
and Halifax, Nova Scotia on August 11th.
You can get tickets at TheoVaughn.com slash T-O-U-R.
Thank you to everyone for your support.
And if tickets are too expensive wherever you are, just wait.
We'll come back around sometime.
Don't outspend yourself.
And we love you and thank you.
We are here at the Tunnel Bar downtown Baton Rouge, Louisiana at the Hilton
Hotel.
And we are grateful to get to spend time today with a UFC legend,
his lightweight competitor, former interim champion,
and just a one-of-a-kind guy to cheer for and get to know.
We're grateful to have him returning to the podcast.
Today's guest is Mr. Dustin Poirier.
Shine that light on me
I'll sit and tell you my stories
Shine on me
And I will find a song
For the ass
How's Louisiana been treating you guys?
Eating some good food?
I saw the crawfish.
Right now it's a big crawfish time.
Yeah, we had some crawfish, man.
We had some crawfish the other day.
Some of them know the size disparity.
That's where it's tough to know.
Like, do you get specifically the big ones from somebody you know?
Or how do you guys do it over there?
Pablito has his own.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he has his own farm.
Is it open now?
Yeah.
Yeah, he's running it.
Wow.
Bring you however many sacks you need, man.
Not his pit stop.
Not his store.
His family owns crawfish ponds.
Oh, I didn't even know that.
Dang.
Yeah, man.
I'm going to have to get a hold of some of those.
Dustin Poirier, welcome, bro.
Thanks, man.
Good to be back.
Yeah, good to see you, dude.
How's, you guys just went skiing or?
Yeah, we went up to Aspen with my wife and daughter.
Spent four days up there.
And it snowed the whole time.
Weather was great, man.
Oh, that's nice.
Travel back wasn't as great.
Got stuck in Oklahoma.
We were going to Dallas.
Had to circle for 20 minutes in the air.
Then they didn't let us land.
So we went to Oklahoma.
We were running low on fuel.
So we sat on the runway there.
I was in that plane for like six hours.
And two of it was in the air.
So I was on.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's.
We made it, man.
That's alarming, bro.
Yeah, something the other day.
We landed real fast and then took off again.
You ever had that happen?
No.
Yeah.
Yeah, did you guys.
What kind of skiing you do out there?
You ski?
You snowboard?
What's it like out there for.
What diamonds are you doing out there?
Dude, I'm not.
I'm doing the bunny slopes.
Really?
Yeah, I don't want to blow my back out.
Yeah, my daughter.
It's her second time skiing.
So she's picking it up.
My wife.
This was her first time.
Last time we went, she snowboarded with me.
I didn't ski this time.
I didn't want to bust myself up.
Yeah.
I did sledding, tubing, stuff like that.
Ice skating.
Yeah, because some people say snow is just gay water.
Hey, perspective.
Could be.
Oh, I think.
Yeah.
Because it's just like, if you look at it like it just has a flake, some of
them bitches
are.
Yeah.
A little feminine.
They nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you guys have contracts in UFC where you can't do certain sports?
Are there things that you guys are not allowed to do?
I've heard that in our contracts.
I haven't seen it, but I've heard that in our contracts there's something with
like extreme
sports, maybe motorcycles and things like that.
But I haven't.
I just do everything normal.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It's interesting because you guys are one of those few sports where it's like,
yeah,
because Sean Strickland's on his motorcycle every day.
Yeah.
Blatantly, you know, telling people he's going hundreds and hundreds of miles
an hour.
Yeah.
And I believe him.
Yeah.
I believe him too.
Yeah.
But yeah, that's pretty wild.
You guys are to say it'll just be totally free like that.
Yeah.
I had a motorcycle for a while when I lived in Florida and I ended up selling
it.
I only had it for like six months, maybe.
It just felt, no, never, but it just felt too dangerous, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was scared every time I was riding.
Oh yeah, bro.
But you know, most organ donors are motorcyclists.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like.
I just did my ID recently.
I had to update it to the real ID, the new thing.
And my wife was with me.
She was like, no, don't, don't say you're an organ donor.
I'm like, why?
I mean, I got the goods.
You can have them if I can't use them, you know?
Yeah.
But she said, she was like, no, I'm telling you, if you get an accident and
they go to
the hospital and see it, that you're an organ donor, they're not going to work
as hard
on you because they want those organs.
I'm like, oh man, conspiracies, bro.
That's what I hear.
Conspiracies.
Look that up, Nick.
I wonder if that's true or not.
They'll never tell you, man.
Dude, I, uh, actually, while I'm thinking about it, if something ever happened
to you, God
forbid, right?
Can I have one of your hands?
I won't do nothing weird with it.
I promise.
It's just for, I keep it in like a, uh, little cage or what, you know?
I'll give you the left one.
Bet.
Yeah.
Thanks, dude.
Now look, if it gets out at night and beats up a neighbor, that's what I'm
saying.
What, like Adam's family, it?
Yeah, it's like that, man, it fucking starts popping off, bro.
Or if it wakes up in the middle of the night, it starts cooking up a roux.
Bro, I'll tell you what, man, I'm part of the roux tank clan.
Protect your neck.
What does it say?
What does it say, Nick?
Um, there is an age limit organ, uh, myth, religion.
See, I never heard of this, but my wife was with me at the DMV.
Oh, here's the myth right here.
Doctors don't work as hard to save the lives of registered organ donors.
Fact, if you are sick or injured, the first priority of your hospital care team
is to save your life.
Organ donation is only considered when all efforts to save a patient have been
exhausted.
That secondhand market, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that secondhand market, bro.
