Name: Merging | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #505
Uploaded: 2024-05-24T13:01:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merging | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #505' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merging | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #505' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-24. Transcript available.

Merging | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #505

I want to announce that we have a show in Cork, Ireland now on June 9th at Live
at the Marquee,
New York City, New York, May 31st, Belfast, London, Idaho Falls, Salt Lake City,
and Las Vegas, Nevada there, 4th of July weekend.
We'll be there in Las Vegas, Nevada for two nights at Resorts World.
You can get all tickets at theovahn.com slash T-O-U-R.
And thank you for your support.
And if tickets are too expensive, make sure you're not buying them on a
secondary site.
You got to do that.
That's why we suggest go through the website.
And if they're sold out or something and they're expensive on secondary sites,
just hold the line.
We'll come back through some other time.
I love you guys, baby.
Thank you.
All right.
Check.
Check.
Chicken.
Check your chicken, baby.
Check your chicken.
God, how do you know if a chicken is a woman?
I guess if it has an egg, huh?
But now there's definitely, there's got to be a lot of dude chickens like that
will
just like hide an egg under their little chicken arm or whatever it's called.
There's got to be a lot of little, and then when they, and then they sneak over
by the women
chickens and then just kind of sneak it out.
A lot of dude chickens trying to get over there and just hang out with the babe
chickens.
So there's got to be a lot.
That's the thing.
It's like, you don't even know a man chicken.
Maybe you just look at it in its eyes, you know, say, are you a man chicken or
not?
But yeah, I think there's got to be a lot of, um, female chickens that are men
that are
closeted men or whatever, or that are just hiding an egg like, and then when
nobody's
looking, they just, just lay that bitch down and then pretend that they're
women and sit
over there with the, with the women chickens and watch my 700 pound, uh, um,
wake border
or whatever.
I don't even know what some of the shows that women are watching now.
I think my 600 pound dental assistant or whatever.
There's like all there's like, yeah, there's a show the other day.
It was like my 440 pound mailman or whatever.
Like, dude, if that you're never getting your mail, if that's who is helping
you out, that
you are, you're not getting any mail.
So, um, but yeah, that's the thing.
Now you don't, a lot of chickens, you don't know if they are real chickens.
You don't know who's being a woman chicken.
Who's being just a sneaky man chicken, hiding an egg under its little, um, wing
or whatever.
That's the word wing.
Yeah.
You don't know who's hiding a little egg under its wing.
And then it just sneaks over there by the women.
And it's just like, and just drops that bitch off, baby.
Like they're one of Easter's little hit men, baby.
They're just, that's a, there's a lot of, uh, men in disguise being women
nowadays, um, all
over.
So yeah, like that train, it's like that trans swimmer at the Penn state or
whatever, or Penn or,
uh, university of Pennsylvania.
It's like that trans swimmer.
That's the kind of chickens they have nowadays.
A lot of men chickens are sneaking in a women's chicken world and being women's
chickens.
Because it's easier.
Because it's easier.
It's easier.
Probably.
That's why I would guess.
And maybe because they get a little bit more attention.
Um, and some of that makes sense.
It's like, if we don't get, if men don't get any attention for being men, if
they're not
rewarded anymore for being men, then they, some, they will, some will slink
over to woman,
woman, to being a woman just to still get attention.
Cause even as creatures, I believe that we need attention as male or female
creatures.
Um, what's up guys.
Welcome to the podcast.
Sorry.
It's been a while, uh, since I've done a solo episode, there's a couple of
reasons.
One, it was just, we started getting more guest opportunities.
And so that was nice.
And then two, it was, I was just kind of exhausted, I think, um, like burnt out.
And so it was hard for me to get into a space where I just, uh, felt like I
could just have
a fun, uh, normal conversation or, or where I could just drop into my thoughts
or feelings
easily.
Every week was just, everything was just kind of like a lot.
And, um, I do want, I honestly want to apologize for that.
Not like I need to apologize for it, but this is the kind of stuff that's most
important to me
is having episodes, um, like this and, uh, just solo episodes.
And so, um, I'm going to do a better job of that.
Uh, I'm not going to put like a number on myself or anything, but I'm going to
do a better job of
keeping that going, um, over the rest of the year.
So I'm looking forward to that.
And, um, as always, you can, you know, hit the hotline.
If there's something going on, uh, nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine,
five, zero, three
is the hotline number.
Um, yeah, we hit 500 episodes.
That's, I can't, I can't, that's 500 episodes, dude.
That's unreal.
Let me look back at one of the first episodes.
Here we go.
Let's listen to the beginning of the first episode.
Wow, dude, it was seven years ago.
And this is this past weekend.
It's the first one I ever done.
The first one.
I'm seeing how it goes.
I'm literally sitting in my closet right now in, uh, in my apartment in Los
Angeles.
Um, I hung some blankets up on the walls.
I don't even know if that's how you make a sound area for recording.
Um, I have a, a luggage bag laying on its side.
Like it was a casualty of war.
And then I have this microphone sitting on top of it.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's wild.
That's wild, man.
Just to think that we got to 500 episodes and yeah, just said, uh, that, uh,
that that's
how it began was in that closet.
Just a little fella in the closet, dude.
And that is not a euphemism, bro.
That was, I just audio documented the fact that it was actually a man
physically in a
closet, um, a straight man.
Um, yeah.
And I turned over a piece of luggage and I set the camera or the, uh, audio mic
up on
the, on top of it.
And it was just an audio podcast.