Oh, especially, dude, if they know it's you, probably.
I mean, my liver's taking probably a little bit of abuse, but like heart and
stuff's good.
Oh, dude, the heart, yeah, they're going to get at least, for Poirier's heart.
Oh, yeah.
They're going to cop $40,000, $50,000 on that.
For sure.
Easy.
Easy.
On Etsy, you could probably get $60,000.
Yeah, man.
That's easy, man.
Speaking of Etsy, speaking of stuff like that, eBay, you know, we auction off
the fight kits for the foundation.
Somebody outbid everybody, you know, so they had a bunch of real bidders and
then didn't pay.
So now I got to relist it.
It just sucks because, you know, we listed the week after the fight when
momentum and, you know, the fight's fresh.
Now we got to relist it.
I just hope it raises the same amount of money.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it will, man.
We'll make sure to make a bid.
How much did they, what did purchase price did they get it at?
Maybe $11,000 or $12,000, I think, which is good because we're trying to raise
$50,000 for the food net in Lafayette.
Yeah, that's a great, that's a, I think that's a great thing to have, you know,
according to the widely used, although somewhat hard to find credit for figures,
a heart is worth around $1,000,000 in the U.S.
On the black market, on the black market.
Wow.
Livers come in second worth about $557,000.
Kidneys cost about $262,000 each.
Human skin, if you want to do it all, Dustin, I don't know what type of.
$10 an inch.
$10 an inch, bro.
Now look.
Hey, hey.
Hey, look, look.
Hey.
There's going to be a limited amount of that.
That's all I'm saying.
If it's me dying, bro.
Stomach 500, eyeballs 1,500 each, though.
Wow, that's crazy.
And this is off of the black market?
Nick, or is this?
Is this 2024 prices?
Yeah, yeah.
Yesterday's price.
They're saying it's from a cadaver broker, so it's not like, obviously, no one's
taking
official stats here, but based on their research of cadaver brokers, those are
the prices.
Okay.
I have a cadaver in my nose.
Really?
Yeah, somebody's rib.
Uh-uh.
Yeah, cartilage.
Dang.
That's biblical, I think, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, if you, yeah.
I've done cocaine off a Bible that's kind of similar.
It's not the same thing that you have going on, but.
No, no.
And we shouldn't have done it, bro.
Yeah, or you shouldn't have admitted it.
Yeah.
That's too late.
One or the other, dude.
Did you see, uh, did you see the new roadhouse?
No, I haven't, but I will.
I will watch.
I've been traveling so much, man.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You guys have been busy since your fight.
Well, I saw you out in LA.
Every week.
In LA.
Yeah, I was shooting some stuff out there.
Last week, Aspen.
The week before, Carolina.
This week in Indiana, I think, for Anthony Pettis.
Oh, he's fighting?
He's at a, he's got his own promotion.
And I'm a guest appearance there, so.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Um.
Connecticut, the weekend after.
And are you cornering somebody over there?
No, just watching fights.
Dang.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's busy, man.
Um, yeah, you didn't see the movie, but you'll see it, though?
Yeah, I'll watch it.
I just haven't had time to really.
Yeah.
Do you think, uh, what movie would you be in, you think?
You think you would ever be, well, you just, well, I know you were out in LA.
You were doing a movie, right?
Yeah, we were filming a commercial from movie Monkey Man.
I don't know a whole lot about it, but it looks pretty good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Um, do you think you, that's something you, like, think about for yourself?
Or is it just, like, a fun thing that kind of happened?
Like, I know Connor's in this movie.
Uh, Connor McGregor.
Do you think about that for yourself, or?
I'd like to.
You know, it's something different.
Like, it's exciting, because I've never done it before.
It's a new challenge.
Keeps me busy.
I gotta be busy, man.
That's my thing.
Like, I gotta be busy.
If I'm not getting ready to fight somebody, and I've said this a thousand times,
I have
to have some kind of obstacle, you know, to, in front of me.
So, if I'm trying to do movies or grow my businesses, I just need to be in
action,
you know?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how you feel?
Have to.
Yeah.
You just, there's no, if you get complacent, or if you, why, what?
I'm like, it's honestly, bro, I'm a danger to myself when I'm, I have nothing.
No, no goal circled on my calendar.
I'm a danger to myself, man.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I beat myself up mentally.
I'm home, I drink, I'm, it's just not good.
I have to have some kind of battle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm.
And I've always been like that, but like, as I'm getting older, I'm kind of
recognizing.
Oh, you can see it more.
Yeah.
So, I kind of set, set goals, so I stay busy, you know?
Oh, that's interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I know in the last, yeah, I know whenever you came off of the Gaethje
fight,
you were kind of in a tough spot, I guess, at times.
Oh, big time, man.
That was probably like one of the lowest points of my, my life, you know,
mentally.
I really felt down.
Did you feel like, so, because now you're in a place that feels different.
Yeah.
Back in the wind column, everything feels like it's, it's in, in the motion,
like it should
be, you know, I just felt out of, uh, out of sync with life after that last
fight.
Yeah.
Do you think that it's like, um, because yeah, I'll like a lot of times
determine how I feel
about myself based on what is happening, like in my career or in my, uh, social
life sometimes
or how I think people are perceiving me, you know, like, do you notice for
yourself, was
any of that like about, did you feel like you were depressed?
Did you feel like it was like, like, were you able to get any perspective on
like what
made you feel bad kind of?
No, I don't think I like pinpointed what really brought me down.
Obviously getting kicked in the head wasn't good, but, uh, sorry.
Yeah.
But, uh, I didn't want to laugh, but God just 