Yeah.
And then there was, um, I remember we had the first jingle.
If we can play that, the intro, let me find it here.
Um, at the beginning of this episode, this was our early intro right here.
Welcome to this past weekend.
This past weekend.
Welcome to this past weekend.
Let's connect that boom, boom.
What's up, you chinchelorellas?
Bienvenidos este fin de semana pasado.
This past weekend.
Yeah.
So at some point I started taping in my kitchen and, um, and that was for six
months for six
months.
Uh, I was taping in my kitchen and we had some producers that we met that I met
online.
I don't even remember.
I don't think, did you come help me in my kitchen, Nick?
Yeah.
One time.
Oh, you did.
Wow.
Um, thank you.
Um, yeah, we did it in the kitchen for about six months.
And I remember I would stay up for a while in the beginning.
I would just edit it myself and put it up.
And then I would keep my girlfriend up.
She's like, what are you doing?
And I'd be sitting there just making sure everything made sense online.
Uh, that was pretty wild.
And then there was a guy, there was a company called gray block pizza and I met
the owner
Thomas and he started advertising.
He was our first advertiser on the podcast.
This was the ad read right here.
This week's episode brought to you by gray block pizza, uh, at 1811 Pico Boulevard
in Los
Angeles on the way to the beach, you headed to the sunshine.
You want some sand in your feet on the way there.
Stop in, get that Italian mouthful, you know, gray block, get that hitter.
And he said, you should get a studio.
He said with the ad money, you should get a studio.
And then that's what we did.
So the fighter and the kid had an old studio.
We, we took their old spot.
They had moved to a bigger one next door.
And then we started getting more regular guests.
We got, uh, Chris Ryan came in and, uh, Jay Moore, Jeannie Buss, Dustin Poirier,
uh, Dee
Snyder.
We had Eddie Bravo, Jamie Kennedy.
Yeah.
A lot of just early heroes that showed up.
Um, uneven Steven, he was a homeless guy.
And, um, yeah, it just continued to build from there.
We had a blind person.
Come on.
Michael Bisping came in there.
Jordan Peterson came in.
Um, who else?
Bobby Lee.
Just, it just kept going or we just kept doing it.
You know, there were times when it was good and times when it wasn't going good
or it was
always going good.
It was just going.
That's really the truth.
And, uh, and we just kept doing it.
You know, we just kept doing it.
And I've had a great group of producers over the years that have helped.
Um, Nick Davis was really the starting producer.
And he's back with us now.
Um, Zach Powers, uh, is, um, one of our lead producers now.
Colin Reiner, Ben Becker, Ari Maness has stepped in to help produce episodes
when we're traveling
on the road.
Uh, this guy, Chris, Shy Chris, we called him really amazing dude.
Um, my buddy, um, Sherb, there was this dude for a little while we were in
between studios
and I would tape at his studio at night and, um, and he overdosed a few years
ago, but, uh,
I keep him in my heart, man.
He's a guy that helped me get through weeks where there wouldn't have been an
episode.
Um, there was times I remember I did it in my car a few times in the middle of
the night
in a driveway somewhere in Illinois.
One time I needed to get an episode out.
All right.
I'm coming to you live from a Nissan Sentra about 20 miles from the nearest
internet.
It is dark out here, dude.
I mean, you can't, you can't see nothing.
I mean, the devil could be just smelling the cinnamon stains on your skin and
you wouldn't
know he's right next to you.
And then just people sort of would make beautiful art and really, uh, there was
just, it's just
been a really amazing world.
And I'll have to go over some of that in the future.
There's a guy that made these really cool cards and he would, whenever we would
do an
episode, he would do an outline, like a stat, a stetching or whatever, a stetching
of a,
uh, of the person, the guest who'd been on.
And, um, he made a great collection of those for us.
Um, I'll make sure to put it in on the YouTubes so you can see it.
Uh, but we moved into another studio and we were there for a few years and then
finally
we're in a, even a new studio now.
And so it's just been a, it's been an evolution and, uh, it's been really crazy,
you know, and
it's been, you know, it's something that really started like just, uh, it was
kind of just
talking about stuff and then guys connecting about things.
There's a lot of fellows and sometimes even women were connecting, you know, I'm
her one
woman called in once and a man had taught, had like, uh, like touched her, she
had her
and her, her, her guy, like they were dating and some fellow had touched her
vagina in a
empty refrigerator box.
And that was just, that's when I knew like we were definitely on to something,
you know,
we were doing something right just cause there was an element of mystery there.
There was like an, a missing appliance.
There was sexual touching.
There was sexual tension.
It was, you know, and I think she was even a redhead and there was, so it was,
I remember
that moment was pretty solid.
Um, other moments, the fellow that got hit by the train, um, Dalton, I think
was his name.
I remember that baby two trains.
And he even said, he said, look, if God wants that train to hit me again, I'm
ready.
I'm ready to be hit again by a locomotive.
And I knew that's how I just said, damn, we're really doing something here, you
know?
And, um, and yeah, it's just been a special time.
It's been amazing to have this opportunity.
And, uh, I don't know if I'm just sounding like, just like a, like a mechanical
bull or whatever.
Um, yeah, this pocket, it's just given me so many more opportunities than ever
thought.
You know, it's given me opportunities to talk with, with strangers about stuff
that's real.
Um, it's given me the opportunity to talk with people I really look up to and
admire, um, with stuff that's real and not real and fun.
It's given me a chance to learn a lot about myself.
Um, and yeah, that's what I want